˚୨୧₊ ayliu

alexis ness paints you, to try and remember moments that weren’t photographed. the first time you caught him doing so, you were seriously shocked. it was evening after a new year’s celebration, and he was peacefully painting away, something you’d never seen him do before. he’s talented – seriously talented. the way he draws you is so ethereal, he captures your features perfectly. 

“alexis… is that me?” 

he gets a little embarrassed to be caught in the act. “haa… yeah… i just thought you looked so georgeous smiling like this, im sorry, this is so creepy-” 

that’s when you throw your arms around him, hugging him from behind. 

“no, no alexis. this isn’t creepy at all. never say that again.” 

the painting was you smiling, your nose scrunching up, something he would always complement you on. you recognise it. it was the moment the fireworks went off, when you had grinned at him. 

“it’s beautiful.” you mutter. 

alexis ness does not understand jokes. when you’d try to tell him one, he’d simply stare at you with his big eyes, taking you completely seriously. if you told him aliens landed in the backyard, he’d leave with a tray of pastries in hand, saying “i hope they like almond.” 

for example, after complementing his shower gel: “how do you know what shower gel I use?” alexis asks, looking over at you as the two of you sat in bed. 

you laugh, as if he doesn’t leave it in the shower all the time. 

“it’s because i’ve installed cameras in the bathroom, alexis.” 

the man in question goes completely still, staring at you, shock on his face.  

“wait… really?” he says, lips agape. 

“yeah. i watch you all the time.” you say, expecting him to catch on. 

an hour later, you see him on the sink, trying to inspect the air vent to check for any cameras, actually about to fall off. 

“oh my goodness, honey, i was joking!” you say. that was a mistake. it startled alexis, making him loose his balance and fall of the sink, making the bathroom shelf fall down as well. both your toothbrushes fell into the toilet. your £100 perfume crashed onto the floor and split into a million pieces, he hit his head against the glass of the shower and got a minor concussion, rubbing his head and saying “oops, my bad…” 

safe to say, you were much more transparent with your jokes. 

alexis ness unironically watches kids shows, trying to convince you that they’re actually deep. 

“what could possibly be so interesting about toy story?” you mutter, rubbing his back as he cries after finishing it for the umpteenth time.  

“it’s so good! i used to watch it hoping my toys will come alive, i’ve kept them just in case…” he sniffs, wiping the tears away. it makes your heart melt. although you will never understand what could possibly make him so emotional, you will always try. so you kiss his cheek, hugging him tighter as you nod. 

“you know, with the amount of times you hope for it to happen, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re crawling onto our bed at night.” 

alexis suddenly stops, and giggles. “wait, no, don’t put that image in my head! that’s freaky.” 

alexis ness surprisingly isn’t scared when going on rides. you could be hanging upside 1,000 ft in the air and he’d just comment on how pretty the sky is. It’s the same with haunted houses. You went to one for Halloween, and he was admiring the decorations instead of running from the zombie in front of him. 

“the fake blood looks so real! i wonder how they did it – did they use chocolate and corn syrup with food colouring or just cornstarch?” he says, inspecting it and pointing, as if you weren’t shaking in your boots. 

“alexis, how exactly do you know this?” you muttered, but you don’t think he heard you. 

he’d even complement the actors, giving them tips. 

“the costume is amazing, it really looks like you’re missing a limb! and your scream has really nice resonance, do you do vocal lessons?” he told a goblin that was staring at him with confusion. “just one thing, i recommend going in the corner where the light doesn’t touch, so when people walk past you can really spook them.” 

you could only stare in disbelief as alexis started actually befriending the goblin. 

alexis ness would never admit he’s jealous. he’ll just go, “i trust you. why would i be jealous?” with a tight smile as he wipes down the already spotless kitchen counter for the third time in one hour. but then... he’d start casually (not so casually) bringing up the person you were talking to earlier: 

“that guy at the gym? he had really defined delts. do you like delts?”  “do you want me to do more arm workouts? should I become a bodybuilder?” 

if you keep talking about the other person… alexis starts outperforming them. 

did they mention they bake? suddenly alexis is baking three-tier mousse cakes with edible gold and saying, “Oh, it’s just something I whipped up. No big deal.” 

are they into movies? alexis is now speedrunning entire seasons, casually quoting characters at dinner while you stare at him like: 

“when did you even watch this??”  “last night. i didn’t sleep. do I have bags under my eyes? i wanted to be up to date.” 

alexis doesn’t pick fights.  he just stands next to you when the other person comes around, smiling politely, but radiating “i will destroy you with kindness” energy. 

the person will be like, “ness! nice to meet you.” 

and alexis is there with: 

“likewise. i’ve heard so much about you. i hope your hamstring injury is healing well—oh, was that supposed to be private? my bad.”   

A boy with big cheeks and a sheepish smile seems to be bent on making you work harder than you should.

It’s been hours under the harsh, German sun, hours running laps with him by your side, always keeping up, even though you’re a fast paced runner. He cheers you on, tells you there’s ‘only one more drill!’ although one always turns into two, and then into another round of hurried breaths because Ness can’t count. The two-hour session is over. Has been, technically.

Training to be a midfielder was not for the weak. Your father – Noel Noa – decided he needed to hone your skills. Apparently, he had ‘hired a professional footballer’ with ‘years of experience’, someone he knew personally. Of course, you had never expected the professional footballer to be a boy your age, not even taller than you, with bright eyes and an easy-going smile.

That same boy was standing in front of you, still managing to stay upright, even after the long lap the two of you completed. But you didn’t miss the way sweat made his hair stick to his forehead. Didn’t miss the way his chest was subtly rising and falling, hinting at his own fatigue.

“Good run, right?” Ness huffed, hands on his hips, his eyes wide and bearing into yours. “What next? Should we home your aim? That cross was a little off-“

You blink. “We’re… still doing this?”

“You said you wanted to improve,” he says, too sweet. “And I’m still technically on the clock.”

Except he’s not. His session ended fifteen minutes ago. And you’re pretty sure you saw him glance at his phone right before ignoring it.

“Wait, ‘m tired…” you groaned, stretching your arms behind your back. “Isn’t two hours enough? We’ve passed the time already…”

Ness’ eyes widen, as if he hadn’t realized how much time had passed. His hands immedeately sprung up, a light blush appearing on his cheeks, as if he’d just been caught in a heinous act. “Ah, sorry! Time really does fly by… I lost track of the time!”

This is the third time this week he’s “lost track of the time.”

You nod, smiling at him, still grateful somewhat. You said you wanted to push yourself today. “Don’t apologise, was just exhausted, that’s all.” You pause for a second, recalling his words, your eyebrows raising. “Hey, you said my pass was a little ott, right? I can’t leave without correcting something like <em> that </em>.”

Ness nodded, the sparkle returning to his eyes. He picked a ball up off the hard floor, throwing it up and down twice, eyes still intense on you. “Well, it was really just your form. You were leaning back, see? That would to an overfit, not ideal for your strikers. You wanna open up your hips and torso so you can see both the ball and your targets.”

Ness dropped the ball in front of you, before walking over behind you, the ball rolling in front of your feet, at a slight angle.

Ness clears his throat. “Is it okay if I-“

You nod, looking over to the side, catching a glimpse of his sweet, innocent, awkward smile.

“I don’t mind.” You respond, facing front again. You feel Ness’ hands on you, his breathing seemingly heavier. He seems close, his chin almost above your shoulder, his chest brushing against your back. His hands slide down to your hips as he angles them.

“So… uh… try and engage your core.” Ness’ voice is a quiet, calm and level like it always has been, contrasting his loud breaths.

Ness places a hand on your shoulder, pushing them down. “Normally, when I deliver cross paths, all I can think about is how cool I’ll look…” Ness’ voice trailed off, as if he said something he wasn’t meant to.

“Really?” You chuckle softly. “That’s the best advice I’ve heard in a while, honestly.”

Ness laughs as well, still slightly adjusting your posture, his touch soft and careful. He guides your body to the right position, concentration reflecting in the tense air. His hair smells nice, you realize. A soft, vanilla scent,, something you know you would grow to associate with him.

You nod, but it’s hard to focus with the way his breath ghosts over the back of your neck.

You clear your throat. “You always get this handsy when you train people?”

He startles, pulling back just slightly, cheeks instantly pink.

“I—uh—I’m sorry. It’s just the fastest way to correct posture, I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s fine.”

