Lesbian Hawkeye 🏹

H: did you know neither of us are old enough to have fully developed brains?

H: have you ever even heard of psychological abuse?

H: let me tell you about generational trauma

Then after their marriage, people start betting that they won’t last a year, and this continues on for decades, with a number of New Year’s celebrations including betting pools that this will be the year Potter finally dumps Malfoy and becomes available, and the Prophet’s narrative shifts to revealing at least once a month that they are “ON THE VERGE OF DIVORCE.”

At first Harry and Draco just scoff at all of it, hating being gossiped about. But slowly but surely, they start to grow more amused by the whispers than anything else. And by the time their 20th anniversary arrives, they’ve both become so unbothered that they’ve made a habit of alternating between faking dramatic conversations and even arguments in public and holding hands and sometimes even making out in public, just to ensure nobody has any idea where they actually stand, and to see what Rita Skeeter will make of it.

This habit inevitably results in the two of them bursting out laughing at the look on “that one guy’s face” as soon as they get home, and laughing even harder over their breakfast in bed at the next morning’s headline revealing “MALFOY-POTTER MARITAL BLISS REGRESSED BACK TO SCHOOLBOY RIVALRY” or questioning “MALFOY-POTTER VOWS SEALED WITH A DEMENTOR’S KISS FROM THE START?”

Attempted to order from a menu by speaking to it

Almost breached the Statute of Secrecy due to mistaking someone using clap-on-clap-off lights for a muggleborn using wandless magic

Got into a heated argument with the actors in a commercial because he thought the people in the tv were talking to him

Refused to walk in front of a car for fear of bumping into the invisible animals that obviously pull it

Panicked and responded "I have no idea what you're talking about" when asked what the "magic word" is

Complained that his telephone is broken because it periodically emits a loud ringing sound for no apparent reason

Run into Harry Potter unexpectedly in a pub, dropped everything he was holding, and automatically caught it with wandless magic without thinking, thus breaching the Statute of Secrecy in front of 47 muggles and the most famous Auror in Britain

Run into Harry Potter again in the same pub, thanked him for getting him out of those misuse of magic charges and apologized (again) for all of the more unpleasant bits of their history

Accidentally on purpose run into Harry Potter yet again in the same pub to find out why he comes to muggle London so often and how he's doing and to let him know that he's not remotely interested in whether the rumors in the Daily Prophet that he's split up with Ginny Weasley are true (they are)

Met Harry Potter in a pub for drinks to chat about old times except not the sad bits at least until they've had a few

Taken his muggle friends out to a pub that he definitely chose at random but which coincidentally Harry Potter also happens to be walking into so they might as well all sit down together

Had to admit that he may have mentioned him a few times when Harry is shocked to discover that all of Draco's muggle friends seemingly know his name despite the fact that he isn't famous in the muggle world

Met Harry and Harry's friends for drinks and somehow actually had a good time and not been vengefully poisoned by Ron Weasley or cursed by Hermione Granger or stabbed by Neville Longbottom or anything else dreadful

Had to explain to several bemused people that when Luna Lovegood says that they used to live together she doesn't mean they were involved romantically

Invited Harry Potter back to his flat and proudly shown him that he now knows how to make a telephone stop ringing (you just lift it up for a moment and then slam it back down and that fixes it) and then told him off for laughing

Visited Harry Potter at his flat, also in muggle London though protected by the Fidelius Charm for extra privacy, met a very small and excitable owl and had a protracted but good natured argument about which of them was actually better at Quidditch (because obviously if Draco had had a Firebolt he would have won every match)

Got his wand back and immediately transfigured everything in his flat just because he can and because it feels so good to use magic again and then cast Rictusempra on Harry because clearly Draco is the superior dueler and also because he likes the sound of Harry's laugh

ITS CLINT BIRTHDAY

please, draw him 🥺☝🏻💜