Listen, I love the Battle of Hoth, but this chunk of book just keeps going forever.
I swear to god, every time Luke is saying goodbye to his dudes before a space battle, itās SO GAY. The bit with Biggs in the last book and now Han, I justā¦.ugh. so gay.
THE MOST GAY: āThe young commander began to walk away as memories of exploits shared with Han rushed to his mind. He stopped and looked back at the Falcon, and saw his friend still staring after him. As they gazed at each other for a brief moment, Chewbacca looked up and knew that each was wishing the other the best, wherever their individual fates might take them.ā
THE. MOST. GAY. THING. TO EVER HAPPEN. IN STAR WARS.
Even with Chewie there to be likeĀ āyeah, those bros...no homo-ing their best wishes through long, lingering glances.....just dudes being pals.....ā
Listen, minus the incest, Han, Luke, and Leia is a really great canon ot3 and you canāt stop me from saying that.
Also gay, but now with robots!!: āArtoo whistled and tooted a good-bye, then turned to roll down the ice corridor. Waving stiffly, Threepio watched as his stout and faithful friend moved away. To an observer, it may have seemed that Threepio grew misty-eyed, but then it wasnāt the first time he had gotten a drop of oil clogged before in his optical sensors.āĀ
Gay robots with bad syntax: what more could you possibly want from this series?
āBut above all this activity and noise a strange sound could be heard, an ominous thumping that was coming nearerā¦ā Listen, I know I use too many commas in my writing, but would it kill them to put a comma after their conditional clause??
Oh god. Okay, here we go:Ā
āThere must have been a dozen of them resolutely advancing through the snow, looking like creatures out of some uncharted past. But they were machines, each if them stalking like enormous ungulates on four jointed legs.
Walkers!ā
There is so much happening here i cant even decide where to start. Ungulates???? The exclamation point on the one word paragraph. Dinosaur and ungulate similes within two sentences of each other.
The next paragraph is even wooorseeee:
āWith a shock of recognition, the officer identified the Empireās All Terrain Armored Transports. Each machine was formidably armed with cannons placed on its foreside like the horns of some prehistoric beast. Moving like mechanized pachyderms, the walkers emitted deadly fire from their turnstile guns and cannons.ā
Listen, my dudes, are they ungulates, dinosaurs, or elephants? You have to pick one.
āFor a moment, Luke thought of some of the simple tactics a farm boy might employ against a wild beast.ā Whatever works for you, babe.
āwhoeaā is not a spelling Iāve sen before, but you do you, my man.
I love that Rebel is capitalized every time. Lends authority andā¦idk weight? to the organizaion?
!!!! Rogue Two has a name?? His name is Zev!? Who knewā¦
Every time they refer to lightsabers as ālaser swordsā I both die a little inside and laugh uncontrollably.
āLuke dropped hard to the snow and became unconscious.ā Iām not sure what it is about the phrasing of that thatās so damn amusing, butā¦became unconscious. Sure.
I feel like the Hoth bit of the movie takes way less time than itās taking here in the book. Not that Iām complainingāI love the battle of Hothābut it feelsā¦slow. The pacing is off. And Iām wondering how much of that is because visuals are so much quicker than wordsā¦
Anyway, Iāve an essay in me about how certain stories are better suited to certain mediums, but today is not the day for that essay.
Iām...really glad that they eventually standardized that the droids are referred to by their numbers in narration and their phoenetic spellings only in dialogue. Because every time I see āSee-Threepioā written out, I die a bit. Itās so ridiculous.
and by āeventuallyā I mean āby the time they got around to the Force Awakens novelization and not a moment sooner.āĀ