(You shouldn’t like how warm his hand felt. You do.)

Ness watches you try again, serious now, nodding as you follow his instruction. And when you finally get the angle right, when the ball arcs cleanly, smoothly… he beams, clapping his hands once with genuine excitement.

“That was it!” he says. “That’s exactly what I was trying to show you—see, I knew you’d get it!”

You’re flushed from the heat, but something else stirs in your chest. The way he looks at you, like you just won a match, like you’re the only person on the pitch, it’s… a lot.

“So…” Ness starts. “Time goes really fast during these lessons, doesn’t it?”

You nod, trying to gauge where he was going with this. “Sure does.” You mutter sarcastically, because no, time - in fact - did not go fast. “Why?”

Ness chuckled again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I should… I should give you a gift or something. Because of the extra time. Sorry about that.”

Ness gave you a wide, turtle smile, to which you nodded, your heart melting ever so slightly. “Do you want to… I don’t know… go out today? To a restaurant or something. My treat.”

You chuckled, giving him a small nod. “Yeah, sure. I can never turn down free food.”

__

The two of you walked in silence, a petulant, feverish silence, one that made you fiddle with your fingers, something you’d never done before. Ness wasn’t any different, he seemed to find the flowers in the bushes far more interesting than they should be. You could only see the side of his face, only a section of his concentrated expression, his closed lips and upturned nose.

The two of you were walking over towards the town’s square, one across a garden with children circling on their bikes and people sat on old benches. The boy that almost crashed into you a second ago swerved around the statue as he laughed, coming too close to the water.

But Ness seemed like he was in a different world. He kept looking at the scenery, not anywhere in your direction. At first, you would’ve been offended, but from what little you knew about the boy, you could deduct that he was naturally drawn to that kind of thing. And, weirdly, you didn’t mind it. You were content with simply watching his eyes dart from place to place, not caring if he caught you staring or not.

“Oh—yeah, um. I was just thinking about if any of them were... broccoli.” Ness muttered, eyes still fixed on the flowerpots as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

“Broccoli?” You blinked.

“That sounds weird, doesn’t it?” He laughed, glancing at you nervously. “I didn’t mean like actual broccoli just—broccoli is a flower. Technically. Like, it’s harvested before the buds bloom, which is kind of tragic if you think about it, because no one ever lets broccoli reach its full potential—oh god, I’m rambling.”

“No, I’m genuinely learning something. I thought broccoli was just… vegetable.” You grin.

“It’s actually kinda cool, because they’re purple sometimes.” Ness said.

“Purple like your hair.” Your eyes travelled to his hair, the curly strands fading into purple. “Might wanna check your family tree, Ness.”

Ness paused for a second, before smiling and laughing softly. “I mean, they’re just as unresponsive as a piece of broccoli, so it checks out.”

You raised your hand with a dry smile. “Same here. My dad’s got the emotional expressiveness of a potato sack. But I know he cares. Just... quietly. From another room. Through a closed door.”

“So we both got broccoli branches in the family tree.”

You stared at him. Blank. Silent. Then a grin cracked your face.

“Shit, Ness. Never say that again.”

Ness looked genuinely alarmed, glancing around like he accidentally summoned something. “Wait—what? What did I say? Was that weird? Was it too weird? It felt weird.”

“You just made it sound like we’re long-lost cousins or something.”

Ness clapped a hand over his mouth, snorting through his fingers, his shoulders vibrating with laughter he was trying so hard to keep in. “Okay—but… you’re not friend-zoning me at least. That’s a win. Right?”

You give him a dramatic side-eye and nudge him with your elbow. “Oh, no. Definitely friend-zoning you. Full platinum-tier friendship package.”

Ness slid a few inches away with an exaggerated gasp, then burst out laughing. “You’re way more defensive than usual. Must be because you’ve got a crush or something…”

“Good lord, go reunite with your family!” You pushed him playfully, but it was harder than you expected, the force brewed from embarrassment. He stumbled over again, dying of laughter as he collided with the flower-filled bush beside him, his limbs disappearing in the thick greenery.

You pause.

“I hope your hair gets tangled with the flowers!” You call out, expecting him to pop out any minute now.

“Ness…?” You call out, finding yourself walking over to the bush. “Hey, Ne-”

That’s when a flower-covered figure jumps out from the bush and at you, coated head to toe in greenery, yelling loudly. It makes you jump and scream, the sound piercing through the air.

The figure laughs. A Ness-sounding laugh.

“Woah, calm down! It’s just me.” Ness says, his hair actually tangled with an amalgamate of flowers.

“I was about to have a heart attack… oh my goodness…” You clutch your heart dramatically, making Ness laugh again.

“I was going to have one too, when you pushed me into the bushes! And I just washed my hair…” Ness picked a lone tulip from his curls, frowning slightly.

“I think it looks nice, though. Makes you look like some wedding’s flowerboy.” You say, picking another flower from his hair, watching as he looked up at you.

“I… I didn’t know flower boys wore actual flowers in their hair.” Ness rose an eyebrow, a light blush appearing in his face.

“Have you never been to a wedding before? Of course they do!” You smile down at him. “Well, the flowers are gone now. You’re hairs just a little messy. Really does look like broccoli if it were purple.”

Ness falls silent, his gaze down at the floor, something solemn in his eyes.

“Ness?” You say, looking down into his eyes. “Hey, Ness. You alright?”

His head snaps back up. “Sorry, yeah. It’s just that… I’ve actually never been to a wedding before.”

Your eyes widen. “Oh…”

Ness’ smile returns to his face, albeit nervous and strained. “It must be really beautiful, though. Weddings. What’s marriage like? The only one I’ve had is when we played Kiss, Marry, Kill with the entire class in 4th grade, and everyone killed me except this one girl who chose marry because she thought I was a wizard who could turn into a handsome prince but…”

You heart wrenched inside you, a frown appearing on your face. Off instinct, you threw your arms around Ness, hugging him tight. Ness paused for a second, his hands risen by his sides, before they wrapped around you too.

“That’s… like… really sad. I’m so sorry.” You muttered, hugging him tighter, as if your embrace could comfort the child inside him.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Ness patted your back as you pulled away. “I didn’t really care, anyway. It hurt at first, but then I got used to playing by myself.”

“Just so you know, I would have picked ‘Marry’.” You said, not realizing the words even left your mouth. Ness’ lips parted, his face going a furious red, his thick eyebrows raising.

“Wait… what?”

“I would never kill you. And I don’t know how to kiss. So I’d marry you, because you’re nice and I think we’re friends.” You smiled earnestly.

Ness paused for a second, before looking to the side. “Uh… I mean… I-I think I would marry you too.”

Your smile spread wider, almost cheeky. “So. What does that make us?”

Ness went even more red. He started scratching his arm, his skin slowly going red. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know, I just… I guess I, I think… not that I’m thinking about weddings… it’s just that…”

You chuckled and walked beside him, holding his hand and intertwining your fingers with his. “It’s fine. Don’t answer. I don’t know why I asked anyway.”

__

Ness couldn’t survive a second without your touch, every since the two of you held hands.

Whenever you would pull away from him, he’d start to get restless, fiddling with his hair, or the hem of his shirt, continuously staring at you until you’d hold his hand again. His eyes would become big and woeful, like you had just denied him food for 2 months. You would always feel him staring up at you with those large, impromptu puppy eyes. When you’d hold hands again he’d swing your arms, swinging his free arm in time with it, a small smile on his face. It made you chuckle inwardly, trying to not bring it up.

The restaurant he led you to was pretty and petite. It was vacant, with beautiful flowers blooming from the window and vines cascading down the grey-white walls. The inside seemed just as charming, with a dimmed, yellow light and a brown, wooden floor. It was laden with decorations: flowers in pots, chandeliers hanging low, a shelf filled with an array of drinks, fake grass hanging from the wooden walls, with fairy lights tangled within. You looked over at Ness, who looked in bliss, his eyes wide, his smile toothy.

“Wow, Ness, this is…” you looked over. “How did you even find this?”

Ness brightened, rocking slightly on his heels. “Ah, I kind of got lost on purpose, actually. I took a random turn and told myself to walk nine and three-quarters of a block. Like, um, the train station in Harry Potter, you know?”

He turned to you, eyes wide and eager. “D-Do you like it?”

“I love it. I’ve never seen a restaurant like this, how is it so vacant?” You’re still admiring the beautiful interior.

