Torch

( danny ramirez. 26. he/him. cis male. ) are you a HERO? something tells me that paint-stained jeans, neon-green alien keychains, wilting plants in a lonely apartment  make you who you are, KYLE RAYNER. with the powers of THE GREEN LANTERN POWER RING, you’re sure to have a  tenacious, overthinking personality — and you definitely belong to SWORD. were you listening to THE FINAL COUNTDOWN by EUROPE on your way to the subway? it suits you. we can’t wait to see what you do next!

“breaking a lease is extremely easy especially with my very persuasive skills. all we’d have to pay is the monthly electricity, water, wifi and a few other things. rent is not a problem since we own it now.” terry was extremely happy that kyle was so onboard with moving in with him. his twelve step plan to get kyle rayner to fall hopelessly in love with him was going along a lot smoother than he had anticipated. living with kyle would feel like a dream, as if they never left that little studio back in the other world, and he would stare at the man working at some desk for hours, as he brought him food, water, blankets or whatever other materials he needed.

terry berg knew that no other man in all of the universes would ever compare to his kyle rayner. not even some alternate version of him, his kyle would always be the one he’d preferred, the one he’d like to share a life with. oh to be young and in love, some would say.

“are you really telling me when some weird glowing ring comes at people they just put it on without first trying to think of any possible weird circumstances that could come about?” terry raised a brow as he asked, now wondering how the fate of so many worlds was left in the hands of many who just jumped at the chance. guess fearlessness was a green lantern trait afterall. “did the ring act as a guide into this world? yeah, but it hasn’t really done much besides that, it’s been pretty chill. and i haven’t said the oath with it on or anything, i know that’s a thing.”

then he sees that smile and finds himself wanting to inch forward, pull kyle closer and kiss that silly grin off his lips because it’s all too intoxicating. but he stops himself midway as he watched kyle get up and ruffle his hair, forcing a giggle out of him.

“wait kyle, you forgot dessert,” he muses as he gets up, taking the plate away from the man and setting it off to the side before pulling him closer, standing on his tiptoes to steal a kiss. “there, all finished. now we can get to work on whatever it is that you need me to help you on.” he smiled, shooting kyle a wink as the all too revealing shorts began to ride just a little bit higher.

“someone in town that can help me out? this is either a therapist for my impulsive online shopping or someone with knowledge of a ring like mine. just spit balling here,” terry shrugged. “also i’ve already sent some things to the penthouse, mostly some of my things and things i got online for the place, and it’s already being decorated and such, except my room is gonna take a while because i decided to have it done up a little. meaning you might have to sleep with me for a few more nights.”

"the rings don't typically give you a choice whether you want to wear it or not," kyle says, thinking over the multiple times he and the other lanterns had been accosted by a power ring—the red ring especially. some rings only chose new hosts in very emotional moments, which generally didn’t lead to well thought-out decisions. he wonders what had happened for terry’s ring to seek him out, why it hadn’t made terry wear it before dropping him here in another universe. terry hadn’t even worn the ring, and yet it had the agency to bring him to kyle. was it really just out of love?

maybe it’s self-centered, but it’s just so hard for him to accept. terry couldn’t love him so selflessly—not with their history. and yet he’s here, cooking kyle breakfast in bed, stealing penthouses with money from rich strangers, offering to help kyle get back on track with his art, and holding onto him with every bit of conviction terry has in him—with all his love. it’s… too good to be true.

terry sneaks a kiss before kyle gets past him, a quick peck to the corner of his mouth that leaves kyle’s skin tingling in its wake. it’s kind of juvenile the way his heart warms at the action, and kyle makes an effort to push it aside. it’s isn’t the time to get in his feelings—he wasn’t kidding about needing to get some work done. he cleans up the dishes used for breakfast before grabbing his sketchbook to start on warmup drawings. he always starts with drawing people he knows, whether it’s people in his life or other superheroes. he settles on kilowag, sketching the other lantern scowling down at a phone screen—attempting to use instagram, apparently.

“it’s someone with a star sapphire ring, dummy,” he scoffs, though with a lighthearted smile. “i can’t do anything to help with your shopping addictions—you find ways to fund them even without my help.” though, as long as they don’t get in trouble over it, kyle can’t say he cares much. someone needs to furnish their new penthouse, and kyle can’t say he cares much for owning things outside of his art supplies. as long as he had room for his mom’s painting and some of alex’s old photographs, kyle didn’t care how terry decorated. “you’re gonna be sick of me after spending that much time with me. don’t break my lease and then throw me out on the streets, alright?” he laughs, knowing terry would never, but it crosses his mind again that maybe things are moving too fast for comfort. “it’s your place, isn’t it? you’ve got full power to kick me onto the couch and take both rooms. it’s what a smart person would do.”

