Chloe

Patrick Jane x Reader

The world had long since stopped feeling like a gentle place to her not after he’d walked away, leaving nothing but silence and the jagged edges of what she’d thought was something. She’d spent years piecing herself back together, learning to step lighter, to trust less, to see the gaps between what people showed and what was true all that to start all over again.

Content Advisory This narrative contains explicit sexual content, strong language, depictions of murder, graphic crime-scene details, and related mature subject matter. It is intended solely for 18+ audiences only. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

The light lay soft across my desk, still and unremarkable, when my assistant appeared in the doorway. His usual steady manner had shifted his voice was quiet, sharp with unease.

"Good afternoon, miss I just got a call regarding Miss Mayfield. It’s urgent.”

I reached for the phone on my desk the voice on the other end belonged to Shalom’s mother. “Hello… this is Mrs. Mayfield.” Her words broke through in ragged sobs. “Shalom… Shalom has been murdered.”

My hand went numb. The receiver slipped from my fingers and clattered against the base, and I pressed a trembling palm over my mouth to muffle the sound that rose in my throat. My assistant stepped forward quickly, eyes wide with concern.

“Miss? Are you alright?"

I stood, my legs unsteady beneath me, and forced the words out past the tightness in my chest. “Prepare the car immediately. I need to go now.”

I drove well above the permitted speed limit, every bend and stretch of road blurring beneath me as urgency overrode caution. Upon arrival at Shalom’s residence, the perimeter had already been secured patrol vehicles lined the curb, their warning lights casting strobing flashes across the grounds, and uniformed officers stood at designated posts to restrict access, while plainclothes investigators moved methodically through the property in accordance with standard procedure.

I exited my vehicle and advanced rapidly toward the main entrance, only to be intercepted by an officer who extended an arm to block my path. “Ma’am, you cannot proceed beyond this point. This is an active and restricted crime scene entry is prohibited for unauthorized personnel.”

“Please, you have to let me pass,” I pleaded, my voice trembling. “The victim is my closest friend. I need to be here.”

It was then that I spotted Mrs. Mayfield, seated on the porch steps, wrapped in a wool blanket, her posture slumped with grief. Her features crumpled the moment she recognized me. “Oh, Y/N…” she wept, and I went to her immediately, my chest constricting with a heavy, aching sorrow.

“I cannot comprehend this,” she whispered, swiping at her tears with a trembling hand. “She was with our family only yesterday talking, laughing, full of life… and now she is gone.”

A woman in a tailored dark business suit approached, her bearing professional yet tempered with quiet courtesy. “Good afternoon. You must be Mrs. Mayfield. I am Special Agent Teresa Lisbon, lead investigator with the California Bureau of Investigation.”

“CBI?” Mrs. Mayfield blinked, then nodded slowly, her expression dazed. “Yes. This is Y/N she was Shalom’s nearest and dearest friend.”

Agent Lisbon turned to me, offering a firm but gentle handshake. “Please accept my sincere condolences. We will provide both of you with regular updates as the investigation progresses.”

She turned to acknowledge three individuals emerging from the residence. “Have you recovered the weapon?” she asked formally.

A red-haired agent and a tall male carried sealed tamper proof evidence bags through the transparent casing, I clearly discerned a single edged bladed instrument, its surface bearing faint residues consistent with biological material.

“The item was located adjacent to the victim’s position,” the tall agent stated.

“Forensic assessment indicates multiple sharp force injuries consistent with the dimensions of this blade.”

Then another voice interjected calm, observant, laced with the quiet certainty of someone who had already pieced together details others had missed.

“This is no ordinary household knife. Note the complete absence of wear no scratches along the spine, no dulling of the edge, no trace of prior use whatsoever. It was purchased recently, and exclusively for this act. The perpetrator exercised significant forethought acquiring a tool with no connection to their daily life, eliminating any risk of linking it to themselves. This was not a spontaneous attack it was planned, methodically and deliberately, down to the very choice of weapon.”

My breath hitched in my throat. That tone, that instinctive grasp of what lay hidden beneath the surface I would know it anywhere. It was devastatingly, unmistakably familiar.

The words hung sharp in the air, and I turned slowly, my pulse hammering hard enough to drown out every other sound. There he was.

He stood a little apart from the team, hands tucked into the pockets of his well-worn waistcoat, looking as unhurried as if he were merely observing a quiet afternoon. His hair fell a little longer than I remembered, faint lines etched deep around eyes that had always seen too much but that faint, unreadable half-smile was exactly as I recalled.

His gaze lifted, and locked straight onto mine.

For one breathless, endless second, the world fell away. No uniformed officers, no glint of evidence bags, no Mrs. Mayfield’s quiet sobs behind me. Just him, looking at me as if he had been waiting for this exact moment all along.

I could not bear it. Not his calm, not the memories that surged up raw and bleeding, not the terrible familiarity of the man who had once shattered every truth I believed in. My throat tightened, and I tore my eyes away first, staring hard at the ground, at the scuffed toes of my shoes, at anything but him. My hands curled into fists at my sides to stop them from shaking.

