am i doing enough?

    hello hello ! omg i’m so behind but here, hi i have arrived. im soo happy to be here with my over working over achieving boy park corbin. he’s  a mess and i am a mess so honestly it works out!! i’m taking summer classes so i will be sporadic but im going to try and as active as i can be!! but yeah i want to get things going so please like this for plotting !! im going to throw some things about him under the read more if you are interested!! i also have a page for his profile and history on his blog

never again.

     “because i know you’re perpetually single and need to get laid,” she comments, though she knows he can hear the teasing tone in her voice. she’s joking, considering that she knows he’s not the type to do that or anything, but she also wants to tease him a bit. she knows he’s also very serious about his studies—which she should be, but can never really get into since she has her youtube channel to focus on instead and that’s much more fun—but she thinks that university is a time to let loose and have a bit of fun at least.

     considering the real world probably won’t let them do this as often.

     “nice,” suji comments once he’s agreed and this is when she finally lets go of his wrist. she’s not actually afraid that he might run away or anything—she knows where he lives and where he usually studies so he can’t get away from her even if he wanted to, though with that point if he truly didn’t want to go, she would’ve backed off—and he’s given her his word now and she trusts it.

     pausing at his question though, as they keep walking, suji shrugs. “i’ll ask him,” she starts, tilting her head slightly to the side. “he might. actually, yeah, i won’t give him a choice so you won’t be stuck with just me all night,” she grins, winking playfully at cory.

    cory slides his hands into his pockets are they walk. his mind still working up ways that he might be able to get out of this with her. he knows that isn’t going to be possible because suji would never let him escape now. which is to no surprise. she has always been persistent  and perhaps that something about her that he has come to like and maybe respect? not that he would ever tell her that fact. he’s pretty sure if he let it slip that he has kind of respect for her it would go right to her head and make her all the more annoying. 

    but he can’t help but think she is a neat friend for the fact she so earnestly bugs him like this. to get him to go out and about. to socialize outside of just studying in the library (the socialization there being with the librarian). does he enjoy outings like this? not really. but does he enjoy having a friend who likes to hang out with him? also not really--he jests. 

     he knows part of this though is for her own amusement. 

›      scared to be lonely

     “ohhh pancakes,” he says happily, and he’s not sure how the other male had found all of the ingredients to make something. the pantry was pretty bare and so was their fridge, so noah guesses it probably wasn’t hard to find everything that was needed. at least he had real canadian maple syrup in the fridge, from the trip to costco he had made with jinwoo a few weeks back. he would probably have to pester his friend to go again soon, and ask seongbin what he might want him to pick up.

     he watches the other male quietly for a while, just appreciating that cory was still there because honestly, he hadn’t been sure what to expect when he got up today. it wasn’t exactly a drunken one night stand, and he and cory were friends so he’s a bit worried that he’s made it awkward between them. last night was a bit of a blur, if only because he didn’t know how they had gone from cuddling while watching a movie to making out to sleeping with each other. he doesn’t regret it, but he hopes that cory still being here meant that he didn’t regret it either.

     “i think we have frozen bacon …” noah comments, going to open the freezer and looking inside to see if he could locate it. they had bought a costco pack and he had eaten a ton of it but he’s pretty sure that they still have some. “aha!”  he exclaims, pulling out the package from the back of the freezer and he puts it on a plate so he can microwave and defrost it.

     while that’s going, he wanders back over to the stove quietly and just stands there. part of him wants to just enjoy this atmosphere but another part of him knows that if he doesn’t talk about it, he’ll go crazy.

     “about last night …” he starts, chewing on his bottom lip as he tries to figure out how to start the topic. “i, um, really enjoyed it. not to make this awkward or anything, but is it safe to assume you did too …?”

    a part of him doesn’t want noah to bring anything up. doesn’t want either of them to bring any thing up. 

     the spoon moves smoothly through the pancake batter. the ingredients finally mixed together and ready to cook. he sets the bowl on the counter by the stove top and hovers a hand over the burner to see if its hot. a nod and then a pan is placed on the hot burner, butter already in the middle and beginning to melt. 

    he wonders if they could go the whole morning without mentioning anything. or perhaps that is the wrong way to look at it. a childish notion that they could pretend nothing happened instead of addressing it--them. it’s not that he regrets it, its just that cory is someone who does not do conversations of intimacy very well. embarrassed? yes, that could be a good word to use. though he knows he has been called worse things in the past that he dares not repeat right now. 

      the pancake batter sizzle on the pan as he places two smaller circles to cook. on hand wrapped around the handle of the pan while the other balances a spatula . only then does he turn his gaze onto noah. a softer expression on corys normally so serious face. 

never again.

