Who are you?

Contrast that to Finn: “He took her. Did you see that? He took her!” And later on Starkiller Base to Rey: “Did he hurt you?” Finn was terrified the entire time Rey was gone, but Han? Nah.

“WE NEED TO SCRAMBLE OUR FIGHTERS! FIVE BLOODY MINUTES AGO.”

- Captain Canady. Captain of the Siege Dreadnought Fulminatrix. Killed during the attack during the evacuation of D’Qar. 

I’m going to be frank: I think much of the misunderstanding stems from the fact that the fandom has historically disliked discussion of Ben’s rawer, stronger, and darker side– the side that knows what he wants and seizes it when the time is right. I can attest to this personally – I have several within-fandom backlashes under my belt to prove that many (not all, but many) Reylos don’t love talking about this aspect of his character. 

But it’s always been there. And talking to casual fans outside of the SW fandom has made me realize just how insulated we are. The simple fact of the matter is that casual Star Wars fans find Ben much stronger and darker than online fans, who often think of Ben Solo as the fluffiest and floofiest of fluffy villainkins (😂). 

Yes, some idiot fans complain about Emo Crylo Ren, but that’s certainly not the only take on Ben. For instance, antis are opposed to Reylo precisely because they find Ben genuinely powerful and threatening (because they are myopic idiots who only frame his potential in conjunction with his Dark side abilities).

What’s the reason for this disconnect? 

Again, I’m going to go out on a limb here and express my opinion as a meta writer. The issue, in my opinion, is that we’ve often been afraid to talk about the ways in which Ben is truly raw, strong, and untamed, because these qualities of his have been explicated (thus far) via his use of the Dark side of the Force. 

Reylos’ reluctance to discuss Ben’s power in all its raw, unbridled fury comes from an understandable place– attempting to protect ourselves from anti criticism– but the inevitable consequence of dictating / policing the “appropriate” way to discuss / portray Ben is that he is often woobified in fanon. He really has never been as soft, fluffy, or “weak” as many (not all, but many) in the Reylo fandom make him out to be. 

Yes, Soft! Ben is absolutely one side of him, but it’s not the only side. The TLJ novel was unequivocal in this– the man has darkness, and it’s a source of power and strength for him. And it shapes his motivations in the narrative thus far. 

Ben is domineering, dismissive, arrogant, and full of rage. He uses these things to fuel him. Yet he is also deeply conflicted, wounded, vulnerable, and compassionate. Fanon often prefers a discussion of the latter side of Ben and ignores the former. This isn’t true of everyone. But it’s true for many. 

I think the debate going on about Ben right now is fascinating and informative. And I do think it’s worth pointing out that this is a Heroine’s Journey for Rey- female empowerment is a key point, so yes, the narrative does ask us to cheer for Rey’s victories a bit more than anyone else’s (including Ben’s). 

i mean here’s a video of adam driver laughing and nothing else

Rey: *is mad at Ben* *doesn’t want to talk to him through the bond*

Rey: *wants answers* *goes down into evil cave* *doesn’t get answers*

Rey: *immediately calls Ben upset* BEN yOu wiLL nOt BELIEVE whAt I jUsT weNt tHroUGH!!

IVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE!!

“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.

Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’

Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.

Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don’t go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don’t put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man’s voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don’t use parking garages. Don’t get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don’t use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don’t wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don’t take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don’t make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

Kylo:

Rey:

JJ Abrams: