𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭.

Aiden was quite surprised to have received a call so late at night and from a familiar number. He would have assumed Hajoon would be asleep by then, but then again, he wasn’t and he was even still sitting at his desk going over some documents for a board meeting in a few days, so he couldn’t fault the other for– wait. But it didn’t seem to be Hajoon on the other side and when he heard the unfamiliar voice of some of Hajoon’s friends, he could barely master up a word beside “coming.” He hated talking to strangers! He just did! It made him feel as uncomfortable as though he had an itch under his skin he could just not seem to scratch. It overwhelmed him to no end and as much as Aiden didn’t really want to go out at that our, he sighed and put on his coat as he asked for Sebastian to take him to where Hajoon’s friends had told him the elder was. He walked into the bar, looking around and standing out like a sore thumb as he was obviously way too over-dressed for this kind of place. When Hajoon grabbed him, he was beyond surprised and the flush on his cheeks quickly became a few shades too bright. “Well, I was asked to save you from yourself and you know I always come to aid my friends.” He looked at the hand still grabbing onto his wrist. “Next time, please tell your friends to text me… hearing a strange voice really took me by surprise and… you remember how long it took until I felt comfortable talking to you freely and without my tablet app, don’t you?”

After spending most of her waking hours around children, Danbi had developed an ironclad patience and she could withstand any kind of nonsense. Or so she liked to believe. If she could herd together a classroom full of energetic kids and mellow them out long enough to learn something, then she could tolerate a drunk boy hanging on her. But why did Hajoon have to be so tall? And did he always weigh this much?

“Of course I’d come. I have a psychic sense for trouble, y’know.” She smirked, gentle tapping on her temple with two fingers. She doubted he— or anyone in their right and sober  mind— would believe that she had any sort of telepathy, but alcohol could do wonders and in his current state she wasn’t sure what he was likely to believe. She looked up and shot a pointed glare at the group of men she supposed he had been with. The ones who had practically summoned her here. Were none of them wise enough to stay sober? Did none of them know how to handle themselves after a few shots?

Shifting her gaze back down to Hajoon, Danbi nodded. “Yeah, I will. Let’s get going then, shall we?”

     “Don’t you go home often?” Dongsun didn’t leave the cushion of the bed until Hajoon exited the bathroom. He passed the time twirling his hair. Having only examined his own hair now, he realized it grew longer than usual. A haircut was underway for certain. “You guys probably have dorms during intense practice games, huh?”

     It wasn’t often Dongsun paid a visit to his friend’s place. To say it felt and looked cozy undersold it. Although he was aware of his privilege to make himself “feel at home”, he wasn’t going to let himself get carried away. He could enjoy the context that he stayed in Hajoon’s place like old times.

     Upon brief inspection of his refrigerator and cupboards, Dongsun puckered his lips. It didn’t take him long to come up with a simple breakfast for the both of them. “Can’t go wrong with the classics,” he stated as he held up an egg with a proud smile. “Besides, an athlete like you needs as much as protein as you can, get right? I can make tons of dishes, but let’s go with something easy.”

     So he got to work, cooking omelettes for the both of them. “There’s this one chef who makes omelettes open into something pretty when you slice… but I don’t want to push my luck here.”

Hajoon looked back at his hyung still laying on the bed and twirling his hair like that. It was an oddly intimate moment. It delighted him and yet made him feel guilty because he was imagining more closeness between them than there was in reality. Yes he desperately wanted Dongsun in his bed in morning but preferably under far different conditions.

He sat down at the small table in his kitchen as he watched Dongsun inspect what he had at home. Fortunately he’d gone shopping recently so while it might normally be a lot more bare there was enough to pick and choose from now. He leaned his back against the wall so he could see everything properly and follow him curiously as he cooked. 

“I come home often enough, but sometimes we stay together yeah.” He explained rather lazily. While he was normally filled with excitement he didn’t feel like talking about his job much after his slip up from the night before and his teammates that simply let him get out of control. 

he’s right. hajoon had his heart in the right place. ❝ listen , i know you did it out of the kindness of your own heart. still doesn’t mean you aren’t stupid though. ❞ her words might seem like she’s scolding but her tone verges more playful. nova’s stern act is faltering. she waits for hajoon, her own hand grasping onto the man’s hand. ❝ i got it, don’t worry. ❞ cue the little smile on nova’s part. she pulls, struggling the tiniest bit. eventually she does get him up. ❝ just put your arm around my shoulder, okay? i’ll call us an uber, we can go back to my place. i don’t like the idea of you being alone tonight. ❞ he seems fine in the moment. obviously hajoon’s in pain, there’s no denying this based on the massive bruise on his face. something could happen. somehow he might get worse. nova fully knows she’s being paranoid. hajoon cares for her & she cares for him. she’s worried for him. the least she can do is take care of him after all he’s done tonight. he might be stupid but he’s worthy of some care. ❝ you okay with that idea? it’s just your face, right? ❞ 