He did not move. He did not speak. But I could still feel his gaze on me steady, unblinking, knowing as if he had already read every thought, every scar, every word I had never gotten to say.

I would not let him see me as the fragile girl he had left behind. I had changed too much, and I refused to let old wounds undo the strength I had built. I kept my gaze averted, fixed steadily on Agent Lisbon instead.

“Agent Lisbon,” I said, my voice quiet but steady, though thick with unspent grief. “I will remain available for any further inquiries. Please see that the perpetrator responsible for my friend’s death is brought to justice.”

Lisbon offered a solemn nod, her tone professional yet tempered with compassion.

“We will exhaust every available lead and follow all investigative protocols, I assure you.”

She paused briefly, then added “Before you leave, we would like to conduct a preliminary interview with you, Ms. Y/N. It is a standard procedure for all persons closely associated with the victim, to establish your knowledge of her movements, acquaintances, and any circumstances relevant to this case.”

“I understand,” I replied evenly. “It is necessary for the investigation. I am prepared to cooperate fully.”

Lisbon gave a faint, relieved acknowledgement, clearly grateful for my willingness to comply with official process.

Once the initial arrangements were made, I accompanied the team to the CBI headquarters, where formal witness interviews are conducted in a controlled, secure environment. We proceeded directly to a designated interview room soundproofed, fitted with recording equipment, and furnished simply to minimize distractions, separate from the departments handling forensic analysis and case filing.

I took the seat offered, keeping my posture straight and my gaze fixed on the table surface, deliberately avoiding any glance toward the doorway or the corridor beyond. I would not let Patrick Jane see how much this unplanned meeting unsettled me, nor slip back into the girl he had left behind years ago.

Agent Lisbon sat across from me, switching on the audio recorder and laying out a notepad, following standard investigative procedure.

“Ms. Y/N, thank you for agreeing to come in. We will document this interview formally for case records. First, please state your full name, and confirm your relationship to the deceased, Shalom Mayfield.”

I sat a little straighter, my hands folded neatly before me on the table, my voice steady and clear for the recording.

"My name is Y/N L/N. Shalom Mayfield was my closest friend. We have known each other for over ten years."

I paused briefly, swallowing the tightness in my throat before continuing formally.

"There is no one I trusted more. We spoke often, and saw each other regularly. If there was anything troubling her, anything out of the ordinary, I believe she would have told me."

Lisbon made a brief note, then looked up, her tone consistent with formal investigative questioning.

"For the official record, please state your whereabouts between 6:00 PM yesterday and 8:00 AM today. That is the estimated window of time during which the fatal offense is believed to have occurred. Also, confirm if you have any witnesses or documentation that can corroborate your account."

"I remained at my office throughout that entire timeframe," I stated clearly. "I left my office only this afternoon to travel to the scene. There is no alibi witness present, but entry and exit logs from my building’s security system, as well as timestamps on my work communications, may serve to verify my account."

Lisbon nodded, marking the details in her notes, then leaned forward slightly.

"Thank you. Now, please tell us: in the weeks leading up to her death, did Shalom mention any disputes, threats, unusual visitors, or concerns for her personal safety? Any acquaintances, business dealings, or personal matters that seemed out of character or caused her distress?"

Before I could reply, the door opened slowly. He stepped inside, moving with that quiet, unhurried grace of his, and leaned one shoulder against the wall at the back of the room hands in his pockets, watching, saying nothing. Not yet.

I kept my eyes fixed on Lisbon, refusing to so much as flick a glance toward the corner where he stood, though every nerve in my body registered his presence like static. My voice stayed even, formal, for the recorder.

"She mentioned nothing that alarmed her. She spoke of work, of her family, of plans we had made. There were no arguments, no threats, no strangers she mentioned meeting. If something troubled her, she did not share it with me."

I paused, steadying my tone further. "She was careful, though very careful with her personal safety. She would have said something if she felt at risk."

Lisbon nodded, jotting down the statement. But from the back of the room, that familiar, soft voice cut in casual, yet sharp as a scalpel, as if he were simply observing a small, obvious detail no one else had noticed.

"Careful people still let their guard down for someone they trust. Someone they know. Someone who knows exactly how to get close without raising a single alarm." He said while smiling.

Lisbon turned her head slightly, her tone calm but firm, accustomed to his way of interjecting.

"Elaborate, Jane. What makes you say that?"

He pushed off the wall and strolled forward slowly, hands still tucked in his pockets, his gaze never leaving the side of my face.

"Because there was no forced entry. No sign of struggle by the door. She let them in. Knew them well enough to turn her back, well enough to lower every guard she kept up for everyone else. That’s not a stranger. That’s someone she thought she had every reason to trust."

I kept my gaze fixed entirely on Lisbon, as if Jane had not spoken at all as if he were not even in the room. My tone remained composed, formal, directed solely at her.

"That aligns with what I know of her habits," I said evenly. "She would never admit an unknown person onto her property. Whoever was with her that night must have been someone she knew well, someone she had no reason to fear. I can think of no one who would wish her harm, but I will review our conversations and contacts thoroughly, and share anything that stands out as unusual."

