Going Fast on a Southbound Train

I'm sorry. So so so sorry if I made you feel like I don't love you or don't care as much about you as other people. I guess I thought I could get away with not hugging you because we're so close. But of course you noticed something was wrong. Hugs just make me cringe a little bit sometimes. Actually, a lot. Especially from people who I know care about me, it's just this weird thing. It's like I can't be too attached, not to anyone. And sometimes being touched, and being expected to touch someone, freaks me the hell out. It reminds me of him, and I'm sorry. He touched me when I didn't want to be touched. So now I shy away from contact with people. I'm sorry I'm broken like that. I really really fucking am. I'm sorry I can't talk to you about it. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I love you, you're so important to me little sister. I just can't relax sometimes and be ok.

"I thought the reason you didn't talk to me was because you were so pretty, and you thought that you were too good for me" I'm not the type of girl that you think I am. I don't even think I'm pretty. And I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone else. You said it was a compliment. Well, that was either one of the most backwards compliments I've ever gotten, or one of the sweetest and most honest. That's the problem with you. You're so damn honest. I'm not used to it. I wish you could stay longer so I could.

I've been busy breaking my own heart