“Well, no one really comes down this part of the square. I’m glad I could show this to you, the lady that owns it is lovely!” Ness exclaims, his eyes wide, his voice breathy, leading you inside, practically dragging you in. “I’ve got a seat reserved. I always do, it’s the one by the window because I like watching the cars pass and she knows that. Wait, you should come meet her, honestly, I think you’d love her!”

“Well, alright then-” You stutter, as Ness hauls you over to the counter. Situated there is a happy looking, older woman, with greying blonde hair and small, green eyes.

She looked over at Ness and you, a small smile on her face as she cleaned a glass bottle. “Welcome back, Ness! This is the second time you’re here today.”

“Hey, Irma!” Ness waved, his hands still gripping into yours. “This is… this is my friend.”

You smiled casually, letting go of Ness’ hand to wave at the woman. “Hello.”

“Hello! My, it’s definitely nice to have someone else in this café, normally it’s only Alexis, and then my children when they pop in to work here sometimes.”

You nod and smile. “I’m surprised, the café really is pretty.”

“I do spend an awful lot of time decorating, my daughter loves the pink!” The woman says, putting down the bottle to shake your hand. You hesitate at the gesture, but return it, smiling with your teeth now.

But Ness on the other hand…

Ah, there it is.

He’s staring at you, his eyes wide, his eyebrows upturned. You can see the open and close of his mouth from your peripheral, the way he’s scratching his arm that’s already red, the way his gaze darts from your hand back to your eyes.

You look over at him and your heart melts. You give him an upside down smile and grab onto his hand again, making him smile once more, his dimples shining on either side of his cheek.

“You two seem like a lovely couple!” Irma cooed. “You remind me of me and Martius when we were young—though he was much taller than me.”

“Oh, uh—w-we’re not—”

“Thank you.” You cut in, polite but firm.

“Don’t mention it! Your seat’s the one by the window, and I’ll come take your order in about… 30 seconds, because there’s really nothing else to do.”

The three of you laugh as you head over to the table. It’s just as the lady said, a little secluded from the other tables, but the way the light shined upon it made it seem special. It was a fairly large table for two, covered with a table cloth down the middle that situated a bouquet of flowers. Ness leads you forward, eager as always. The two of you sit opposite each other, Ness’ eyes still trailed on you, his finger drawing circles into the table.

“So… what do you think you’ll get?” he asked, his voice bright but a little breathless.

“I think… just the tiramisu.” you say, leaning on one hand, scanning the menu.

“Ooh, good choice. Irma’s tiramisu is seriously elite. I’ll get the same then.” He paused, tilting his head slightly. “Is it your favourite?”

“I mean, not really. Honestly, I just like the texture.”

“Mm… yeah, it is a good texture… creamy and soft… kinda like clouds if they were edible? Hehe…” He trailed off, eyes flicking to you again. “S-So, then what is your favourite?”

“Basic ice cream, I guess. It reminds me of my brother. He used to get us chocolate after school when it was hot out.”

Ness gave a soft, “Awwhh…” and his hands pressed over his heart. “That’s so sweet. Nostalgic stuff always tastes better, right? I used to absolutely destroy chocolate bars as a kid. Like, I’d get it all over my face. My parents had to carry wet wipes just for me…” He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You know, you totally seem like a chocolate or strawberry guy. Vanilla doesn’t suit you.” You narrowed your eyes playfully at him.

“Eh? It doesn’t?”

“Nope. Too plain for you. You’ve got sparkle.”

“Sparkle…?” He blushed, fidgeting with his sleeve. “Well… I do like chocolate and strawberry more than vanilla, I guess… if that means anything…”

You just smiled. It does mean something.

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Sae responded, turning around ever so nonchalantly, so perfectly. Ryusei watched him, walking away with his hips swaying ever so slightly.

Ryusei couldn’t bear to just leave him like that. He immediately walked over to Sae’s side, picking up his pace, leaning over to catch Sae’s face.

“Aw, why not? Is it a bad thing I want to make sure you’re okay?” Ryusei smiled, leaning in for extra emphasis, quirking up an eyebrow.

“I can take care of myself, Ryusei.” Sae drawled. “I’ve done it ever since I was a kid.”

Ryusei.

His name.

He smiled wider.

“Are you suure? You won’t trip over the edge of a table like you did today, right?” Ryusei spoke back, making Sae shoot him a sidelong glare. “What if you don’t have anyone to catch you? Anyone like me-?”

“You’re not letting that go, are you…” Sae interrupted, looking forward, his expression a tired one. Ryusei knew that look – it was the look he shone when the day was starting to take a mental toll on him. Mostly because of Ryusei, no one else was able to annoy him like that. It could either lead to a crack in his nonchalant exterior, or Sae just outright getting mad at Ryusei. Risky gamble, Ryusei needed to navigate this properly.

“So emo… why can’t I just see you home? Promise, I’ll be so silent you won’t even know I’m there.” Ryusei made the action of zipping his lips, looking at Sae expectantly.

“… You’re not going to be quiet.” Sae responded.

Fuck, he knew Ryusei too well.

“I will. Promise. Pinky promise.” Ryusei held his pinky out, even though Sae simply stared at it momentarily before looking back up.

“Alright, demon.” Sae responded, and Ryusei went back to silently walking beside Sae. He walked. And walked. And honestly, it was getting a little boring now.

“If you were an insect, would you sneak into people’s homes or stay outside?” Ryusei turned to Sae. “Sneaking into homes means more chance of dying, but it’s more comfortable.”

“I thought you said you would stay silent.” Sae muttered.

“I’m just curious. I’d sneak into people’s homes.” Ryusei smiled wider, gaze intense on Sae, trying to gauge if his expression could hold more of an answer than his words.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Sae sighed.

That wasn’t an answer.

Ryusei leaned in closer. “What would you pick? Come on, it’s a harmless question.”

Sae paused. Expression still unreadable. His hands deep in his pockets. That was before he lowered his head. “Stay outside.”

Ryusei’s eyes widened, heart jumping. “Why?” His voice went a little quieter.

“It’s safe. No risk of anyone ruining my life too much. Gives me room to work hard to live comfortably. If I do what I’m meant to, I can live without much worry. It’s just the natural way of things.”

Ryusei’s eyes widened.

This was his reward. He played his cards right. There was that crack in Sae’s nonchalant mask. It’s more than he had ever gotten, an insight into Sae’s mind, one that made Ryusei’s smile widen, that made his pure living feel wonderful. He imprinted Sae’s words into his memory, sticking it there, something he would actually remember.

He didn’t know what to say. He just stared.

And Sae caught on.

“You’re staring.” He said, so unbothered.

“I’m not.” But he definitely was.

Sae simply nodded, still walking through the street, his expression still unchanging.

Ryusei finally looked forward too.

“You’re so cool, Sae.” Ryusei smirked.

Sae rolled his eyes. “I know.”

────

Ryusei sat cross legged on his bed yet again, staring into the screen, the only light source in the otherwise dark room. Multiple tabs were opened upon his screen – one a word document, which he had never used before, to note down the exact words Sae had said, and overanalyse it.

“It’s safe. No risk of anyone ruining my life too much. Gives me room to work hard to live comfortably. If I do what I’m meant to, I can live without much worry. It’s just the natural way of things.”

It’s just the natural way of things. Is that what he believes in? The natural cycle of life?

Ryusei believes in that too. He believes in something akin to fate, not something harbouring life, not some divine deity, but something that was simply there. Some things are naturally meant to happen. When something bad happens, Ryusei can’t bring himself to dwell on it too much. It’s meant to come to pass. Maybe he suffered to experience greatness on the other side. Maybe he didn’t. Ryusei couldn’t change the outcome that had been set out for him. It was natural. So he lived however he pleased, he never went against his desires. After all, he was going to pull through. He knew he was destined to be different.

And Sae was his road toward that destiny.

He believed that some people were simply tied together by their innate desire, something so deep, so biological, so… natural.

The natural way of things.

That’s what happened between him and Sae.

Sae didn’t choose him by chance, they were always tied together, like a red string wrapped around their hearts. Their souls. That’s a better word.

Ryusei continued smiling as he watched Sae through his other tab – security cameras. Well, this wasn’t security at all.

He remembered the first time he broke into Sae’s house. The fear he felt excited him to no end, it pulled him forward, let him trudge through the expensive flooring, the fear helped him open Sae’s door and place his first camera. Because if Sae caught him, if anyone caught him, it was simply a play of fate.