Lisbon nodded, noting my statement. "We appreciate your cooperation, Ms. Y/N. We will follow up if further details come to light, or if we require additional clarification."

Jane remained where he stood, silent once more but I could feel his gaze resting on me, unblinking and unreadable, every second.

 Agent Lisbon switched off the audio recorder and closed her notebook with a soft click.

“This concludes the preliminary interview for now, Ms. Y/N. You are free to leave. We will contact you promptly should we require further testimony, or as significant developments arise in the case.”

“Thank you,” I replied formally, rising smoothly from my seat. I did not glance toward the corner of the room, did not acknowledge the man standing there in any way my focus remained entirely on Lisbon as I nodded once in parting.

I walked toward the door with steady, unhurried steps, though I could feel his gaze following me all the way quiet, observant, seeing far more than I wanted him to. But I did not falter, and I did not look back.

The Next Day

The call came early, Agent Lisbon’s voice clear and formal over the line.

“Ms. Y/N. We’ve recovered significant new evidence related to Shalom Mayfield’s homicide. Please come to CBI headquarters immediately we need you to review what we’ve found.”

I arrived within the hour. Lisbon led me straight to the evidence analysis room, where sealed exhibits were laid out under bright lights. And there, off to one side, stood Patrick Jane hands in his waistcoat pockets as always, watching everything with that quiet, unblinking focus of his.

“Forensic teams recovered this hidden at the rear of the property,” Lisbon said, gesturing to a clear evidence bag. Inside lay a small, engraved locket one I knew well, one Shalom never took off. “It wasn’t there during the initial sweep. Someone returned to leave it… or to hide it better. We also found partial prints and trace evidence that links it to a known associate of hers.”

Jane stepped forward then, his tone soft but sharp as always, eyes locking briefly on mine before shifting back to the evidence.

“Whoever handled this knew she valued it. They didn’t destroy it they just moved it. That tells us they weren’t just angry. They knew her. Knew what mattered to her. And they’re worried now. Panic makes people careless.”

I kept my gaze on the locket, refusing to acknowledge him directly but I felt his attention on me all the same, steady and knowing, as if he were already connecting threads no one else could see.

Agent Lisbon and her team departed to conduct further searches and gather additional evidence. I gathered my things, slipped on my coat, and stepped out into the cool afternoon air, murmuring brief goodbyes to the officers still present. I had just reached my car and lifted my hand to the handle when a voice cut through the quiet.

“Y/N.”

I paused. There was no mistaking that tone, soft yet unhurried. I turned my head slightly there he stood, the golden curls catching the light, his posture easy but his gaze steady. It was Patrick Jane.

“I expect you’ll be in touch with any further updates,” I said evenly, my voice blank of all warmth or recognition. I turned back to the door, ready to slip inside and put this whole encounter behind me.

“ You can keep ignoring me, if you like,” he said, taking one slow step forward.

My hand stilled on the handle. I turned fully to face him at last, my expression guarded. “So?”

“This is a serious matter,” he said, his tone sober, stripped of its usual light charm. “Whatever happened between us… or whatever you think happened… none of that matters right now. I know why you’re here. I know who you’re fighting for.”

He shifted his weight, his hands staying loose in his pockets, that familiar half-smile gone entirely, replaced by something uncharacteristically open.

“I just wanted to say… I am truly sorry. For your loss. Shalom didn’t deserve this. And we will find who did this. You have my word we won’t stop until we do.”

I looked at him for a long moment, searching for any trace of deceit, any trick but there was only quiet certainty there. I said nothing more, just pulled open the car door, slid inside, and pulled it shut firmly behind me. I started the engine, glanced once in the rearview mirror, and drove away, leaving him standing alone by the curb.

As I pulled away, the rearview mirror kept catching his figure still standing exactly where I’d left him, watching until the bend in the road hid him from sight.

My hands stayed tight on the steering wheel, and my thoughts tumbled fast, tangled and unsteady. I’d spent years telling myself he was nothing but lies and tricks, that every soft word he’d ever spoken was just another performance. Yet back there, for the first time, I hadn’t seen that distant, knowing mask he wore for everyone else. There had been no game, no hidden angle only plain, unvarnished sorrow.

I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t want to let old doubts or old hopes creep back in, not when Shalom deserved every last bit of my focus. But try as I might to push it aside, his voice lingered in my head, quiet and unshakable: We will find who did this. You have my word.

For the first time since this nightmare began, I didn’t know whether to dread that promise… or cling to it.

Three days later, the call came at dusk. Lisbon’s tone was sharp, grim they had made an arrest.

When I arrived at CBI, the atmosphere was tight and focused. They had taken into custody a man Shalom had dated briefly months before someone she’d dismissed as overly intense, someone I’d never given much thought to. Evidence seemed stacked against him: conflicting alibis, traces of her hair on his clothes, online messages showing growing resentment.

Yet as I watched through the one-way glass while they questioned him, something felt wrong. He was nervous, defensive but not the cold, deliberate kind of anger that would plan and carry out what happened to her.

Then Jane stepped into the observation room beside me, leaning against the wall, his eyes never leaving the suspect. He spoke low, only for me, no tricks, no pretense this time.

