just as sunghoon settled in bed, someone rang his doorbell.

he let out a loud groan, sitting back up and contemplating wether or not he was going to answer it.

maybe the person would leave him alone if he pretended he wasn’t home. he was about to lay back down when he heard the doorbell being pushed five times in a row.

“hoon!!” a muffled voice called out to him, then doing your signature knock.

it was you. his best friend jay’s little sister, or as heeseung liked to call you: the original sunghoon fangirl. 

as humble as sunghoon seemed to be, he could not ignore the line of girls who swooned over him on campus. as cliche as it is, it was true that many girls had eyes for him. they sized him up as either some untouchable god or a complete fuck boy.

but neither of those was true. you knew that best of course as the first girl to ever like sunghoon, or at least you hoped. 

at the ripe age of five, you declared your and sunghoon’s marriage, or rather future marriage.

your eyes flickered over the three boys your brother brought home with him from school, eyes coming to a halt and staring a little too hard once they landed on sunghoon.

once your eyes landed on sunghoon you decided your search for a boyfriend was over, because the perfect one was sitting next to you in the back seat. all thanks to jay.

whispering to the older boy that when you grew up you would fall in love and get married. he awkwardly nodded, not wanting to upset you because his mother told him never to argue with younger kids as they get angry easily. 

now at nineteen and twenty, you were still very adamant about your ‘pact’. even though it was only a statement since sunghoon never verbally agreed.

over the years it had been an ongoing joke between him, jake, heeseung, and jay that you were the reason sunghoon’s relationships were never long term.

which of course wasn’t fully true, but many girls just felt like he couldn’t fully commit to them. though the problem never being you, since you avoided him at all costs when applicable.

sure, you were down horrendous for sunghoon and wanted to fight every girl that looked his way (because they didn’t know him like you did), but when it came to his love life you never dared to interfere.

though when he was single, which was the majority of the time, you made constant remarks and jokes regarding your feelings for sunghoon. all four of them chalking them to be an ‘inside joke’ since they believed you only said those things to honor five-year-old ____’s dream. they all even played into it.

unfortunately it wasn’t a joke and you were undoubtedly in love with sunghoon.

of course, it was seemingly unrequited but you didn’t let yourself fall into a pit of teenage angst. instead, you let your feelings stay the same, holding onto some hope and the fact that in college you could meet a guy who liked you as much as you liked sunghoon.

a year after jay and his friends graduated you had gotten accepted into the same college as sunghoon. 

jay and his other friends going to a neighboring campus a forty-minute drive away. 

following many extensive meetings with your guidance counselor, you and your mother decided it was the best fit for you.

though you couldn’t deny that sunghoon being there was an added a bonus.

you texted him the night you had made your final decision, jokingly saying it was fate. 

he’d liked the message, and for a few minutes didn’t respond. you fell back on your bed in defeat, grabbing the nearest pillow and screaming into it. 

your phone then pinged, sunghoon finally responding with a short ‘it’ll be nice to have another familiar face around’. 

you felt a blush spreading on your cheeks and again reached for the same pillow to scream. 

you and sunghoon had had semi matching contacts for each other ever since you had received your first phone. again he passed it off as a joke, while it fed into your delusions.

you had him saved as husband, while he had you saved as ‘self-proclaimed wife.”

you’d rather it just be wife, but it was a start.

though he had changed it every time he had a girlfriend which was understandable, but would always somehow remember to change it back when they broke up.

you hoped that it meant something.

now that you had settled in and been going to school with him for a year, the two of you had gotten closer. as you saw each other frequently, around school, or even on rare occasions when you hung out at his apartment when your brother came to visit.

you had finally gotten as close enough to sunghoon to where you could stop complaining over how he didn’t like you and was content being a friend if anything.

all led you to be outside sunghoon’s door at eleven at night.

once he’d recognized your knock he got up and made his way to let you in. opening the door he felt an unfamiliar feeling bubbling up in his chest when he saw you in your pajamas cradling a baby cat in your arms staring up at him.

“who’s cat is that?” he made space for you to walk past him into his home, shutting the door. 

“it can be ours.” you sat down on his couch.