     “yeah, i’m one of them,” she points out, raising an eyebrow at him. honestly, she’s not too sure if he really considers them friends, but they’ve hung out normally too—not just at clubs or things. a lot of the times, she tends to be the one who drags him out to go get food or to go get coffee or even a snack, but she mostly considers it being like this because he’s a workaholic. she’s always been the go-getter type, even in friendships and relationships, so she’s not surprised that she’s always making the first move. 

     it would be more annoying for her if she could sense that he actually, genuinely disliked her. then she would stop trying. 

     “you told me you enjoyed yourself last time,” suji says, remembering it very clearly. maybe he hadn’t outrightly said it, in those exact words, but the implication that he had had fun was still there. and that was why she took it upon herself to get him to go out more.

     “maybe there will be some cute boys there for you to flirt with,” she says, tilting her head to the side. “or maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll come and flirt with you instead!”

   okay. 

     so maybe she has something of a point. cory is not going to tell her that out loud but he finds himself agreeing nevertheless. yes, suji is a friend of his and yes he has enjoyed his time hanging out with her. even if it means he loses precious study time. he won’t really continue to deny her when she seems to adamant about getting him to go. call him weak or whatever but he isn’t someone who likes to let his friends down/

     even if those friends double as persistent brats who love to torment him. he says that out of affection. 

     “i don’t know why you think the offer of cute boys to flirt with or to flirt with me would make any of this more enjoyable but---” he lets out a long suffering sigh, one hand going to his hip and the other raising to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

hi! i live 

⭑    closed starter for    ›    @kwcory​​

there were only a few things eunbyul misses dearly since moving out, coming in at number one is the family cat, lovingly named snowball. her mother’s cooking comes in at a close second, and finally she does miss having her sisters around. despite how often the three of them would get into it, she loves them with her whole heart. 

eunbyul found solace at buna cafe, and became some of a regular. her and cory both, actually. and while they had plans to study over a cup of coffee, she couldn’t help but be distracted by the animals surrounding the duo. 

“do you think the owner will bring their ferret out?” she asks her companion while petting a nearby cat on the head. "i don’t think i’m going to get anything done today, what about you?” she looks down at her notes and sighs. it’s not like eunbyul wanted to study anyways, but the girl was proud that she at had least attempted. 

      studious. 

     thats what cory is. he has always been studious and a perfectionest with a problem of over working himself. he would rather spend a whole day pouring over an assignment than waste the day away with something others might deem fun but thats just how he is. it’s why he tends to get scolded by friends and why he has monthly visits to his primary care doctor.  recently he has decided to take a change of pace and study in other areas. maybe that would help.

    its how he finds himself here with eunbyul again. loitering among the animals of the cafe that he has come to love so much. he almost wishes he had decided to work here but he knew he would never be able to focus on work. case in point he hasn’t even opened his textbook since they got here. a cat on his lap and another laying beside his leg. 

never again.

     “is it?” she asks, amused though she doesn’t let it show too much in her tone, lest he gets angry or something. not that she would care, considering that they tend to have this type of conversation all the time and she doesn’t know why he still fights her on this. she’s pretty sure she’s won every time that she’s tried to get him to go out, at least, so suji really doesn’t think he hates these outings as much as he acts like he does.

     and if he really does? well. that’s too bad, isn’t it?

     “it’s one day,” suji says in response to this, not mentioning that she’ll probably end up dragging him out at least one more time if not twice within those aforementioned three weeks. she just thinks he needs to let loose and maybe get laid, and have some fun. this was university and honestly, they were all probably only going to go through it once. and if not in undergrad, when would any of them have time to just fuck around? maybe even literally?

     she rolls her eyes, this time reaching out and grabbing his wrist. “there’s something people have, if you’re unaware, and they’re called friends. i want you to go out and have fun, obviously.” she says this very matter-of-factly, before she grins at his other words. “i also am very happy in a long term relationship, so that never would’ve been the case anyway, remember?” she takes a step backwards, kind of feeling like she’s leading a very disagreeable dog for a walk. “nope. definitely something with alcohol in it.”

        like dealing with a devil, cory sort of feels like every interaction he has with suji is him signing away his soul a little. he unwittingly signed his name on the dotted line the day he agreed to be her friend. though really it just kind of happened. he can’t say he dislikes the girl, she’s a good dancer and interesting conversation when she isn’t trying to get him to cut loose. so , sure, he considers her a friend. 

       but sometimes he wishes she didn’t consider him one.

      or maybe she doesn’t and this is just an amusing past time for her. honestly, cory wouldn’t be surprised is that was the case. he can tell she sounds amused right now. and he already knows there will be no talking her out of this or escaping. not when she wraps a hand around his wrist. he would never try to break around her. to worried he would hurt her. despite his prickly attitude he doesn’t like to hurt anyone physically or otherwise. not unless they deserve it and suji doesn’t. her only crime is trying to get cory to go party. 