“He’s scared, not guilty. Scared of being caught for the smaller things he’s done, scared no one will believe him but he didn’t kill her. Whoever did this was calm, careful, knew exactly how to cover their tracks. This man can barely keep his story straight for five minutes. We’ve got the wrong person… and the real killer is watching us right now, waiting for us to close the case so they can breathe easy again.”

I kept my gaze fixed on the man behind the glass, his hands wringing together constantly, his eyes darting like a trapped animal’s. “If he didn’t do it,” I said quietly, “why does all the evidence point straight to him?”

Jane shifted slightly, never taking his eyes off the suspect. “Because it was planted. Neatly, too just enough to look convincing, just enough to lead us exactly where the killer wanted. But look closer: he’s defensive about petty arguments, about lies he told her, about things he’s ashamed of. He’s not hiding murder. A killer that careful doesn’t fidget like that. They sit still. They watch. They wait for us to make the mistake.”

He turned his head then, and for the first time, looked directly at me no half-smile, no teasing glint, just quiet urgency.

“Trust your gut. You knew Shalom better than anyone. Does this feel like the end? Or does it feel like we’ve only just started chasing shadows?”

I stayed at the station until late, until the last official statement was signed and the halls had gone quiet. When I finally stepped out, the air was cool and sharp, and all the strength I had held up for days crumbled away at once. I sank onto the low stone wall near the entrance, wrapped my arms around myself, and cried properly, this time, no holding back, no stiffening my spine to keep up appearances. I cried for Shalom, for all the moments we would never have, for the unfair, brutal waste of her life. I did not notice the figure lingering just inside the glass doors, watching quietly, his usual easy stillness softened by something else entirely. Eventually I wiped my face, walked slowly to my car, and drove home to an empty house where I sat awake until dawn, staring at the wall.

By mid morning, Jane had pulled every loose thread together into something sharp and unbreakable. He called everyone involved into the main briefing room the wrongly detained former boyfriend, Shalom’s family, her close associates, and Elias Voss, her quiet, overlooked business partner of three years.

Jane stood at the front, no tricks, no playful digressions only that piercing, unblinking focus that made even the most hardened people shift in their seats. He began slowly, his voice carrying clearly across the room.

“For days we followed a trail someone laid out for us, neat and tidy and designed to lead exactly where they wanted. The threatening messages, the misplaced fibers, the conflicting timeline all of it was bait. And they almost took it. But not me.”

He turned his gaze directly to Elias, who stood with his hands folded neatly, his expression calm and concerned.

“You hated her,” Jane said simply, as if stating something as obvious as the color of the walls. “Not in a burst of anger, but slow, cold, quiet hatred. You built the business together, but everyone always looked to her. She was brighter, warmer, the one clients trusted. You stood just behind her, and every day it ate at you. You planned this for months. You researched exactly what kind of blade would leave no distinctive mark. You bought it with cash at a store three counties away, so there would be no easy trail. You knew she would open her door for you at any hour you were her partner, her oldest colleague, the last person she would ever fear.”

A murmur rippled through the room, but Elias only shook his head, looking pained. “This is absurd. I have nothing but respect for Shalom. I would never—”

“Respect doesn’t make you hide her most precious possession under a flagstone rather than destroy it,” Jane cut in, unshaken. “Guilt does. And respect doesn’t make you memorize every detail of the man you wanted us to blame, so you could plant just enough evidence to seal his fate. You thought you were clever. You thought you had thought of everything. But you are the kind of man who keeps records receipts, invoices, notes on every small thing he spends. You couldn’t bear to throw away proof of what you’d done, even if it was proof of a crime. You tucked that receipt into the back of the leather ledger you keep in your study, between two old tax records. You thought no one would ever look there.”

Elias’s composure cracked. His face drained of color, and his hands tightened into fists. “You can’t prove that. It’s just guesswork.”

“Special Agent Rigsby is at your office right now,” Lisbon said, stepping forward with a file in her hand. “We got a warrant an hour ago. He just called in. He found the receipt. And the exact same type of packaging the knife came in.”

For a long, terrible moment, no one spoke. Then Elias’s shoulders slumped, and all the pretense fell away. He didn’t shout or run he just looked defeated, as if he had been waiting for someone to see him all along.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said quietly. “She was supposed to fall behind. To need me. Instead she left me further and further behind, every single day…”

As agents moved in to place him in cuffs, Jane stepped back from the center of the room. He did not look triumphant. He only glanced toward the window, in the direction of where I had sat crying the night before, his expression grave and steady. He had done what he came to do for Shalom, and for the one person who deserved to know the truth.

 Lisbon’s voice softened over the line, carrying a quiet weight I had not heard before.

“The evidence against him was almost perfectly hidden, Ms. Y/N. For a long time, we were all following the wrong path. But there was one person who saw through every lie, every carefully placed false clue, right from the start.”

She paused for a moment, then said clearly

“It was Patrick Jane. He’s the one who noticed the small inconsistencies no one else picked up on the way the evidence lined up too neatly, the things the killer couldn’t stop himself from revealing. He’s the one who identified Elias, told us exactly where to look for the receipt, and drew out his confession today. None of this would have come together without him.”