“i was going to buy a small cake roll for my roommate because she had a bad day and then i got distracted and saw this cute little cat and she’s allergic to cats so now i’m here because i want to keep it.” you rambled even more.

“did you walk all the way here? didn’t i tell you it’s not safe for you to be out alone after dark?” he scolded, sitting down in the empty spot next to you. 

“does your roommate know you are here and did you bring the pepper spray jay gave you?” 

“yes hoon i did all of that! i just came here because you live off campus so you’re allowed to have pets here!”

“what if i don’t want it ____? did you consider that?”

“you can’t say no to me, my birthday is coming up soon!” you sulked, holding the kitten out for him to see. 

“how do we even know that it doesn’t have diseases..” he argued. 

“because i found the nearest vet and we are taking it tomorrow!” you grinned. “can we please keep her hoon? you know i’ve always wanted a cat since we were kids!” 

he did know that. he remembered more things about you than you could ever imagine.

“we can keep him for now but if the vet says otherwise we are releasing him,” he said sternly. “but since you walked here i don’t want you going back alone so you’re staying here.”

your heart fluttered at the fact you were going to get to sleep at his place for the first time without the presence of your older brother. 

but that fluttering came to an abrupt stop right when he added “it’s what jay would want”. 

he motioned for you to come with him to his room so you could both go to bed. you followed behind him still cradling the cat.

“wait hoon we need to feed her and give her a place to sleep!” you paused in your tracks. 

he sighed but wordlessly went to his kitchen to get a small bowl of milk and an old blanket. He returned to the bedroom, settling the bowl onto the ground and making a makeshift bed for the baby kitten. he gently took the animal from your hands, setting it down on the floor, guiding it towards the milk.

you kneeled next to him watching the scene in front of you, eyes glimmering with envy for the cat at how gently sunghoon treated it. 

he looked over at you already staring at him and smiled softly.

“what will we name it,” he asked you softly.

“i want to wait until we know if we can keep it.”

with that you both stood up, sunghoon letting you take his bed while he tried to prepare to sleep on the couch. which you quickly shut down, saying there was more than enough space left for him, which was true.

after bickering for five minutes about where sunghoon would sleep he finally caved and laid down on the empty spot of the bed, hoping jay would never hear of this. he would be teased till the ends of the earth.

“goodnight ____,” he said from his side of the bed.

“goodnight hoonie,” you yawned. 

hugging a pillow you had put in between you two, you wished you didn’t have to sleep and could embrace the only time you would ever be in this situation with him. but alas your eyelids betrayed you. 

sunghoon struggled to fall asleep, extremely hyper-aware of the small proximity. right before he finally drifted off into slumber you mumbled a curt, ‘i love you’ in your sleep. 

he knew he shouldn’t assume that it was directed towards him and that you could very well just sleep talking. he told himself he shouldn’t think so hard about what you said. though the warmth spread throughout his body begged to differ.

however, one thing he knew for sure was that wasn’t going to fall asleep now. 

you woke up to find sunghoon staring at you. 

you quickly shut your eyes again feeling like you were crazy, while sunghoon cleared his throat.

he immediately stood up, went to the corner where you had placed the cat the night before and brought it back to you on the bed. you sat up, resting your back on his headboard.

he wordlessly handed you the kitten so you could cuddle it. then reached over to unplug your phone from his charger and give it to you.

your screen was full of a myriad of messages from your roommate chaewon. from asking if you were okay staying at sunghoon’s, if you wanted her to pick you up, if the cat was cute, and more. 

you hadn’t checked your phone since getting here last night. 

you told her you would tell her everything when you got home, not wanting to actively geek out about sunghoon while you were with him. 

fifteen minutes later you ended up in the kitchen. making some pancakes for the both of you while sunghoon got ready. 

“what time does the vet open?” he finally spoke up.

“like twelve?” you replied. “you mind dropping me off right?”

“i’m going with you ____, i’d like to be there if this cat is going to be living with me until you can figure out what to with it.”

