The Story of Us.

I don’t understand how on TV, people can break into homes and immediately find bank statements, passports and super important documents. If someone tried that at my place it would be “I’m sure she keeps her important stuff in her desk. No, wait, this draw is full of pens that don’t work. Aha! This box looks important! Oh, never mind. It’s full of cigarette lighters. She doesn’t even smoke!”

*I* can’t even find my own important documents in my own home half the time. If someone breaks in and instantly finds my stuff they’re hired

I just remembered this and I want to share it with all my new followers

I just used “oh ok” like 2 mins ago

Omfg

Yes offense I don’t give 2 bitches and a flying cooch

Every John green book: my name is Kirk assgun and I m not cool or popular and I'm bullied everyday because I frick comic books and I watch this really cool show called the Big Bang theory. But it's okay because I at least have 2 other bros and 1 convenient negro friend. You see that girl over there? That's kaydence Tigerlilly Dookieson. SHe is the love of my life. She is misunderstood and like really cool indie bands like Coldplay and she's been smoking since she was 7. She's not like other girls. If only she would realize that the missing key to her life was me, a greasy white boy

give him a theme song

BODE

I'm dead.