LANCER!!!

i need everyone to show me their favourite drawing that they've made. feed me, people

murder is offically back on

Does this mean you have accepted the freaks

No. I'm just gonna quickly kill them. everyone else gets tortured.

ahhhhh I see. Which am I?

somewhere in between probably.

.. so what does that mean

you'll be unconscious while i skin you

Doesn’t me being unconscious kinda ruin the fun? Plus, for your won safety, I’d like to inform you that when I get knocked out a weird magic deity takes over my body, and that did end up killing a living black hole. So uh. Maybe don’t. Knocking me out isn’t the best idea

sigh. fine whatever. I'll just cut open your ribs

Wow. That’s like, the one injury I’ve never gotten. Fascinating

awesome. on your knees then, I'll need an axe for this.

okay don't move. I think i have an axe here somewhere

Take your time. I’ve got all day. Quite literally.

found an axe. okay stay still now, and- *strike* oops, that was slightly off center

owie

that other guy screamed more when I pulled out his eye. okay whatever, i haven't even gotten to the ribs. gotta cut them and spread them out.

I didn’t know that was possible. Have fun

do you have lungs?

probably

great. i should probably wear gloves before i pull them out

That’s probably a good idea

Fuck i don't have gloves. guess I'm gonna do it without any

Woaghhh frea- sorry my bad.

that'd be upsetting probably. *uhhpullsoutyourlungs*

*chokes casually. As you do when you don’t have lungs*

hm. this got boring quick. you can just... choke to death or whatever here I guess

*rolls around in the floor. Choking. And also bleeding as expected. He doesn’t seem to care though*

okay cool. I'm gonna torture someone else now

*looks at you with an incredibly sad face*

why are you looking at me like that

*writes down on a conveniently placed note pad: I can’t believe you’d even consider leaving. So mean. I feel so hurt and betrayed :C*

What. i literally just cut open your ribs and pulled your lungs out

clearly you guys love me. also who are these 77 people. i know like, 7 people

murder is offically back on

guess what's gonna happen, sweetheart.

(' °ヮ° ) o h f u c k

I'm not gonna kill you, relax. back to the basement. you're gonna get tortured

I have zero idea what you said, love. Alright, to the basement now.

stay in the corner, i need to get a knife

okay I've a knife now.

i could either cut off a finger or flay you.. hm.

Leave the color of sky and sea ALONE

okay prince charming. how did you even get in here? whatever, i don't really care, they're gonna get tortured.

What?? what did you do to the door. ugh, all of you are so annoying

You shouldn’t have been torturing people then I wouldn’t break down the door

Okay, see, I don't care.

Then face judgement

am i supposed to be upset I'm being judged by some guy who broke in my house ??

No fear I THE MIGHTY RIDDARI THE KINGHT OF SCARRED PRIDE

okay cool, I need to torture this guy now

you guys make it so fucking hard to be a murderer

note to self: don't refer to anything "being hard" in front of these people. they're twisting my words

I was definitely not talking about dick.

WHAT. LIES. ALL LIES. I AM BEING ACCUSED!!!

YOU'RE SPREADING LIES ABOUT ME

Explain this, Charles! >:)

shut the FUCK UP. she's spreading lies about me

I'm gonna kill you

Who's Up?? hm?? you wanna explain that one??? hmmmmm??

literally no one. I was telling you to shut the fuck up.

I'M UP??!!?!?!?!?!? D:>

THATS NOT WHAT IT MEANS

NO ONE IS UP. oh my fucking god

NO WHAT THE FUCK?????? i HATE gods

You interact with Poseidon an awful lot..

SEA interacts with me, I would never talk to her.

Wasn't that time you kissed? or am I thinking of someone else?

I WAS FORCED TO. literally ask @sans-the-skeleconch-offical HE FORCED US. I'd never willingly kiss that guy

I did, once. But not the other time, that was all you then.

