SOME FANATIC ATTITUDE

Even more flattery? You’re just using me for my kindness! I never would have guessed you being an atheist, but I guess you can’t really with anyone’s religious beliefs.

Is that your way of confirming that you're not? And let's just say I've had my fair share of life experiences that have diminished my faith in any kind of 'God'.

Really? Well, how can I make it to sainthood, in your book?

You're on the right track, but it's going to take a lot more flattery towards me, and some random acts of kindness to make it to sainthood. Then again, I'm an atheist, so maybe I'm not the best person to be asking about qualifications for sainthood.

I’m honestly not sure how anyone survived without me around. You’re very right - I’m a saint.

Whoa there, you haven't made it to sainthood just yet - just martyrdom.

She can’t really help herself. I’m the only one she can really tell everything to without being terribly judged. I’m sure Sebastian and Quinn are thankful for my return just so they get a breather.

I never thought about it that way. Fair enough - your captivity is Sebastian and Quinn's vacation. You're practically a martyr.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say you really like Orange is the New Black? I’m sure she’ll just text me as often as possible. She’s going to be protective for a while, I suppose.

Really like would be an understatement - it was pretty much my obsession this summer. Well, you can't blame her - but I'll be sure to not let your sister's over protectiveness infringe on our best friend day.

Possibly, though she may have to put a tracking device on my before I go.

If Piper Chapman can get manage to get a holiday from her prison sentence then I'm sure you can too, even if it does mean living with an ankle bracelet for a bit.

You’re too sweet! I can’t wait to spend time with you - assuming that Rachel eventually lets go of me. She’s been either hugging me or hooked on one of my arms since I got back. I’m afraid she’s going to tie us together if I try to get away.

I'm sure I'll find a way to convince her to spare you for a few precious hours. Besides, it would be cruel of her to deprive us of some much needed best friend time.

And...I'm back!

On behalf of the state of New York, we welcome you back with open arms, Blaine Anderson. The city'll definitely be more interesting now that you're back.

I don’t have much to complain about right now! I can’t really punch you over the internet, Kurt. Besides, why would I ever say no to hanging out with my best friend? You shouldn’t give me free will. I will most definitely drag you around all day.

But you can always punch me in person - I'm always on my guard! I'd be questioning our best friend status if you did. And I wouldn't be opposed to being dragged around the city for an entire day. It's not like I've done anything particularly exciting this week anyway.

Part of being a Smythe is never saying you’re sorry. And you’re little in positively every way. And yet here you are. 

Why am I not surprised? And you've never even met me, so your blind insults don't phase me. Because you don't seem to want to leave me alone.

I don’t have that much to complain about, but yes. I just found out today! I’ve been packing up my stuff periodically all day. I’m happy to be leaving, but I’m actually pretty nervous about going home and seeing everyone again. Of course! What do you want to do?

I think you have fair amount to complain about - everyone does! Some have more to complain about than others though. This is fantastic! And don't worry, I'm sure everyone will be welcoming you home with open arms. Well, the last time I attempted this I got knocked out, so I didn't plan for making it this far. Besides, it's your homecoming, so you get to choose what you want to do now that you're free.

How ironic that the people who have the money to do as they please are actually forced into things they don’t want, but typically the people who have the freedom of choosing can’t afford their dream job? Doesn’t really make too much sense. No! I couldn’t punch you - or anyone, for that matter. Although, I’ve always thought about starting up boxing. I might try that once I get home - which, actually, is Friday!

Such a cruel way our world works, isn't it? Hm, Blaine the Boxer, has a nice ring to it. And really?! Blaine, that's fantastic, why didn't you tell me sooner?! I'm hoping you'll hold up your Candyland promise now, as this is me asking you to hang out with me to celebrate your freedom from the Ostroff Center.

You make that sound a lot easier than it actually is. Around here, you pretty much know what your life will be like as soon as you start school. It’s planned out before you’re even born - you can’t just break that and disappoint your parents. You do have a very cute nose - and I could never physically harm you. Candyland.

That doesn't sound very fun. I guess that's one of the benefit of the lives us 'lower class' citizens lead, we're allowed to choose what we want to do. My nose thanks you for the admiration. Hey, you say that now, but so did that other boy before I attempted to ask him to the movies in front of our gym class. But either way, you Candyland-ed it, so now you can't go against your word.

I’m already sculpting into what my parents want me to be, Kurt. And after what I went through last year, it’s kind of hard not to have small faith in humanity with sexual orientation-based hate. Is it really a serious enough situation for Candyland, Kurt?

There's always time to break free from the mold. Fair enough... I'm sure humanity will find a way to make it up to you. This is definitely serious enough for Candyland - it's for the preservation of my cute little button nose!

Hopefully by the time I’m a successful whatever-it-is-my-parents-want-for-me-to-be, that will be true! I’m not sure our society can work that fast, though, but hey - you can always dream! You’re very welcome.

Hey now, for all we know you'll end up being a whatever-it-is-you-want-to-be, don't doubt yourself just yet! You have very little faith in humanity, Blaine... but then again, it's hard not to these days. Does this mean I can call Candyland on you not harming me if I ever attempt to ask you out?

Saint Kurt! Very charming. That’s usually how it works. Scandals when they’re at the peak of their career. It’s usually cheating on the wife with their male intern - also known as the most stereotypical situation of them all.

Thank you! I’ll be submitting my name for sainthood next week. Don’t say that, Blaine! I’m sure all of those successful closeted gay man had to go through hell and high water after they were outed. Hopefully by the time you’re a successful whatever-it-is-you-want-to-be, we’ll be living in a society where men don’t have to worry about hiding their sexuality. And thank you, both my pride, and my fractured septum, thank you.

Oh, well - I guess it’s a good thing you decided to be the bigger person? That’s really rare around here. He’s actually really lucky you were the one all that happened with, and not any other jerk around here. 

Just call me Saint Kurt. Lucky for him, but not so lucky for me in the moment, I suppose. I'm sure if he doesn't decide to come clean himself that some weasel politician or a business rival will out him when he's at the peak of whatever career he's taken on in twenty years.