“you’re really going to let me keep her?” 

sunghoon swore your eyes were shining when you looked at him. he needed to take care of this cat for you. 

since you had showed up last night with just your phone and kitten in hand, he needed to drive you to your dorm so you could get ready. 

both of you quietly eating the chocolate chip pancakes you made and heading out to his car.

reaching your dorm, he unlocked the car waiting for you to get out, expecting to just wait in the car.

“are you not coming in?” you hopped down from the passenger's side.

“oh,” he started. “i wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

“no, it’s okay! you let me sleep over and keep a cat so…”

you both headed inside and took the stairs up to your room. sunghoon held the kitten while you unlocked the door. walking in you saw chaewon at her desk finishing up some assignments before her first class.

“____, i said no cat.” chaewon said bluntly.

“i thought you had class!” you defended yourself.

“i don’t, and also the fur!”

“it’s fine, the cat is going to live with me,” sunghoon interjected.

chaewon finally registered you had brought someone with you. her eyes flickering between you and sunghoon.

“well i’m leaving now,” she started collecting her stuff. “i do not want an allergic reaction so make sure to borrow hanni’s vacuum.”

“where are you going if you don’t have class?” you sat down at your desk, directing sunghoon to sit on your bed.

“i’m going out with,” she coughed, not wanting to say the name out loud. 

“oh my gosh really?” you stood up, shaking her by the shoulders.

“yes! she asked me to go downtown with her-” sneezing before finishing her sentence. she pushed you away due to you being covered in cat fur.

“oh sorry, have fun though! send me pictures! oh my gosh did she imply it was a date?” you rambled as she put on her shoes and rushed out the door.

“bye ____!”

“bye chae good luck!”

you turned back to sunghoon sitting on your bed, cuddling the cat while he scrolled on his phone. unconsciously breaking into a smile at the sight.

“hoon, what time is it?” you asked, looking through your drawers for something to wear.

“11:04” he looked up from his phone.

“okay, give me like 20 minutes.” taking steps towards the bathroom to wash your face and get changed. in a couple of minutes, your makeup was done and you informed sunghoon that you were ready to go. 

the kitten did not have any diseases.

sunghoon felt conflicted after getting the green light that the cat could be turned into a housecat after getting some vaccines. the veterinarian had suggested some food brands and tips on how to take care of the kitten, and before he knew it the appointment was over.

both silently entering the car. the car ride was silent. you sat there trying to figure out a name. sunghoon sat there wondering why his whole body had felt incredibly warm since you had shown up at his door last night.

he started going through a pros and cons list the entire drive home in his head. 

the pro he kept coming back to was you would be over at his house more often. 

but it felt weird to think of that as a pro. not because he wouldn’t want you to spend time with more but because you were to put it simply, just jay’s little sister. so why did he catch himself stealing glances at you every time he reached a red light?

a quick trip to the pet store getting, a bed, bowls, canned cat food, and some small toys you insisted on getting. you quickly paid, not wanting sunghoon to since a small kitten now inhabited his house that he would now co-parent. 

when getting back to his apartment the both of you set up the cat’s stuff. staying for a while before chaewon came to drive you home. 

“so, how was it?” she smirked, pulling out of the parking lot.

“i could ask you the same thing.”

looking down at your phone, it read: “sunghoon sent you money.”

sighing as he paid the exact amount as the receipt on your lap.

sunghoon was starting to feel insane. 

once he was alone in his apartment he texted jake. voicing his concerns but not name-dropping as jake would laugh in his face, telling him that he knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

jake had quickly got fed up not knowing who sunghoon was talking about so he pressed the call button without hesitation.  

“you like ____ don’t you,” jake giggled from the other side of the line. “i saw her post that cat you were describing.”

“i don’t know!” sunghoon groaned. “i think i might, but she’s jay’s little sister.”

“so what! she isn’t your little sister! has jay has never told you she was off limits?” jake argued.

“no,” sunghoon mumbled. “but you could have worded that better you know.”

“i mean there's something between y’all,” jake advised. “she’s been in love with you since we were six.”

“she’s just joking.”

“yeah and i can drive.”

“no, you can’t-”

“i’m saying you're wrong and in denial..” the boy on the phone sighed. “how about you see what happens while you take care of your new child.”

