Love Your Life.

I can’t stop crying. She is a mess just as much as I am and I can’t bare to think of how much this has hurt her. If she just tried to listen and understand my reasoning for this, we would both be in a better place. All I want is a chance for us to be able to have the future we wanted together, we just have to let ourselves get the help we need first for ourselves. I’m calling a therapist for an appointment this morning. I want to marry her, but I can’t marry someone who has said and done what she has for months toward me. I haven’t been to many of my five classes in two weeks and I’m afraid of losing out on my chance to have a good solid comeback for myself academically. This has just been so incredibly hard on me that I can’t bare getting off the couch. She believes that I don’t care or think she matters, but in reality it is the complete opposite: I love her so, so very much. I feel like I’m losing myself and I need help. I just need to get through this. What I want for the future: she gets the help and soul-searching she needs, as do I, and we find each other again once we are in a much better and healthier place so that we can be together for the rest of our lives like we are meant to do. God, I fucking miss her.

Went to close my eyes for an hour, woke up twice from dreams about her hating me and being so upset. I hate this. In a time like this, I want time to speed up

First time back in forever!