“ are you self-taught? the art , that is. i feel like my life would be entirely different if i worked on developing my random class doodles instead of tinkering with my toothbrushes as a kid. “  that , and being nosy as all heck. though , that’s a skillset for a different time.  – (  @lanternswill​  )

“well, i went to art school for a little while, but i dropped out pretty quickly,” kyle shrugs, making an attempt not to imagine what ned means by tinkering with toothbrushes. “not sure if that makes me entirely self-taught, but i developed most of my skills on my own. if you’re still interested, maybe i could teach you some tricks?”

by this time in the later hours of the morning, metro diner is bustling with patrons, the smell of freshly-brewed coffee and sizzling bacon filling the restaurant. seated in a booth towards the back of the diner, kyle leans on his elbows against the tabletop, frowning down at his coffee as he stirs in the packs of creamer he’s poured into it. if john were here, he’d be looking at him in pure disgust. but he isn’t, so kyle’s allowed to actually enjoy his coffee.

to any other patron, kyle would appear lost in thought, tucked away from the world as he leans into the corner of the booth. he isn’t alone, though, seated across from his long-time acquaintance carol ferris. they’d agreed to meet up here and talk, but after their initial greetings and brief small talk, kyle finds he isn’t sure what else to say. he’d invited her here with under the pretense of catching up, but now he doesn’t know what to ask—or maybe what’s safe to ask. there’s a lot on his mind, but nothing in particular feels brave enough to surface. and the longer the silence stretches on between them, the louder it becomes.

eventually, he looks up and offers a wry, lopsided smile. “do you ever just… feel like you have something important to say, but then, for the life of you, can’t remember what it is?”

closed starter  \  w.  @lanternswill​

in an alleyway behind one of new york’s largest science companies  :  “  ugh  ,  i really need a haircut  …  ”  she mumbles to herself  .  “  ‘s really not convenient for this kinda stuff  .  ”  she glances up  ,  spots the other standing in the mouth of the street  .  “  oh shit  .  ”

at this point, kyle should know better than to glance down new york’s alleyways. nothing good is ever waiting there. hell, once he looked down one and was transported to hell... or something like that. but with his new living conditions, he couldn’t really afford to be caught in the green lantern suit climbing into his own bedroom window. he’d only wanted to duck down the alley to change back into his civilian clothes, but apparently that wasn’t going to happen.

he wants to be surprised when he glances down the alley and finds a stranger with an extra four metal appendages standing there, staring back at him. but he’s too used to running into the weird side of new york. regrettably, that’s one thing he hadn’t left behind in his universe. "uh," he starts, ever so eloquent. “sorry. thought this alley was free.”

Years had passed since Terry had first been hired as Kyle’s intern, and it didn’t take much time for it to shift from just work, to taking care of a man, not much older than himself. Kyle was young and learning about himself and the world, much like Terry was at the time, and he remembered the way he would forget to eat, would forget to take care of himself when his tunnel vision hit. That was how Terry knew when to make food for him, when to bring over a blanket and wrap it around Kyle when the heater was on the fritz. It had become second nature to him, taking care of something that would come to realize was love.

Terry quick to offer Kyle a smug glance as soon as he sees the man begin to eat. He was extremely proud of his cooking, especially since he had to learn everything for himself and ever since he became eleven, his mother had told him he’d have to learn how to cook. That might’ve been one of the only good things she had ever truly done for him, indirectly taught him how to fend for himself in a world that wouldn’t be kind to him.

“I have friends who owed me favors and I have the old dude who was paying for my old place’s credit card that he gave me. He’s literally swimming in money so this won’t make a dent in his account and it can’t be traced thanks to my mutant friend who helped out with all of those details.” Terry shrugged. “You do know a lease can easily be broken if you take it to the court and the state says it’s ok. It’s harder in red states but new york shouldn’t be too hard. Did you forget how good I am at getting things done?” he asked slightly amused at how surprised Kyle was. “For the lease to be broken all I have to do is pay off the next bit of rent, and the penthouse is already paid for and it’s not rented, it’s bought.”

“sorry, I know i’m a bit preemptive but i was planning on moving anyway, but then i found you so i sort of just wanted to do this with you, especially since it would relieve some of the stress from you.” he sighed. 

“yes, i know the rings are dangerous, but kyle, isn’t lantern 101 about the rings that they have to be worn to have any sort of effect? i haven’t put mine on at all, ever.” terry said smiling as he sat at the edge of the bed. “don’t hide things from me, you know i can tell when you’re being a certain way. “i haven’t really been any different since i got here, i made friends and then i found you and got a job offer, that’s all i’ve done so far.”

“Sure thing, i was hoping you’d know someone with a ring like mine and they can help me out with this sort of stuff, and did you think I’d say no to helping you out? Please, love. Terry Berg could take over the world if he wanted to.”

kyle frowns as terry talks about the old man terry had apparently taken money from the buy a goddamn penthouse. he wasn’t sure he wanted to know that story. he rubs at his face tiredly. “we’ll... talk about that later. uh, okay, if you think you can break this lease, and that we can even imagine to afford the bills that will go with a penthouse, then sure. we can try it.” he’s still skeptical, but maybe it would be a fun experiment—even if it led to incredible debt. but pretending to live in luxury for as long as they could get away with would be a nice change of pace.

besides... he looks up at terry again, his expression softening at terry’s smile. if terry wanted kyle to go with him, kyle would follow him to the ends of the earth and beyond—a thought he has to shove away before he stupidly says it out loud.

and then. the ring. kyle blinks as terry says he hasn’t even worn the ring yet. somehow, that detail had gotten lost. “oh,” he says, articulate as ever. “i guess i hadn’t ever heard of someone not immediately putting on the ring when it chose them.” he admits. he’s honestly surprised the ring didn’t force itself on terry’s finger like all the other lantern rings. maybe this one was a bit more considerate.

but he smiles when terry talks about his job and his friends. maybe this was the fresh start terry needed—the new life he deserved, surrounded by people who love him and will protect him. if terry was happy here, maybe it wasn’t such a bad place after all?