“not my child.” sunghoon rolled his eyes.

“cat co-parent. gaeul would be furious.” 

gaeul would be if she could talk. sunghoon abruptly hung up. maybe he did like you to an extent, he was taking care of a cat for you for crying out loud.

the next time jay and jake came to visit, sunghoon was undeniably on edge.

for the past month you had frequented his apartment more than you could count on your fingers. coming after classes and staying until after dinner. 

it was starting to feel so domestic, thinking about how this is what it could be like if you and sunghoon were dating. indulging on the fact this was the closest you’ve ever been to him.

when jay saw the kitten sitting on your lap when he walked in the front door he thought he was seeing things. sunghoon had been an avid cat hater ever since his family got gaeul, and seeing that cat only further confirmed what jake had told him a couple of weeks back.

he was only waiting for sunghoon to come to him now.

“what’s its name?” jay asked, putting the gray cat on its head.

“her name is kiki!” you exclaimed. “you are now an uncle, this is my daughter.”

“so is sunghoon the dad?” jake giggled mischievously.

“um.. well i mean i’ve never asked?”

“i guess i am since shes with me almost 24/7”

“____ or the cat-” sunghoon muffled jake with a pillow. 

the semester was ending and sunghoon still hadn’t told you how he felt. 

the weeks full of rain soon turned into warm days. the tulips around campus had sprouted. an assortment of pink, blue, and purple flowers filling the grass. summer was right around the corner. 

though spring and summer only meant one thing, finals.

sunghoon had not seen you for about a week at this point. his finals had been done for a couple of days while you had all of yours during the last stretch before break. he stayed home most of the time thinking about how he could confess to you. 

from the time you had spent together, his apartment was your second home.

he didn’t realize the sense of normalcy having you around provided until you could no longer stay with him and kiki.

kiki had been doing great. she was no longer the scrawny little kitten she first was. she had healthily gained some pounds through her recommended diet, slowly warming up to sunghoon more as his only roommate.

sunghoon had given you a copy of his key so you could come while he was gone to spend time with kiki whenever you pleased.

his favorite sight to come home to was seeing you and kiki snuggled up on his bed sound asleep. sometimes he would even join you two. you intentionally never slept in the dead middle of his bed, always leaving room for him in case he came home, not wanting to be a bother if he also felt tired and wanted to lay down.

but as the semester came to an end, he knew that you would soon be able to buy an apartment and take the cat for yourself.

he couldn’t stand thinking of you not being there when he got home nine times out of ten.

he wished that he could just wake up one day from one of your afternoon naps with you snuggled up against him. 

sunghoon was totally fucked. 

finals were over. sunghoon had procrastinated to the very last second, and now you were on your way to pick up kiki and head home for the summer.

if he couldn’t just get it out today once you walked in the door he would genuinely go insane. 

he had gone through a practice confession three times last night with jake on call. jay refused to sit and listen to it, but he did give sunghoon the go that he trusted him with his sister. 

he was pacing around his living room, failing miserably to calm his nerves.

“kiki what if your mom doesn’t like me back?” he knelt in front of the couch, the kitten becoming eye level with him. she got closer to sunghoon and sat in front of him, meowing as if she was responding.

“yea i hope so too, i don’t want you to become a child of divorce.” sunghoon sighed, stroking kiki on her head. 

“hoon why are you talking to the cat..” you spoke up, sunghoon being too immersed in his conversation with kiki to notice the door being unlocked.

“oh hi ____,” sunghoon stood back up, scratching his neck and facing you.

“hi hoon,” you took off your jacket and shoes. “are you okay hoon you look a little warm?”

“no i’m not! um i mean i am but-” he tripped over his words. “i don’t even know anymore.”

“do you need anything?” you walked up to him, feeling his forehead.

“no, but can we talk?” he sat down on the couch, he gestured for you to sit down next to him, kiki climbed into your lap.

sensing the awkward tension in the room, you also began to feel worried. sunghoon looked undeniably nervous which then rubbed off on you.

what if he found out you liked him, that the ongoing joke was never a joke in the first place? 

“i’m going to say something,” he shakily breathed out. “and i want you to listen to it all before considering hitting me or something.”

