Last Day Of Magic

If you’ve ever wondered about the Last Day of Magic Workflow, here’s a near-exact interpretation of how I type all your posts on my laptop computer, typically in the soothing ambience of a trendy coffee house.

LDOM  #14

Thanks, Assholes

I had dinner with a sandwich yesterday! He wasn’t a very fashionable sandwich dressed in his silly double-breasted suit and a wide-brimmed fedora he impolitely kept on until he left. How’s business, sandwich, I asked. Amazing, Sandwich replied.

"That's not the goddamn point," Jack declared. "Why can't they just let my penis enjoy vaginas in peace?"

LDOM #13

Not in all the frayed and holey t-shirts sold at knockout prices in all the thrift stores in town; not in every pair of destroyed jeans under the sun; not in all the ripped and broken fishnet stockings of every aspiring slut of the land; not even in every seam of every patchwork jacket complementing all of the above is there anything as besmirched and formidable and ironic and punk rock as a single pair of Fucking Destroyed Goddamn Underwear.

Asian Band of Skulls

Slaves? We’re not slaves. You signed the same contract I did. As everyone did. There was always a choice and we chose to sell our souls. We’re indentured grunts.

LDOM #12

Blood Pressures, on the other hand, is egg foo young. It’s prepared using beaten eggs and meat put through a grinder only for the concoction to be meted further in sizzling hot oil and served as an omelette or scrambled to perfection.

I empathize more than most people give me credit for, but it’s a crying shame that most people are idiots.

Alexis: you remember how i said facebook was the legit thing in college? Alexis: well…i just made it facebook official that we’re not in a facebook relationship anymore Alexis: BAM Alexis: ! Jack: facebook is legit in college? Jack: srsly?