I sat very still, the words sinking in slow and heavy. I had never imagined he would be the one to untangle it all. That he would care enough to look so closely, to keep pushing when everyone else was ready to close the file.

I had no way of knowing that the night before, as I sat crying on that stone wall, he had stood just inside the station doors. He had not come over, had not interrupted, had not let me see him. But that quiet sight of my grief had been the final piece that focused his mind entirely reminding him exactly what was at stake, and why every lie had to be stripped away until nothing remained but the truth.

Seven years of yearning

A Mike Shinoda x F!reader story

"You do realize that our relationship would never exceed the boundaries of friendship"

Disclaimer: This story contains themes involving alcohol, mature content, and other material that some readers may find unsuitable or uncomfortable. Viewer discretion is advised.

________________

CHAPTER 2

"When I first met you, I never realized how much you would end up meaning to me"

___________________

I woke up with a throbbing headache, the leftover feeling from last night’s party. I zoned out for a moment, lost in my own thoughts, when I heard my phone buzz. I picked it up and saw a message from an unknown number:

"Hi :)"

I texted back, "Hi there! Who is this?"

"It’s me, Mike, from last night."

"Oh, hi! I completely forgot we exchanged numbers."

We ended up talking for hours. He was so much fun to chat with. sweet, kind, and really nice. I thought to myself, what a sweetheart he is.

"Hey, I listened to the demo tapes you gave me last night. I actually fell asleep while listening to them, but that just shows how wonderful they are! They were amazing I’ve never heard anything quite like them. You’re going to make it big someday, I just know it."

He replied with, "Thank you so much that means more than you can say."

A little while later, he sent his last message for the day: "I have to go now. Talk to you later :)"

I smiled softly, closed my cellphone, and settled back into bed. I lay there thinking, letting everything run through my mind over and over again.

I headed downstairs and found Miah sitting at the dining table, eating and chatting casually with my mom. I sighed heavily the moment I saw her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my tone laced with obvious exhaustion.

She looked up at me, smiling innocently. “Oh, I just stopped by to ask your mom if you’re free today. We haven’t hung out in almost a week, after all.”

I stared at her, completely dumbfounded. “What do you mean? We literally just spent—” I stopped myself abruptly, biting my tongue. I remembered instantly if I finished that sentence, I’d accidentally admit I snuck out last night, and my mom would definitely scold me for it. I quickly tried to recover. “—uhm… yeah, right. It’s definitely been a while.”

Miah let out a soft laugh, clearly amused by my awkward response. “Okay then. Just be home before 8, alright?”

I thanked my mom, grabbed my black off-shoulder long-sleeved dress, and waved goodbye to her as we walked out the door. Once we were outside, I finally asked Miah what she had planned for us.

“Brad invited me to watch their music sessions today,” she said casually. “So, you’re coming with me.”

I sighed again, realizing there was no use arguing. I might as well just go along with it.

________________

We arrived at a small recording studio a short while later, only to bump into Mark stepping out just as we reached the entrance.

“I’m really sorry, ladies, but I’ve got to go,” he said quickly, slinging his bag over his shoulder. Before either of us could say anything, he walked away and the heavy door banged shut behind him.

Miah and I exchanged confused glances, then slowly pushed the studio room door open. Inside were Rob, Brad, Joe, Dave, and Mike. The atmosphere was heavy and tense everyone’s heads were bowed low, looking utterly dejected especially Mike.

Miah hesitated, stepping back slightly. “Is it a bad time? We… we should probably go.”

Brad shook his head and stood up quickly. “No, no, it’s fine. Really. We were just… talking about things. About what just happened.”

He motioned for us to sit, and we listened quietly as they explained. Apparently, Mark had officially left the band.

“He actually wanted to leave back in December,” Mike spoke up, his voice quiet and laced with worry. “But we convinced him to stay. We promised him we’d make things work. But… he said he just lost confidence, and we weren’t seeing the commercial progress he was hoping for.”

Mike ran a hand through his hair, looking distressed. “Now I just don’t know where we’ll find someone to replace him. It feels impossible.”

I stepped closer, feeling for him, and spoke softly to comfort him. “Don’t say that. You guys are so talented, and you work so hard everyone sees that. Mark leaving doesn’t change how amazing your music is, or how far you’re going to go. Sometimes people just walk different paths, but that doesn’t mean yours ends here. You’ll find the right person, and things will fall into place again. I truly believe that.”

He looked up at me, his expression softening. “Thank you. Honestly… thank you. You really are a great friend— I mean… uhm…”

He stopped suddenly, his face flushing slightly red as he realized what he’d said. He let out a small, awkward laugh, looking away for a second.

I smiled gently at him, wanting to ease his embarrassment. “It’s okay. We’re friends.”

I accepted his words and the bond forming between us with a warm smile, never suspecting that this simple moment, and this friendship, would slowly become the beginning of the end for me.

________________

March of 1999

I’ve never known anyone as genuine or kind as Mike. It still feels surreal that we became this close. At first, he was just the friend someone on the edges of my world. Now, he’s the very best part of it.