[ ... ]

soon after, the concert begins. and then—boom. the fireworks follow. the loud and sudden blast of sound ringing through his ears jolts out a memory from the depths of his subconscious. an image of someone familiar, someone that he had just been looking at, crouching down with his ears covered.

cory.

it had been so easy for eden to drop whatever he had been doing ( which wasn’t even important, he had been done packing some time ago and was just listening to the concert from a safer distance ). he doesn’t hesitate when he begins tracing cory’s steps, aware of the other’s routine. if he’s remembering right, and eden trusts his memory if nothing else, then cory should be making his rounds to clean up.

and cory, never wanting to burden anyone else but himself, would be all on his own. subjecting himself to noises that terrify him with no one to ground him. maybe eden is acting out of place again, maybe cory will hate him even more for trying to break through the walls cory placed between them once again—but eden will live if cory despises him. on the other hand, eden won’t be able to face himself in the mirror if he had left cory completely and utterly alone.

so he runs; he chases after the shadow cory left behind.

the fireworks are already on full display once he reaches his destination, going off one after the other. even here, it’s loud. eden wastes no time in opening the door, albeit gently, not wanting to add salt to the wound. within this dimly lit storage room and the noises blasting against his eardrums; he finds cory, just like he had done earlier.

“cory,” he says, somewhat out of breath, but gentle despite it all. he closes the door behind him as he approaches, taking light steps. he doesn’t need to ask ‘are you okay?’ or ‘need some help?’ now. eden can already tell from a single glance—so instead, he takes action. he steps before the other, making sure that his face is within view. even if his own presence may not be as comforting as cory’s is to eden’s, he hopes seeing someone else here helps.

eden takes out his earphones, setting his phone to play a specific playlist, the same one that he had shared with cory all those years ago. whether cory remembers or not isn’t what’s important here. it doesn’t matter if cory realises that eden hadn’t deleted a single song, nor did he abandon it—this list of songs that he’d play for the other, the same one they’d listen to together, that he’d hum to cory as they sat idly by each other’s side. as if they were in their own little world. a treasure that he holds closest to his heart.

mustering his best reassuring smile, one cory would often see back in the day, eden lightly places both earbuds into cory’s ears, replacing the deafening racket with tender music, sweet and soft. eden gradually raises the volume just enough, not too high and not too low. for good measure, his hands remain pressed against cory’s ears.

this is the most physical contact that they’ve had in months. eden wonders, another selfish thought, whether cory can feel the rising tempo of his pulse. once again, he’s thinking silly things.

“a little better?” eden asks, mouthing the words properly so that cory can understand him even without the sound of his voice. then, he adds, “i’ll be here with you.” always, he leaves out, even though it is an absolute truth.

     each step to the storage room is done with heavy steps. his body tense and with every boom of the fireworks behind him he feels the flinch run through his muscles. almost painful from how he tries to contain his reactions. forcing himself to continue on even when he wants nothing more than to crouch down and hide. 

      sometimes he feels stupid for still having this reaction to fireworks and other similar sounds. he remembers being a young boy and going with edens family to a firework show. remembers wanting to be brave but the first one that went off had him half hiding behind his best friend. hands pressed over his ears to muffle the sound as best he could. he remembers his dad being called and how he almost cried by the time the show was over. the embarrassment he had felt for weeks after that.  

      and yet eden had never given him a hard time for it. 

     at his age, is it right that he still flinches at loud noises? that fireworks being mentioned is enough to make his skin crawl? should he have worked through those fears already or is it okay for him to still have them? he doesn’t know. honestly, he tries not to think of it. the fact he’s facing that fear right now brings it all up again. angry at himself every time he shuts his eyes at the noise behind him. but it feels almost suffocating. even though he is moving away from the fireworks he still feels like he’s trapped in the middle of it all.

     the storage shed does nothing to muffle the noises. his body working almost on instinct to put the box where it belongs and start putting things away. every second the firework show just seems to get more loud and more chaotic. until cory is unable to pretend he’s fine. his hands shooting up to cover his ears as he presses his eyes shut. in this state he misses the door opening. he doesn’t see the body enter the room until there’s a presence in front of him. his eyes widen when he makes eye contact with eden. the last person he expected to show up. 

