That One Guy, You Know Who

This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.

As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.

Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:

Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.

There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.

And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”

The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.

This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.

First and most importantly, Venti from Genshin is confirmed a femboy, who “you cannot tell is male unless you look at their lore” according to the CCP reviewers. Behold the face of gender-corruption!

(honestly, you can’t tell that he is male? Watch more anime normies or gtfo)

Anyway, first we gotta lay out our credentials:

Don’t be silly and think we don’t know games. Many experts here know more about games that you, developers

CCP confirmed True Gamers, get wrecked scrubs!

Anyway, what is great about these notes is, since the people in the CCP are not evil minions but real people, they actually aspire to make video games better. So in between all the rampant homophobia and history censorship, are some legitimate complaints. Our ideas include:

You cannot force players to spend money, and gate rewards behind lootboxes & other opaque mechanics

Totally valid, hell yes CCP

No misleading advertising baiting gay couples when they are not actually gay

Wokeness confirmed, fuck the queer-baiting

Wuxia style games are boring as they are so similar. Many companies ignore good storytelling and just bank on art design & aesthetics

They are right and they SHOULD say it, fucking savage.

But the *best* parts are where they just run into the weird shit that is just…part of gaming now, which with this new initiative you have to somehow regulate:

We forbid attractive character designs based on war criminals

Azur lane gets *specifically* called out, have waifus gone too far??

No ascending into god-hood; humans cannot beat a god

CCP confirmed *extremely* concerned that a plucky band of spike-haired protagonists will grind their way up the ranks and challenge Xi Jinping for the throne, its not possible everyone stop getting ideas!! Seriously they mention “no ascending-to-godhood” style plots like four times, this is priority number 1.