they could build a life here, kyle realizes as he studies terry’s smile. he hadn’t been thrilled to be displaced here on this parallel earth, but if the people here accepted terry, if they embraced him, then maybe kyle could get used to it. even if he was nothing more than a miserable artist, terry being happy was enough.

he turns away at that. another dangerous thought. kyle shouldn’t get ahead of himself.

taking his last bite of food, kyle stands up from the bed, plate in one hand and the other reaching to ruffle terry’s hair. “if you’re up for it, then we’ve got some work to do before we start packing. and i’ve got a friend who should be able to help with that ring. i’ll make sure to introduce you to her, she lives in town.”

the café is quieter than normal during this time of day, but that’s exactly why kyle had chosen now to set up this meeting. it had been rather last minute, but kyle hadn’t minded. he needed the business, and this client had sounded both nice and professional in their correspondence beforehand—a rare combination that he appreciated greatly. hopefully that energy carried over into this meeting, and his client would be understanding of his long lead times.

he glances up as the bell above the door chimes, signaling the arrival of another patron. a woman approaches him, and kyle stands to greet her. “hi, are you jen? i’m kyle, thanks for meeting with me. i hope this wasn’t too out of your way.”

“ oh , that’s okay . i won’t tell . scout’s honor ! “ then they quickly add ,  “ i’m not a scout , but same difference . i don’t have a lot of people to blab to anyway . “  greta tilts their head , trying to figure out how to answer the question .  the ghoul brings up their own right hand , looks around to see if anyone is close enough to see what they were about to demonstrate , and then focuses enough to let their hand turn almost transparent - their actual , regular form - then let it dissipate into smoke before going back to how it was : a solid - ish form .  “ well , i have a real name . my friends - slash - teammates know it . we’re all friends ! and also , i don’t really have a home outside of our headquarters . “  one of the main reasons greta took up with s.w.o.r.d. right after arriving instead of floating around aimlessly . they were just used to that kind of structure ; can’t be blamed if that was one thing they took on after being displaced .  “ i bake sometimes . and a bunch of non - hero stuff that still requires my powers . what do you do ? besides drawing , that is ? “

“i can relate to not having a home away from work,” kyle says, attempting a lighthearted tone, but sometimes it hits him how long it had been since he’d lived on earth full time. oa was alright, but it couldn’t compare to new york, or to los angeles. at least on earth he could catch a break every once in a while. he imagines the other had it worse off, though. “you bake? that’s pretty cool. i’m helpless in the kitchen. actually, i don’t have much time now to do anything but draw. it’s more like my job than a hobby.” he grins wryly, absently flipping through his sketchbook. he misses when drawing was fun, but approaching deadlines just made it stressful. maybe he should find a new hobby, something he doesn’t have to worry so much about. not like he had the time, though, between being an artist and a green lantern. changing the subject, he asks, “you said you’re on a team? who do you work with? anyone i’d know?”

kyle isn’t one to ignore his baser instincts of helping people—which often find him trying to cheer up pretty people who look lost in thought. he slides into the seat across from the person—who has a face he can’t help but think he’s seen around lately. he gives them his best smile, a look he’s been told screams lovable dumbass by those closest to him. “looks like you could use a snack. here, it’s a croissant. that’s french for ‘donut’.”

˙ ˖ ✶ kyle rayner

His fateful meeting with his lost love, Kyle Rayner had happened. Now Terry had to figure out how to navigate all the feelings that were definitely there, and his suspicions on Kyle and what exactly was holding him back. He could’ve sworn Kyle was about to kiss him, but then     he didn’t. Morning comes all too soon as his eyes flutter open, and he gets up as silently as possible trying to navigate through their new shared place. It was definitely going to need an upgrade.

It doesn’t take him too long to find a place another place in the city and his mind begins to turn the gears as the idea takes shape. Without a second though it’s bought, all in thanks to the card that rich old man so generously afforded him. This wouldn’t even make a dent, and thanks to the mutant friend Terry had made, nothing could be traced back to them. Covering his tracks as always.

After finishing his little project, he decided on what to do next. Breakfast? He knows Kyle had spoken about boundaries somewhat jokingly, but he flew off into space when Terry was in the hospital, he could get away with this at least. Whipping up cinnamon roll pancakes, the icing on top, an omelet with cheese, spinach, ham, bacon, and hash-browns. Of course he couldn’t come out unscathed as a few burns now marked his fingers, nothing that would scar but just a mere annoyance.

Making all the final preparations for his breakfast in bed, Terry quickly changed into an outfit that would better serve his make kyle rayner fall in love with me plan begin without a hitch. His shorts reveal enough in the back, hugging his thighs perfectly, and cut off football jersey that served more as a crop top now anyway. But the second he was ready to bring the food over his heart lurched, he was really doing this, really bringing the man he was in love with breakfast in bed, and a silly giddy smile raced to his features as he took the first steps.

Placing the tray of food to the side, Terry gently nudged Kyle to wake, once a little touch, the second a kiss, and then maybe another or three, he stopped being able to count after a while. That didn’t work but he was happy nonetheless, still he gave Kyle a good shake to see if that would work. “Hey babe, as a thank you for letting me be here, I made you some breakfast.” he mused, showing him the tray as he laid it a little pull out sort of table that sat perfectly next to the bed.

