Dudes of The Spank Bank

Unless I Could Sustain Him On Raw Chicken, Sour Diesel and Me. (Things Grown at Home)

While The Faint Sounds of Squishing and Slurpening and Shoving Loop in The Background Like A Feature Verse That Only Swallow. Never Spit.

Ayyo Satan....I Got A Mess Of Leads Ill Turn You On To....Quality Leads Bro. Give Me This. Let's Chop It Up and Move Some Weight Buddy. You Get Me. I Got You.

THIS Is 2 Of Those Types Rolled Into One Wet Dream Walkin. Just Remember, Blood Is Wet Too.

'Cause This One Right Up My Alley

Fuck Like Wildebeest On A Good One

Then The Thug Punks Me For My Shirt, Runs Around Tossing It In The Air Around His Face While Doing A Trap Cow Dance, EATS IT and Bounce Back To Wherever The Fuck He Come From. There's Not A Ranch Near Here For Ten Miles.

Shit That Ends Up At Guzzy's Off Grid Camp Hug-a-Thug

It Just Makes You The Queen's Fuckboy Until You're Replaced. Take Your Lumps. Get Off The Hill. You Won't Be Rejoining The Throne. Ever.

Wish I may Wish I might Have this I wish tonight Are you satisfied? Dig for gold Dig for fame You dig to make your name Are you pacified?

And it all crashes down And you break your crown And you point your finger, but there's no one around Just want one thing, just to play the king But the castle crumbled and you're left with just a name Where's your crown, King Nothing? Where's your crown?

Hard and cold Bought and sold A heart as hard as gold Are you satisfied? Wish I might, wish I may You wish your life away Are you pacified?

Today I'm Eating From The White Trash Group

Here's where you really gave out your address about being a bitch before you even knew you is a bitch.

All along it was right inside that fat uncut horsecock. Your dick cock hopped on you.. 'boy'. Here's how:

You see, Kanton had sucked more dick than all The 'Real Housewives of Narcissism Heights' combined. They could try to catch up but their lips would flatten out like a donut spare in a 20 year old minivan. So I KNOW dick

Especially my Cock of Choice: Straight, Yoaked and Stupid. That was my first job in the streets at age 14: Sucking off 50 year old married Chomos in a car behind KMart for a 20 and a hot meal. Had all sizes and shapes and got raped three times in one year and beat so bad once Demun cried when he found me. Demun don't cry more than one tear a year and holding me in the rain under a fucking tarp while I bawled and shivered had me more concerned for him cause that was a long wet night watching someone cry while crying and laying on a got damn broken pallet

That's MY REAL resume. So know this: Every REAL Man that steps to me with his dick wants something in exchange. That currency is either cash, connect or a sack. Just call me the connected faggot Casa de Cambio.

They All have one thing in common: When the dick comes out and I start to chow down, it's ALWAYS limp like wet pqsta. THEN my skills produce a sudden almost unnoticeable change: He realizes he' found a PRO and just about the time he wonders if when it's hard will it maybe please oh please go all the way down and hold it there until fully hard....THEN that fool is both hard and mine.

NO SELF RESPECTING REAL ONE COMES OUT THE GATE HARD BEFORE IM ON MY KNEES AT LEAST AND THATS REAL RARE OR HE THAT HIGH. Pier e Fucking Ed, bitch.

But a Solid Peckerwood Konnected Fam OG who enters a room Chest First and The Kind of Shot Caller YOU make yourself out to be? Lol a Real One would have killed me after the head just because he couldn't ever process the idea that HE wanted it as opposed to subjugating me to service HIM in exchange for cash, sack or connect.

You Been A bitch All Along Thats what was off about you; you had the stain on your tongue of a man who has had another Mans crank in his mouth but too damn fake and caught up in his front to be who he is. You ain't no hard down Peckerwood G. You a bitch who got hard thinking about Guzzy The Magic Throat Goat. Who wanted to sell himself out of a new jacket.

Don't feel too bad tho honey boo boots. You wouldn't have gotten off even if your dick did manage to make its way in because I'd spit it back out the moment I tasted that mix of Mendacity and Fraud in your cheese. I suck gay cock. Bi Cock and Straight Cock too. But only if they Real.

There what was off all along. Once you pulled your dick out your sheets got washed.fool.Big mistake. Huge, actually.

(You a bitch Mikey!)

But This Is Too Damn Good And It Ain't About Me Carrying On With a Blunt Torch About The Tragic Thug Rowdeo and ChewieYet Awaiting a Deux Ex Machina to Save Them and Heads To The VIP Check In At Native America'Last Laugh Hotel and Casino; where Whiteboys Give Back What They Stole Back One Quarter At A Time Tax Free, Foos!.

THIS is better. It involves one of my ops - we were once sadly pretty tight. He being Mikey The Peckerwood Stud of The Sierra. Biggest Cock in The Canyon. The Baddest, Muscled Yet Lean and Trim Like a Pitbull Peckerwood who is a One Punch Prince Don't Fuck With Me Dude. I've Seen His Hook Turn Off The Lights Yet He Has a 30" Waist is 5'9 and 170 Pounds if In A Wet Jacket and Boots. He's Like a Pocket Assassin and A Panty Droppin Devil, Black Hair, Black Beard, Ice Blue Squinty Eyes, Cocky as Fuck and my Former 'Employee' in a shared street based muti level kinda business thing.