But he didn’t. Ryusei was even able to place cameras in places he wasn’t going to originally – the kitchen, the living room, the shed. He wanted to watch Sae forever. Watch his soulmate. Watch the man he loved.

Sae’s good at being perfect.

Ryusei’s good at being trouble.

“Fuck…” Ryusei muttered to no one in particular, leaning back, counting to watch Sae perform his night routine. He was in his pyjamas now. Those ones he always wore – something simple, simple shorts, simple shirt. But somehow, it was perfect. Because it was pink. The colour of the tips of Ryusei’s hair, the same shade as Ryusei’s eyes.

Ryusei chuckled. “I’m in love.”

────

Of course, Ryusei was waiting for Sae outside the door to their training camp. As always. It was a separate place from Blue Lock, but still as clean and efficient. The place was swarmed with billboards hanging off the walls, faces of strikers upon them. Sometimes the picture would flick to Sae’s own face. It made him grimace.

“Look at that, you’re early too.” Ryusei beamed, waving him over in that overly giddy voice of his. Sae supressed an eye roll.

“Morning, Ryusei.” Sae muttered back, checking the time on his watch. He was early… earlier than usual. Must’ve lost track of the time. Ryusei walked over to him, tailing him as always, hands stretched behind his back, yawning.

“Way too damn early! If I fall sleep on the field, you’d better catch me.” Ryusei smirked over at Sae.

“Totally. Carry you to your apartment as well, pull the sheets up and read you a bedtime story.” Sae responded.

“You don’t even know what apartment I live in. I’m mad about that. 13, by the way.” Ryusei chuckled.

“I won’t remember that.”

“Then I’ll score 13 goals so you’d remember. Or jump 13 times on the court. Or I’ll swap shirts with number 13.” Ryusei looked over at Sae.

Goodness, sometimes he could be exhausting. Not that Sae minded it all that much, though. Unlike most, Ryusei knew limits.

Ryusei leaned a little too close, peering at Sae's watch like he couldn’t just check his own. “Bet you set an alarm just for me,” he teased, grinning. “Woke up and thought, ‘Damn, what if Ryusei’s already there? Can’t leave him hanging.’ So sweet.”

Sae tilted his head, staring at him flatly. “You always beat me here.”

“Exactly,” Ryusei said, as if that proved something. “You showing up early means I’m winning.”

“Winning what?”

Ryusei shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

Sae rolled his eyes to the sky, “You’re so confusing sometimes.”

That’s when they finally entered the breakfast hall, clean and light, looking more like a restaurant than a cafeteria. That’s what Sae liked. Expensive.

Ryusei rested his chin on Sae’s shoulder, but Sae didn’t bristle. Instead, he simply looked forward as Ryusei rose a finger to the food options already set out (that started when the lunch lady caught Sae and Ryusei sitting in the cafeteria several minutes before her shift about 10 times).

“No meat. They know I love meat. Do you see this? They’re starving me.” Sae could hear Ryusei’s pout, even though his gaze stayed forward.

“You’ll live.” Sae walked on, and of course, Ryusei followed close behind, looking over the options on the menu.

“Tamagoyaki... yudofu…” Ryusei hummed. “That’s only the sides? This is a whole feast.”

“Good food, but seeing they’re feeding footballers, it’s…” Sae trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

“So picky, Sae-chan.” Ryusei said, leaning over and holding up a finger, wiggling it.

Sae simply sighed and took his food, walking over to his table. Or he would’ve, if he hadn’t seen his dear little brother in the doorway.

Of course. He decided to come early today.

Normally they wouldn’t interact at all, but with Ryusei around-

“Rin-Rin!”

Ugh.

“Leave me alone.” Rin shot back, shooting Ryusei a glare, who just laughed, placing an arm on Sae’s shoulder. Sae simply crossed his arms – now, he would’ve interfered, but it was early and he was goddamn tired.

“Now Rin-Rin, that’s not how you talk to your elders.” Ryusei drawled, hands in pockets. Sae bet they looked like a pair of high school bullies.

Sae did not like that image.

Just as Rin was about to spit something back, (The boy looked on the verge of killing someone. How immature.), Sae nudged Ryusei with his elbow.

“Not worth it, Ryusei.” Sae started walking over to their self-assigned table. “I’m hungry. Let’s eat.”

Ryusei smirked wider, fucking winking at Rin, shooting him a look before tailing Sae.

When Sae had finally got Ryusei to sit down, he slid up against Sae, close but not too close, just how Sae preferred. Ryusei was just able to read Sae like that, on and off the field, in a way nobody else could. Like they could infiltrate each other’s minds. And Sae wasn’t sure if that unsettled him or not.

Sae got to eating his food. Ryusei watched ever so attentively. Then, he started to mimic Sae, eyes wide with the fascination of a dog, holding his chopsticks the same, sitting the same, leaning over further to inspect what Sae was doing to a better degree.

Cute.

In a slightly unsettling way.

“You’re doing that again.” Sae sighed, continuing to eat, internally noting Ryusei’s full plate.

“Doing what?”

“Staring at me.”

Ryusei paused, before chuckling, leaning back. “It’s my guilty pleasure.”

That was when Ryusei’s hand jerked up, cutlery outstretched to slice a piece off Sae’s beloved food that Sae was quite enjoying, actually.

“Ryusei.” Sae’s voice held a warning tone.

“What?” Ryusei smiled, stuffing Sae’s food into his mouth, food that was now gone down Ryusei’s throat, never to be seen again. “Not my fault your food’s so tempting.”

Sae frowned, giving a sidelong glare. But he didn’t say anything more. He didn’t need to.

“Mmmh, good taste, under lashes senior!” Ryusei exclaimed.

Sae simply stared at Ryusei through the side of his eye, watching as he ate with so much unnecessary emotion on his face. But, after all, Sae supposed Ryusei couldn’t help it. It was how he was designed, after all. To be like this.

Sae always had a soft spot for the weird kids. The ones that didn’t conform to societal rules. Just being themselves, not putting up a show for anyone else. Sae found it beautiful. Because Sae… Sae sometimes fell too. Sometimes did things just because others thought he should. It was a rare occurrence, but it was there, and that’s what embarrassed Sae more than anything. He would always hesitate to apply eye cream in his daily routine, for the sole reason that it was only because a teammate made an offhand comment about how Sae ‘always looked tired’. It shouldn’t have really affected Sae. It didn’t that much. But, somehow, he still found himself purchasing the expensive eye cream, applying it every day.

He had his eye on those that were odd in every way. Those that acted purely off impulse. Those who did what they wanted because that was just who they were. People like Ryusei. Who idn’t harbour a boring playstyle that they wore like armour. People with real talent. People with real ego. People… that weren’t like Sae.

“Hey, underlashes, now you’re staring.” Ryusei smirked at Sae, leaning back with that all so carefree attitude of his. Sae rose an eyebrow.

“Just making it even, I guess.” Sae muttered back, looking back down at his food. Ryusei’s expression went blank, like he had noticed something, like he just didn’t know how to respond in this situation.

“Sae… you… alright? Tired?” Ryusei muttered, leaning forward to try and meet Sae’s gaze. Honestly, Sae was tired, but it was more than that.

Sae simply exhaled. He never talked about his feelings, not to anyone. He didn’t feel the need to. But today, today was different, today he was tired and that tiredness was something he could blame his manner of speech on.

“… I wish I were special.”

Ryusei’s eyes went wide, his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. He simply stared, like he was trying to dissect what Sae had just said, trying to piece together why. Sae couldn’t understand what he said either. It was a trivial thing, talking like this, letting too much on. Sae suddenly felt embarrassed. Why did he say that?

“But you are special.” Ryusei’s voice was loud, as if he was in disbelief that Sae would say such a thing. “You’re special in every way, underlashes! You’re the coolest person ever, your playstyle, your looks, your cuteness, just…”

He wasn’t. He wasn’t cool, or talented. He didn’t harbour the ego that he was a victim of back in Spain. The undeniable prestige of the world class players that made him feel like some sort of joke. When he was young, he was sure he was a prodigy, the best in the world. That changed when he saw the strikers overbroad. It made him wonder why he was considered so good back in Japan, but so bad there. It made him believe that Japan was simply trashy at soccer, no more, no less.

So he became a midfielder. Because of the fragile ego he knew he had. There, as a midfielder, he had a better chance.

“Forget I said anything, I’m too tired…” Sae’s voice trailed off as he continued eating. But Ryusei couldn’t take his gaze off Sae.