“Also, um…how would you feel about moving from this place to a different one. Y’know considering I already bought a penthouse, and you won’t have to worry about rent since it’s all been covered. We’ll each have our own rooms, since you spoke about boundaries,” a necessary lie, but one that kyle would probably thank him for later, hopefully.

“So, the ring? Every time it even came up last night you had a weird look on you, like happy and proud but also worried, and I know you Kyle, I know the way you try to hide things and I even know when you’re thinking certain thoughts. So tell me please, what’s on your mind? I mean besides how good I look and how you’re oh so ravenous and can’t help to tear these clothes off of me.”

just as sleep never came easy, neither does wakefulness. in a tired haze, kyle mechanically sits up in bed, glancing at the food without really seeing it. “thanks,” he mumbles, the sound barely recognizable as a coherent word once it’s past his lips. it takes a yawn and a full-body stretch for him to finally gain some sense of being alert. once he’s awake enough, he turns his attention to the breakfast terry so generously made for him.

it wouldn’t be an exaggeration in the slightest to admit the homemade breakfast was the best food kyle had eaten in a long time—longer than he was capable of recalling now. not that it was a difficult feat—kyle couldn’t cook to save his life, and he often forgot to drag himself away from his work long enough to get a decent meal for himself. pb&j sandwiches were a depressing staple of his diet. it’s a good thing green lantern is more responsible than kyle rayner, or else the world would be considerably worse off.

the delicious food is enough of a distraction that kyle lets the nickname slide. he tunes back into the conversation as terry talks about moving—at first disappointed at the thought of terry moving away, then greatly confused at the idea of them moving into a penthouse. together. “wait, what? how the hell would either of us be able to afford a penthouse? in new york? and i still have a lease?” it’s too early to have this conversation, he thinks, though when his eyes glance over to the clock he sees it’s fairly late compared to the time he normally gets up. which is impressive, considering kyle normally struggled to sleep much, if at all. he must’ve been more tired than he thought… or terry’s presence at his side relaxed him more than he thought.

still, he gives terry an exasperated look. “this is the kind of thing we need to talk about before going through with it,” kyle tries to say, but it feels useless at this point. he sighs. sometimes he thinks terry’s entire existence was created just to shake up kyle’s life.

the mention of the ring causes kyle to frown again, even as he attempts to keep his expression neutral (especially as he ignores terry’s comment—he does look good, but kyle is definitely not thinking about that). “it’s just… the ring. it’s not just a ring. and it’s not like mine. it’s… dangerous, and sometimes it…” makes you say things you don’t mean, chase after things you don’t want, “…has a mind of its own. your emotions take over, and you become them.”

kyle allows that thought to hang in the air, not ready to say the words he’s already implying. he knows terry won’t want to hear them—last night made that clear. but it feels wrong, and kyle needs to make sure there aren’t any other influences affecting either of them before things go any further. “look, i need to get some work done today, do you want to help me get some backgrounds done? we can get lunch after and talk about the ring and its powers more then. okay?”

terry berg had never been a crier, not once did he ever shed fear in front of his parents from the fear of an act that they would consider unbecoming from a man. not a tear was even shed when the man who claimed to love and protect him, left him battered and bloody in a dark and damp alley. only one soul has ever seen terry cry, and it’s the same man who gave him all the reasons to smile again, the same man who inspires his love of art, his love for the world.

the world was harsh and devoid of color before kyle rayner, terry could only see the grayscale as he trudged through the abyss of of the blackest night, wandering aimlessly with no hope to ever know true happiness, true love. after that fateful meeting, terry berg learned what it was like to feel alive, to find a reason to wake up every day excited about the endless possibilities in a world now full of color.

now having kyle so close, terry’s heart was bursting forth unable to contain the well of emotions it’s kept locked away neatly inside since the day kyle vanished. the memory of his parents was still etched in his brain, their words seared his skin and burned his heart, but their flames of hate were never able to reach the parts of terry that were all kyle, the memories, the laughter, and the joy that was all him, the part of terry that kept him hopeful that he’d one day see him again.

terry’s lips quivered, trying to pull together the words that were desperately trying to claw out from the innermost parts of his soul. “my boyfriend      my ex,” he corrected. “he was never even gay to begin with, it had been something planned from the start, my attack, they wanted to do it wanted me to hurt for loving the way i do. he        hit me the most out of all of them,” it was something he had never told kyle, something he never thought he would fearing what kyle might do, but now worlds apart, the words just fell out.

“i’m here,” he hears and it’s the first time he feels as if he’s able to weather the storm. clinging to kyle, he finds the curve of his body. the rise and fall of his chest, and the way kyle tenses up at the mention of a few words, he sees and feels it all, he feels the mans heart beating rapidly, his own beating just as fast, beating for him.

“always,” terry mumbled, looking up with puffy tear stained eyes. his fingers curled on kyle’s shirt, softly gripping on the fabric, smudges of paint and splatter all around, everything about him feels so familiar, even the scents. the intoxicating smell of oil paints on a fresh palette, the woody aroma inside a new tin of charcoal pencils, and then mint and lanolin from that one master’s soap. everything and always so familiar, so    kyle. he was here, not some hallucination or vivid dream, this was him, his kyle, his first love, his only love.