Yeah. That was dumb Guzzy. Hire 36 year old Eye Candy Who Makes You Feel Pretty and Bro This Bro That Confidence That Only Those Possessing All The Aforementioned Shinyneed PLUS Packing A Dick Like a West African Black Bull Can Pull Off because they always know at least ONE thing in any situation:

They Have The Biggest Dick In The Room And Every Other Male Present is Subordinate to....HIM and THEY already know this and they accept same simply by HIS presence. Otherwise, there would have been an immediate fight had another male rose up to test. They never did.

Yes, that is really what Thug Street Life and Gangbangers do every day when they aren't slangin or getting some head or rolling a blunt. Or going to check in with the PO or going there to charge the monitor. It like a Thug Supercharger and some good hunting or family reunion grounds. Anyone who says otherwise likely has a suburban keyboard mall thug.

Don't believe me?

Read about our Monkey Relatives; e.g. 'Challenge Hypothesis' and 'Dominance Hierarchy'

So Dudely Dream Dick had just come home after being gone for a number of years at Camp Armed Robbery (people people people...banks, gas stations, Jollybees. Just Don't. They ALWAYS go wrong) and as such we were not aquainted. Homie was gone a long 1 for 1. The local Dirtbag Welcome Wagon brought him round and made the intro and while he DEF finer than caviar cum, there was just something...off.

I made up my mind then not to cosign for him and to not particularly like him. Watch, yes. Ride? Nope.

And then just like that he hooked up with one of my oldest, dearest and most loyal riders in the circle. Now it should be noted that this was a HUGE come up for Captain Paroleahoe because - real shit here - my Homegirl is THE Bitch In Charge of The Hood. It's like she the Junior League Chairwoman of Ghetto Society and basically fucking Royalty. It's bizarre at times the pull bitch have and she knows every last muffukka in TAG, the ghetto, which is a big area full of life and drama. Every day there at least one person suffers an OD and mostly they die for lack of resources. Cops are huge problem but community has started driving that gang out as much as possible and just policing itself because it just got absurd down there. You couldn't walk down half a damn block to the roasted corn cart dude without getting hit with the cop tax. Stupid. It's a tight community and because it's like 70 / 30 Mexican to Whiteboys, the street food is off the hook, many families live 4 families to one house because it's so expensive and that means people people everywhere all the time and for 6 months of the year, dudes don't wear shirts on Sunday because they in the huge ass park doing BBQ and drinking Modelo. And if you can't find a shirtless Mexican you like...wait....theres more because the BBQ's are at Hole 5 of the Disk Course and every few minutes a gaggle of stoned shirtless Whiteboys rolls thru and by the time they reach Hole 5, the gummies and shrooms are fully kicking in and it's easier to cull one from the herd. So that where Guzzy go....

But I digress....

Dude hooking up with Homegirl gave him instaclout. Basically, his name now carried weight and by default was brought into our circle with no co signer aside from being The Queens Consort. Mistake #2.

Myself and a more senior member chat quietly about Homie and he said same thing ..something is off. But yet everyone think he's Gary Golden Balls and dude is moving up ladder swiftly.

I start to wonder ...Am I that Dude now? The hater? The suspicious paranoid one who sees The Shadow People?

Wondering is what they want. It keeps you guessing and doubting.

A month goes by and Gary Golden Balls leans into me hard; chatting me up Bro Bro Let's Bro Hell Yeah I Got Contacts Bro while, frankly, also making me a member of his fucking cult. Feel free to call it...Mistake #3.

Now we doing business. He at my house staying over. Had a problem with my most prized possession ever that NO ONE TOUCHES...The Albanian Gangster Whip which is a slammed, stanced insanely fast CLS 63. He fixes the problem better than the dealer could have. Now he's found his way in and sets the hook.

Then I hire him to run some stuff part time. I believe the hype. Homie a weight shipper. He adds value. He knows how to hustle and cash is rolling.

Until odd shortages started appearing here and there across random enterprise. Not much. Could be rounding. Maybe Calibration. Or skimming.

We have a sit down Home deflects until deflection won't an option any more and goes right to his parachute:

No warning. Just whips out his straight, fine inked up no shirt wearing caught red handed hot as fuck hard dick out in front of me at my cabin and says 'You Know This Is What You Want. Come Get Some and Show Me What You Can Do Mother Fucker and We Forget About This Other Shit. Maybe Regularly If You Work'.

And I'm frozen. He has the hook baited and a shiny lure. I'm so fucked.

NEVER TAKE A VAMPIRE TO A BLOOD BANK.

The MOST DIFFICULT THING I EVER HAVE DONE WAS TO THROW A PERFECTLY GOOD DICK OUT MY HOUSE.

But I'm loyal to Homegirl. And I don't like getting played for a fool.

