Hello all.
This will be the last update for the One Is All Project for the foreseen future.
I believe in full disclosure, so I’ll give you full disclosure. The past few days have felt like years. Everything is in slow motion. It’s been hard to eat, to sleep, and to focus on daily life. I am gutted, I am heartbroken, I am sick. As an adult who has spent the last four years recovering from my own traumas, I focus very actively on creating boundaries between myself and what hurts me. However, these boundaries were broken in all of the worst ways when I found myself in a situation where I had to make some very hard decisions involving a passion project.
I want to clarify that I was the one who wrote our previous statement. Me – not any of my fellow moderators. As the head moderator, the buck stops with me. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened. The calls have ultimately been mine, and they have not been easy. I know that I will be misunderstood, sometimes willfully. It is what happens when you put yourself out there in the ways that I have, and was aware of this risk from the outset. It’s brought me immense pain to see my team being held completely accountable for a decision that was ultimately mine. Teams can disagree individually, but we make a decision as one. I approved it. I am responsible. They can agree with this statement, or they cannot, but I am speaking for myself right now.
I apologize from the bottom of my heart if the statement posted on October 28 was slanderous. I purposefully did not name the artist in question or accuse anyone of anything outright on purpose – because I didn’t want anyone to attack the artist, and I didn’t want to accuse them of the things that people were accusing them of because, quite frankly, I personally don’t think it is true. The issue was not black and white, and while I did my best to do the right thing in a complicated situation, it is clear there is no decision that would have led to anything good. I’m still coming to terms with this, as I never wanted to hurt anyone when beginning this project, but found myself forced to. Since it was not made abundantly clear, I will still not name the artist because I care about their safety, and I do not think they are a pedophile. I hope they are also safe and recovering from this during this time. The issue at hand was content the artist created that was deemed problematic by others involved in this project, not anything more than that. If I did nothing, I would be accused of endangering minors and being a pedophile. If I did something, I was alienating survivors and hurting an artist. I don’t know how many people have been in a situation similar to this, but know that it was extremely painful to land on the decision that I did.
I never wanted to cause controversy. I never wanted to hurt anyone. It will take me a long time to recover from the actions that I was forced to take.
This is not intended to make anyone feel any way about me one way or another – on the contrary. I’m not here to convince anyone of my virtue or lack thereof. I know this statement will also be willfully misunderstood, I’ll continue to receive an onslaught of threats and insults from those on both sides of the argument. Although I’m shaking as I write this, and I feel supremely vulnerable, I know it is that vulnerability that will give me strength to heal from this. I am an abuse survivor, and I am as fucking resilient as they come. This will not be my undoing.
Despite knowing this, it is still hard to know I have to experience this hurt, and lean into the pain in order to get through it. I sat in my car in a parking lot for thirty minutes two days ago, crying. I knew I was going to have to make another hard decision, but what is the best one. I stand by what I said in my previous statement: I want everyone on this project to be safe. Right now, me and my moderators feel very unsafe. No project is worth compromising the safety and wellbeing of me and my team.
It was then I decided: I want to announce that the One Is All Project is disbanded, effective immediately.
I wanted to create something positive for the Fullmetal Alchemist community. I have had this idea since 2018, and wanted to bring people together for something special. Instead of being greeted with enthusiasm from this community, my team and I were met with nothing but scrutiny, distrust, and vitriol – as if we are not real people, and exist only as the concepts of our online presence. I had mutuals I’ve known for years on both sides of the argument, without ever bringing up their concerns with me directly, immediately assuming the worst of me. In a matter of hours, my project, friendships, and my mental wellbeing were destroyed.
The thing that hurt the most, other than all of the hurt that this has caused, is the realization that there is no Fullmetal Alchemist community to give this project to. There are only cliques of people who want others to define a fictional story the exact same way that they do, and they want all content created involving that story to fit their personal narrative. Somehow, the fandom as a whole has missed Arakawa’s message of the importance of togetherness – of the divine connection that we as human beings experience with each other. They have ignored that Edward Elric’s growth was not based in brute strength and superior intelligence, but in learning humility and discarding identity. This project was meant to be for everyone, but because of the inherent nature of this fandom, I realize now it never could have been that. This was the inevitable end.
I know that those who remained silent during this whole sequence of events are probably disappointed. I would like to apologize to those who were excited for this project that will not see it come to its fruition, or be able to contribute. I encourage those of you to continue to make content that inspires you, and to do it for you. Make friends, try your hardest to be a good person. Every time you are down, get back up even if it’s hard. Be someone with integrity who helps others whenever you can, and allows yourself to be helped when you need it. Take care of each other.
Thank you, Tanya / Lady Wiltshire One Is All Project Organizer, Producer