“it was the ring,” terry mentioned, remembering that one fact about his appearance in this new world. “it had called out to me from a portal, pink in color like a swirling vortex and it showed me, you.” terry said trying his best to explain as he regained his breath. “it showed you, sad, as if there was something missing here, and i followed it. to you.”

terry didn’t mention what the ring had said, how the voice spoke inside his mind, and uttered these words.

You whose blood was forged in blood and fire

Must find the one whom green inspires

Another heart yet torn asunder

In another world where you will wander

Rose and Emerald come together

When tears rain down he’ll know surrender

The green clad heart with walls so big

Will come tumbling down with Terry’s kiss

Terry didn’t know what it meant at the time, but now here seeing Kyle again, pink and green, rose and emerald, it all made sense. yet he was still too afraid to do it, to take that first step and kiss the man he’s loved all these years. terry berg was still that boy too afraid to love.

With no more words, he finds himself smiling in Kyle’s room, looking around to see every piece of him plastered among the four walls. He finds himself resting his head on Kyle’s chest, his small frame against Kyle as he breathes, simply breathes. “your room still looks so much like it used to back…” he didn’t know what to say, the other world, home? his fingers tracing circles on kyle’s chest.

“you said i’d be safe, and i knew that, you’re home. i’m finally home, kyle.” he mused, looking up into his eyes before he takes the leap.

and just like that, terry’s kiss. it was soft, it was slow, but it didn’t lack passion as he pulled back. slightly anxious at how kyle would react. there was a brief moment when he believed this was a dream all again, like so many he had before, but he wasn’t waking up, this was real. “sorry, i promised myself that one i walked through that portal to find you, i would stop being a coward.”

“i don’t know what it means that i have this ring here, but it led me to you, love led me back to you, because love is all i’ve ever known when i’m with you. “

the tangle of emotions in kyle’s chest pulls tighter with every word that terry says, and it takes considerable effort to hold back the flare of anger that rises in him at the mention of terry’s ex. he’d wondered why david hadn’t been at terry’s side in the hospital, but he’d figured it was fear that kept him away. who knew the truth could get even worse? who knew the world had even more evil to offer? kyle had seen it for himself, but… it didn’t fully process until he’d come face-to-face with it.

he doesn’t speak up, letting terry talk and holding him through it. if terry needed him to be an emotional anchor, it was the least kyle could do for him. it doesn’t quite abate the thoughts of beating terry’s tormentors into bloody pulps and leaving them on the curb with the rest of the trash, but it keeps him here, where he should be, by terry’s side.

and the ring. they’re going to have to have a conversation about it—sooner than later. kyle’s very aware of how some of the rings affect their users, and he doesn’t want terry to be influenced by feelings being fed to him by the star sapphire ring. even if it’s only amplifying lingering feelings that already existed, it doesn’t seem fair to hold terry to words said and actions done when he isn’t fully acclimated to the powers of the ring. the last thing kyle wants is terry to feel trapped or obligated to stay with him just because the ring urged them together.

when they get to kyle’s room, kyle leaves terry momentarily to find more blankets and an extra pillow. once he has things settled they climb into bed. initially kyle doesn’t plan to stay, not the whole night, only until terry falls asleep. but as terry curls against his side and lays across his chest, kyle knows he isn’t going anywhere—nor does he want to.

“my interior design skills lack variation,” he agrees quietly when terry mentions it, unwilling to admit it had been somewhat purposeful. he needed somewhere in this world to feel familiar, like home, even if it had been a while since he’d even lived in that old new york apartment.

terry calls kyle his home and it sparks… something. it’s a warmth that rushes through him, that makes his heart race. he doesn’t get the chance to fully identify it as terry leans up without warning and presses their lips together in a soft kiss.

it takes him by surprise at first, but he relaxes into it, eyes closing as he leans into the feeling. it’s slow, careful, over too soon. terry pulls away first, and it takes everything kyle has not to chase him. the ache in his chest is replaced with an equally painful yearning, instantly missing the feeling of terry’s lips against his own. stop being a coward. maybe kyle should take that advice.

“a whirlwind,” kyle repeats from earlier, unable to keep the soft smile off his face as he looks up at terry. “we’re gonna have to talk about boundaries.” even as he says it, he’s got a hold on terry’s shirt, ready to pull him back down for another kiss.

but then terry mentions the ring again, and kyle stops himself. he doesn’t have enough experience with the star sapphire ring to know what kind of influence it could be having on either of them. how could terry love him after what kyle did? he can’t do this with so much doubt. carefully, he pushes terry back, the smile fading from his expression. “in the morning. we’ll talk about this. just sleep, okay?”

he can’t even look at terry now, shame gripping him, and kyle doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing. he thinks he should save them the trouble and sleep on the couch, but he promised he wouldn’t leave terry alone. he keeps that promise as he merely turns on his side facing away from terry, closing his eyes and willing his heart to calm down.