Once again, Kibum pouted especially when he received the pet on the back of his head. ❝ I was too busy packing the rest. ❞ Again, Kibum shook his head. Hajoon should know that there was no way you could convince Kibum to rest when the work was not done. ❝ We will see. Maybe we can unpack one or two things. Especially the plants need some good places and water. I haven’t watered them the past days so they won’t leak. ❞ Maybe he was a little too over again. A soft grin appeared on his lips and his hands clapped together once. ❝ My boyfriend is a strong man. ❞ he said with a soft chuckle while holding the door open to Hajoon. Then Kibum moved over to a box that was not as heavy but still heavy and lifted it with a loud groan. Too focused on lifting it, he didn’t realize that another box was close. The moment he turned, Kibum slammed his toe against a box. A loud whine and whimpering fell from his lips. ❝ No one has seen that! ❞ he mumbled before walking towards the door to get the box to the car.

“Absolutely.” That was the very least he could do. “Definitely not a bother. It’s my fault that you—” Benz cut himself short, not even wanting to say it aloud. That Hajoon was a bloody and bruised mess. Simply looking at him in this condition was enough to make the younger male cringe. “I don’t know. I could have maybe talked the guy down and nobody would have been hit. He was drunk. Isn’t that like, Drinking 101? Don’t piss off drunk people?” It was frustrating. The entire situation. Benz wished it could have happened differently, but here they were. Just when he was about to apologize again, Hajoon cut him off. It was hard to agree to his words but for the sake of not arguing about something so minuscule, Benz slowly nodded. “We’ll stay home if we want to drink. Much easier. And cheaper. I’ll… pretend to work on my non-existent bartending skills.” He managed a soft smile, taking a seat on the floor in front of Hajoon now rather than remain crouched. “How do you feel? Do you feel nauseated at all? — Keep your head still and follow my finger with your eyes.” Benz rose his index finger, moving left and right, up and down, checking Hajoon’s reaction. “I can ask the bartender for a cup of ice before we leave.”

of course she feels guilty. nova does have a soul! that said, she’s still nova, a girl who has difficulties with emotions. instead of thanking poor hajoon, she scowls. arms are crossed over her chest. ❛ you look terrible. you really shouldn’t have gotten involved. i could have handled it. ❜ she crouches down to stare him down, not even caring about the fact that she’s wearing a dress. (or even how dirty the floor might be!) despite her grumbling tone, guilt washes across a tan, made-up face. ❛ so you’re just going to sit on the floor until you feel better? hate to break it to you joonie, but i don’t think that’ll be anytime soon. ❜ a secondary sigh, glancing around the men’s bathroom. luckily the door’s locked behind the two of them. no one else can come in. ❛ can you please let me help you up? ❜ while she’s sure she can’t fully take on hajoon’s weight, she is a larger girl. she’s tall, with a sturdy built. god, he looks so pitiful on the floor. 

The smell of alcohol permeated the entire establishment and all of a sudden she felt nauseated. How long had it been since Danbi had gone drinking? She was always so busy with work nowadays that she hardly had time to go out with friends. The once-familiar setting felt like a distant memory and she felt her age hitting her like a ton of bricks. But she wasn’t here to drink. She was here to serve as the responsible adult and make sure Hajoon got home safely. As long as she stayed focused on the task at hand, she could avoid feeling too out of place.

“Yep, I sure did.” Danbi scrunched up her nose as she took in the sight of him. He had definitely seen better days, but it wasn’t her place to be judging him right now. His friends could hardly handle him anymore, it seemed, and now she was expected to fly in to the rescue. And what a sight she must have been in her own right. She had rushed out the door so fast that she hadn’t had time to change and was standing in her pajamas with a grown man latched to her wrist. “I heard you were looking for me.”

MUSE: SEO HAJOON

the vvitch: the darkness of a cluster of trees. a crackling campfire. the snap of a twig underfoot. the sound of children’s laughter. a sense of kinship with animals. isolation in the wilderness of life. fighting to free yourself from repression. cutting ties with toxic family members. feeling lost, alone, and afraid in the forest of your own emotions. the feeling that something – or someone – is watching you.

it: the refreshing feeling of summer vacation. spending time with your best friends. the feeling that something important is missing from your life. waking from a nightmare in the middle of the night. the sick feeling of missing a step while walking up the stairs in the dark. thinking you see something moving just out of your line of sight. cotton candy. red balloons. a shiver running down your spine.

