Librarian

“Uhm, I’m sure she would love that,” Merrick said, always vaguely concerned about enabling Hayden with, well, anything. And at least this was not a serious conversation; who up and tried marrying someone over morning coffee? …There was probably somebody, actually. “Maybe let’s get you back inside your home now, though. If there’s really no chance of needing to go into work, then you deserve this quiet break. Really hoping you aren’t doing the other half of Netflix and, because I don’t really want to talk about that… Why are you out here, though?”

“If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won’t.” Lee tried to be aware of situations as much as possible, consent wasn’t just a word in the dictionary, it was an important construct that should be honored as much as possible. “I read online once that to cure a lack of sleep, you need to go outside into the sun and reset your body clock or something of that nature. I believe that it was written by a person who deserves to rot in hell because this is awful.” He rubbed his eyes again. “Remind me again how you’re not suffering? Are you truly part of the X-men?”

“As doctors, we can only advise people about the right things, we can’t force them to follow it so…”, he rubbed Lee’s back. “I’m simply trying to help a friend out. Did you enjoy the party?”

“I did. I did not expect to have such a lovely time but once I found my people, I found that my enjoyment level increased substantially. However, I don’t think I was having as much as you. It was good to see you with your hair down, Doc. About time, really. Has anyone told you that you work too much?”

“Um, I won’t say it then,” Magdalene answered, deciding not to ask how he possibly could’ve lost track of something so important. “It’s called Futhark: a Handbook of Rune Magic,” she supplied.

“Rune magic?” He blinked, taking in what she was asking for. “That’s... a different take. I must say you’ve surprised me, Miss Monari.” Pushing back his chair, Lee stood and began moving out from behind his desk. “I’m intrigued to know why.”

“No problem. I’ve realized coffee is the way to people’s hearts nowadays.” He hadn’t realized how much people loved coffee now, but it seemed it was a necessity more than a luxury. He couldn’t really blame anyone though. Coffee was amazing. Having spent so much time in New York, he knew the wonders of coffee. And other things that were less than pleasant. He sighed even thinking about it. His addiction was the last thing he liked to think about. “Anyway, Aladdin of my world, were you just planning on suffering today? Or are you down to do something?”

“Well, caffeine is technically classed as a drug and they say love is also a drug so I’m sure the effects are transferable.” Oh, there it was. The hangover stopping him from making any sort of sense. He just took a deep gulp of his coffee after that before his head twitched up slightly. “Well, I can both suffer and manage to do things today. It is called multi-tasking and I have been blessed with that ability. I can’t say that I’ll be at the top of my game, however.”

“They did though, the warning label is alcohol.”, he gave a smile, thinking back to how much he had drank too and furrowing his temples at it. “But really, drink lots of water, eat light foods, avoid coffee and anything with caffeine and you’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

Lee narrowed his eyes, although it didn’t look even slight menacing. He looked like an overgrown child trying to pull a cranky face. “Can’t believe I’ve been ordered by a doctor to avoid coffee. I’m personally offended.”

“Yeah,” he said before looking for a seat, finally settling on one and sinking in, clutching his head as he did so. “I  mean, not THIS much fun. I certainly didn’t earn this fuckin’ mess.” 

“I find myself dreaming of myself when I was in my early twenties. The hangovers seemed to only last an hour and I would be healed and ready to go again. What happened to those moments?” He pushed some painkillers towards Travis. “When did I get old?”

Max’s heart stopped when Lee admitted he missed him. It didn’t stop in a good way. It just gave him a sharp pain in his chest, like he was going into cardiac arrest. He didn’t want to feel this way, but he did. And even though he appreciated Lee trying to mend what was broken, he just didn’t know what to say. “Lee…” This was killing him, he missed Lee too but there were other feelings in the way that made it feel like he was trying to get through barbed wires to get to him. “I don’t hate you. That’s the furthest thing I feel toward you. I mean it hurt, a lot, when you told me to leave. But I guess I get it, I put a lot on you and you did’t know how to react.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he kept talking. “It’s ultimately my fault. I’m the one that made it complicated, then I made it worse but letting my feelings drag on, and on, and letting the tiniest things twist my mind and misread every single interaction with you as something more than friends. Because that’s what I do, you know, think a lot. I think too much. But I also don’t think enough, if that makes sense. I focus too much on one thing and don’t think about the other things. I convinced myself that we had something… and I was wrong, and I have nobody to blame but myself. So I wish I could tell you how to make it better Lee, I do. But… really I think the only person who could fix my brain is me. And unless you know how to provide a brain transplant in which I get a new brain that re-processes whatever chemical reactions set off when I’m around you into more platonic feelings toward you, well… I’m really, really sorry that I screwed it up.” It was rare when he got so upset. He could actually feel his eyes fighting back tears. “I screwed it up cuz now everything’s changed. Everything would have that underlying fear of ‘oh no, is Max catching feelings again?’ ‘Is Max reading into this again?’ ‘How can I make this look like a just-friends thing to Max so he doesn’t get the wrong idea?’ You may not think it but every interaction we’d have would be tainted by that moment. There would always be that discomfort there and… friends shouldn’t be uncomfortable around each other.” 