It had been a year since I became close friends with Mike and the band Xero, or rather, Hybrid Theory, as they had recently renamed themselves. For months now, their main focus had been searching for the perfect lead vocalist, someone whose voice could truly match the energy and vision of their music. I could tell how much it weighed on Mike he had been absolutely devastated at times, worried that they might never find the right person to complete their sound. He was so specific about what he wanted, refusing to settle for anything less than exactly what the band needed.

That changed today.

I heard the familiar buzz of my Nokia phone and quickly flipped it open. Seeing Mike’s name on the screen, I read his message eagerly

"I think we finally found one. He is honestly so great, you’re gonna absolutely love him. I still can’t believe he even auditioned for us. He sent over a demo tape, and his voice… it’s unlike anything I’ve heard. He’s all the way from Arizona, but man, he fits perfectly." After months of searching and uncertainty, he had finally found the one he had been waiting for. I could feel his excitement through the screen, and honestly, I couldn’t believe it either. A wave of genuine happiness washed over me, knowing how much this meant to him and to everyone in the group.

I typed back quickly, my own smile widening: "I’m so incredibly happy for you. I really think this is it this is meant to be for Hybrid Theory."

A moment later, another message popped up from him "Haha thanks! Though… funnily enough, now I’m actually thinking about changing the band name again."

I chuckled softly to myself, shaking my head. Just when it seemed everything was finally falling perfectly into place, Mike was already thinking about the next change. But that was just how they were always evolving, always reaching for something better.

________________

“Hi, I’m Chester. Chester Bennington.”

He stepped forward and extended his hand toward me. I reached out and shook it firmly, looking him over properly for the first time. He was a little slender, with a pair of glasses resting on his nose, giving him a gentle, unassuming look. Yet even in this first moment, there was something magnetic about him. This was Chester the new lead singer of Hybrid Theory.

“I’m Y/N L/N,” I replied with a warm smile, “but you can just call me Y/N.”

He smiled back at me, kind and easygoing. It was hard to believe this was the voice Mike had raved about for weeks. But I knew it was true, Chester possessed an incredible voice raw, powerful, and distinct. It was exactly what they needed the perfect bridge between the heavy, aggressive sound of metal and the rhythmic flow of hip-hop that Mike had always dreamed of creating. After all this time, it was finally happening.

“Alright everyone, let’s give a proper welcome to our newest member, Chester!” Mike announced enthusiastically, clapping his hands together. I couldn’t help but laugh softly at his boundless optimism seeing him this happy made everything feel right.

They moved to their instruments and began to play. They decided to run through one of the songs Mike had written recently a track called "And One".

For the next hour, I sat there, completely immersed in the sound they were creating. It was like watching a puzzle finally snap into place. Every note, every beat, every lyric blended together perfectly. I was left stunned—too amazed and far too happy for them to even find the right words. When they finished, I clapped as loud as I possibly could, my heart racing with excitement.

“You guys were amazing! Everything sounds so incredible,” I gushed, unable to contain my excitement. “Chester, you fit this band perfectly! And that scream oh my god, how do you even do that? It sounds unreal!”

I kept talking, rambling on in pure admiration, while Chester rubbed the back of his neck, looking flustered and bashful at all the praise I was showering him with. I realized I was probably overwhelming him and quickly pulled back, feeling a little sheepish.

“I’m sorry, I’m rambling! Seriously though… you guys are awesome. Honestly? I really think you could be the next big thing in music.”

Mike beamed at my words. “Thank you, Y/N. Honestly… I couldn’t have done this without you.”

I felt a sudden heat rise to my cheeks, a soft blush spreading across my face. That was such a sweet thing to say. But then he continued, his tone bright and grateful.

“Hybrid Theory couldn’t have done it without you. Your knowledge of metal music, all your advice, every bit of feedback you gave us… we really couldn’t thank you enough.”

Before I could say anything else, he pulled me into a tight, warm hug.

I stood there frozen for a second, my mind going blank. I hugged him back instinctively, but inside, my heart was racing faster than before. Is this how friends are supposed to feel when they hug? Is it normal for your whole world to just stop spinning for that moment? I slowly pulled away, and he just looked at me, smiling that familiar, genuine smile of his.

Later that night, I lay in my room, staring blankly up at the ceiling. I buried my face in my hands, overwhelmed by a confusing, frustrating swirl of emotions.

Why am I feeling this way? I thought to myself, my mind replaying every glance and every word shared today. Have I ever felt this about anyone before?

A terrifying thought echoed in the silence of my room.

Am I… am I in love with Mike?

I shook my head, trying to push the idea away. No. No, I can’t be. We are best friends closer than anyone. I couldn’t risk ruining that. I couldn’t throw away years of trust and friendship just because of some silly, confusing feeling I suddenly developed.

Sleep was impossible that night. I lay awake, staring into the dark, my thoughts spiraling endlessly. Everything felt different now, Mike hadn’t changed at all, yet the way I saw him had shifted completely, as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes.

The question kept repeating in my mind, soft but terrifying. Am I actually in love with my best friend?

I shouldn’t feel this way. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were perfect just as we were close, comfortable, inseparable. I wondered what his reaction would be if he knew. Would he be surprised? Would he feel awkward? Would it change everything between us?