“okay,” you nodded. “should i be scared?” and awkwardly laughed. 

“trust me i’m more scared than you.”

yo moved so that you were fully facing him, letting kiki down from your lap so she could roam and not interrupt. tilting your head to connect your eyes with his and give him your full attention. which was never hard for you since you stared at his face often. he cleared his throat and mirrored your actions, now face-to-face with no distractions.

“i practiced this but i think i might just wing it.” he started, avoiding eye contact. 

“i like coming home to you and kiki asleep on my bed, i like how you leave a spot for me on the bed even if you don’t notice it,” you felt like you were dreaming, watching all the words seventeen-year-old you yearned to hear before he left for college leave his lips. 

“i like how i was the first person you came to with kiki when you have plenty of other friends who live off campus, i like how you’ve never been shy to show you like me ever since we were kids,” he grabbed your hands, and you felt your stomach churn. 

“i like you ____.” he breathed out, searching for any sign of return of feelings. 

you felt like you were going to collapse. your clothes starting to feel like millions of layers of itchy fabric. the collar on your shirt felt tight around your neck. the room began to appear extremely fuzzy, with complete silence, only accompanied by the pounding in your head. 

desperately trying to find words but they failed to come up in your head, and your mouth was muted.

“____? i’m sorry, please say something.” sunghoon worried, feeling you grip his hand tighter. 

“oh my god i thought you were going to tell me that you don’t want to help with kiki anymore because she gonna live with me now.” you let out the breath you were holding.

“why would i do that?” he asked in a confused tone.

“i don’t know it must be annoying having your best friend's little sister come over every day to check on her cat,” you replied. “you probably couldn’t have any girls over.”

“i don’t need any girls over but you,” he relaxed back on the couch.

“you’re so cheesy,” you elbowed him. “i like you too, i think everyone knows.” copying him you sunk into the couch cushion and leaned on his shoulder.

“is jay going to kill you now?” you turned your head towards the black-haired boy next to you.

“you underestimate me,” he said, resting his head on yours. “i asked him three months ago!”

“you’ve liked me for three months now?” eyes threatening to fall out of their sockets.

he grabbed you by your waist and brought you into his lap. resting his forehead on your head and inhaling your strawberry shampoo. 

“well came to terms with it..” he mumbled into your hair.

“i win! I’ve liked you since i was five.”

“i know, but i was in denial since we joked so casually about it.”

kiki hopped up onto the couch, making herself comfortable in your lap. purring as you gazed down on her and stroked her fur. you smiled, finally, your dreams were semi-true. you had a kitten and sunghoon all to yourself. you were starting to feel your eyes burn. 

“kiki you will not be a child of a divorce!” sunghoon told the kitten, bringing his free arm around to pet the small cat.

the thought of you not seeing sunghoon now that you’d be able to take kiki off his hands if he hadn’t confessed made the stinging in your eyes turn into small water droplets. the tiniest tear sliding down your right cheek was enough for you to turn your head away as far as possible to wipe the stray tear.

sunghoon noticed immediately, cupping your face and bringing it towards him.

“ew sorry i’m being dramatic,” you sniffled, avoiding his eyes by putting your hand in front of your eyes.

“no you’re not,” he wiped some stray tears. “but why are you crying?”

“i don’t know! i’m just feeling a little overwhelmed..” 

“i know i have that effect on people,” sunghoon joked, planting a kiss on your cheek, resulting in you taking kiki and jumping off his lap. “where are you going?” 

he watched you take the gray kitten and make a run for it to his room, trying to shut the door on him. standing up simultaneously and chasing after you, blocking you from closing the door with his left arm. 

putting kiki on her bed, you flopped onto sunghoons bed and slipped underneath the duvet. sunghoon follows after you, but not before approaching the cat in the corner of the room, muttering a quick goodnight like he did every night. he never knew he would like having a cat this much, but it being your idea gave some bias.

it wasn’t the first time you’ve slept over at sunghoon’s house, but it was the first time falling asleep in his arms. 

you woke up to the loud voices from the kitchen.

sunghoon had forgotten that jay and jake would be there in the morning the next day, but he wasn’t expecting to hear his doorbell ring at nine. he gently slid his arms out from underneath you and let them in.

