dissociation diary

🔨 * frank, manages the shit show to the best of his ability, someone give this guy something to drink

🍖 * sami/"hum", old friend used to be more of a dick, likes to be annoying and chaos seeker

🎒 * rory, quiet guy that usually is with hum theyre attached to the hip

🌺 * ollie, used to be the little, hes more of the middle child now, in his tumblrina flower crown era pray for him we support him

☀️ * jimmy/joey, sweetheart, giggly and warm with people voted most "normal and well adjusted"

🍬 * poppy shes the baby, likes color therapy, difficult to connect with the rest since she is the youngest and feels shy to participate

🌪️ * Thunderhead impartial, detached "robo" fictive. takes on more of an observer role in the background

🫖 * kathy motherly ish fae lady, usually hangs out with dee, has been caring for poppy recently

🎬 * dee/dahlie another long time friend, agesliding dork into film and was frontlocked throughout one of the bodys more traumatic periods in the last decade

-> 🥄* quin(?)/bro split off of dee and has a difficult time adjusting since after Dee frontlocked. Kinda a copy of a guy in an ex partner system. Substance use disorder.

🥩 * cal, nonhuman dickhead host adores dearly, no one else is particularly attached to him or understands why

🚰 * waterbottle, yeah thats his name, hes actually a robot piece. values friendship and learning to care about people close to him.

Im so sad but his words were nice. I'm a licensed CNA now...

Now I, 🍔, am wondering if he sees me differently or pities me or something for it lmao

Even though he literally asked because I guess he never got the full scoop.

But now hes like, ah yes. That makes sense for a lot of Who Else is around here.

I even told him about the first dream I remembered. The one with 🥩 when I was about 5 and sick on the couch and stuff. I know which one I'm talking about, it's too abstract and sentimental to make much sense here but yeah. Weird. I feel vulnerable in a way I'm like eww. I hate when I get like that, it's kind of terrifying and the last few in person therapists I've had were Not Encouraging or like Supportive and it's like. Why am I Better off doing this alone when I need help?

I knew I wasn't doing well during those periods but I wasn't allowed to feel justified in whatever was unresolved because I have all these markers of seeming functional...

-sluethed out the deal

-found what i needed to

-decided to psychologically torment my already suffering abuser

-wrote out the feeling sitting on my chest

-focused on my actual goals and ambitions for a healthy life and balance

I just saw someone that looked like her and i spiraled. I fucking found her and I got addicted to making her feel like shit. I want her to lose her mind. It's not healthy and I'm losing sleep and it does make me tired but I also get addicted to the feeling, I remember what could have been, I remember what happened and I hate her and I just get so blurry but I can't listen to anything my own thoughts are too loud to care about the radio signal or someone tapping my shoulder so to speak.

I don't want to hear it 🔨, you were not around for it yet. You came way late and I don't think I could explain it to him. I get so choked up. All the words stop in my throat and even internally the way i talk. It just doesn't.

🎬 has only popped around every so often and it makes me so sad like he doesn't ever want to talk to me. That time was hard. He was there through everything. He has a lot of my more fuzzy memories of the events of 2016-2017. I can't even recall if the time period is right.

I think I lost nearly a year and was steadfast in taking the reigns afterwards. I just couldn't be around much after.