Lee could only listen for a moment, his eyes unintentionally transforming against his will. He was looking through his lashes, seeming like a downtrodden puppy rather than a man who had to deal with the choice that he made. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He cut over Max. “Asked you to leave, that was a bad choice. I have no excuse but I apologise.” He wanted to reach for Max, clasp his hand over his, give him a tight hug but he knew... he was right, the fact that he was even thinking that he shouldn’t hug Max showed that it has already tainted something in them. “It’s not your fault.” His voice was barely above a whisper and Lee rubbed his eyes for a moment, suddenly more exhausted than he had felt in days. This weariness, it was seeping into his bones, aging him before everyone’s eyes. This wasn’t a story where everything could be fixed with the right words, the right actions. They were fractured, split in half and yet their edges wouldn’t match up. All he could do now was shove his wallet back into his bag and bite his lip. He weighed up his options carefully. It wasn’t the time to admit that Lee knew what he was talking about, the feelings that he had felt for Max weren’t going to make the man feel better. They weren’t platonic. Not in the slightest. But Max didn’t need to know that. It wouldn’t help. Max poured his heart out. Lee couldn’t even be sure he knew where his was. That terrified him. “I’m not innocent in this, Max. But I’m not going to discuss it here. If you’ll ever give me a chance to talk this out with you... Let’s not do it here.” The words left his mouth before he could stop them but it was a testament to how well Lee knew Max. This was his haven, he wasn’t going to do this to him, plead with him to give him another chance. No, there was a time and a place and this was neither. “I’ll go. Let you work.”

“No, I’m so sorry. The homosexual agenda gets in the way of so much.” Even if Merrick had found Lee attractive (although he had mad hair game), she would not be anything but jealous. She was starting to get the idea that this sort of resentment was abnormal. Forcing herself not to purse her lips and look too resentful or whatever, she fidgeted with her fingers. “Oh! Thanks! I don’t really know how that happened, but my mom was happy. Hopefully if there’s some other party, you get to enjoy yourself before and afterward! What do you think would be a good kind of party?”

It took a moment, the fact that he was hungover making the cogs in his brain jammed and slow but a grin began spreading over his face. “Well, it’s not as though I can blame you for it. In all honesty, I think you’ve just won at life with that line alone, I need to text it to Hayden as soon as possible.” He gave her a nod, toasting her with his coffee. “At the moment, a nice party involves me, my bed and Netflix. I don’t know why I ventured outside today. I suppose I should be grateful that work didn’t need me today.”

“Aww, well, you’re still pretty to me.” Romeo looked on as the guy ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t exactly help focusing on it. That was a nice head of hair. On a nice looking person. “I guess you don’t have to do anything in return, but I might change my mind.” He got up from the table, digging through his pockets for money. “Remind me not to ever anger you when you’re hungover again though. I was sure you’d bite my head off,” he said before he headed in the direction of the counter so that he could actually buy the coffee.

Lee chuckled slightly at Romeo’s observation. He wouldn’t bite his head off, per say. But he wasn’t exactly making any friends on that particular day. His head went back to resting on his hand, his book laying completely forgotten in front of him as he tried to will his head into not hurting anymore. But as soon as the coffee was placed in front of him, he perked up. “My many thanks, Wayne of my World.” He took a deep sip of the coffee, sighing gratefully once a couple of gulps were down. 

Romeo probably should’ve stopped laughing. He really should’ve, but it was hard to do just that. He did put his hand on his mouth so he didn’t upset Lee any further by letting him see any hint of a smile on his face. “Oh, come on, you’re too pretty to be this cranky.” He dropped his hands down and leaned forward slightly. “Do you need me to go buy you a coffee? I only do that for the people I’m liking. Just so you know. I’d take advantage of it.”