❝ yup. that’s all it takes. ❞ chuckle follows as soon as she says that but she clears her voice soon after. ❝ literally all it takes. i wish i was joking. ❞ there’s a tiredness to her voice as she says that. she’s gotten USED to the man’s ranting. and ignores it because not only is it TIRING but also because she doesn’t not believe a word of it. 

and it makes her feel sorry for peter. he’s already trying to fight a murder charge and now he’s got to deal with jameson’s smear campaigns. and lois really HATES how much influence he has over the city with his slander. and didn’t peter work for the bugle ? you’d think a guy would be more appreciative over a former employee … anyways. she’s got kyle to think about for now. hopefully, she’s built up enough credit with jameson for him to at least give kyle a trial run. 

eyes scan across the page as she reads. the art is great. the jokes are … could do with some work. ❝ uhhhhh …. ❞ she starts as she continues to read till the end. ❝ let me put it this way. not your best work but not the worst thing i’ve ever read. ❞

kyle nods, offers a weak smile. yeah, this isn’t going to cut it. he takes back the comic, slotting it into his file. “maybe i should just resubmit my old strips,” he attempts to joke, as if it’s not a thought that’s crossed his mind a few times. his old series has been successful once, why not give it another try?

he knows he can’t, though, for so many reasons. self-plagiarism wasn’t a good look in any industry, even if they were universes apart. but those strips had been made for a different time, a different city (even if they shared a name). he wanted a new project to define this time in his life. it’s been difficult getting back into the swing of things, but lois’s advice instills some confidence. kyle’s a pro at drawing superheroes, and he’s got plenty of material from his own experience to pull from for some comic strips.

he doesn’t really know much about spiderman, but if the bugle has gotten away with this much harassment, a good-natured comic strips can’t do much more damage. maybe jameson will accept slander of other heroes too, just for a change of pace.

“well, i won’t embarrass myself by turning this in,” he says, already making plans to shred the comic when he gets home. he feels relieved to finally have some useful feedback, and a new idea that he can put confidence behind. “i’m gonna take your advice and try something else while i still have time before the deadline. i really owe you one, lois!”

.

Terry had never really known the meaning of warmth growing up, every gesture or act of supposed kindness from his parents always felt cold and stiff, as if their very grip would cause that icy sting to reach the deepest parts of his soul. Then came the sun. Kyle Rayner, that was his name a man whose smile shun brighter than anything else in the world, and it was only in his arms that Terry Berg had ever felt what it truly was to come home. Only in his arms did he ever come to experience that four letter word that has started and ended wars, become the centerpiece of epic acts across the span of history. Only Kyle Rayne could bring warmth into the life of a boy whose felt the icy brush of loneliness. But the sun for as bright as it is a star, can still burn.

“you say that as if you ever thought i’d change,” he said trying for a smile, landing on something halfway there as his heart still beat for this man. terry find himself staring into those eyes, and all he can see is that he is still that boy longing for this man, who was so close, but felt so out of reach, amongst the stars. 

love. that was the first word to reach him as his fist tightens around the ring. throughout all his life terry had always been a dam ready to burst at any moment, bottling up every emotion, every moment that wasn’t right in the eyes of his parents, in the eyes of those like his parents, in the eyes of anybody who would reject a love like his. when kyle spoke the last drop of water hit, and the dam burst as terry’s tears ran down his face, a mixture of sorrow and validation, pain, but most of all, there was love. finally and now always, love.

terry holds the ring to his chest, his fist so tightly wound as if he was afraid the ring might disappear otherwise. love had brought him back to kyle, and love was the only reason he was still alive, still the same whirlwind of a man that kyle had met all those years ago. if terry was a stom, then kyle was the raging sea, endless in both beauty and depth, a vast world of color and magical wonders lying underneath the surface.

i forgive you, terry tried to say but the words were caught in his throat, watching kyle, hearing the pain in his voice that tore terry’s heart to shreds. terry took a deep breath, as the tears kept falling, he took one, two, three steps towards kyle, landing in front of him before speaking. “kyle, i more than anyone can attest to the shortcomings of the world, when i woke up i had fifteen pins in both legs, had to get three eye surgeries and was fighting with spotty short term memory loss, but i wouldn’t run from it, even if i was able to. because even with all the bad things in the world, all the evil and darkness, the world had you, and i would never run away from that.”

“all the times you went on missions, i was scared kyle, i didn’t know if you were hurt, i didn’t know when you were going to come back, but i never ran away from that.”

“did you know that shortly after i woke up i got disowned?” terry spoke up, “that my own parents said that what had happened to me was only because i chose to live my life as a sinner, and they wanted to take no part in it, said my kind of love was a gross imitation of what real love should be, after you left i had no one to turn to, my one person in the entire world was gone, and i was all alone.”

the second kyle says he’s going to sleep on the couch, terry takes a step forward, breaching the little space between them, clutching at the fabric of kyle’s shirt. “i forgive you,” he mumbled, pressing his head against kyle’s chest, taking a deep breath before looking into the man’s eyes. “please stay,” he begged, his voice barely managing to choke out the word as the tears now stained kyle’s shirt. “i can’t be alone tonight, not again, please. i need you.” there was something else, something that was eating at him ever since he saw kyle, something he’s wanted to do for years.

he’s just in reach, and terry feels his body pull upwards, lips now ghosting over where they’ve always wanted to be, but he stops himself midway. “kyle…please stay,” 

at the first sight of terry's tears, kyle's chest goes painfully tight. he's only seen terry cry once, and the memory clouds over his vision. his fists clench, digging his nails into his palms to keep him grounded, away from the worst part of himself in cold, sterile hospital rooms and darkened prison cells—away from an eerily quiet apartment, blood-stained fridge—

breathe. kyle can’t think of her right now.

comparing terry to her—it’s a dangerous thing. it’s too real. kyle can’t open that pandora’s box—he won’t be able to contain what’s inside once it’s out in the open. and terry doesn’t deserve to be mixed up in kyle’s messes. terry’s been through more than a person should ever have to deal with, and kyle refuses to put him in a position where anything else could happen to him.

