The Cats

on god I'm dipping him in ranch and eating him

Woah

Yeah man, this wizard conference is such a drag. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "Hastened Networking" or something, and suddenly everyone in a 20 foot radius was holding a copy that dude's business card. Nobody even acknowledged the quality of his card, that's how common this is. I'm over here casting Handshake and level 2 Small Talk. I think I just heard "Power Word: Video Call" two groups over. I gotta get a new job.

the problem with me is i cannot differentiate what is & is not my circus and what are & are not my monkeys. this gives you mental health conditions

there is this thing called a "kitty cat". and you can get one for inside your home, and it will sit on all of your surfaces, and you can pet it.

The issue with the daylight savings time change is that people aren't used to falling back an hour or springing forward an hour, and people struggle as they take the time to adjust. But of course, if you only do something twice a year you'll never develop a talent for it. You need to practice if you really want to be good at something! Under my proposal, which absolutely everyone will hate,

my wife keeps saying "my downfall???" whenever she doesn't get what she wants and "my uprise????" when she does

that caption got better and better with every word

i like videogames

you are a bad person

i like toys and playing. and sweets

you piss me off so much every day