Because he was confused. Confused as to why Sae thought that. Fuck, Sae was perfect! He was good at soccer, undeniably handsome, had the perfect mix of nonchalance and understanding yet still… still he didn’t think he was special. And that saddened Ryusei. Then is maddened him. Because how had he missed that? Didn’t he know everything about him?

… Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he thought of Sae so highly that he forgot he was only human.

Ryusei frowned. He didn’t know what to say. Never had.

“You’re really special, Sae. Not just to me.” Was all he could muster, a pathetic excuse for comfort, but something all the same.

Sae simply rolled his eyes. “Don’t go all soft on me.”

There it was. Those walls again. That practiced nonchalance returning after one small slip of emotion. Ryusei wore a small but emotionless smile.

“Alright, underlashes.”

Notes:

I'm kind of excited for this fic, be prepared for some heavy character study, also some angst, and reconciliation! Also, here are some things that I tried to convey here, that most will probably miss because who overanalyses a FANFIC bro 😭 1. When Sae says “I’ve done it ever since I was a kid.”, Ryusei doesn't respond, not mentally nor physically. If you caught that, it was meant to show that Ryusei didn't see Sae as a person with flaws, just someone who is perfect, which he repeats throughout the passage. He almost blocks it out, only reacting to Sae calling his name instead. This was placed to show that, even though Ryusei claims he's obsessed with Sae, he misses out a few key parts that really makes Sae human (this does get addressed later in the fic!!!) 2. Insect analogy!! Kind of referencing Sae's change to being a midfielder (as well as some other things), to 'play it safe'!! It kind of summarizes how Sae is written in this fic, he doesn't take risks he knows he shouldn't. The insect analogy here is very symbolic throughout the fic, I wanted to name the fic 'Insect Analogy' at first, but idk Anyway, this fic will be slow to update as I have summer exams (IM SO SCARED!) but anyway, cya!!

♡

“See that, Sae? What do the numbers add up to on the scoreboard? No, tell me!”

Sae rolled his eyes at Ryusei’s antics, trying to continue walking, trying to ignore all of this.

“Sae-chan? Tell me!” Ryusei leaned in, a sly smirk upon his face, his eyes low-lidded. Sae simply collected his bag, mind drowning out the sounds of the various other Blue Lock boys. They were all over the place, riling each other up, pushing and shoving, blaming one another for a missed goal if they were unfortunate enough to be on the loosing team. One pair in particular – a pair way too close to Sae for comfort – was the rowdy duo called ‘Karasu and Otoya’.

“Eugh, what the hell, Otoya? What do you mean you’d kiss me just to make your new girl jealous?” Karasu gagged, pushing Otoya, who simply laughed.

“Calm down, it’s a joke, man! All riled up for what?” Otoya shot back. “Well… unless you really want me to…”

“Fuck off!” Karasu pushed Otoya yet again, making the boy stumble over some benches, almost landing on a maddened Kunigami, who quickly shifted out of the way, glaring at Otoya.

“What’s your problem…” Kunigami rolled his eyes, quickly standing up and grabbing his water bottle.

“Sae, what’s the number? You know I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me what it is.” Ryusei’s head popped into view, before he walked around Sae, ending up right in front of him, way too close. His gaze was still lidded, his smirk dangerous, hot breath right in Sae’s face.

“13.” Sae muttered, before pushing past Ryusei, who simply caught up ever so quickly.

“And, pray tell, what does that number have to do with me?” Ryusei crossed his arms behind his back, leaning forward and turning his head to match Sae’s height.

“Oh goodness, must have forgotten.” Sae muttered sarcastically, turning around and opening the door to the changing room. Ryusei frowned.

“No the fuck you didn’t! Come on Sae, it’s my door number!” Ryusei teased, leaning in closer. Seriously, this man had no concept of personal space.

“I was kidding. Of course I remember your door number. I remembered it when you actually jumped 13 times in front of me. I remembered it when you bullied Tokimitsu into swapping shirts with you so you could have number 13.” Sae deadpanned, strolling into the empty lunch hall, determined to get the best servings first.

Ryusei’s eyes widened. As if he’d really just clocked that Sae was being sarcastic. “Seriously? Okay, now you have to come over! You’re free every Saturday from 12:30 to 6:40 because that’s when your night routine starts, so don’t even try to bail.”

Sae sighed. “Of course you’d know that…”

But, seriously, how did he know that?

Before Sae could dwell on it too much, Ryusei threw an arm around Sae’s shoulder. “What do you say? One o’clock? That’s your favourite number, right?”

“It’s two.” Sae sighed.

“Two, then.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I say so.”

“Alright, what if I score 5 goals next round? Nutmeg 5 people? Or-”

“Make it 13 and we have a deal.” Sae turned to Ryusei, who simply tilted his head.

“Knew you’d remembered.” Ryusei said, as he circled Sae in the changing rooms, like a planet would circle the Sun.

Well, that was what Sae was to him. The Sun. So bright and beautiful in all its glory. Ryusei couldn’t help but stare as Sae packed his locker, slipping various things in and taking various things out.

“You know, I almost broke my leg once. Jumped off a roof.” Ryusei mentioned, way too casually for the way Sae reacted.

He paused just as he was about to close the door, gaze forward. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I jumped off a roof. To piss off the neighbours. It worked.” Ryusei smirked, still looking at Sae, drinking up every last remnant of reaction he got from the man.

“… Right.” Sae responded, finally closing the locker door. “You say that like it’s not concerning.”

“Come on, it was 1 story! Neighbours were broke as fuck.” Ryusei said, turning to Sae, who turned right back.

“Not as broke as you’d be if you actually broke your leg…” Sae muttered, throwing his bag over his shoulder. Ryusei laughed back, a skip in his step, arms behind him.

“Really? Man, you forget I’m built like a tank!” Ryusei winked.

“You’re really not…” Sae mumbled.

“Wanna see for yourself? You know, I think clothes hide my muscles a little too much…”

“Sure. I’ll check the day you score 100 goals in one game.”

Ryusei’s eyebrows rose. “That wasn’t a no.”

“And in under 20 minutes.”

“I mean, nothing’s ever stopped me from setting world records-”

“While carrying a newborn child that has to be named ‘I’ll pass’.”

Ryusei laughed obnoxiously yet again. “Fucking hell, you’re so funny when you actually make jokes.”

Sae simply hummed in response, sighing from Ryusei’s antics as he started to make his way into the lunch hall. It was bustling already, boys forming groups around each other, most deciding to talk and hang out instead of actually getting food. The air was warm, humid, from the cluster of too many people clumped into one singular room.

But Sae, unlike others, didn’t feel the need to endlessly converse with several other boys. No, he decided he was gong to spend his time much more efficiently, by looking over the options set out.

“Mmm. Yum.” He muttered to no one in particular, low enough that no one would hear.

Or so he thought.

“Sae, what did you just say? Yum? Yum!?” Ryusei was getting a little too close. “Say that again. You sounded way too cute!”

Sae let out the biggest exhale he had ever done in his 19 years of living. He was about to give Ryusei some dry comment that basically meant ‘Leave me alone’, until Karasu suddenly emerged from behind them, seeming to have stopped his conversation with Otoya – probably about not dumping his new girlfriend that was actually a popular influencer who could probably earn Karasu a second hand stack.

“Man, yer hallucinating.” He said, hands in pockets, as Ryusei turned around, frowning slightly. “Anyway, Otoya was telling me about how he overheard ya talking about plummeting off a roof, just wanted to make sure it wasn’t one of his stupid rumours again.”

Dinner was always a place of solace.

Most times, with Sae’s personal space being uninhabited by anyone but Ryusei, Sae’s thoughts would always cloud his mind, thoughts that he would never attempt to deter, thoughts that spiralled further and further into the deep pit named ‘overthinking’.

Today was not one of those days.

Ryusei had been gaining friends. Quite a lot. People seemed to gravitate toward him, not because he was likable, but because of his outgoing aura, the suspense of never knowing what he would do next, Sae supposed that was what drew people in, like moths to a burning, blue flame. Sae supposed he was no different.

That’s what slightly irritated him. Yet again, he was no different from others, practically everyone liked Ryusei when they got to know him. Sae was being selfish by wanting him all to himself.

But, thankfully, the bragging was coming to a close. Ryusei was first in the dinner line now, attention circling back to Sae ever so slowly.