     the last time he saw eden today he had been shining on stage. singing words with emotions that cory wanted nothing more than to ignore. the song resonated with him for what felt like an eternity but cory wouldn’t ponder on it. nor would he consider his own feelings that bloomed. leaving the show when he had was to protect himself as much as it was to protect eden--or so he tells himself. and yet, here is eden now. standing before him with that concerned but caring look in his eyes. cory opens his mouth to say something but another firework explodes beyond the storage shed.  his body tenses more as he squeezes his eyes shut. 

     his hands are moved, and cory’s eyes snap open. surprised as he watches edens face. realizing rather quickly what the other boy is doing as he feels the earphones. the music playing from them is something he recognizes. the sound muffles the firework display happening enough that he can feel his body relaxing just slightly. aided by the pounding of his heart in his chest. he feels the warmth of edens hands against his head and his own hands raise to loosly hold onto edens wrist. his hands tighten their grip when he hears the muffled firework, but the sound is so dull now that he manages to keep relaxed. 

     his eyes never once leave eden. 

   thoughts run a mile a minute through his mind. and yet at the same time all he can do is focus on the sound of the music in his ears and the warmth of eden holding him. helping him. once again it’s eden who has saved him and who is here to comfort him. once again he finds himself seeking the comfort of eden. his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest and he’s glad his ears are being covered because he knows they would be red now. “thank you...eden...” he whispers, holding a little tighter to the others wrists as he soaks in the familiarity and comfort that comes from his best friend being here. 

     a small voice in his head whispering to him. telling him how stupid he’s been. but he doesn’t deserve this. he doesn’t deserve eden and the kindness he shows cory. the way the other boy takes care of him is not fair to eden and cory knows this. 

     the festival had been fun. 

    did cory do much at it festival wise? not really. he did a lot of back ground work for student government and for his club and team. running around making sure things were okay. the cafe for the dance team took up a lot of his morning as well--as much as he dreaded the whole concept he can’t say it wasn’t fun. embarrassing, but fun. he had even found the time to stop for a moment and watch @kwxeden and his band perform for a song. they had done well, and eden had shined on the stage. not that cory was surprised.

      he wouldn’t admit that out loud of course. 

     and now the festival was nearing the big ending. he had heard there was going to something super cool after the performances or maybe it was during the last performance. he hadn’t plaid that much attention to what was going to be happening. since he knew he would be dealing with the baseball teams clean up.

     the price to pay when you have a busy schedule though he isn’t really upset. large crowds are not really his thing so he much prefers this. helping clean up and being out of the way of everyone. he even waved off the help from a couple other baseball team mates. telling them to go have fun while they have the chance. he didn’t mind being the one to get it all put up. didn’t mind the muffled noise in the distance as he worked in quiet. finally managing to gather all the baseball gear into a box and start off to the storage.

    the afternoon heat was doing nothing to stop cory from training. the weight of the bat in his hand is a familiar one. a comfortable one. he swings, taking careful measures to make sure his form is perfect. that there isn’t even a toe out of line. he swings again, and again. the process repeated for a moment before he pauses. the bat is held long ways across his shoulder and he rocks to each side. getting a good stretch in. 

     practice had ended for the day, coach didn’t want anyone to over do it for too long with games coming up. it wouldn’t be good for the first string players to be worn out before game. but cory hadn’t been happy with his performance at practice. as a catcher he felt assured he could lead the team for the point position. but as a batter? he was sub-par today. even if no one said anything against his performance. 

— soul fragments

backdated to april 2021 with @kwcory!

“time!” the coach calls out, and jinwoo slowly brings himself to a stop, waiting for the approval from the coach before he goes to get his bottle of water, chugging it. he’s damp with sweat, patting the back of his neck with his towel, his hair tied into a small ponytail at the nape of his neck also damp with the proof of his exertion. dancing is certainly an excellent way to keep up his stamina for things other than jumps and spins, which take a very different toll on the body than dancing does. 

“jinwoo, cory,” the coach says, and jinwoo glances up curiously at the call of his name. “will the two of you go get equipment from the storage room for the next routine?” he’s not too familiar with cory, but he at least knows the other — he’d tried to learn the names of everyone on the team, even if he hadn’t been able to work up the energy to talk to all of them. 