I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t throw away this bond we had built over something as fragile as my own confusing feelings. Even if he didn’t feel the same way… even if this was one sided… it was okay. Truly, it was better this way. To keep him close as a friend, to have him in my life every day, was far more precious than to say the words and risk losing him forever.

________________

August 9th 2001

Four years had passed, and still my heart belonged to him. I had loved Mike, quietly and steadily, for every single one of those days.

In that time, everything had changed. Linkin Park had exploded onto the scene, rising rapidly into global superstardom. What was once just a band’s name. 'Hybrid Theory' had become the title of their debut album, a record that resonated with millions around the world. They had eventually settled on their permanent name, inspired by the place Lincoln Park. Life had become a whirlwind of tours, interviews, and recording sessions days turned into weeks, and for the first time in years, Mike and I hadn’t spoken in almost a month. I told myself I understood he was busy, he was living the dream they had all worked so hard for but the distance still stung.

Around me, everyone else’s lives seemed to be falling perfectly into place, too. Miah and Brad were now happily dating, their connection obvious and warm whenever they were together. And there I was… still stuck in the same spot, looking foolish to everyone but myself. I wore the mask of his best friend every single day, smiling and laughing like nothing was wrong, while deep down, I fell harder for him with every breath I took.

Only Miah and Brad knew the truth. I had spilled everything to them once, during a moment of weakness, when too much alcohol had loosened my tongue at the very party held to celebrate this new era of Linkin Park.

Now, that same night played out in my memory…

The celebration was in full swing, loud and bright, but eventually, the crowd thinned out until only the three of us remained in the quiet living room, the rest of the band and guests scattered elsewhere entertaining people. Miah turned to me, her face glowing with happiness as she leaned in.

“Brad and I are officially together now,” she said, beaming.

I smiled back at her, genuine despite the ache in my chest. “That’s amazing, Miah. I’m so happy for you both.”

Brad looked at me, a gentle curiosity in his eyes. “What about you, Y/N? Got anyone… you know… on your mind?”

Miah immediately elbowed him hard in the ribs, giving him a sharp look. “Brad! Shut up, sorry don’t listen to him.”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I reached for the nearest bottle of beer and lifted it to my lips, drinking the whole thing down in one long, heavy gulp.

Both of them looked at me, concerned.

“Hey, are you alright?” Miah asked, stepping closer. “You don’t usually drink that much. Easy now, remember? You have such a low tolerance…”

I set the empty bottle down with a soft clink on the table, my vision blurring slightly not from the alcohol, but from the truth finally rising to the surface.

“I love him,” I whispered, my voice trembling.

They exchanged confused glances. “Love who?” Brad asked softly.

I lifted a shaking hand and pointed across the room, toward where Mike stood surrounded by people, smiling, talking, shining brighter than anyone else in the room.

“Mike?” Miah asked. She let out a small, nervous laugh at first, thinking I was joking, but when she saw the tears beginning to spill down my cheeks, her smile faded completely. Her expression softened into pure understanding and sadness.

“I have loved him for three years now,” I choked out, the words finally breaking free after so long. I looked at them, feeling small and guilty. “Am I… am I a bad friend for feeling this way?”

Miah didn’t hesitate. She pulled me into a tight, warm embrace, holding me while I crumbled just a little.

“No,” she said softly, rubbing my back soothingly. “You can’t help the way you feel. You can’t control who your heart chooses to love.”

Seven years of yearning

A Mike Shinoda x F!reader story

"You do realize that our relationship would never exceed the boundaries of friendship"

Disclaimer: This story contains themes involving alcohol, mature content, and other material that some readers may find unsuitable or uncomfortable. Viewer discretion is advised.

________________

CHAPTER 1

"I constantly think about the time i first met you."

________________

It has been days since that accident, and we still haven’t talked. I feel too scared, embarrassed, and paranoid about everything that happened. I still don’t understand any of it — everything is such a mess. Why do I have to feel this way?

I feel like a sheet of paper, crumpled tight and crushed under some unseen weight. Lying on my bed, I let out a long, heavy sigh, my eyes fixed blankly on the plain wall before me. Then, without warning, a single tear slips down my cheek. I reach up and touch my face, my gaze falling to the finger I’d used to wipe it away, glistening, proof of what I’d tried so hard to hold back.

“What are you doing to me…” I whisper.

At first, I laugh soft, shaky, bitter laughter that sounds nothing like joy. But the sound breaks apart, unraveling into deep, racking sobs that shake my whole body, and I cry, unrestrained, for the rest of the day.

I woke up with eyes swollen and puffy, heavy from all the tears I’d shed the night before. I grabbed my bag, headed out, and drove straight to my friend’s place someone I hadn’t seen ever since the accident changed everything.

When I knocked, she opened the door, and her smile faded the moment she saw me; I must have looked a total mess. “What happened to you?” she asked, at first letting out a small, nervous laugh.

