They're soulmates, alright?

puts myself in a jar with liquid and berries while i ferment in a moderate temperature dark location for 8-9 months 

I don’t know what’s going on but it’s a lot

the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen

Anyways! *climbs out of the scattered and ruined debris of my feelings*

love when pets walk by like they have somewhere to be

i’m really good at making plans and then not wanting to do them when the time comes

You know what strength is? Forgiving a person who wasn’t even sorry.

not to be dramatic but i would literally rather die

don’t u hate it when u wake up and ur awake

thinking about how john mulaney and the mcelroys talk about their marriages as juxtaposed to most male comedians and just like…god the bar is so low but after so many years of hearing “ball and chain” jokes it is unbelievably refreshing to hear male comedians love the absolute shit out of their wives

millennials are killing the hating your wife industry