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Diving deep into why I'm dipping the username. I'm still traumatized by a lot of things over the years.

Hello! My name is Aileen, and I'm part of a system! Its suck being a system because either you forget or someone purposely tries to make you forget things. Good or bad, it still sucks.

A terrible split that happened was in 2024, a 29-year-old fuck decided to make it about themselves, completely changing the story and making them the victim, when telling their friends (one of them at the time was 18 while the other was in their 30s), when in reality, I never wanted to break our friendship. I just needed to talk with everyone within my system and figure out why they decided to be an ass to them. Fucker misinterpret it and think it is all their fault that I didn't want to be friends with them. LIKE WHAT!? I'm sorry, are you stupid?? It makes it worse that they are autistic. Why you may ask? Because minors (They're friends with minors and even went as far as to say minors should be allowed to look at porn, fucking gross) and adults babied them. They even go around screaming on how they are going to sue people if it doesn't go their way. Their 30s year old friend, decided to act like a justice person, going as far as to get as many discord servers they're in/own to report me. It was a nightmare. They're defence. Oh you made a 2 hour video. OF ME SHOWING RECEIPT??? Oh but you expose their name! That they put on everyone social they have and even go as far as to say their name on the internet??? Are you stupid???? MF even went as far as to change their bio to hide that they use their name on the internet to make their statement true. It was manipulating! Like are you fucking kidding me!?

So that nightmare happened. Been scared to be active because their friends are crazy! Oh noooo... I used a term that is bad. BUT IT IS TRUE. THEY. ARE. CRAZY.

Moving on. Month or so passes. These two friends are dating. They have a bit of a problem. Friend that I have known for years was haven't problem with their partner, so I tried to reassure them and help a bit. Blah Blah Blah, their partner decided to be manipulative a bit. I didn't like it, but I'm gonna brush it off because in the end. I shouldn't be part of this. I forgot what happened but all I can remember is that... they deleted stuff because they didn't want to say anything. So eventually, I decided to delete stuff, and they didn't like that I did that. Big fight happened with friend and their partner. It made my friend sad, I was gonna get to the bottom of it. It was mainly a communication issue on both end. I got in the middle of it. Soon, it became too much that I had a mental break. My system then were stern with me informing me that we cannot handle another mental break. We had too much to deal with and are still recovering. Welp... we got a message... thought it was someone else... it wasn't... they were asking me for help with blender... I was trying... this was the beginning of me feeling like a fraud... blah blah. We were trying to avoid friend's partner, because it was too much at the time... yeah... so they went and said "I thought you knew how to use blender" and that made me pause and rethink if I truly know things... It made me sad and bf at the time (who is part of my system) took us out of the call. We didn't know it was friend's partner in the call. We thought it was someone else. Blah Blah, my mind broke when my bf tried to explain that friend's partner was in the call and not other friend's partner. It broke a lot of friendships. My mind ended up breaking and this was when I had to break my long time friendship.

I then fell into depression, because bf never came back. He was also recovering, but soon he went dormant for a long... long time. I had to end the relationship since I didn't want to wait anymore. He wanted to talk when he came back, but months have already passed. It was too late to fix anything. We were both damage from everything.

Skipping to the future. I got AS on VRChat by an ex... great... I was desperate. He seems really nice and when he talked about stuff, I just listened. It was nice... until he slowly... kept talking about sex... over and over again. I wanted to spend time with him. Sex. I was to watch a movie. Sex. I want to just sit in silent with him. Sex. He was just... filled with so much sex on the brain. I was grossed out. He even went out of his way to talk to friends when we first broke up, and they all stated that I was using him for sex. This made me realized... oh... he wasn't telling them the full truth... I bet he never told them that he forced me to have makeup sex... I kept saying no over and over again, and he kept pushing me over and over again. I hated it. I was an object to him, and he was offended that I said that. He was... 38... age different is massively different... I know. But I was wearing rose colored glasses. He would talk about things that were so interesting. But hell... he even went as far as to say "I'm a man, I can't just turn it off!" like sir... I'm a woman... and I can turn it off. It's not that hard. He even made me hate an animal avi I liked because he somehow got horny by it.

So... that's it. I'm just... trying to hide on the internet. Terrified of people and looking out for my mental health. I did reach out to my old friend of years. But after we had a vrchat talk with their partner as well... and seeing how everyone felt. I sadly... have to distance myself from her. It's sad, but... I'm the problem. I don't want to mess her life up. She has her partner to be by her side. My journey with her had sadly come to an end. Whether I like it or not. It's the sad truth. I read about bird theory and man... it really is my time to let go and move on...

Ex, SA me on multiple occasion on VRCHAT. I have the headset so it is more personal than what people on Desktop know/feel. We got done with an event and I wanted to see a movie, we went to a movie world and watched Aliens since I am a fan of the franchise. He knows I write fanfics and wanted to know what I write. I told him "Just characters" because I didn't feel comfy telling him. He went and tried to search up characters as if it was an actual character from a show. I told him what I was fixated on (It was Eustass Kid from One Piece) and he went to change into a male anime avatar that was buff. At first I thought it was a joke, since he was showing off the jiggle phyics of the mucles moving. He then got naked and got on top of me. Still thinking this is a joke, I played along and he got closer and started to groan and growl. I started to feel uncomfy but didn't want to be rude since I kept telling myself, this is just a joke we're having fun... He asked if I had an avi that looks like me and it is this one...

He wanted me to take my clothes off and I don't remember if I said no but my clothes stayed on and when I stood, he saw a bit of skin near my waist and poked at it saying "There's a bit of skin there." I left because I had a migraine and was dehydrated.

Skipping around, he disrespected my "No" and "Not Today" when I told him I didn't want to have sex. He is horny, 24/7... Y'all don't date a gooner. I was blinded by love okay, I was stupid and just blocking that shit out and focusing on the fact that he was making me laugh and smile. He kept groaning, growling, and touching me because he wanted sex. We ended up doing it after I said "Fine" and he admited he was doing that to get me to change my mind. I didn't know touch myself that night when we did it. Hell, I was do busy dreaming about writing that Killer fanfic.

Skipping around again, He blamed me for the ERP since the only reason he was doing it was because I wanted to do it... I never... once said let ERP. He was the one that did it first and kept pushing it. I just wanted to cuddle, I never bring up sex. I never wanted to ERP. I just wanted to cuddle and hold him in my arms when he suggested we watch One Piece. I was not leading to sex, he went full sex mode. I just chose to lay down, he got on top of me.

Finally, there is an avi I really love. This is a Gryphon avi... HE SOMEHOW GOT REALLY HORNY WHEN WE WERE SITTING BY EACH OTHER WATCHING AN ANIME. HE STRAIGHT UP TOLD ME HE WAS ROCK HARD SEE US IN THIS AVI SITTING BY EACH OTHER. I felt like an object every time he kept bringing up sex.

It's 3 in the morning. I added more words here because on Bsky character limit. Sorry, but anyway, be safe...

I keep my system a secret because one, it's call minding your business and two, we're working on ourselves and don't like to really announce ourselves to the world (especially after some terrible/traumatizing moments in our lives. If you know, you know.)

Anyway, doing commissions is rough for me... so. Gonna open my inbox, if any of y'all want to DM me about commissioning art or writing a one-shot, hit me up. I only accept PayPal invoice and USD.

Here is my carrd with prices: Freelance Carrd Here is my Newgrounds: Link If you want to commission me but not use Tumblr as a way to communicate, you can also create a commission submission and join my queue: Link (I recommend going on this route since one, it'll be easier and two, you might be lucky, and I'll throw in a discount and more options for you!)