“Yeah, obviously I jumped off, but I also almost broke my leg.” Now his pink, burning eyes were seething into Sae’s own, “Didn’t stop me from playing soccer though.”

“Yeah, crazy.” Karasu’s voice rumbled from behind. “Never would’ve expected anything less.”

Ryusei’s eyes was still trailed onto Sae, big and attentive, almost unnerving if Sae wasn’t so used to it.

“What if I did break my leg, though?” Ryusei chuckled, nudging Sae, almost making him topple over his own food.

Sae frowned.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He said sarcastically, to which Ryusei simply smiled.

Not smirked.

Smilied.

Like, something soft, something Sae would never associate with Ryusei.

But it was gone in a second, when Ryusei threw his arm around Sae’s shoulder, laughing heartily.

“How do you even manage to stay this nonchalant!” He shook Sae a little, irritating the man a little. Sae only offered him a giant side eye.

────

13 nutmegs. Those were the simple requirements. Sae was an idiot for ever thinking Ryusei wouldn’t follow through.

Because Ryusei passed with flying colours. Every wide spread pair of legs were met with a ball rolling through them, accompanied by Ryusei’s signature erratic smirk. After the match, he even let one of his signature, erotic comments slip, something about ‘always being able to slip through holes’.

Now Sae’s in his apartment, sitting atop the expensive couch he only bought yesterday, arms draped off the armrest. It’s an expensive but minimalistic place, decorated in a way that was appeasing but expected. The light was tinted a sterile white. Long, full windows held themselves at the back. The floor was clean and sleek, no stains or imprints. Sae’s waiting. Waiting for Ryusei to arrive – right on time, or maybe fashionably late.

Knock, knock, knock.

There’s three knocks, each one harsh and erratic, harder than the last. Sae checks his watch. It seems Ryusei arrived right on time today.

Sae hesitates for a split second before raising himself off the couch, travelling to the door, his hair a little unkempt in a way he would never show anyone. Today, he felt himself grow far too comfortable, a burning feeling in his heart that rubbed him the wrong way. He’s just about to reach for the doorknob when 4 harsher knocks come, reverberating through the warm room, making Sae jump a little.

This guy can never be patient.

Sae slowly opens the door, rubbing his eyes, looking over at Ryusei and his goddamn wide smile. He looks excited, too excited, bouncing on the balls of his feet and rocking back and forth. He doesn’t say anything, something out of character for someone like him. He simply stared, eyes wide, smile turtle like, like some infatuated puppy. It’s not far off.

He’s wearing something akin to the popular vkei style, maybe with hints of gyaru. It’s a long, pink shirt layered with a sleek, black jacket with the cuffs up, containing various pink leapord print stickers. It was paired with open fingered gloves and black lace. His trousers were wide legged and black, with a large double belt that hung in different directions. It was complex, his faint, silver jewlery jangled with ever movement, something Sae could tell he would be hearing a lot of.

But then, Ryusei suddenly spins on his heel, turning away abruptly. “Never mind. It’s too early. You’re not ready yet.”

Sae gets taken aback, his eyebrow raising, trying to mask the slight amplification in the beating of his heart. His hair wasn’t that dishevelled. But, somehow, the fact that Ryusei was slightly pointing it out made it all the more worse.

“… What?” Sae muttered, still holding the door open, watching as Ryusei retreated back.

“I’ll be back in 20 minutes! Or longer. I’ll watch you to see when you’re ready. Anyway, car’s downstairs, we’re going for a drive, Sae-chan!” Ryusei waved back, his hands still stuffed into his pockets, walking off with such nonchalance, as if Sae’s mind wasn’t reeling from trying to understand where he was coming from.

“Alright, demon…” Sae muttered, low enough that Ryusei (hopefully) couldn’t hear, before closing the door with a nice little click. He ran a hand through his hair, deciding all of this was below him.

Kind of deciding.

He still subconsciously went to the mirror and fixed his hair, adjusting the collar of his jumper. He didn’t understand why he did it. Maybe it was the fact that Ryusei had noticed how slightly disordered he was that unnerved him. Normally, no one would point it out, not even the mirror ahead of him. The thing had filter. Ryusei didn’t.

He frowned harder into the mirror, trying to inspect his appearance, see what Ryusei saw. His face was more flushed than usual. His eyes narrowed and darker than usual.

Is that what Ryusei saw? Sae didn’t like that.

Knock, knock, knock.

Sae sighed. Ryusei, of course, was back. It had only been a few minutes, and somehow the man just couldn’t stay away for too long. Sae walked over at a pace more brisk than he should, bent on asking Ryusei why he left and came back so soon, what he meant by that comment about ‘watching him’, but when he opened the door…

Ryusei had a pink lighter in his hand, flicking it on and off absentmindedly, his hand risen for another knock. He suddenly looked up. Smiled.

“Why do you have… a lighter?” Sae frowned.

“Told myself that if you didn’t answer by the 5th knock I would set your mailbox on fire… but you did, so yay!”

Sae should’ve been more shocked at that than he was. But, he decided, that was simply Ryusei.

He wouldn’t actually do that.

Right?

“I left because my stomach did a little flip. You feel? Like… like it was about to explode. And because you looked too pretty. I wanted to punch a hole in your mirror.” Ryusei casually flicked the lighter up and caught it, slipping it into his pocket, whatever that flirt attempt was.

“That’s great.” Sae deadpanned. “That why you came back so soon?”

“Nah, just wanted to stare a little longer. You know, you have one less underlash. Did it fall off when you were sleeping? Might have to start calling you ‘no lashes senior’.” Ryusei chuckled at his own joke, one that Sae found deeply disturbing. He didn’t like that Ryusei noticed too many things about his face. He didn’t like it when people watched him too much, it reminded him of the stalker he had not too long ago of which he never found out their name.

Sae started slowly closing the door, making Ryusei grab the doorknob.

“Hey, hey, where are you going? You can’t close the door on me on our first date! Might actually light your mailbox on fire.”

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with this guy.

Sae reluctantly opened the door again, keeping his distance , backing up slightly.

“So,” Ryusei started. “Car? It’s pink, by the way. Illegal modifications too! Neon lights… a spoiler… oh, you know, I got teal lights ‘cuz they reminded me of you. It felt like I was always driving with you! Gave me like, 10 speeding tickets…”

“I think I’m gonna close the door now.” Sae said sarcastically, swinging it open anyway. “You can take us wherever you want, as long as it’s not some shady place that’ll end us up in a true crime documentary.”

“No promises, can’t guarantee no assassins will take me out while I drive.” Ryusei laughed again as Sae walked over to the elevator that led down to the parking lot.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

────

Ryusei held the door open like the gentleman he knew he wasn’t. Even holding his hand out like some 1900s romance. Sae simply gave him the meanest side glare because, you know, thats just his thing . The way he let people know that they were hitting the wrong nerve. Not that Ryusei didn’t dig it, or anything.

Sae relaxed into the passenger’s seat, and Ryusei couldn’t help but stare. He told himself he wouldn’t overdo the gawking. 5 seconds of staring only.

Bad thing Ryusei couldn’t actually count, because 5 seconds turned into 10, and then 20, and then Sae turned his head and stared right back.

“Stop that.” Sae muttered bluntly.

“Stop what?” Ryusei asked, feigning innocence.

“Living.” Sae answered sarcastically, before sighing and craning his neck to the window. “Where are we going, anyway?”

Ryusei finally closed the door, his voice carrying through the window which was perpetually open (because fuck burglars, not like they would find anything).

“Wherever the wind takes us! I’m a strong believer in fate, you see?” Ryusei relaxed into the driver’s seat, starting the car. Sae hummed, nodding, pushing his cheek into a fist and looking wistfully out of the window.

As they drove out of the dark parking lot, into the bountiful evening, where the sky bloomed a warm orange, where consciousness felt like a foreign concept, where everything felt like a soon to be memory, fading into the background. Ryusei felt like he could float in the air! But even if he could, would he? Like, THE Sae Itoshi was right next to him.

Nah, Ryusei decided he’d like to stay right here.

The harsh, whipping wind made him squint, it brushed past his cheek, fresh and the perfect temperature.

Ryusei grinned, happiness overtaking his limbs. He felt the car going faster and faster, but really, speeding wasn’t anything new. He didn’t even get that small heart attack when he heard police sirens anymore. The chase was no longer fun.

“Fuck, it hurts me just to think, and I don’t do pain.” Ryusei chuckled, turning over to Sae. “I don’t do silence either, what’s on your mind?”

