stick it to the man-itis

danny mcfarlane + moodboard.

Geez, you’re definitely hiding it well then, if there’s supposed to be genius somewhere in that house. Wait, which good looks? I’m still searching for those. True, your son could be Superman, and we’re probably only going to find out when he hits his teen years and starts saving the world. I will never take it back, if it hurts your reputation, I’m going to keep spreading that rumour, buddy. Like anything embarrasses you, butt sniffer.  

Well duh, that's exactly what a genius would do. You can't go around parading all your cards at once, you have to save a little something something for the second act. I can link you to an online booking for an eye test then. You're right, it's going to be classic Smallville only he's growing up in an apartment and not a rustic yet endearing farm. Should I buy more plaid? Make the place feel more farm-y? You're a cruel mistress, Mickey K. Did... I'm sorry, did you just call me a "butt sniffer"? If I knew that we were going to be stooping to this sort of language, I would have brought a mud pie to fight back with.

I wonder where he got the smarts from because it’s definitely not you. And I’m not sure about his mom because she slept with you in the first place, so she was clearly missing something. Oh no, does that mean there will soon come a day when, heaven forbid, Danny McFarlane has to be a quasi-adult? No no, what am I even saying? That will never happen. Because, dear Daniel, I live to break your heart. It’s what I get out of bed for.

Ouch. You never know, I could be harbouring my genius plans underneath all the empty boxes of Pop Tarts around the house. These good looks and boyish charm could all just be a rouse, McKinley. [ laughs ] Well, I won't argue with you there. Maybe he actually landed here from Krypton or something and I was just chosen on accident to look after him. You take that back immediately! I can't have my good name dragged through the dirt by these "real adult" rumours. Hey, now you're just trying to make me blush.

“Hey, I love your mini-van. It reminds me of the one my mom used to drive when McKinley and I were growing up.” she shot him a smile as she climbed in the front seat, attempting to rearrange his Pop Tart boxes without upsetting the feng shui he had going on.

"Really? That makes me feel just the tiniest bit better about it, thank you. I mean, I added some cool bumper stickers and stuff too but you know. It's hard to be a cool dad when your kid is a hundred billion times cooler than you already." Danny smiled right back at her of course, figuring she was doing her best not to mess with the feng shui. "You want to pick the tunes?"

I don’t want to come across as too sales-y, but if you must feed your kid Pop Tarts, at least come in and buy some of my slightly less processed and sugary ones. Oh, I uh… run a bakery, in case that seemed like a weird thing to say. 

I know! I mean, I saw the bakery. I'm a big, big fan. Of baking. Not that I bake, just...eat a lot. Uh, anyway. You can make your own Pop Tarts without the whole government juicing and processed stuff? Cool. Don't worry though, I think everything I just said was really weird so. Thank you, though. That was the perfect amount of sales-y.

Do you ever worry that Elijah is going to grow up exactly like you? Wait, no, I take that back, he’s already way smarter than you are. You know, you could always try toast. Or cereal. Not glorified cake for breakfast.

... Okay, you can have that one because he is hauntingly smart and I'm pretty sure he's started to mock me behind my back. Eventually I won't be safe in my own home. He'll insist we start having something like toast or cereal too even though some of us love glorified cake. And breakfast. Why break up a perfect duo, McKinley? Why break my heart like, every day?

“Oh my god! I am so glad I ran into you. I have been wandering around here for hours. Seriously. My fingers are so cold I can’t feel them.” She pressed her fingertips delicately against the others cheek. “See? Anyway, thank god you’re here. What are you doing out so late anyway? You’re not lost too, right? I’m so glad I decided to wear comfortable shoes, I almost went with the heels, but I had a feeling they’d be too fabulous for tonight.”

“Hol---y crap, those are cold! Cold cold cold,” Danny shook his head, bouncing on his toes briefly to get the feeling back in his whole face. “Huh? No, nah. No way. I... Alright, full disclosure? I let Elijah mess with the car windows on the way home and he wound up tossing his plastic dinosaur out the window, “on accident”, which I think is a very likely story. So I was out here prowling around for it but I might need to just buy a new one. To be honest, I think he just wanted to hang out with Daphne. Me, you and your non-heels can take the station-wagon back home though.”

(DEREK THELER, CISMALE, HE/HIM) ~ Have you seen (DANNY MCFARLANE) around Aspen Creek? He is a (32) year-old (FBI ANALYST) and has lived on the (NORTH SIDE) for (SEVENTEEN YEARS). He is a (LIBRA), so they can be (CHARMING), but also (UNRELIABLE). I heard that he (WAS A NOTORIOUS HACKTIVIST BEFORE THE FBI CAUGHT HIM AND OFFERED HIM A JOB OR JAIL), but that could just be a rumor started by the hacker. (Paige, 23, she/her, Aquarius, GMT)

“Look, loser. I said I’m not interested. Did your mommy not teach you what the word “no” means? Maybe on another day, if you weren’t being such a fuckboy, I might have considered your offer, but some of us are actually in full time education and we have deadlines. So, one more time, get out of my face before I punch yours.”

"Hey, kid! You. That's right, you right there. Listen son, either you exit the premises immediately or I'll be forced to drag you out of here in handcuffs." His words might not have been as effective if he hadn't been taller than the quote-unquote "fuckboy" and his FBI badge wasn't in his hand. How embarrassing. Still though, it did the trick. Danny stared him down just like her actual brother would have before letting out a breath. "I hate having to do that, Mar. I feel so itchy. So...govermenty. Glad you didn't knock him out though, the blood would have been a real bitch to get out of the furniture."

“Sorry to bother you, but do you mind giving me a lift to the nearest gas station? My car broke down a few miles back and I’m this close to tossing my heels and walking barefoot on this disgusting gravel– So please save me from a tetanus shot?”

“Hey, I’ve got you. Climb aboard. But uh, if you want ride up front, you‘ll have to contend with the mutlple boxes of Pop Tarts and the knock your reputation always takes when you climb into a mini-van.”

Tiffany sighed heavily and frowned at the stranger, thought more in worry and less in disdain at his offer of help. She could barely see him over his groceries, and if anything she was going to end up being a nuisance expecting him to actually put everything down for something so stupid.

“I can’t let someone lock pick my front door out of pure principle because A, that’s usually my job and B, I just want to unlock my own front door with the keys at least once…” Tiffany was clearly becoming increasingly frustrated the more she thought about not having her keys. She hadn’t even been here all of an hour and already she was fucking up left, right and center. Not that she didn’t appreciate the offer of help, because boy she really needed it right about now, but her stubbornness fought against her whenever it got the chance.

As soon as he heard her response to the half-joking lock picking option a grin spread across his face. Next the only option was to rearrange his grip on his groceries so he could get a proper look at the events unfolding before his eyes. His smile turned understanding at her clear frustration but he kept his distance at unspoken request.

“This is exactly why you hire people do your grocery shopping for you, Mr. Macfarlane. So, you don’t have to deal with the headache of shopping an even more important, so you don’t drag me to the store with you.”

“Hire people. It sounds more and more tempting every time I’m out here in these shelves, you know that? “Drag you”, Daphne. I was just gonna comment on how much I appreciated the company, the support... The giant gummy bear full of gummy bears in this basket is partly for you. But alright, alright last time. Pinky promise.”