@lacetrauma - Tumblr Blog

never anything else

#ptsd #actuallymentallyill #flashbacks #sa #trauma #tw trauma mention #ocd #bipolar

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who up missing who they could have been rn

#bipolar #actuallymentallyill #ptsd #ocd #don’t even have the brain for subpar poetry

i recently got diagnosed with OCD. it’s nice to know that some of my awful evil thoughts ARE NOT ME and are in fact a disorder. feeling relieved especially because there are so many options for remission/ recovery with OCD. i started some new medication (for bipolar too) and im starting to feel a bit more stable. just wanted anyone to know that it is okay to talk about the horrible thoughts you have and the taboo things that go through your mind. it’s so scary to think and feel let alone talk about. you can do it!!!!!

on the other hand my ptsd has been meh. somatic symptoms, having sleep anxiety and some nightmares again. no worries though because the psychiatrist i saw said she will have a look at what she thinks will be good for me. I don’t want any sedatives because they end up giving me more anxiety than helping (hence aripiprazole), but im feeling hopeful that i will be out of this fucking awful chapter of my life. i lost my whole childhood, teenage years and early twenties to mental illness and trauma. i am decidedly fucking DONE even if it’s scary.

#OCD #bipolar disorder #ptsd

thr0ne

@pessimisticfvck my internet friend.

on this day 8 years ago we spoke for the first time. I was 15, you were 17, and you quickly became the person I would go to. i would talk to you about things that i didn’t feel like i could talk about with the people i had in real life. you were my corner of the internet, the void i could shout into (sometimes the void is your friend and it shouts back) and someone who made me feel safe when i didn’t think i would be ever again.

i could let out all of my shame and all of the things i thought would make people see me differently. i wont EVER forget the way being friends with you made me feel, the things it taught me about love, trust and even anger when it was hard for both of us. i learnt so many valuable lessons because of you. ill always cherish the stupid jokes and the FaceTimes and the drunk calls.

your portrait will forever be under the paint at my dads house. you won’t be alone there because you’re next to oatmeal (LOL).

i hope that you feel safe and loved and beautiful wherever you are. i really wish you could have felt that here. i love you so fucking much and i miss you dearly.

happy happy birthday.

I don’t really know what to say at this point.

I have tried to be smile for SO fucking long. I remember being 14/15 years old and making this account. I’m 23 this year. I would love to be positive but nothing had changed. I am so fucking scared, so lovely. I don’t even know how to put it into words but no one fucking gets me anymore. I really really wish I could be a normal person but I don’t know how. TMI- I want to have sex. I want to feel loved. I want someone to want me. and I still can’t fucking do it because I’m so fucking scared. I really really wish I could go back in time and never go through ANYTHING that I went through. I was 15. and now I’m 23 and I’m still so fucking scared. I want my youth back. I want my time back. I’m so scared and I want it all back. I don’t know what her do to. I want to be whatever “me” is. does anyone get that? I just want to feel safe now. I don’t care about “diagnosis this” or “diagnosis that” I just really really want someone to fix me now. Like actually please. I can’t do this anymore.

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22 today. started this account at 15. life is so much. all the time LOL and im fighting the birthday blues but im proud of myself for making it this far. thank you so much for everything <3

im sorry that i don’t have much to say anymore. im not as creative as I used to be

#ptsd #actuallymentallyill #tw trauma mention #sa #trauma #actuallytraumatised #hypervigilance #flashbacks #paranoia #ok to rb #trauma venting #trauma vent

i hope this year is so so so kind to you

you’re so lovely. really thank you. i hope it’s kind to you as well

lacetrauma

first time in 6 years doing today sober. let’s see how it goes. i might end up with a drink idk

lacetrauma

i ended up drinking but im okay. didn’t cry. don’t know how I feel. im with my best friend and we had a good night and i think that i don’t want to feel like this every year for the rest of my life. first year not crying is a good thing! maybe next year I’ll be okay!

first time in 6 years doing today sober. let’s see how it goes. i might end up with a drink idk

#actuallymentallyill #flashbacks #trauma #sa #tw trauma mention #ptsd #bipolar

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futile

#actuallymentallyill #flashbacks #trauma #tw trauma mention #sa #actuallytraumatised #hypervigilance #paranoia #csa #touch repulsed #nightmares #vent #ptsd #lacetrauma #ok to rb #bipolar #blood mention #vomit mention

ghost

#ok to rb #ptsd #trauma #TW trauma mention #actuallymentallyill #actuallytraumatised #flashbacks #cocsa #sa #hypervigilance #paranoia #touch repulsed #nightmares #vent #lacetrauma #bipolar

I wanna second what that other anon said I'm really happy you are here and have been here for another year I hope at least you can find something that made you when a little bit happy today and just know you are thought of

Sending you all the love I'm proud and happy to know you made it to 20 ♥️💓❤️💘💞💕💓💖

thank you so much,, it’s asks like this that make me feel here. idk if that makes sense but I really appreciate the both of you and you can message whenever you need something I hope you’re okay

#ptsd #bipolar

congrats!!! im glad you're still here for whatever it's worth 💗

just cried reading this thank you so much i hope you’re okay

20 today. i don’t know. just tired

#ptsd #bipolar

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it’s been 6 months since it happened. i was looking for my favourite top for months and just realised i left it at her fucking house. its these small reminders that make it hurtful. i want that top back. i want to go back to that night and not talk to her or drink that much. i really fucking liked that top. i can’t even buy it again because it’ll freak me out and i can’t ask for it because im too scared to even look at her. i can’t even wear the jeans i like because i remember looking down at them when I thought I had stopped bleeding, literally 5 days later, and i saw blood in them again. i want to wear my own fucking clothes. i want to look at my own body and feel like me.

#ptsd #vent #actuallymentallyill #sa #flashbacks #tw trauma mention #trauma #touch repulsed #nightmares #lacetrauma #tw blood #tw blood mention #tw r*pe

How old are you? How are you?

helloooo im turning 20 next month,, it’s crazy to think I started this account when I was 15,,, and i could be better haha. how are you!!

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