I just stared at her, unable to find the words. My legs suddenly felt weak, trembling beneath me until I could no longer stand. I crumpled, but she caught me just in time. We sank down together onto the floor, her arms wrapping tight around me, and that was when I broke completely. I sobbed loudly into her shoulder, shaking as I cried out, “I’m so stupid… so, so stupid…”

She held me closer, stroking my hair gently, her voice soft and filled with worry. “Hey… shh… what happened to you?” she sighed, pulling me in a little tighter, waiting for me to speak as the room fell quiet, leaving only the sound of my crying hanging in the air.

________________

December 31st 1997

I woke up with a start to find my friend, Miah, leaning over me. I jolted upright, heart racing in surprise.

“Miah! What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night, my mom’s already asleep how did you even get inside?” I whispered, panicked.

“Through the window,” she replied casually, gesturing toward it. “You really should remember to close your windows, you know.”

I stood up quickly and locked it tight, then turned back to her, one eyebrow raised in question. “Alright… so what are you doing here, anyway?”

“I should be asking you that!” she said, giving me a playful shove. “Why are you sleeping on New Year’s Eve? You’re no fun at all.”

I pulled the blanket tighter around myself and sighed. “I don’t care about New Year’s. Besides, what’s the point? It’s just an excuse to make unnecessary noise.”

she grinned, her eyes lighting up. “And that’s exactly why I’m here! I got invited to a New Year’s Eve party by a friend, and you’re coming with me. I already told him I’d bring someone. And by the way, you say you hate loud noises, but you listen to heavy metal all day? Hypocrite much? Anyway, my friend’s actually in a metal band, so it’s right up your alley!”

“I’m not interested,” I said flatly, pulling the blanket up to my chin to hide back under it. “Plus, my mom would literally kill me if I snuck out again. No way.”

But Miah wasn’t one to give up easily. For a whole hour, she begged, pleaded, and persuaded me until I finally gave in. Once I agreed, she pulled out a short, sleek black dress far more revealing than anything I’d usually wear and insisted I put it on.

Soon after, we were driving toward the party. She chattered nonstop the whole way, telling me all about this friend of hers. “Okay, so I met him just last month. He’s the lead guitarist of the band, by the way,” she said, her voice full of excitement as she went on and on about him.

Before I knew it, we pulled up in front of the house, and we had finally arrived at our destination.

“Here we are,” Miah said as we came to a stop. “Okay, don’t worry and don’t be anxious, just stick with me. Plus, they’ve got drinks inside that I think you’ll actually like… and plenty of cute boys too,” she added with a grin.

I rolled my eyes, and she laughed, clearly pleased with herself.

The door opened before we could even knock. Standing there was a tall man wearing a cap; beneath it, his curly hair was visible, and he had light facial hair framing a warm, sweet smile.

“Yo, you actually came… and you really brought someone with you,” he said, his gaze shifting to me with that same gentle smile. He extended a hand. “Hi, I’m Brad. Brad Delson.”

“Hey,” I replied, shaking his hand. “I’m Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Alright then, come on in, you two beautiful ladies,” he said, stepping aside to let us enter and guiding us inside. The house was alive with people everywhere I looked, someone was laughing, drinking, or dancing to the loud music.

“Here, sit right here,” Brad said, leading us to a spot. “I’ll go get you both something to drink.” We thanked him, and he headed toward the kitchen.

“So…” Miah turned to me, her face beaming with a huge smile. “Doesn’t this look fun?”

I looked around at the lively room, then back at her, and finally nodded. “Well… I guess giving this a try wouldn’t hurt.”

After what felt like ages waiting for Brad, he finally returned though he wasn’t alone. Five others walked in with him, following close behind as he carried our drinks over to where we sat.

Miah looked up at him with a teasing grin. “I thought you ditched us,” she said, laughing as he settled down beside us.

“Nah, just got caught up,” Brad replied, chuckling along with her. “Anyway, let me introduce you guys these are my bandmates: Rob, Mark, Joe, Dave, and Mike.”

Each of them greeted us in turn, telling us their band’s name was Xero. I stayed quiet for the most part, sipping my drink and keeping to myself, until Miah leaned in close and whispered, “So… who do you think is cute?”

I shot her an embarrassed look. “Shut up,” I muttered, taking another long sip to avoid saying anything else.

Just then, Brad spoke up. “Hey, I heard you like metal bands you’re definitely gonna like us then.”

He was cut off by one of the guys, Mike. He had spiky hair that suited him perfectly, and a little beard that honestly… looked really cute on him.

“Actually, hold on,” Mike said, leaning in with bright, eager eyes. “It’s not just metal. We mix it up hip-hop and metal together, y’know?” He went on explaining their sound and style for minutes, so passionate and excited about every detail. I couldn’t help but laugh; he was so enthusiastic, and honestly, really fun to talk to.

“Anyway,” he said after a while, pulling something out of his pocket. “You should really listen to us properly. Here this is our demo cassette. Hope you like it.” He held it out with the sweetest, most genuine smile I’d ever seen.

I took it from him, smiling back warmly. “Thank you. I’ll definitely listen to it. Your band sounds really unique and cool you’ve got such an interesting way of thinking about music.”

I worried for a second that my words might sound strange, but his face lit up instantly. “Woah… thanks. That means a lot."