THERE WAS NO "OTHER TIME". WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

@nug-offical-deactiv you want to confirm there was a kiss that I didn't force?

I’m not the one to talk to about that…

Which one?

shut the fuck up poseidon

You liked it.

I DID NOT. you're a TERRIBLE kisser

That’s not what you saaaaiiiiid~~

Fuck off

You’d like that, wouldn’t you.

no ew

Uhuh.

shut the fuck up, asshole

I think you love himmm~~~

NO I DO NOT

Do you know about The Nile??

if you make a 'denial is a river in egypt' joke, I'm gonna beat you up

Nahhh, The Nile is a thing that sounds like denial which is what you’re in!

shut the fuck up, scorch

I know Achiliean yearning when I see itttt

I do NOT love ANYONE

You YEARN for his love

I do NOT

Charles and Seidon sitting by the sea, f-u-c-k-i-n-g

say that again and I'll skin you

You sure can try!

ughh, you're a child. i don't hurt children

You’d make such a good father for Poseidon’s children.

stay quiet, scorch

What are you gonna do? Hurt me?

No..

EXACTLY! I’m ✨✨ untouchable! ✨✨

sigh* I hate you

and yet you keep me around >:333

I don't. You broke into my house last time

and you were sweet and bought me food when i woke up! where’s that nice Charles the rest of the time?

I'm not always that nice.

why nottt?

because i can ??? i don't have to be nice

you’re nice enough to still be my friend at least :3

ugh whatever

you didn’t disagreeee

i still don't like you

And yet.

shut up, scorch. i dont wanna talk to you anymore

And yet you always respond

no i don't

You’re proving my point, dawling. *in bad british accent*

why the fuck are you talking like that

why not?

its weird ??

we kill people. you eat them.

okay ?? and??

that’s not weird?

No ??

riiiight, murder and cannibalism is normal now.

yes exactly

…you’re shitting me.

?? I'm not

since when was murder mainstream?

because i said so

uh huh, because you’re an authority now.

Sure.

whatever. let’s get pancakes.

I'm allergic

that won't be needed, kid

you guys make it so fucking hard to be a murderer

note to self: don't refer to anything "being hard" in front of these people. they're twisting my words

I was definitely not talking about dick.

WHAT. LIES. ALL LIES. I AM BEING ACCUSED!!!

YOU'RE SPREADING LIES ABOUT ME

Explain this, Charles! >:)

shut the FUCK UP. she's spreading lies about me

I'm gonna kill you

Who's Up?? hm?? you wanna explain that one??? hmmmmm??

literally no one. I was telling you to shut the fuck up.

I'M UP??!!?!?!?!?!? D:>

THATS NOT WHAT IT MEANS

NO ONE IS UP. oh my fucking god

NO WHAT THE FUCK?????? i HATE gods

You interact with Poseidon an awful lot..

SEA interacts with me, I would never talk to her.

Wasn't that time you kissed? or am I thinking of someone else?

I WAS FORCED TO. literally ask @sans-the-skeleconch-offical HE FORCED US. I'd never willingly kiss that guy

I did, once. But not the other time, that was all you then.

THERE WAS NO "OTHER TIME". WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

@nug-offical-deactiv you want to confirm there was a kiss that I didn't force?

I’m not the one to talk to about that…

Which one?

shut the fuck up poseidon

You liked it.

I DID NOT. you're a TERRIBLE kisser

That’s not what you saaaaiiiiid~~

Fuck off

You’d like that, wouldn’t you.

no ew

Uhuh.

shut the fuck up, asshole

I think you love himmm~~~

NO I DO NOT

Do you know about The Nile??

if you make a 'denial is a river in egypt' joke, I'm gonna beat you up

Nahhh, The Nile is a thing that sounds like denial which is what you’re in!

shut the fuck up, scorch

I know Achiliean yearning when I see itttt

I do NOT love ANYONE

You YEARN for his love

I do NOT

Charles and Seidon sitting by the sea, f-u-c-k-i-n-g

say that again and I'll skin you

You sure can try!

ughh, you're a child. i don't hurt children

You’d make such a good father for Poseidon’s children.

stay quiet, scorch

What are you gonna do? Hurt me?

