La Belleza Infiniti

To the man who makes me happy,

It hasn’t been long since I have known you or since you confessed your love to me. When I met you, I was at that point in my life where I stopped letting people in, where I found strength and solace in being alone, where I started to keep parts of myself hidden and where I decided to make broken look beautiful.

I remember telling myself back then that I would never let someone close enough to break me again. I told myself that I would never give someone the power to destroy me. I told myself that I would never fall in love again because I know how badly it hurts when the only person you love, stops loving you. I told myself that I would never tell anyone my secrets and that I would never show the hidden parts of myself to anyone. And I made these decisions only because I was afraid. Afraid of falling in love, again. Afraid of emotional attachment. Afraid of believing in lies. Afraid of falling for false promises. Afraid of letting anyone close enough to tear me apart.

Just so you know, there was a time when I was broken. There was a time when I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without falling apart. There was a time when I cried myself to sleep each night, telling myself that I would learn to be strong. And what you saw in me when you fell for me was something that I built amidst broken promises and failed forevers. I built that. Alone.

And even after telling myself all these things, I still let you in. I showed you parts of myself that were meant to be hidden forever. I told you my secrets and I shared every detail of my life with you. I told you terrifying stories about myself. I started to care about you. I started to love you. And I fell for you.

What I have with you means more to me than everything that I have ever been afraid of. You make me happy, and this terrifies me, because once you’re happy, it can be taken away from you. I am giving you everything I can, so please give me what I want, because I don’t want this to end.

And lastly, I have never been vocal about my feelings, but here I am, letting you know that I want you. I hate to admit that I am falling for you with every passing minute. I hate to admit that I want you all to myself. And I hate to admit that I am giving you everything that you might need to destroy every part of my being.

So, today, I am asking you for one little thing – Please don’t break my heart. Please don’t make me regret falling in love with you. Please don’t make me feel unwanted, ever. Please don’t break the promises that you made to me, because now I am afraid of losing you. Please, for the sake of my shattered and exhausted heart, don’t turn out to be like everybody else.