In the spirit of vulnerability and transparency, Iām going to tell you something that Iāve been insecure about for years. I have believed, (and still struggle to reject) the idea that I would be happier, more confident, worth more and objectively more desirable to men if I didnāt have a flat butt. Iām a BLACK woman with literally ābeckyā as my name and was then triply cursed with a lack of ābootyā so synonymous with black features. Deep down, I have felt that this āflawā was the key to my discontent. Trust me, when I found out what a brazilian butt lift was and how much it cost, I immediately started saving up and imagining how much my life would improve after the surgery. It felt like everyone knew that this was my unfortunate lot in life.
Everyone from random men to my ex, and actual friends and family have made comments that Iāll never forget. āWell maybe if you didnāt stand like that, it wouldnāt look so flatā āJust squats and the gym girlā (as if genetics and generally how my body is built donāt factor in, donāt let the plastic surgery fool you..aint no one building a big butt overnight) āitās small but cute I guessā or just knowing and disappointed looks. All of this to say, even when I was working out and consciously squatting, I was fixated on this one part of me and felt horribly insecure and worthless because of it. I avoided pants with no pockets, rompers, pencil skirts, body-con anything, and much, much more to try to hide what I HATED about my body. So much effort into hating myself. I think about the lengths I went to and shudder thinking that I thought that I was living my life.
My breakup last year and decision to truly face myself was a true turning point in my life. I was societyās idea of āthin,ā had a boyfriend, was in law school, finished a successful internship and yet, I had never been so depressed, so unhappy with myself, and so miserable. I had everything but peace of mind. Everything but self worth. Everything but the ability to look in the mirror and appreciate every part of me. I couldnāt say the words āI am enough.ā I believed wholeheartedly that there was something very wrong with me. Through a painful but rewarding process and self-love journey (that I just celebrated the 1 year anniversary of), Iāve discovered a community of folks who are rejecting the culture that helped breed my and our insecurities.
Body Positivity saved me. Fat activism is precious work and I am forever grateful to the women and femmes who do that work as they fight to exist within our fatphobic society. I went through the process of spotting and countering the lies we are fed every second, minute, hour, day of our lives from media, family, and other external sources. I experienced the steps toward recovery from unhealthy ideas of self and my relationships to food and the judgments of other people. Itās absolutely a PROCESS that Iām still in the middle of but believe me, it has changed EVERYTHING for me. I have found joy and confidence within myself that I never thought was possible without someone else validating me. It really has come from within.
That is why, I must call out what I see as violent, dangerous, and a negligent perpetuation of the most toxic ideas of diet/weight loss culture. This time itās in the form of Khloe Kardashian, her brand, and the new show and book that has come from it. Her entire message is, āchange your self, especially your body so that you will be validated by your exes and folks that shamed you in the past, but mostly so you can finally be happy and free.ā or in other words, the problem isnāt SOCIETY, isnāt FATPHOBIA, isnāt LOW SELF WORTH, isnāt IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS OF PERFECTION, nor is it our lack of time to HEAL, NOPEā¦itās you. You need to change. Thereās something wrong with you, thatās why youāve been rejected. Thatās why you are unhappy with yourself. SO let me make an entire show affirming that belief and peddling this false idea that this will solve all your problems.
This is not helpful in the slightest.
Itās lies wrapped up in capitalistic gain for the Kardashian brand and the diet industry, and ultimately itās not meant to support healthy self-love but foster more and more self hate. It has to end.
There is no such thing as an ideal body. The mindset that you have to change your self for love, acceptance, and worthiness will leave you empty every time. Healing from rejection and trauma are real challenges in a society that tells us our bodies are a problem to be fixed. But, let me tell you that your body was never the problem and so it canāt possibly be the solution. When Khloe says that her haters are her motivators, she explicitly leaves out herself. Self hate only breeds more self hate. What her show and what she wonāt tell you is that conforming to someoneās elseās idea of perfection or desirable wonāt stop that voice inside you from screaming āYOUāRE NOT ENOUGH.ā Rejecting this entire premise that āthe way your body looks determines our worthā can silence that voice.
I donāt know Khloe or how she feels when she looks in the mirror or what thoughts go through her head when sheās alone with just herself, but something tells me there are parts of her that are still dissatisfied, parts that canāt be healed by another surgery or trip to the gym. Within each and every one of us is the capacity to love ourselves but it takes intense, and often painful inner work because we are going against what weāve been taught for our entire lives.
Iāll say it now and Iāll say it a million times more until shows celebrate our authentic selves and stop selling self hate disguised as empowerment. Thereās nothing wrong with you. Who needs a ārevenge bodyā when loving yourself is the biggest middle finger to this toxic, fatphobic and diet obsessed society? You are enough and you donāt have to make anyone believe that but yourself.
kaledo-art
titsay
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izzy806
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