oh an antelope’s poop is a sickening sight

Fuck your shit

My kink is cooking in front of my friends who know which knife is made for what and forcing them to watch me use the wrong one for the wrong thing

Use a cheese grater for tomatoes.

You’ll burn in hell for this.

Oh my god, my friend who used to rent a room from me would routinely use a small ass paring knife to chop entire very large onions instead of a chef’s or santoku despite the fact that my kitchen is well stocked with many varieties of knives. In fact, he’d use the same tiny paring knife to cut everything when he would cook; be it veggies, or meat, or whatever. He didn’t want to dirty too many knives…? It drove me fucking nuts because he almost cut himself quite a few times trying to chop things that were too large for such a small blade. Nothing I said would change his mind. Graaahhhhh….

i just bring a fucking machete to the kitchen. none of this fancy cutlery stuff. i shall engage my food in ruthless combat

i need you to roll for initiative 

ah fuck i rolled a 1

the celery gets to go first and just fuckin decks you

Reblogging for the ugly as shit kitchen safe shoes. Like, bar none, ugliest shoes I’ve ever worn.

right???????

the drift in pacific rim is basically submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known and that’s why we all went feral over it

being able to pilot a giant robot and punch monsters is a much more tangible reward than being loved.

just saw a "only one bed" fic with the major character death warning

#i guess that's one way to solve that problem

“This bed ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

ITS JOUMAMA

au where when darth vader declares that he’s Luke’s father Luke comes to the (entirely reasonable) conclusion that darth vader and anakin skywalker were married

“How could you kill your HUSBAND?!” and Luke gets away with his hand because Anakin’s too confused trying to figure out when he and Obi Wan got married and why he’s only learning about it now

Fair point

is your razor fighting toxic masculinity? does harry potter support trans rights? are your sneakers racist? has triscuits released a statement about police brutality

What a great way to summarize my absolute exhaustion.

If Goldilocks tried three beds, then Momma Bear and Daddy Bear slept separately. Baby Bear is probably the only thing keeping the family together.

You ain’t have to put those people business out like that.

Y’know, the story straight-up tells us why Mama Bear and Papa Bear sleep in separate beds: they have very different needs in terms of mattress firmness, and those fancy responsive mattresses that can be soft on one half and firm on the other hadn’t been invented yet. There’s no shame in valuing your spinal health.

The fact that they’re secure enough to admit that they’re better off in separate beds probably indicates that they have a very healthy relationship built on a foundation of mutual love and respect. 

their relationship was just right