“sure,” he says easily, waiting at the door for cory. when the other male joins him, they head out into the hallway and it’s silent for a few moments before he awkwardly breaks the silence. “so, um… how long have you been on the dance team?”

     it’s not unusual for the coach to send someone out for an errand or two. cory has ended up on the roster a few times to fetch something or put something away. he doesn’t mind, of course. happy to be helpful, and to do something useful for the team. after all, dance team is very important to him and so he wants to stay on the coaches good side. and hopefully the good side of everyone currently on the team. todays practice is no different.

     so when he hears his name along with one of the older members, cory is quick to comply. stretching his arms over his head as he makes his way to the door, following after jinwoo. he knows of jinwoo. of course he does, they’re both in dance. but from what he recalls they have different specialties. he supposes this is a good chance to get to know someone new. or well, new ish to him. 

[ ... ]

“all over campus, huh?” eden repeats, turning his head upwards, looking up at the boy with his usual smile—unreadable, no hint of his uncontrollable emotions seeping out, a thin line that only cory can decipher. “if you’re the one looking for me, then it’s only natural that you’ll find me,” he states as if he had spoken an absolute truth. in a way, he has. regardless of how far apart they’ve become, how much further they may stray—cory will always be able to find him.

( he used to think cory will always come back to him, too. )

eden lifts his shoulders in a shrug, kicking his legs forward, stretching them across the grass. “i try to make time. breaks are good for you. somewhere in your schedule, you should fit them in.” it’s almost instinct for him to say all this, like a mantra that’s ingrained into his tongue. but eden stops himself, because cory doesn’t need eden to tell him this anymore. cory made that clear last time; the distance between the two of them had grown because eden didn’t know his place, which he now recognizes is away from cory.

falling back into conversation with cory isn’t challenging in the slightest. is it the side effects of planted habits? it’s impossible for them to erase the history they shared, in the end. eden doesn’t bother to snuff out the laughter that bubbles from his throat, the corners of his lips twitching. he follows it up with a few mong mongs, simply agreeing with cory in that regard. “you’re right, i never bite. just like how no matter how hard you glare at me like a cat would, you’ve never once scratched me.”

with one sharp intake of breath, eden finally mutters out, “you can loiter with me. for a little bit.” a shot in the dark—and if this doesn’t work, then he will never dare try again. “care to keep this puppy company?” he masks his desperate plea with another teasing glint and a mischievous grin. this is his last attempt.

toss the coin into the air—head or tails? life or death?

does he still know cory like the back of his hand?

     sometimes cory feels like he’s been caught in the undertow of the ocean. he thinks meeting eden was just constantly taking steps closer to the water until eventually his feet were sinking into wet sand. the waves splash on his ankles, taunting him. beckoning him into the chilled and unknown waters. something he has never likes. the uncertainty that the ocean brings. it’s uncontrollable, violent and yet comforting at the same time. the ocean moves to its own rhythm and cory knows he would never be able to control it. he knows that if he continues taking these steps eventually he would be dragged in, unable to escape. 

     he knows this, and yet he continued walked. he continued chasing after that uncontrollable storm that waits beyond the shoreline. his hand always reaching out for something that has felt so unattainable.

     and that’s sort of what eden has always been for him. unattainable, uncontrollable, unpredictable. no matter how much cory claims to know the other boy, he also knows he’s only lying to himself. he knows eden, but he also doesn’t know him. just like he believes he knows what the ocean has instore for him and every time he ends up surprised. for cory, eden is the ocean. beautiful, vast, full of mystery, a source of comfort but also a cause of fear. he looks at eden and he feels the uncertainty bubble in his chest. he’s but one small intruder on the edge of a vast body of water.  how has eden even noticed him? 

     maybe it’s not fair of him to compare eden to an ocean and to compare himself to a single fish. maybe he’s undermining himself, maybe he’s putting eden on too high of a pedestal. but that doesn’t change the feelings that cory has in him. the crushing worry that every time he opens his mouth he is making more of a mess of it all. sometimes he wishes they could go back and erase everything that happened in high school. to just be friends and continue being friends without the added stress. he wonders if maybe they just aren’t meant to be more. if maybe he’s mistaken the feelings that lie hidden in his chest. 

     he won’t voice them. not today, not tomorrow. it’s better this way, he tells himself. his eyes watching the way eden so naturally relaxes on the grass. the way he falls into teasing cory as if it was second nature. as if cory was the only one effected by the history between them. maybe he is. maybe he’s made a mountain out of an ant hill and all his worries are just one sided. maybe eden has always just seen them as friends or just teammates. if they didn’t have baseball would they even talk anymore? would eden want to? maybe cory should have let someone else come find him? of course, he knows that as catcher it’s his job to look after the pitcher. and maybe thats not fair for eden.

     is he over thinking things again? maybe. its what he does, he always has over thought everything. letting something settle so heavily into his brain until he’s gained a headache and a bad mood. is this another case of just over thinking? he thinks it might be but that doesn’t shut off the spinning wheel in his mind. the sound of waves crashes so loudly through his thought processes. he can’t shut them off. 