mother!: a sense of peaceful isolation, relief in solitude. the spike of anxiety upon being thrust into an unfamiliar situation. feeling protective over the things that are yours. a tumultuous turn in a relationship with someone you love. smoke billowing from a roaring fireplace. a thunderstorm raging outside an open window. the gutwrenching sound of a baby crying. your heartbeat pounding in your ears as your blood boils.

annihilation: embarking on a new adventure. the pursuit of knowledge and truth. the discovery of something you don’t quite understand, but want to. something strange and powerful running through your veins. sheer otherworldly beauty. the lump in your throat when you know you’ve done something wrong, and want to make up for it. the aurora borealis. a rainbow across the sky in the wake of a terrible storm.

halloween: a flickering jack-o-lantern on a front porch. distant sirens. being haunted by your past. a constant sense of vigilance. the sound of shattering glass. living like it’s the last night of your life. coming together to protect the people you love. a secret passageway. feeling the need to look over your shoulder as you walk home alone at night. blood staining your clothes.

hereditary: the creeping dread of walking through your house alone in the dark. dark family secrets, buried and then brought to light. strained family relationships. the feeling of something crawling on your skin. fear so suffocating that you struggle to breathe. an eerie light coming in through your bedroom window. losing your head. a heavy depression that threatens to destroy you.

suspiria: a curtain of long hair spread out across a pillow. the comforting touch of a hand against your cheek. a close circle of friends. music that carries you to the point where you just can’t help but dance. the thrill of having accomplished one of your goals. great power hiding behind innocence. straining to try and remember something you’ve forgotten. extending your hand in friendship and solidarity to others.

midsommar: a garden of brightly colored flowers bursting into life. a beautifully embroidered dress. dancing hand in hand. flowers braided into long hair. paint smeared across blank pages. billowing smoke. pristine white cliffs. the feeling of being left out of an inside joke. herbal tea. a close sense of community. letting go of painful memories and toxic relationships and moving forward in happiness.

us: feeling a disconnect with what you see when you look into a mirror. finding catharsis through dance. coping with trauma. hiding secrets from the people you love, fearing rejection. the haunting sight of an empty street. an ominous silhouette against the horizon. the lingering, unwanted connection to someone else. the rush of adrenaline as you run. rabbits. letting your past finally die.

     Dongsun’s focus the night prior was taking care of Hajoon. Because of his worry, he didn’t check how many bottles the other drank. Thus, he had nothing to back up his supposed claim that Hajoon was actually a light drinker. Some people were hopeless with alcohol, while some developed tolerance with time. The latter applied for Dongsun, so it was possible that it could be the same for Hajoon as well.

     And even if Hajoon got his way out of one excuse, Dongsun didn’t fall for the second. His expression remained nonchalant, eyes looking for some opening. Hajoon’s eyes, as bright and honest they could be, was also an open window to his thoughts and emotions. Back then, Dongsun could call out on the other’s lies, but he felt like doing so now would cause a rift. Dongsun knew Hajoon, yes. But he didn’t know how much the other changed from their time spent apart. Doing so would be rather… insensitive of him.

     “I guess everyone needs a change of pace sometimes…” Dongsun replied. He hadn’t realized his hand lingered for too long as Hajoon sat up. He felt like in was some kind of dangerous trance for a second. It was fortunate Hajoon had good sense… But did Dongsun actually wanted Hajoon to avoid whatever was going on? 

     He then blinked a few times, reaching for his sunglasses. Huh? Dongsun turned his head towards the bedside drawer. It’s not there… Any other time, the absence of sunglasses would cause panic. But around a long-time friend, he felt like there was no need to for once… for the time being, at least. 

     He brushed his hair up as he sat up, groaning as he did his morning arm stretches. “Yeah. All that carrying used up a lot of my stored energy. It’s hard work for an non-athlete like me to carry one, you know?” He chuckled. “Do you have something I can cook with? Or do you want us to order takeout instead?”

Hajoon was thankful Dongsun didn’t mention it any further. The short silence they were left in was slightly awkward but fortunately soon enough Dongsun was sitting up and replying to Hajoon’s jesting. He felt a little guilty for putting that sort of burden on his friend and having had him carry him around for so long. Hajoon almost felt the need the apologize but understanding Dongsun was only trying to joke around he stopped himself.

“I think my fridge is stocked. Not sure with what exactly. There might even be leftovers we could eat if you wanted.” He offered with a faint smile and got up from his bed. Now with all the movement he could feel the aftermath of the alcohol in the form of a headache and so he disappeared into the bathroom first to find himself a couple of painkillers. 

     Dongsun called Hajoon’s bluff with a single deadpan hum. Sure, people changed over time, but alcohol had never been appealing for the younger male. Even during times they spent together, as well as urging from Dongsun, Hajoon declined. So, Dongsun was still going to stick to his assumption that something pushed the other to that point.

