For my creative writing class, we were asked to do a response to Joyce Carol Oatesā To A Young Writer (an excerpt from The Faith of a Writer) and this is what I wrote:Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā "Words are born in people's mouth and die in their ears. But some words don't die, they go into people's hearts and survive." I was watching a TV drama and I had to pause at the mention of these lines. They reminded me of that time when I was inside our classroom, reading the letter you wrote to a young writer. Presumably, it wasn't for me but still, I was reminded of it.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā To be quite frank Ms Joyce, I found myself in contemplation upon reading your words last Saturday. I think your words were able to find their way into my heart and they're surviving. And now, I'm going to write my heart out to you as a sign of my gratitude for writing such a letter with words that seemed to have woken up the slumbering writer in me.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā As a writer, I have always found myself in the dark in the past. I was a struggling, insecure and frustrated writer. I wasn't a novice, but without any substantial experience to even categorize myself as an "intermediate" more so an "advanced" level kind of writer. I was moody, and I could never work on a time-bounded piece. I also struggled with finding a theme, a subject or a story that I could write about.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā And even if I did, even if I have found a theme for my writings, I have always been insecure about them. If I'm being honest, I was ashamed of it. Not because it was a subject that I despise, but because Ā I was scared of how people would react to it. I was scared of the criticism, the prejudice and whatever feedback my writings would receive. I liked writing about sad things, Joyce. I liked writing about longing, separation and regret. I liked writing about sadness, and to describe it as if it was a tangible thing. Writing about that dark and empty room inside felt like home. But I was scared that I would be labelled as "depressed" and "problematic", and then I would have to deal with the anxiety of people looking at me as if I was in need of saving.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā But you told a young writer to never be ashamed, to let her forbidden passions fuel her writer. It felt liberating to find such a statement. It felt good to have someone say that my "forbidden" passions are valid and that it was okay.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā "You may be addressing, unconsciously, an audience that doesn't exist; you may be trying to please someone who won't be pleased, and who isn't worth pleasing." These lines were a ray of light, pulling me out a writer in the dark, Joyce. A writer who's scared of facing the audience.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Moreover, I also struggled to find a voice. My own voice. I have always wanted to have my own style of writing, one that would separate me from others but it wasn't easy. I didn't know what kind of voice I wanted to have. But as I grasped your words, I felt the courage to find it. I might not have my own voice now, but I'm on my way. Stepping out into the light, I feel like I am even more confident to begin the quest for finding Madi's voice even if it would take me to the deepest parts of the ocean.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Even though my words will never be enough to fathom the kind of gratitude and respect I felt towards you after reading your letter, I am hoping that this letter would be able to communicate my response to your words that still live inside my heart.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I hope you continue to reveal the truth and inspire writers to be themselves and to never be afraid.
Ā From a retired writer in the dark
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