life of no one

i am her

safety boy tell ‘em

Hillary’s been missing for a month because she been healing from her new ass and titty implants that’s she’s gonna debut on the inaugural stage in a body con dress with Instagram makeup and a sickening pair of kitten heels….know that!

this is too real

we opened at 11 this morning. i watched an old man literally pry the fucking sliding doors open at 10:43 and stand there just staring into the empty store and my coworker & i were like sir. for the love of fuck

I worked in a restaurant for while and a woman climbed past an A board sign, ignored the sign on a the door saying the opening times and trotted on in. When told we were not open she asked why the door was unlocked. My manager explained that it has to be unlocked when people are in the building to comply with fire regulations. Which lead to my favourite exchange with a customer: Woman: But there are no people in here. Manager: Madam. The staff count as people. Woman: That’s ridiculous. *Storms out*

All my friends are Wheat Thins take it slow

Eat them as a snack for on the go

that vine of the japanese kids pouring monster on a corn dog and then plugging a phone charger into it is the Telepathy Club

their scream at the end

obama cares