What I hate the most about people hating on Rika isnât they hate her for what sheâs done. They hate her for what she is because many of them donât and canât understand her. Itâs not that I want to make fun of those people by offending them how unacquainted are they with mental illnesses. Not really. Itâs just you canât tell what are they like if you havenât have any experience with them. Whatâs more, you canât understand them if you havenât suffered from them.
Rika suffers from depressions, anxiety and paranoia. Itâs all real. She is real. Nothing of these are easy to overcome, nor are they easy to comprehend, not even to those having it.
Depressions drain life and happiness from people, taking everything they can from them, every single drop of joy. Itâs not like you cry just because you feel sad, itâs crying because you feel pain, a pain you donât know how to get rid of, a pain getting to your core without any chance of giving up on hurting you. Itâs losing hope, itâs rolling up on the floor, not knowing of yourself, even slobbering, and if you are lucky enough, you end up falling asleep because of exhaustion.
Anxiety is a fear inside you, a fear nobody can see. Itâs a sudden fear you have all of sudden and anxiety doesnât give a single sh*t where are you at the moment while having a panic attack. Itâs like you feel short of oxygen, like your chest is heavy and it hurts, like your stomach is about to throw up. Itâs disorientation and fear of being laughed at when youâre supposed to give a straight answer or say a sentence you didnât prepare in advance. Itâs a fear of doing anything in front of anyone, meaning the most usual things people do daily. Itâs overthinking and the feel of being talked about in a bad way when youâve done nothing wrong and itâs killing you.
Although paranoia is kind of connected to anxiety, it is a mental statement of its own. Youâre being watched, or so it feels. You think someone is after you, someone wants to hurt you, kill you. You feel someone plots against you. You just donât understand what is happening, you canât figure it out. Itâs just terriying to realize youâre not safe even in your own house.
What I wanted to say is: itâs not who you are that makes you do things, itâs what you choose to do and what you donât. Rika didnât do anything bad by suffering fom these illnesses. Itâs what she chose to do by not trying enough. She didnât just give up. She lost it all by her choices.
Iâm not writing this just to analyze Rika or to prove how tired of humanity I am. I know too well that these arenât reasons to be seriously angry about, itâs not really worth it anyway. I write this because I can tell and because I understand. Because these illnesses really do hurt people suffering it and people close to them. Because these illnesses are underrated. Because theyâre ugly sh*t.
Please reblog if you agree / can relate / have any experience with mental illnesses / suffer from mental illness(es)
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