     Physical affection was somewhat of a foreign concept to him. But then, with history behind them, Dongsun found it easy to go back to this routine. He could always imagine Hajoon as the kid he grew up with. The aspiring athlete, the bright-eyed dreamer. But he also knew they were both adults, and what he was doing almost felt like an excuse to show affection. Especially when he lacked it for so long.

     “Old habits?” Dongsun replied. “Even if we know what we’re doing, doesn’t mean I have to stop worrying. We’re also both still learning in some way. And now you know how much of light of a drinker you are. Leave it to the experts, like me.” He chuckled, letting out a breath. “Did something happen, though? Is sports life being tough on you? Or could it be…” He let two exact seconds pass. “Because of someone?” 

     His hand managed to reach down to the hairs on Hajoon’s nape, but his movement stopped. So now, he had his hand on a compromising place. Was he going to pull back? Soon, but not yet.

“Not that light.” Hajoon protested with a faint pout. “I drank a good amount before I lost my senses.” He wasn’t sure why it stung his pride so much but he felt the need to defend himself. Maybe knowing how decent Dongsun had become at holding his liquor didn’t help. Maybe it was a bit of him wanting to prove he was truly a grown up now and not just the kid Dongsun knew from so many years ago.

He nearly flushed when Dongsun had guessed the exact problem. It was because of someone but because of who he couldn’t quite share. He considered lying, blaming it on his job like Dongsun had suggested but when he truthfully loved his work so much that might end up looking suspicious. Instead he just sighed, shaking his head a bit. “Nothing like that. I was just exhausted and I wanted to have fun. I figured I’d try drinking since that’s what everyone else does. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand though.” 

     And by now, Dongsun could have overreacted to their compromising proximity. While always the exhausted type from work, he would have the energy to move away if he knew if it was something to avoid. With anyone else, he would have done so. But not Hajoon. Somehow, it comfortable and warm because it was someone he was familiar with. He was the exception. 

     “I don’t recall a time I’ve ever been angry at you. Annoyed, maybe. But never mad.” Why he was never angry, Dongsun didn’t know himself. Was it those sparkling doe eyes of his? The close relationship he valued above all? It wasn’t like Hajoon was the spoiled type either. He knew how to avoid trouble, except for last night’s flub. 

     “You never fall for peer pressure, though,” Dongsun pointed out. “People drink when they have something they want to forget. Or if they’re stressed.” He spoke from experience, something both of them knew without the need of expressed words. He then sighed and shook his head, reaching out to play with a few strands of Hajoon’s hair. “I’m glad they called me, actually. I’d feel guilty and responsible if something happens to you. Who knows what someone else would have done? People can be sneaky and suspicious these days…”

Hajoon hummed at that. He couldn’t remember any occasion like that either. Even during their younger days Dongsun would never truly scold him or get anything close to angry. The most he’d ever gotten were warning glances. Then again Hajoon wasn’t one to easily go over boundaries. He respected them and he always strove to see his hyung happy.

“Me? Sometimes...” Hajoon lied in a vague and mumbled tone. It’s true that he’d usually stick to his policy of no alcohol no matter how much he was persuaded. He was about respond again, simply write it off on exhaustion but before he could open his mouth Dongsun’s hand was in his hair. The touch was so sweet and so intimate that it rendered him quiet for a moment while butterflies were going crazy in his stomach. 

These things were what he secretly had been wishing for, but now that he’d gotten them after such a blunder they all felt a little less sweet, like he didn’t quite deserve them, like this wasn’t the way that he wanted to earn this kind of affection from Dongsun. 

Kibum had no clue why he was panicking like that. There was no logical reason behind it because like Hajoon said, they could drive several times. A soft sigh pushed past his lips once he felt the other man’s hands on his side. Immediately, Kibum wrapped his arms around Hajoon’s middle to lean his head against the other’s shoulder. ❝ Relaxing is easier said than done, I haven’t slept at all. ❞ Maybe he was a little hyper because of the lack of sleep. Kibum looked up and kissed his boyfriend on his lips quickly. Then he let go and pulled away from the other completely. ❝ Okay so let’s start with the heavier boxes. These three! ❞ Kibum pointed at the boxes close to them. ❝ Can you take that one over there? Or maybe we have to carry it together. I can’t lift it for my damn life. ❞

Tagged by: @eastsolis

Top 3 ships: Taekai, Onho, Minkey

My three favorite boys: Jaehwan, Jinki, Shownu

Lipstick or Chapstick: Lipstick outdoors chapstick indoors

Last song listened to: 2:34 by Jonghyun

Last film watched: I think Midsommar? 

Currently reading: Anna Karenina very slowly

What shows are you currently watching: Drinking Solo, nothing else I just finished the Good Place