     “only natural.” he repeats under his breath, incredulous but amused in a way. it’s such an eden thing to say. he cause it so easily. it further proves to cory that he’s the only one who has this turmoil stirring up a mess in his mind. and his heart. but as he hears edens voice he finds himself calming down. the waves settling until they’re an even roll. a reminder of the storm but letting him know for now it has passed. eden has always had this effect on him. making cory feel at ease no matter what they are doing or what he is stressing over. “i’ll always find you.”

    because he will, he has. eden is someone he will always be able to find and always want to find. no matter how much he fights with himself over this. no matter that he thinks eden would be better off with out him. he can’t stop himself from being pulled to that shoreline once again.

     a sigh builds and falls from his lips, his tense stance relaxing a little as his hands go to his hips. “i fit time in my schedule for important things.” he replies with out any heat in his voice. so use to the way eden will nag him about his packed schedule. use to the way that eden tries to look after him. for most of his life he took that for granted, for most of his life he has tried to get eden to stop. as if they both arent the same. both trying to take care of the other. and maybe thats another issue. maybe cory needs to learn how to let people take care of him. 

     there’s a pain that forms in his chest though he hides his reaction. his eyes watching the way eden speaks. the cute way he pretends to be a puppy. the way his expression changes as he teases cory--and yes, he noticed the teasing. he would notice anything if its eden. the one person he claims to know well. he thinks he might know eden better than he knows himself though he would never admit to that. a laugh leaves him before he can stop it because though its not surprising that eden would mong mong it’s still a funny thing to see. his heart doing a little flip despite his best to squash any of the fondness that bubbles in him. “i thought we moved past the comparing me to a cat thing? you are a puppy, but i still don’t agree that i’m anything like a cat.” he argues, playful. teasing. an age old bickering match that has been going on for a while. even though cory has sort of accepted his cat nature. 

     the offer to join him is thrown out again. cory watches eden. a moment passes between them as he wars with himself. the decision between being responsible and dragging eden to the baseball field, or giving in. 

     what does it mean if he gives in? what is he accepting if he chooses to sit? is he over thinking this again? after all, friends sit on the grass together all the time. and eden isn’t wrong, they have a little time before they really need to be at the field. what harm could come from loitering with him for a moment. 

›      scared to be lonely

✨  ——  the morning after  /  @kwcory​  

     he wakes up groggily. he’s not usually the type to really sleep in but he’s pretty tired from the … activities he had gotten up to the night before. part of him feels a bit bad about it, because it hadn’t been planned at all. it had literally just happened. and, well, noah had enjoyed it quite a bit considering cory was a good friend and was, well, he’s not going to beat around the bush here. cory is very attractive and noah had enjoyed their time together very much, even if he hadn’t meant for it to happen. he’s not even really sure how they had gotten to that point but he doesn’t regret it.

     on that note, he’s not sure why he’s awake. he tends to sleep very well after said Activities, but there’s a delicious smell wafting into his room and this causes him to shoot upright. 

     immediately feeling apologetic, noah sends many sorrys to seongbin mentally, though he has a feeling that his roommate might be out with his girlfriend. he’s not sure, but he does hope that seongbin and cory hadn’t seen each other considering it might be kind of awkward. for all parties involved. 

     it’s with those thoughts in mind that he climbs out of bed, ruffling his hair sleepily as he slips a hoodie over his head and checks his sleep-rumpled reflection in the mirror on his wall. his cheeks are a bit flushed, his hair messy and there are some … marks … but he just adjusts the hoodie around his neck before stepping out of his room. “cory?” he calls out, unsure of who would be greeting him when he got there. he’ll be a bit disappointed if cory had left, but he would also understand. kinda. 

     but he’s greeted with the glorious sight of the other male in the kitchen, and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his lips like sunshine and he automatically defaults to speaking in english. “oh. you’re making breakfast?”

          he feels odd when he wakes up. 

      being someone who is active in day to day life he is use to waking up sore and groggy. use to feeling the strain of muscles that tell him he had a busy day. normally a warm shower will melt that all away. but this morning is a different odd. he had woken up like he normally does, eyes squinting through blurred vision to look at the time at his phone ( 6:49 am ) but, he doesn’t feel awake. he doesn’t feel like he could just shoot out of bed and get going on the day. no, for once he wants to just curl back up. to hug onto the warm body next to him.  