No..

EXACTLY! I’m ✨✨ untouchable! ✨✨

sigh* I hate you

and yet you keep me around >:333

I don't. You broke into my house last time

and you were sweet and bought me food when i woke up! where’s that nice Charles the rest of the time?

I'm not always that nice.

why nottt?

because i can ??? i don't have to be nice

you’re nice enough to still be my friend at least :3

ugh whatever

you didn’t disagreeee

i still don't like you

And yet.

shut up, scorch. i dont wanna talk to you anymore

And yet you always respond

no i don't

You’re proving my point, dawling. *in bad british accent*

why the fuck are you talking like that

why not?

its weird ??

we kill people. you eat them.

okay ?? and??

that’s not weird?

No ??

riiiight, murder and cannibalism is normal now.

yes exactly

…you’re shitting me.

?? I'm not

since when was murder mainstream?

because i said so

uh huh, because you’re an authority now.

Sure.

whatever. let’s get pancakes.

I'm allergic

Ho ho ho!!! If your neck bones get sleepy, just lean on me! I’m soft and made of 100% comforting materials! :P

Ho ho ho!!! Have fun!

Then take one!

Yeah! Take a nap!

Ho ho ho!!! i am here too!

Me four!

Ho ho ho!!! Lancers, Assemble!

Ho ho ho!!!

Ho ho ho!!!

>the humble lancer.

YEP, YEP, YEP! Here to help!

ok. no one get hurt.

Wow. Rude.

you would probably test some sort of experimental healing gun on anyone who needed your help

HAHA! Nope! But Ratchet gave me basic training a while back!!!

@doc-nickel-official i am so sorry for everything i have ever done to you if i get fatally wounded today please don’t let me die

Ho ho ho!! I found you!

*osmoses milk*

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ho ho! I had to osmose my daily nutrients!

I don’t like you. Leave me aloneeeee

You haven’t taken your Lancer Cookie yet! I can’t regenerate more for other people until you do!

I DONT WANT ITTTTTTTT

You threatened me with it!!! I would have much preferred you threaten me with a gun! Threaten me with a gun, and I’ll take your weird little cookie~

I don’t have a gun! And I didn’t threaten you, I said I was gonna thrash you!!

That’s threateningggggg~ And I can give you a gun if you need it.

Kinda. Now, do you want a gun, or not?

Nope! I just want you to take this dee-licious Lancer Cookie!

What about a spade?

Ugh. It’ll have to do.

Ho ho ho!!! I, Lancer, the Jack of Spades, hereby threaten you to take my cookie, or else!

Fine! I will!

Oh. These are actually kinda cool.

Yeah. How’d you make them?

Ho ho ho!!! That’s my little secret, you inquisitive pineapple!

Ho ho ho!!! Do you wanna be friends, pineapple person?

YES. CALL ME PINEAPPLE.

Ho ho! Okely-dokely!

HO HO! Spectacular!

What in the world was that??? Did someone step on you?!

That was a happiness splat!

YEP, YEP, YEP! Here to help!

ok. no one get hurt.

Wow. Rude.

you would probably test some sort of experimental healing gun on anyone who needed your help

HAHA! Nope! But Ratchet gave me basic training a while back!!!

@doc-nickel-official i am so sorry for everything i have ever done to you if i get fatally wounded today please don’t let me die

Ho ho ho!! I found you!

*osmoses milk*

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ho ho! I had to osmose my daily nutrients!

I don’t like you. Leave me aloneeeee

You haven’t taken your Lancer Cookie yet! I can’t regenerate more for other people until you do!