“I don’t feel pretty.” That being said the compliment did perk him up a little. If this guy thought he was pretty when he looked like this, a normal day would probably blow his mind. That mere thought amused Lee and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, if you’re offering and I don’t have to do anything in return, I’m all for it. The idea of getting up is both disgusting and unneeded right now so you’ve been hired.”

“I’m not hungover,” Magdalene countered, frowning. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me find a book. I don’t think it’s where it’s supposed to be.”

Lee blinked, observing Magdalene over his glasses. With a groan and a clutch of his head, he pulled himself up off his chair. “What are we looking for now? Don’t say something on the Occult, I’ve lost track of the majority of those books.”

Max had to take a second to make sure he understood what Lee said. A conversation? Here? In his safe place? “Well if you’re questioning if I’ve tested it out myself, I have not. So I can’t really get into the details of how it feels, what’s the correct lubrication to use, et cetera.” He tapped his fingers on the counter awkwardly, his eyes switching between watching Lee take out his wallet and looking elsewhere. How do you spend so long having feelings for someone and then end up not being able to look them in the face properly? The worst part was that the feelings were still there, they were just tainted. Max sighed. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take of this, and they’d only been talking for a few minutes. “Lee,” he finally said with a sigh, forcing himself to look at the other man. “Normally I would find it hilarious that the first conversation we’ve had in months is about a sex doll, but I’m not really finding that urge to laugh right now. I think that’s a problem.”

His smile finally fell and Lee rested his hands on the counter, sighing heavily. He was right, this whole situation was supposed to be hilarious but it didn’t feel that way. It felt awkward, forced and completely wrong. “I miss you.” He said it simply, knowing it was probably the worse thing to say but it was completely true. You couldn’t be friends with someone for as long as they had and not noticed the gap that was left behind. He didn’t miss the benefits part, that was way down the list. He missed Max’s warped sense of humour, the way they could watch dorky Netflix shows together and laugh about them, the way he would tug him away from the library if it seemed like Lee was spiraling into a research hole that he couldn’t get out of. He missed his friend. “I don’t know how to make this better, tell me how to make it better. I don’t want this to be how we are now.”

“I can never return your feelings, but I’m glad to have helped your morning along,” Merrick said with a little shrug. Wow, okay, that had worked better than she had ever thought it would. Apparently, giving hungover people coffee without too many complications was the way to their hearts. She would have to try this out later and see if that made more people feel better. “Still won’t be too complicated. Did you overexert yourself, though? That’s really easy to do, so I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Really? Shame, I thought I had a keeper there.” He sipped the coffee, sighing in pure relief and jubilation. She had once again gotten his coffee order correct and he could have kissed her. Granted, it seemed like she would never be okay with that but it was just an emotion that he was experiencing. “I may have overindulged just slightly. It doesn’t happen often but I went all out for some reason. Congratulations, by the way. On the competition win, I mean.”

“My family?”, he got lost for a second. “What do you mean?”, he pulled his sleeve up a little to check the time. “You mean my sister? She sold you way too many drinks? To make up for the ones she refused to give me.”, he smiled. 

“Damn, she should have given them to you.” Lee moaned in pain, putting his head on his arms. “She is a cruel, cruel mistress. It’s not fair that the drinks tasted that good. And that they didn’t come with a warning label.”

Romeo couldn’t help but laugh at the scene happening before him. He recognized the guy from the library and from the party. The guy was already wearing sunglasses which meant he was deadly serious about the hangover. “Oh man, Aladdin, you look like you’ve been through the ringer.” He almost wished he actually had that much fun at the party. The only entertaining thing he had done was dancing to Backstreet Boys with a member of law enforcement. “Uh, I can think of a simple question if that’s what you want, but I’m not so sure I wanna put you through that.”

Lee just narrowed his eyes at Romeo, his head was still throbbing and all he wanted was a coffee, a doughnut and a massive nap. It didn’t matter how pretty this guy’s face was, you didn’t mess with Lee when he was cranky. He was even mad at the sun due to the fact that the sun apparently thought it was a good idea to be up. “If you’re going to be amused, I’m going to retract myself from the conversation because I’m about to flip you a universal sign language gesture that will probably have you gasping in offense.”

“I’m actually not hungover at all, but I do have a coffee for you,” Merrick said brightly, holding out the cup. She was really glad that she had gone for moderation just to not have to be in such a sad state as Lee seemed to be. Given, that had meant that Merrick held off on losing her inhibitions, but a semi-fun night followed up by a decent day sounded good to her. “No questions, just coffee. Unless you want me to test how simple of questions I can ask? I can definitely do that!”