even when terry steps closer, kyle doesn't allow himself to reach for him. he can't. he can't. it isn't fair to either of them if kyle gives in, not when he's the one putting walls up to protect terry. kyle's been selfish enough, and he wouldn't drag terry down with him—not when terry had already been through so much.

but terry keeps talking, and it feels like he's calling kyle a coward for running away when terry had to face everything head-on alone. and kyle bears the weight of that with quiet resolve, knowing there isn't anything he can say to defend himself. kyle had been a coward, would stay a coward. terry had endured the hateful attack that nearly ended his life, had lived and thrived in the aftermath, even got himself a star sapphire ring—all while kyle couldn't face his own selfish fears.

and to find out terry had been worried about him while kyle had gone and left him behind—it’s too much. kyle doesn’t deserve that kind of concern—he doesn’t deserve terry.

it takes everything in him to stay calm when terry mentions his parents. hot anger flares in his chest. kyle knew they were horrible people, but to abandon their son like that after nearly losing him? kyle takes a shaky breath, looking into terry's eyes, seeing the pain of being cast out by those supposed to love you unconditionally. even if terry’s relationship with his parents had always been rocky, kyle knew it still hurt terry deeply to be rejected by the only family he had left. because even with all they’d done to reject him and his sexuality, kyle had hoped they would find love in their hearts and accept their son.

not that kyle had been any better, he thinks, reminded again of his shortcomings.

“terry, i’m… i’m so sorry—,” kyle starts to say, and then terry's crashing into him, seeking the comfort he’d deserved more than anything else. and this time, kyle can't stop himself from reaching for him, holding onto terry like each other's last lifeline. he isn't quite hugging terry, but he doesn't resist as terry clings to him.

he feels a surge of resistance when terry says he forgives him. it isn’t deserved. kyle hasn’t done anything to earn forgiveness. he doesn’t voice that, though, knowing terry would only put up a fight. terry doesn’t need to stress himself arguing a worthless point. kyle already knows.

"i'm—i'm here," he murmurs, despite his better judgement. terry deserves some reassurance, even if it should be coming from someone more worthy. he takes measured breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. “i’m not going anywhere. okay? i’ll still be here, as long as you need me.”

he’s taken off guard when terry suddenly leans up, their faces not even inches apart, the gap between them closing dangerously. kyle’s breath stutters in surprise, terry’s face filling his vision, so close—

and then he’s letting his head tip back, his hand coming up to cup the back of terry’s head and gently ease him down against kyle’s shoulder. the ache in his chest expands each time he pushes terry away, replacing his heart with a wide, empty chasm, and by now it’s threatening to tear him apart. “not now. please.”

he only stays like that for a moment, taking a deep breath to push away his own emotions, and then gently nudges terry back to look him in the eye. he offers a small smile, ruffling terry’s hair. “come on. let me take care of you, alright? no more tears. you’re safe here.”

it's been a long time since kyle's had to do anything like this. art exhibitions aren't typically his thing, even when it's his art on display. but things are different now, and he needs to take whatever opportunities he can to network and get his name back out there. the art world has changed drastically in modern times, and he hadn't been the best at keeping up on trends even back home, what with how often he had to be off planet.

the exhibition is more high class than he'd expected, and he's lucky to have dressed up. he feels underdressed even in his fitted white button up and black trousers—he'd stick out like a sore thumb wearing anything less. thankfully, the other visitors seem to be forgiving of his miscalculation, with no comments towards his comparably casual attire. but, at least the formal dress code also means there's plenty of refreshments.

kyle's enjoying a glass of champagne when he bumps into someone, uttering a quick apology as he turns to steady the other. she's dressed significantly nicer than kyle, much more at home here than he'd ever dream to be. she's also unfairly pretty, and he's relieved to find he didn't spill anything on her undoubtedly-expensive outfit. kyle does his best to give her his winning smile, the one that usually worked when he needed his past girlfriends to forgive something stupid he did. "woah! sorry about that. guess i've already had a bit too much to drink. i didn't get anything on you, did i?"

it’s the softness in which kyle says his name, the way it made his heart lurch, something that he hadn’t felt since he had woken up to find an empty seat next to him at the hospital. his old crush, the one man he confided in the most, trusted, and it would be no lie to say that kyle rayner had become the younger terry’s entire world at one point. so being able to come face to face with him now, it was an odd feeling, bittersweet.

“oh, i wouldn’t let your life ever get to be that boring,” he mused, but there was so much more he wanted to say, so much more that hid behind the smile he wore. why did you run away when i needed you? why weren’t you there when i woke up? you knew my parents would never show up, they’d say it was what would happen to someone like me for acting…he let those thoughts quite down, trying to stop the damn of emotion from swelling up.

“i walked, plus i couldn’t really stay where i was anymore. the old man i was making bank off of finally decided he wanted to become physical, so i high tailed it.” terry giggled, but it was hard to so when he knew that there was so much unsaid between them. “that was the easy part, i just dmed kilowog and asked. it’s what you get for letting me teach some of the lanterns how to use instagram,”

“so, i hope you haven’t given up on being an artist, otherwise you would have a serious issue with me around because i’m not letting that happen. your passions should never become a burden so, i’m here to help.” looking around he could tell the apartment was small, but he didn’t care that much it was better than not being there with him. “guess i’m taking your bed, and if you even think that i’ll be letting you sleep on the couch or the floor you’ve got another thing coming. just sleep next to me, i’m tiny, it’s easy.”

