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An old picture

are often scaring me and I must keep reminding myself

that there are many beeps and bobs in songs

I love

my toes

more than

the abuse of a bad man’s words

I remember once

hating my own lip

 & burning them because I felt as if

 there were hairs far too big

because I was feminine

 because I could not handle my own femininity

because I pushed my husband away

 and did not consumate with my new one

 now after going through all sorts of lets call it wonderful & horrifying

experiences

I am finally learning how to ‘handle’ my sex drives

I have learned to accept and love what is within

I had help because I searched for it

in the form of more people who would leave and hurt me

But yes I have learend

I am mature

 I feel the sex drive and becuase of what I have experienced

I just let it go

it is no longer a pain

 i am not numb I just feel it and do not give in to it

This is also the way with most of my hearts feelings

I wish I could indulge my hearts many human drives

the best way so far is dancing

sleeping

complete disregard

I am in a prison

 it can only be unleashed

with

true love

but I am happy with my love

 and I forgive myself for all of the things I made myself do

 I love myseflf or most of them

 but I will be so very very angry for some of them

 for possibly the rest of my life

that said I will still forgive myself

 I will try so very very hard to love myself

 with the ache and pains

of a woman with no cure for grief

sleep

I am numb

Save me

Drivers

Wont know

Lovers

Lost

Romantics

 Would know

My lips

Desire

 I am have feel within my hold

You

 thanks we are one

 Thanks

haha

 Ha

 HAhahahahahahhahahahahaha

 ha ha ha ha

And only the two of us will know

 but we have so many alter egos

so many sides on a beautiful diamond

i loved a few of you

 do they remember me?

 I am takling to you

 Ahahah

 I should be talking to me

 but I am interested in you

 I always have been

you drive

light

 my hearts on fier

you werent worth any of the bullshit I went through to prepare for you

 I miss my whole life

I am still here

for you