        does he regret the night before? no. oddly enough cory doesn’t feel any regret for what had happened. it wasn’t planned, and nor is it really something he does--after all it was his first time--but he can’t say he would change what had happened. even if the thought of it causes his system to flood with embarrassment. flustered over the thought of what him and noah had gotten up to in the late hours. 

      the fact that he not only enjoyed it but part of him wouldn’t mind doing it again, means he doesn’t feel the need to book it from the others dorm. to escape and hide out until the embarrassment fades, no instead he makes himself at home. deciding to use whatever he can find in the kitchen area to make them a nice little breakfast. the both of them need it to get their energy back after all. even now, cory can feel a sore feeling settling over his body. a new one, but not unwelcome. 

never again.

     “i don’t know what ‘going out and behaving like a gremlin’ entails though,” suji insists, amused as she continues blocking his way. it’s not that she doesn’t know what he’s implying, but she’s acting purposely obtuse so that he doesn’t keep trying to talk around her. she knows he’ll end up saying yes—maybe it’s her power of persuasion, or maybe she’s really good at convincing cory in particular—and she’s banking on it working today too.

     it always does, in the end.

     the expression on his face does absolutely nothing to deter her. she’s managed to get him to agree to go on harder terms than the ones that he’s giving her right now, and she refuses to let him sit at home in his misery, doing … doing whatever people named cory did in their spare time. 

     “finals aren’t even for another like. three weeks? you have some time and energy to spare,” she points out, knowing that she’s right and she very staunchly refuses to move out of his way, standing firm and she crosses her arms across her chest. she means business, obviously. she almost wishes she had sunglasses she could pull out and put on. “come on. i’ll buy you a drink?”

         his free hand falls to his hip, eyeing the girl before him with an almost glare as she once again blocks him. the exit is within his grasp but his every step is being parried by a demon. no matter how pretty her face might be she is evil. cory knows this. sometimes he hesitates to refer to her as a friend if only because that might be the only thing she needs to finally steal his soul from him. “it’s pretty similar to what you’re doing right now.” he says, gesturing to her form blocking his exit. this has to be some kind of bullying, right? 

       how does he keep ending up like this? 

        “that’s three weeks i could be perfecting my knowledge and assuring that i get the best grade i am capable of. should i waste that time, i might not do my best and thus would let myself down.” he explains, words flying quickly from his mouth as he doesn’t think he needs to explain. she should know this, right? they’re both students. this is common knowledge. 

&& YOU FOUND ME AMONGST DREAMS AND NIGHMARES. ​

[ ... ]

even in this state, his senses light up like fire. tired as he can be, he doesn’t miss the rustling behind him, the ambivalent approach that matches the sound of hesitating footsteps. eden kills the volume of his song to hear it all, though his voice doesn’t cease its incessant singing, hoping that’d be strong enough bait. one step, two steps, pause—three steps, four steps, five steps.

ah. so he’s stopping there. not too far, not too close. close enough to read, yet too far to reach. always so cautious. always a step away from turning the other way and leaving, if he chooses to.

a smile plays at eden’s lips regardless, a chuckle slipping past his defences. he doesn’t look behind, not yet. he pulls his feet closer, he cranes his back against the tree, he lets the silence sit in the air for a while longer. only when he’s sure that this much is alright, that this is safe, that they’re fine, does he say, “hey there.”

there’s that familiar flip in his stomach, the sharp pain against his ribcage, a tremble at the center of his chest. eden lets out a light laugh—it was easier to just laugh, back then. now, it’s his throat becoming too tight, a breath that escapes him with a small tremble, a laugh that he stitches together from their happy memories that no longer exist within their orbit, only in the hidden folders of eden’s camera.

“looking for me?” he questions, simply because it’s not out of the realm of possibility. they can avoid each other’s gaze, they can resign from each other’s line of sight, and they can even pretend neither is allowed within their shared plane of existence. but there are some things that never change, old habits that die hard.

“well, you found me.” you always do. eden crinkles out another laugh, patting the ground next to him. “you can come a little closer, you know. i won’t bite. not that it would scare you.” the teasing tone he takes is also born out of habits that he can’t seem to get rid of. this, too, must be the remnants of the consequences he has to deal with—the boundaries he established has become blurry, just like the fog clouding his brain right now. eden wants to blame it on the exhaustion creeping on him, so he does, another lie that he’ll only tell himself.