“why are you guys here so early” he squinted, rubbing his eyes.

“why were you still asleep? i told you nine,” jay said, walking straight to the kitchen.

“because ____ is still asleep.” sunghoon retorted.

“not anymore,” you yawned from the corridor, walking closer to greet your brother. you gave him a brief hug before moving onto to sleepily bury your face in sunghoon’s chest.

“gross. it's already started,” jake made a face of disgust, laying his head flat on the dining room table.

“hi to you too jake.” you looked up and waving at him.

jay had made the four of you breakfast and gave you both a whole speech about how he would do very bad things if sunghoon were to mess things up with you. also going into depth about things that made jake stuff his mouthful of food and cover his ears. you wished you did the same.

perhaps the nearly sixteen years of pining for your older brother's best friend was worth it.

but one thing you did know for sure was that you needed to call your mother.

kiki's first birthday! (extra)

the apartment was decorated, maybe even over-decorated. pink and yellow streamers going from one side of the kitchen to the other. hanging from the ceiling was a string of letters reading ‘happy first birthday kiki’ in pink letters. 

“hoon!” you came in from the front door holding a cake. “you bought candles right?”

“yup!” sunghoon walked over to you from his spot in the kitchen.

he took the cake, giving you a quick peck. you trailed behind him admiring his decoration skills. sunghoon placed the cake on the dining table and opened the lid. inside the white box was a small white cake, piped with pink icing, and writing that matched the banner. 

you took the candles from the kitchen counter and took the cake out. then placed the number one candle on the center back. 

both of you admiring the cake, before being interrupted by a ring on the doorbell.

leaving sunghoon in the kitchen, you opened the door. chaewon greeted you on the other side with a small present wrapped in white paper. she also held a mini headband small enough for kiki to wear. though you weren’t sure if you would even get it on kiki.

“i got the birthday girl something to wear!” the blonde-haired girl grinned, waving around the headband. 

she walked inside and set the present on the coffee table and walked over to kiki resting on the floor. chaewon sat down beside the kitten, pulling out a mask, glasses, and gloves from her bag. she put them on skillfully and quickly.

you and sunghoon shared a glance and let out laughs.

“hey! you can’t blame me for wanting to be safe.” chaewon huffed and crossed her arms. 

following after was another sound from the door. rather than ringing the doorbell jake opted on forcefully banging on the doors like a maniac. causing all three of you to roll your eyes. sunghoon taking one for the team, walked up to the door, and let the three guys outside in. 

“hi guys!” jake smiled, carrying his present for the cat unwrapped. “i couldn’t find a bag sorry..”

jay and heeseung following closely behind, heeseung with a pale blue bag, and jay with nothing.

“why didn’t you bring your niece a gift?” you chided your empty handed older brother.

“i’m bringing her on a shopping spree!” jay picked up the cat, spinning her around. “i’m the best uncle ever!”

“she can’t go out in public,” sunghoon deadpanned.

“i’m bringing you two on a shopping spree!” jay corrected himself, sitting down on the smaller couch.

“why is the girl on the couch suited up like someone is sick..” heeseung whispered to you. 

“that’s chaewon,” you whispered back. “she’s allergic to cats.”

an hour later you found yourselves in the kitchen surrounding the cake and wearing party hats. you holding kiki in your arms while sunghoon held the cake in front of the gray kitten. just as you predicted, kiki put up a fight while you tried to coerce her into wearing the party chaewon bought. resulting in some scratched littered around your arms.

after singing happy birthday you held kiki in front to blow out the candles from behind her. 

sunghoon and you were glad that it was kiki’s birthday. more like the anniversary of the day you had brought her home, but birthday sounded better. the day finally arrived and you were relieved, as you had avoided cutting her nails for a week so she could go crazy when opening her presents. 

she received a mouse toy from chaewon, some oddly expensive cat food from heeseung, and a plushie that eerily resembled gaeul a lot.

once everything was done and everyone was ready to leave, jay shouted that he would send sunghoon’s mom the pictures to show gaeul.