I DONT WANT ITTTTTTTT

You threatened me with it!!! I would have much preferred you threaten me with a gun! Threaten me with a gun, and I’ll take your weird little cookie~

I don’t have a gun! And I didn’t threaten you, I said I was gonna thrash you!!

That’s threateningggggg~ And I can give you a gun if you need it.

Kinda. Now, do you want a gun, or not?

Nope! I just want you to take this dee-licious Lancer Cookie!

What about a spade?

Ugh. It’ll have to do.

Ho ho ho!!! I, Lancer, the Jack of Spades, hereby threaten you to take my cookie, or else!

Fine! I will!

Oh. These are actually kinda cool.

Yeah. How’d you make them?

Ho ho ho!!! That’s my little secret, you inquisitive pineapple!

Ho ho ho!!! Do you wanna be friends, pineapple person?

YES. CALL ME PINEAPPLE.

Ho ho! Okely-dokely!

HO HO! Spectacular!

YEP, YEP, YEP! Here to help!

ok. no one get hurt.

Wow. Rude.

you would probably test some sort of experimental healing gun on anyone who needed your help

HAHA! Nope! But Ratchet gave me basic training a while back!!!

@doc-nickel-official i am so sorry for everything i have ever done to you if i get fatally wounded today please don’t let me die

Ho ho ho!! I found you!

*osmoses milk*

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ho ho! I had to osmose my daily nutrients!

I don’t like you. Leave me aloneeeee

You haven’t taken your Lancer Cookie yet! I can’t regenerate more for other people until you do!

I DONT WANT ITTTTTTTT

You threatened me with it!!! I would have much preferred you threaten me with a gun! Threaten me with a gun, and I’ll take your weird little cookie~

I don’t have a gun! And I didn’t threaten you, I said I was gonna thrash you!!

That’s threateningggggg~ And I can give you a gun if you need it.

Kinda. Now, do you want a gun, or not?

Nope! I just want you to take this dee-licious Lancer Cookie!

What about a spade?

Ugh. It’ll have to do.

Ho ho ho!!! I, Lancer, the Jack of Spades, hereby threaten you to take my cookie, or else!

Fine! I will!

Oh. These are actually kinda cool.

Yeah. How’d you make them?

Ho ho ho!!! That’s my little secret, you inquisitive pineapple!

Ho ho ho!!! Do you wanna be friends, pineapple person?

YES. CALL ME PINEAPPLE.

Ho ho! Okely-dokely!

YEP, YEP, YEP! Here to help!

ok. no one get hurt.

Wow. Rude.

you would probably test some sort of experimental healing gun on anyone who needed your help

HAHA! Nope! But Ratchet gave me basic training a while back!!!

@doc-nickel-official i am so sorry for everything i have ever done to you if i get fatally wounded today please don’t let me die

Ho ho ho!! I found you!

*osmoses milk*

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ho ho! I had to osmose my daily nutrients!

I don’t like you. Leave me aloneeeee

You haven’t taken your Lancer Cookie yet! I can’t regenerate more for other people until you do!

I DONT WANT ITTTTTTTT

You threatened me with it!!! I would have much preferred you threaten me with a gun! Threaten me with a gun, and I’ll take your weird little cookie~

I don’t have a gun! And I didn’t threaten you, I said I was gonna thrash you!!

That’s threateningggggg~ And I can give you a gun if you need it.

Kinda. Now, do you want a gun, or not?

Nope! I just want you to take this dee-licious Lancer Cookie!

What about a spade?

Ugh. It’ll have to do.

Ho ho ho!!! I, Lancer, the Jack of Spades, hereby threaten you to take my cookie, or else!

Fine! I will!

Oh. These are actually kinda cool.

Yeah. How’d you make them?

Ho ho ho!!! That’s my little secret, you inquisitive pineapple!

Ho ho ho!!! Do you wanna be friends, pineapple person?

YEP, YEP, YEP! Here to help!

ok. no one get hurt.

Wow. Rude.

you would probably test some sort of experimental healing gun on anyone who needed your help