Friendly ao3 enjoyer

However.

So the first person that Rin is ‘attracted to’ is Altan. She really really craves his validation, is devastated when he doesn’t live up to the pedestal she puts him on (when she discovers his struggle with addiction), and is even more heartbroken when he dies. That being said, all of those feelings are not necessarily romantic. I think she projected herself onto him in the hopes of becoming like him, first at Sinegard when she saw another student facing racism and succeeding academically regardless of how others tried to push him down. Then, she sees him as a role model for how she can gain glory in the military even though she’s stuck in an assassins guild. I think the point that really sells him as a role model rather than a love interest is how she sees him in the Seal after he passes. She takes pleasure in his hallucination holding her and telling her that he’s proud of her and even calling her paternal nicknames like ‘kiddo.’ Then, when the hallucination Altan tries to kiss her she is very frightened and rejects his attempts at intimacy. Overall, I’m not sold on the idea that she was ever in love with him, just that she wanted to be him and have his reassurance and respect.

Then there’s Nezha. She was in no way attracted to him in Sinegard because he was an utter ass. Still is, I hate Nezha 👎. But as they grow closer due to their proximity and shared political goals during the war, she still isn’t really interested in intimacy with him. At one point he makes a joke while they spar that she should ask him to tumble her (or something of the sort) and she’s quite taken aback by the statement. The only time she really yearns for physical intimacy with him is when she’s heavily intoxicated (which of course, ends really poorly with him literally stabbing her), and even then she only wants him to kiss her.

I think it’s also worth mentioning Souji. She dislikes him when she meets him, but gains respect for him when she sees the success of his guerilla tactics. Similar to Altan, I think she wanted his respect and support. Later, she briefly considers sleeping with him, but it’s phrased through a lens of “other women find him attractive” rather than Rin actively thinking about how she finds his physical features pleasant. Then, the second he initiates intimacy by touching her chest and proposing they go to his tent, she becomes really really upset despite pondering the idea of intimacy with him just moments beforehand.

Overall, Rin’s interpretation of her feelings came across as her poorly processing a desire for support, validation and proximity to power. I think this is something a lot of lesbians like me can relate to, where we mistook platonic interest for romantic interest when we really didn’t want any kind of intimacy with the men we were “pursuing.”