“but there’s one other reason i needed to find you, actually two, but here goes the least important one,” terry sighed, looking into the pocket of his hoodie to take out a pink ring with a star emblazoned on the front. the star sapphire ring. “it’s not…green,” was all he said unsure of the meaning of this. he was sure kyle had explained at some point but it probably went over his head as he was most likely daydreaming about him. “it called to me, appeared out of nowhere when i came here and it doesn’t wanna let go.”

“and finally the most important one…why did you leave?” terry asked, the mask finally dropped and all that stood in front of kyle rayner was the boy who woke up from a coma scared and alone. the vulnerable terry that not many but him ever got to see.

kilowog and instagram. now those are two words he never thought he'd hear in the same sentence.

"you're still such a whirlwind, terry," kyle says as he shakes his head in disbelief. it certainly feels like being thrown around by a hurricane—which kyle has had enough experience with. the emotions twisting in his chest are forming a painful knot of apprehension, waiting until the winds of doubt grow strong enough to form a full-fledged tornado. but as he looks into terry's eyes, kyle finds himself at ease in the calm of the storm.

the star sapphire ring is shocking, to say the least. it's concerning for a moment, but terry seems… fine. not like the horror stories hal had told. maybe he had gone through the whole process? kyle didn't really remember how it worked. but it seems like the most pressing issue of everything terry laid out in front of him, so kyle decides to address that first.

"it's a star sapphire ring," he explains. "there's more than just green. there's a whole spectrum of emotions and colors. green is will, and your ring, the violet star sapphire ring, is love." his voice softens, and he can't help the surge of emotions that cuts him off. because of course—of course terry would be a star sapphire out of any of the corps. he's always been so full of love, even when others hurt him because of it. terry being here is a testament to that—how terry can pull kyle back into his life and accept him again after kyle had failed him just like everyone else who hurt terry before.

it tears him apart, and kyle can only imagine how much it hurts terry right now just to look at him.

"terry, i'm sorry," he says, so quickly it feels ripped out of him. "i regret it, i regret leaving you. but i was so… angry. the world felt so evil, and i had to face the realization that i still wasn't strong enough to protect the people i love most. i thought… i thought if you died, if i had to go through losing you too, i wasn't going to make it. and i couldn't process that. i couldn't accept your death. even when you woke up, it didn't feel better, not entirely. i was still angry, still… scared."

it takes a lot to admit that, his voice fading off as his eyes fall to the floor. it's selfish, all of it, but kyle's never claimed to be anything otherwise. terry needed him. kyle abandoned him. that's what happened, and that's what he can never take back.

kyle sighs, feeling the storm edging closer. "you've gotta be tired, right? just… you can take my room borrow whatever you need. i'm sleeping on the couch, i don't think we should be sharing a bed right now. and we’ll talk about my art later, okay? i don’t think i can deal with all of this at once."

          @lanternswill​​    –––    LOCAL  COFFEE  SHOP    //    “  DID  YOU  NEED  A  PLACE  TO  SIT  ?  ”  zatanna  asks  ,  looking  up  from  her  laptop  .  she  slides  her  books  to  her  side  of  the  table  to  make  some  room  .  “  this  seat’s  free  if  you  want  it  .  ”

“if you don’t mind,” kyle says, slumping into the seat the other had cleared for him. he’s running on fumes, having pulled another all-nighter in an attempt to finish a commission he’d been behind on. a coffee run had been necessary, and he’s grateful for the seat amid the busy coffee shop. “thanks, zatanna. i’m glad to run into a familiar face today. any reason you’re out and about?”

@lanternswill​

This new life he’s been granted was something completely unexpected, especially since his plans were completely interrupted once the portal came into play. Life in the city wasn’t that bad, but was expensive so he figured he’d pay someone a visit. Since he also knew they’d be the only one able to help with the current predicament.

Through some very thorough investigation that was pretty much just dming one of his ex boss’ friends, he got the mans new address and was at his door knocking with his ever cheerful voice.

“Delivery for one Mr. super hot six pack abs Rayner.” Terry chimed. “Ayo, open up dork, it’s cold out here, my Teroochie might freeze. Also, I’ve got a certain dilemma that involves your specialty, it’s ring related.”

when kyle opens his apartment door, he can't quite believe his eyes. "terry?" he says, not even slightly able to hide his incredulity. but there he is, kyle's former assistant and close friend waiting outside his door with an impatient look on his face. it truly feels too impossible to be real, even compared to everything else kyle's been through while traveling through these multiverses.

still in slight shock, kyle steps aside to let terry in, briefly glad his roommate wasn't here to overhear the other's greeting. he’s not sure if he could handle adrian interrupting this, whatever it turns into. kyle steps back towards the living room, and it hits him how strange it is that he and terry are both here, in kyle's new shitty apartment, on this strange earth that has no record of their existence, and kyle finds himself face-to-face with the last person he expected to run into--the friend he'd walked away from in his greatest time of need.

that thought is sobering enough that it knocks him out of his momentary reverie. "shit, terry, i never thought i'd see you again," kyle says, trying for a casual laugh that dies before he can even vocalize it, his voice fading out instead. he swallows down the emotions building and instead tries for a smile. "how'd you get here? wait, how'd you even find where i live?"