Have been feeling really deeply lately all of my negative emotions. It’s this deep loneliness that I have felt all of my life. All of it. Young me, kid me, teen me, all versions. I try to mask it but it’s there. Have been trying to ground myself all day because I felt the panic attack forming in my chest. Went for a walk, listened to Mitski, had a good cry. Almost made it home when I heard someone screaming my name. With tears still rolling down my face an old friend waved and turned their car around to come towards me. It was a nice pleasant conversation and even though I had wiped my tears I felt she noticed. The sadness has been pouring out of me lately.
But we had a good catch up, realized we live close to each other now and bonded over a small detail we didn’t realize we had in common. When she finally left she gave me a strong hug, one that was intentional and solidified my suspicions that she knew. I leaned into it. It felt nice. Kindness from an old friend was needed today.
I walked back home embarrassed of my earlier sadness. Why am I always so quick to forget that there is still so much good in this world to experience?
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