low-cal calzone zone

your cat was an honor to see in the window

not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

your email found me at the grocery store irl. that's crazy that you gave it little legs and everything. it walked right up to me. everyone was so scared one person screamed when i picked it up. i said it's okay you just do this kind of thing sometimes. while i was reading, its little legs were just sort of dangling in the air. someone asked me if it's alive and if holding it like that made it uncomfortable. i told them idk i just get the emails i don't send them.

i love my scab #myscab . certainly it will stay this way.

#myopenwound #mybleeding

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

me: uses my sleeping kitten’s paw to navigate my smartphone

you Used him

youve betrayed his trust………he Knows

you may have lost the battle but all I see is a winner with 14 kittens and a dog

hikes are very good yes but a deluxe hike is when you are accompanied by a freak with niche nature knowledge. they’re like omg stop there’s a horned valerian varmint beetle here and then you both get to crouch down and look at a bug like :)