oh how it kills me; i wasnt raised a quitter.

I shouldve killed myself already

Sick peice of shit

Oh it feels great to be at the barrel of my own gun i love feeling how i made others feel i love narrative justice in my real life im such a peice of shit im such a peice of shit

I want more scars

The most freedom ive ever had and im still trapped.

I cant take it anymore but i will

I still long for my uniform. Sometimes i get the instinct to salute those above me, i get so stressed in the workplace suppressing it. Its worse now that those like the people who hurt me are openly in power. People joke about it so much like its normal. Im still so ashamed ive only told one person. I wish i didnt tell them. Sometimes i consider giving in and just joining the military, the benefits are better than most jobs and itd give me the freedom and housing i need. But then id be just like generations before me, id be aiding those horrible people. Id be becoming my father, no better than anyone else in this disgusting fucking bloodline.

I woke up feeling sick. I cant really think. All i feel is guilt

Im always too god damn much im always fucking unspeakable. I wish they killed me.

I think that i am always being watched. By someone.

Id record it and let the world see my disgusting filth. Join the people i gawked at.

I wish i had the guts to do it.

Ill never be a real man anyways. No point seeking care. Im an ugly broken woman. Ive known i wasnt supposed to live this long for as long as i can remember. So dependant on others. Die.

Im not worth caring for, im a black hole. I never quit feeling sorry for myself despite my sorrows being meaningless and my pain over exaggerated for what it really is. I have not known true pain. But I will. Eventually. And then I will know just how good i had it.