@kwcory 

          pride. 

    pride is an ugly thing that can twist and mangle even the nicest of people. that eats away at the core until there’s nothing left but an open wound. begging to be noticed. a person can have pride without letting it rule them but too many people are lost to to the sin. a vice like grip on the mind that you have to keep feeding and feeding. cory has been feeding his pride for too many years. has been swallowed up in the need to be perfect and for everything to always line up exactly the way he plans it. yet, too often things never go as planned. 

    he has been treading water for so many years, working so hard to keep his head above the surface. grasping at anything because he knows he won’t be able to breath under the water. the idea that if something goes wrong he won’t survive. a low grade, a bad throw during baseball, a speck of dirt on his jeans. he’s always been this way. particular, picky, punctual, prickly. his father has told him many times that he doesn’t need to take life so seriously. that he’ll have winkles in his forehead before he’s thirty, and a heart attack before forty--all said in jest, but cory took that as a sign to get more serious over his health. a good thing festered by a bad habit. he’s ironic like that. 

   even now, his pride is choking him. wrapped so tightly around his throat as he takes slow, even steps across the pavement further into the garden. his schedule for the day screaming in his mind as he is already so far behind. the time needed to seek out a specific individual eating at the timeslots he has made for everything. he should have checked here first, he knew that the moment he heard the familiar voice echoing across the garden. he should have just picked up his phone and made a simple phone call. he should have--he should have done a lot of things. 

            ( oh the list of ‘should have’ is so long ) 

      his feet feel heavy. every step closer like trying to drag cement bricks attached to his ankles. he feels stupid for feeling so nervous--he sees eden nearly daily thanks to their shared sport. it’s baseball season after all, and that is the whole reason he was seeking the younger boy out right now. he feels stupid being worried about approaching eden. about approaching his best friend. the one person who probably knows him better than he knows himself. and maybe thats the reason he’s so nervous. maybe that's the reason his pride is suffocating him and has been suffocating him for years now. because he knows that eden just has to take one look at him and all his thoughts are unraveled before them. 

           is he afraid? maybe. he’s always been a little afraid. even since the days on the local playground. when he would be too nervous to approach anyone so he played by himself. until that annoying boy who lived next door would come charging into his bubble. he was always afraid back then but then he also always had eden back then. a rock on the windy days, shelter for the rainy. the idea of not knowing what you have until its gone. it’s strange to feel afraid when it involves eden. though maybe afraid isn’t the right idea. 

                          there’s guilt there. under the pride. but will he admit that?  

     his ears guide him to the sound of singing. he follows it, pace slowing until he pauses. the song that eden sings is a familiar one but cory can’t place why. he hovers a little ways off. keeping a distance that feels safe. that feels like he has control still. that he knows he could escape if he has to. to turn tail and run. he thinks eden hasn’t noticed him and wonders if he should speak up, only to be greeted instead. his ears go red at having been caught watching. annoyed that he hadn’t realized eden knew he was there. 

      “i’ve been all over campus looking for you. should have known you’d be here.” he replies, moving a few steps closer but not taking the other up on the offer to sit. his hands slip into the pockets of his baseball pants, the uniform for practice--pristine as all his other clothing. “surprised to see you have the time to loiter.” he remarks as if the idea of free time is a foreign concept to him. and maybe it is. he has never been good at taking time for himself.

all in a days work

despite his teachers granting him some extensions on assignments, moonbin finds that he can’t really do much else. his one physical dance class is on hold for the moment, for obvious reasons, but the rest he still has backlogged assignments for. every day it gets a little tougher to find the concentration and willpower to work on theory papers and essays. he’s not sure if he can even realistically continue with his major as he is.

it’s his second hour laying in his bed, one leg propped up, when someone knocks on his dorm door. it must not be the first set of knocks because he hears his name called out through the set of doors. it takes him a moment and a half to roll to the side of his bed and then maneuver himself up onto his crutches. “yeah, hold on!”

huffing, he finally makes it out of his room and to the dorm’s entry door when the visitor calls again. he’s quick to try and open it at his friend’s voice, fumbling to multitask balancing and opening the heavy door. “no– no, no, it’s okay. sorry you had to wait so long, uh, come in?” moonbin shuffles along to let him in, furrowing his brows at the bags cory’s carrying. “what’s up? can i get you tea?”

    he feels bad once the door is opened. worry flaring in his chest as he helps hold the door open while slipping through. he carefully slides off his shoes and pushes them to the side before padding into the room a little farther. “how are you feeling? come, sit down back down.” he ignores the others questions for a moment, setting the bags on the counter then turning his attention to moonbin.

     ah, so sweet. to offer a drink when being on crutches. cory feels a small smile form across his lips before it vanishing for the worried look again. he can’t help but be concerned though as the other boy was rather injured. “nevermind the tea, i’m fine.”