Sae frowned, his hand dropping on the brim of the car window. “Nothing. View’s nice.”

“Yeah, it always is when the view is you.” Ryusei leaned over for extra emphasis, to which Sae simply rolled his eyes, hair brushing against his face.

“Is that meant to be flirting? Shit’s genuinely terrible.” He muttered, shaking his head like some disappointed father.

“Isn’t that what makes it good? Some people like that. Cringey.” Ryusei laughed. “Fucking gross.”

Sae shifted in his seat, tilting his head to the side. “You’re gross. And I’m hungry. Pull up at a drive through or something, I haven’t even had lunch.”

Ryusei pulls an exaggerated sad face, turning over to Sae’s direction. “Aw, my boyfriend hasn’t been eating lately? Should I be worried? Maybe I should sleep over to make sure you’re okay?”

Sae jokingly hits Ryusei across the shoulder, scowling, as Ryusei laughs and angles to the side. “Creep!”

“What intriguing information! You say it like it’s not obvious.” Ryusei chuckled, pushing his foot on the pedal further. His heart does a little jump at the speed, at the wind that’s smacking in his face, making his hair stand up. They’re driving past a rural area now, as Ryusei went a little off course. Trees tower over the side of the road, paired with the slight drop at their right. The danger makes driving fast all the more fun, it smells like freedom, tastes like a life given up. Sae’s gone silent.

Something feels off.

It’s not just the increasing speed of the car, which will soon turn into a speed slightly alarming. Not just the smile on Ryusei’s face, something dangerous, an explosive glint in his wide eyes. No, Sae decides it’s the air, tight and thick, making the wind catch in his throat, making his heart feel strained.

Something feels off here.

And Sae’s never wrong.

“Ryusei, slow down.” Sae taps Ryusei’s arm, his taps getting harsher by the second.

The latter simply turns to him, still smiling.

“Why?” His voice is low, something unnerving, and Sae can’t turn to look back at him.

“We’re gonna crash if you keep going at this speed. End up in gravestones.” Sae grumbled, trying to sound calm. He wasn’t.

Something feels off.

The trees are blurring past the window too quickly. The air feels almost suffocating.

And..

“Would that be a bad thing, Sae?” Ryusei muttered, still looking over at Sae, eyes still as wide as ever, something akin to a manic animal.

‘There.’ Sae thought. ‘That’s what’s wrong.’

“I’ll slow down. I’m just interested. Dying. Is it really that bad? It happens anyway.” Ryusei’s now chuckling, a shrill, free sound. “I mean, sometimes I wanna die. Not a bad thing. Just an observation.”

Sae stayed silent, his heart beating ferociously. Ryusei wasn’t slowing down. And now, now he was talking about death like it was something simple. Not something frightening. Something that proved you were unworthy of life.

They were isolated from society. In the middle of a grassy plain, no cars in sight. If Ryusei crashed, how long would it be until help came? The woodland stretched on, far vaster than Sae could ever imagine.

There was no one.

No one there.

Sae’s nails dug into Ryusei’s arm, but the man didn’t flinch. It frightened Sae. Made him overthink again.

He knew Ryusei was insane, but not like this. All those unhinged things he would say, all those times Sae felt himself doubting just how safe it was, is this the consequence? What was Ryusei thinking?

“Ryusei…” Sae muttered, in a warning tone.

“Sorry, just one more second! Don’t you like the thrill? The thrill of thinking we could just crash right now and that would be… the end? No one knows when they’re gonna go, Sae. Does that not excite you?” Ryusei laughed heartily, like this was all a joke. Like Sae wasn’t scared for his life.

“I’ve already gotten what I wanted in life. You. My soulmate. We were made for eachother! If I could die, I’d die with you. You’re like the sun, and I’m just a measly planet. I may not get the chance again. To die with you.” Ryusei’s voice trailed off at the end, making Sae’s hear beat faster, his eyes enlargening. No. Sae wouldn’t like that.

“Stop that.” Sae held on tighter.

“Stop what? Living?” Ryusei turned, referencing their past banter. “I’ll do it, Sae. Just say the word. I’ll crash into the trees right now. If you say so, I'll do it. Right here. Right now.”

Sae’s nails pierced into Ryusei’s tanned skin, drawing blood, his teeth gritting, head light, heart pounding in his ears.

No.

“Fucking hell, are you crazy!? Stop! Stop right now!” Sae yelled, louder than he ever had done in his life.

The car suddenly came to an abrupt stop, making Sae jerk forward, forehead landing on the window. His heart was beating, beads of sweat coursing down his face as his chest heaved up and down. But Ryusei simply smiled, his hand resting on the steering wheel, like he hadn’t just almost killed Sae.

“See? We’re fine! God, Sae, you looked out of it! Acting like death is so bad! What are you even afraid of?” Ryusei was giggling ferociously, a stark contrast to Sae’s heaving self. He was rocking back and forth, laughter contagious, oblivious to the fear he had just caused.

“What… what’s wrong with you…” Sae panted, his clenching, anger bubbling inside of him. Ryusei had almost killed him. Fucking almost granted his worst fear and now… now he’s laughing?

Sae’s fingers curled around the door handle as he shoved it open, the thing flying forward with palpable force. Sae stepped out into the cool air, away from the tension of the car.

Ryusei opened the door too.

“You sure you’d be able to get back home?” He called out, voice high and ‘cute’. “Wouldn’t want you to get ran over or something.”

Ryusei tailed Sae as he stormed down the pathway, breath still heavy, the feeling of the ground vibrating through his leg.

He turned around.

“Are you okay? Genuinely, what the fuck was that!?” Sae face was scrunched, red, his lips pursed, his eyebrows furrowed. His hair caught in the wind, creating a picturesque image of streams of marron floating past a tired face. The orange sun burned his pale skin, seemingly warmer than it just was, overwhelming in its right. His hair was a mess, all sticking out in the wrong directions, similar to how the collar of his jumper brushed against his neck.

But Ryusei? He was the opposite.

His face was painted in the art of laughter, his hair brushing past in a similar fashion. But those strands felt free, ecstatic. His mouth was wide, eyes narrowed as if in bliss, his hands draping by his sides. The orange sun didn’t seem to burn him, it only added texture to his elated expression. His clothes were still tidy, swaying in the wind. Something perfect.

The image of the two was almost static. Two parallel lines, still doomed to defy everything and intertwine with each other.

“Have a safe trip home, alright?” Ryusei called out, still laughing, his words breathy.

Sae turned around again, his hands in his pockets, his eye twitching.

Ryusei brought an arm up. Waved. Still smiling.

“I fucking love you, you emotionless bastard!”

Notes:

I changed the title of the fic from motion detected because i always listen to IFHY - Tyler the Creator while writing this and it fits it SO MUCH. also, did you guys catch that lil My Ordinary Life reference (“Fuck, it hurts me just to think, and I don’t do pain.”) Anyway, im trying (REALLY TRYING) to write longer chapters, so in the summer holidays that is defo happening. Thinking of combining the first two chapters to seem cool.

It was when he finally stood up that he saw your drawing. This time, it was simply line art, this time of a man with short, black hair, his hair caught in the wind, swaying past his face. The lines were erratic, messy, but it came together in something beautiful.

Armin stayed standing, peeking over your shoulder as you drew, captivated, until.

“Armin?” The teacher said softly. “Is there a reason you’re standing up?”

Armin immediately snapped back to present day.

He immediately fell into his chair with a thump before anyone else could see him, pulling down his sleeves nervously, his mouth sealed shut.

“Sorry…” he muttered, even though no one could hear.

That was when you turned around, staring at him, the side of your face on view. By this time, the teacher had continued teaching, but your eyes were still trailed on him. That was before you turned away from him again, hopefully not noticing how red he was, the way he was fidgeting ever so much, the was he was pulling at his sleeves, practically sweating.

No, wait, he was sweating.

He leaned his elbows on the table, his hands ruffling his hair, awkward as ever. It took his everything to get through the lesson without combusting, and when he did, it took him ages to continue his mission.

His mission of following you to the library.

First, he took a quick trip to the bathroom, scrunching and pinching his nose to make it look red, pinching his cheeks for the same effect, before stretching his lips to make them look dry. He then applied the petroleum jelly he bought the day before to his forehead to make it look like he was sweating, before putting toothpaste in his eyes to stimulate reflex crying.