But Got Damn That Dick Looked So Good and It Was Everything I Heard It Was and More. It would have been worth the monetary shortages. More actually. Homie has a product.

But on my Momma, Guess what? I didn't.

But it created another problem. Because now I gotta say something to Homegirl and that kind of talk never goes well despite that fact that we are Dick Sisters on like 5 Dudes who fucked us both. It's a thing: She fucks Homeboy then dumps Homeboy. Then Homeboy either goes to jail or comes and fucks me and then to jail after that. Whoever puts money on his books first is the one who fucks him after his first PO meeting once released. Stable. Sustainable. But new Homie had different plans.

Homie circles back and tries to extort cash from me in exchange for dirt he thought he had dug up.

Homie goes to my Homegirl and starts callin out names of people whose name you don't speak upon.

Fuck. We low key don't like drama but now it's out there we can't even send him up to Christ. So we wait. Let him dig and yap. Dig and yap.

And we tell him NO.

Homeboy melts the fuck down and tries to play the S word. Oh hell no fool. But once you put that out there do it or not you are forever tainted. Now he a pariah. Quick to the top and quicker to the bottom.

But the fool still here trying to salvage his reputation by splitting factions and playing victim.

My girl calls him out for speaking on her name. He slugs her. A tiny chick. A ryder. But still tiny

The rest will live forever in Ghetto Legend. I swear people are at the park singing songs about the epic ending of Gary Golden Balls right now

Homegirl went Full Gutter Bitch on that Man and Beat His Ass. Not helicopter fighting. Nope. She beat the fuck out of him and fool looks like he got dropped into a burlap sack full of feral cats and a Pitbull with a pork chop. Bitch bit him ..everywhere. Pulled his hair out. Left knife like claws marks on him. Busted up his face, snatched his balls and fucked this dude up. So many people heard his screaming and cries for help that the PoPo showed up just as he managed to get onto his motorcycle to flee. Her. Blood everywhere Photos were taken and the fool looks like the after picture from a meat shredder.

Big bad Mikey from TAG got his beatdown from a BITCH. Even your Daddy laughed and sent her beer while you cried and begged for a hoodie because it was so cold and your Daddy wouldn't even let you in his house. Then you ask for a sack. You mean the one with your balls? I think she fed those to Fresno. Girl handled her business and all you could connect was that initial sucker punch you little pussy bitch made muffukka. Even the clerks at the gas station were riffing on it so guess you won't show your face in there. And I'm putting the ring cam footage up for high bidder. Maybe we get you a pretty party dress with some royalties.

And I ordered a plaque. A brass one. That will be placed by the parking lot by the park where the Great Mikey Wood Snitch Homie Hopper Skimmer Got His Ass Tuned Up By A Bitch 70 Pounds Lighter and 3 Inches Shorter On A Cold Wet Day And Then She Took Your Hoodie Too. And set it on fire.

Don't Fuck With My Circle. Karma Rolls With Us Now.

When a Thug claim's some "property" is it generally, but quietly known within the population?

'Bounce' Lil Renzo (whos a damn mfing torta I mean bounce me Vato)

Because Nothing Bounces That Cali Style Into Your Soul Like This Bumpin In A New Range Rover Sliding Down The 101 as The Bay Appears and The Full Force City Suddenly Blazes Into A View That Makes A Person Feel. Alive. And On The Hunt. For Prey That Don't Know He Prey. Yet.

Feel As If I Should Send The Left Shark 5 Years Worth of Back Fist Child Support For The Glorious Relationship He and Right Shark Have Provided My Hand Over The Years. Seems Only Fair Given That We've (conservatively) Had 2,100 Spunk Busting Encounters Within My Mind. They Come Right Up In The Annual Favorites Slideshow Without Effort.

They Ain't The Best Looking Boys or The Most Well Built Either. That Doesn't Always Win The Race With Me. What Does Is That Confident Dirty Ass Peckerwood Look and Stance That Says 'Its a Very Narrow Line Between Decent Rules of Societal Norms and The Fact That We Could Force You To Do Whatever We Want As Long As We Want Out Here In OUR House'. Faggot. That.

This Razor Thin Line Combined With The Sweet Stench of Sweat and Stupidity and Dominance Is My Personal Zone of Poor Decisions and Raw, Primal Pleasure. Because While You Are Def Going To Dominate Me, I'm Going To Make You Work For It Much Harder Than You Think Possible But Trust Me...At That Moment....We Both Gonna Be In A Zone That Makes Your Inner Monkey Fucking Scream For A Perfect Kind of Violent More.

And I'm Your Got Damn Huckleberry, Boss.

imma bit rusty on my dirtbag to nice guy translations. Never ate a whole one before. Interpreter only go so far. Might have to taste some more before make any guaran's but it seem safe.

"Together forever" is a fragile decree, A sweet, hollow promise for fools, it would be. We swallow the fiction, a comforting snare, Believing the whispers of lovers who swear.

But Half Full: I Can Fit Even More In Now and Can't Speak..

If I Didn't Have a 32 Gallon Tank