> Sfw, headcanons, Gn! Reader, romance.
Mordecai Heller doesn't fall in love, of course not, the word love doesn't even cross his mind any a single second of the day, he doesn't feel butterflies in his stomach, he doesn't blush, and of course he doesn't fantasize about it; Which is partially true. It's not a priority in his life unlike most people around him, I can tell, but opposite to what he might think, he is not immune at all. That's why falling in love with you I destabilize him in such a way like a punch to the guts taking his breath out of him.
This is a huge step! Mordecai has VERY specific tastes, whether you meet his standards and manages to hold his interest consider yourself incredibly lucky.
At first he didn't think about it as love, he thinks your presence is nice, that you're not annoying and loud like Serafine and Nico, that you're probably more smart than the rest and that's why he tolerates you. However, he hardly notices that he suddenly stands closer to you and his tone sounds a little, just a little bit, softer when he talks with you.
Suddenly and out of nowhere, he starts noticing unnecessarily and specific things about, like your body language when you're relaxed or uncomfortable, the features of your face, the light of the sun in your hair, the strangely pleasant scent you leave behind when you pass by him, or the timbre of your voice that sounds terribly sweet. This started to annoy him a lot, you're distracting him. Are you doing this on purpose? He might be talking about something important with Asa, and suddenly his mind wanders of how good a certain color looked on you.
Finally confusion comes, and Mordecai is the kind of man who gets angry when something confuses him. He starts thinking about you even at home and violently suppresses the thought. Suddenly when you get too close his heart rate accelerates, when you laugh he feels a strange and unpleasant tickling in the stomach, sometimes when he thinks about you at night or at work he feels an inexplicable heat rising up his neck, and when you are being particularly nice to someone else, there's a painful, annoying pang in his chest that leaves him restless and angry for the rest of the day.
All of this causes him a repulsive reaction; he doesn't like it, but at the same time it feels good. He considers that perhaps he's sick, but it doesn't make sense, because why would this only happen in your presence and in relation to you? So he starts to run away, seeming angry at you, which confuses you quite a bit. He pushes you away with harsh, dry words, moves to the other side of the room if you're there, refuses to look at your eyes, and evades you. Others say he's more irritable than usual, that he scolds others hysterically, and in private, he compulsively seeks out things to do to avoid thinking. Every thought he has about you, immediately suppresses. He cleans what's already sparkling, rearranges something that was already symmetrical, and compulsively counts the bullets in his gun's magazine for the fifth time that day.
Eventually, something worse happens. Mordecai realizes he's starting to miss you, which makes him more paranoid. He paces in circles for half an hour until he concludes that this isn't working. He feels worse without you than with you.
The word "crush" seems too simple and childish to describe what Mordecai feels about you. But the moment he realizes it, the moment he puts a name to the discomfort, it hits him like a bucket of ice water. That's it. He's in love with you.
So eventually he comes back to you, aggressively and awkwardly, but sweet in his own way.
He'll probably come back with a present, like some dessert you once said you liked, handing it to you with a gruff, strangely attentive remark "It has vanilla filling, just like you like it" leaving you quite confused.
Mordecai's love language is definitely acts of service and quality time. He finds himself doing you favors to ease your work or normal activities, sometimes he even does the work himself. Like those times when he stops you to adjust your clothes, cleans your workspace, or takes things out of your hands to carry them for you. He also starts discreetly finding out your schedule so he can adjust his own, that way it won't seem strange to see him everywhere in your free time.
He seems a little (a lot) obsessed with you, without you even telling him or realizing it, he already knows all your preferences, what are you allergic to, your body language, what you do every morning, who you talk to and what things you despise.
He becomes quite protective of you. Mordecai has lived his whole life in a dangerous environment, and his worst fear is that something will happen to you, so he takes care of you like a mother, watching who gets close to you, things that put you in danger, he might even make sure your house has proper locks on the doors, he might even give you a gun. He's taking care of you okay? Appreciate it.
Will he confess it to you? No, never. Maybe a little confession that he cares about you in german/yiddish that you won't understand, but for Mordecai, it's not necessary to put it into words. The fact of loving you is so visceral and at the same time pleasant to him that it is enough.
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I really hope you like this first post!!
I apologize for any errors in grammar, spelling, or narration, english is not my native language, I'll correct them in the future.
If you liked it you're free to make any request, or to correct me respectfully if it's necessary :))
Let me know what you think!!