Afterward, he went to his next class, telling the teacher he was ‘sick’ and ‘needed to go to the infirmary’.

The man frowned at the interruption to his lesson. “Go ahead, then.”

The nurse, a nice old lady, immediately believed him, allowing him to go to the bathroom.

That’s when he started his mission. He immediately strolled to the library, going from the outside to not arouse any suspicion from passing teachers to peek through the library window. He even got binoculars for sightseeing, making sure to rearrange the tables during his own library lesson to make sure he could see you through the window.

It worked. He watched you borrow a book, getting the receipt, even though you chucked it into the bin.

The bin on the left of the door, not the right.

The bin on the left…

He needed to get that receipt soon enough.

He watched you sit down, reading it, seeming so intent on the book. You were expressive, smiling at some pages, frowning at others. You seemed to subconsciously fold the edges of the paper as you read, even ripping a corner once as you flipped to another page.

44.5 seconds. It took you 44.5 seconds to read a page on average, with the exception of one in particular which you seemed to read over and over again. His heart pumped as he saw you re-reading, knowing he needed to find out what page it was, as he fumbled for his binoculars. He immediately rose it to the window, trying to see, but to no avail. All he could see was three digits, but nothing more, nothing less.

He was itching to find out. What was on that page that made you re-read? What could possibly be so intriguing?

He wasn’t going to give up.

He immediately got out a ruler, lining it up with the window, or your book. He measured how tall the remaining pages were, noting it, swearing to go back to that book when you were done. He needed to measure how long the entire book was too, and thankfully that opportunity came to him when you closed it for a second, allowing him to measure it again right before you walked out of the library, leaving the chatter behind.

It took him under a minute to waltz back into that library, immediately rummaging through the bin, to the left of the door, not the right.

As he kneeled down in front of it, he paused, frowning, suddenly having a moment of self-awareness.

Seriously, what was he doing?

But he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. After all, this was simply teen love, and teen love came with obsession.

The librarian probably thought he was clinically insane. He was feel embarrassed if he wasn’t so… obsessed.

He finally found the receipt and read the book name – [Fav book] – before smiling, making sure not to giggle out of excitement. He then got a copy from one of the shelves, a little disappointed that you took the original, but happy all the same. He then measured it, measuring the ratio compared to the entire book, before calculating the page you re-read, page 136, gazing upon it.

He too re-read it, over and over.

It was a romance book. And, yes, it was a particularly spicy scene.

Doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it.

He read it twice, thrice, four times, smiling to himself, braces on display, gripping the cover.

He was so taking this home.

────

“You’re such a looser, Armin…” Eren sighs, Armin’s childhood friend. Seriously, they were definitely a rarepair, a frat boy and a nerd had no reason of being together. But as they grew up they kinda just… stuck, inseparable. Armin would ramble onto Eren, and Eren would just listen, staying silent, humming along in all his nonchalant glory. Right now was one of those moments, Armin laid down on his bed while Eren sat at his desk, his cheek rested on his palm, stubbing out his cigarette on the table next to him.

“No, seriously! She’s perfect! She’s like the sun, so beautiful in all its glory, but so complex underneath! She’s so…”

“Who even goes through trash just to pick out a girl’s book receipt? Personally, reading books is just nerd behaviour, absolute no, but I guess you’re used to that.” Eren shoots Armin a look, sitting in his chair across Armin in their college dorm, before going back to checking out his fingernails.

“It was worth it, I’ve already finished the book she was reading! What should I do, Eren? Should I- should I tell her I read her favourite book, or-”

“You’d be outing yourself as a creep.”

“Okay then, what if – what if I simply leave it on my desk tomorrow? Would she notice? Would she ask about it? What if she falls in love with me because I like her favourite book? I’d do that if I were her! Wait, wait, that’s perfect!”

“You’re a nutcase…”

Armin sits up in his bed like he just came up with Newton’s Fourth Law. “It’s fate! We’re falling in love! We’ll get married and stay together for years, our souls intertwined, even in the afterlife! Right, Eren?”

Eren groans, staying silent for a moment.

“Eren?” Armin tilts his head.

“This is painful to hear… you know what? I’’ll just give you girl tips so you don’t embarrass yourself. You gotta be nonchalant, don’t act crazy, girls aren’t into that. Simply slide into her life, treat her right until you don’t need to anymore, and she’ll be crazy over you.” Eren pauses lying down on his bed. “Also, change the look. Get rid of the glasses, they’re shitty. The bob too.”

Armin pauses, personally offended as if Eren hadn’t told him this a million times before. “But… I can’t see without my glasses…”

“Then don’t see.” Eren turns off his light, shifting over to face away from Armin.

“But, what if I try to bump into her but end up falling over and-”

“Goodnight, nerd.”

And that was when Armin was left alone, alone with his overthinking thoughts, alone with you inside of them.

────

It was a Friday. A chill day for most, a busy for others with the luck of having a bad timetable. That being any type of science on that particular day.

One of those people, of course, was Armin. Armin, who was a little sleepy from waking up 3 hours before schedule to take in Eren’s advice, folding his glasses neatly into his bedside drawer and tumbling over everything that you could tumble over. He was, as Eren said, a lost cause, he could hardly see let alone function. After struggling to brush his teeth and wash his face in the bathroom for a whole two hour, he finally managed to comb his long, surprisingly shiny and smooth hair, tying it up to try and replicate Eren’s style.

That’s when said man finally woke up, entering the bathroom, his eyebrow raising.

“No way… don’t tell me you actually listened.” Eren chuckled, towering behind Armin, looking at himself in the mirror. “Trying to recreate the man bun? Not a chance. It’s natural, really, can’t be forced.”

Armin sulked, his shoulders slumping. “This is all so tiring… it took me 2 hours to even get this far.”

“I know. That’s why I’m awake so early.”

Armin pauses.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be. Anyway, your looks have improved… in the sense that you look like a girl now. If she’s into girls.”

Armin groans. “I don’t particularly want to look like a girl…”

“I mean, if she is into girls, you have a better chance.”

Armin groans again. Eren’s words formed a cloud over his head all throughout the day, all through his next lesson with you. He dropped the bag to the side of his seat as he sat down, placing his borrowed book at the edge of the table in hopes that you would notice it, before going back to staring at the back of your head.

Your hair was nice. So healthy.

He was staring, his eyelids starting to droop, making his elbow shift forward, making his laptop shift forward, before –

The book fell with a thump, right beside your desk.

Armin sat up, his face heating up, his skin crawling. His eyes went wide, his mind reeling – what should he do? Should he leave it? Should he discreetly get it? Should he-

You picked the book up.

Oh, god, you picked the book up. You leaned over, you grabbed it, and you picked it up. And now you’re turning around to Armin, your eyes staring deep into his, holding the book out, a soft smile on your face.

“Is this yours? You have good taste.”

Oh, god, your voice. He was going to melt under your gaze, under the sound of you, his face heating up, his limbs trembling.

He looked like an idiot.

He opened his mouth, his breathing heavy, his hands clenching hard.

“Uh– I-” he muttered, gulping, his big eyes still on you. “Yeah… thanks… I’lll…”

You chuckled softly, a sound Armin would never forget. “What do you think of it? Good, right?”

Armin was going to melt. You… you… you were creating conversation with him?

“Y-Yeah… it’s… it’s… yeah… really good… finished it last night…” he nodded. “the… main character… cute… uh…”

“Hah, I agree. We should talk about it later, I haven’t met anyone who’s read the book.” You said, before turning around, “See you later, girl.”

Wait…

Girl!?

────

The light in your window was still on, compared to all the other dark dorm windows.

Armin gazed into the white essence, his hands in his pockets, watching you through the little space. He had scanned every single window, searching for you – your [h/c] hair, your [s/k] skin, until he finally found you in all your pretty glory. He couldn’t believe his luck, that you were still awake at this late hour, that he could see you, watch you for hours until you slept. If he got really lucky, maybe you’d keep that light on all night, so he could watch you sleep too.

You seemed to be studying, in some large hoodie and white shorts, putting a lump in Armin’s throat.

He shouldn’t be doing this. He really shouldn’t. This… this is creepy, and he isn’t a weirdo…

Right?

He never knew his obsession would go as far as following you, figuring out which house you resided in in the maze of your shared college. He never thought he’d come back, telling Eren he was simply ‘going for a walk’ (at 3am, yes, Eren rose an eyebrow), just to stare at you as you worked.

He sighed. Teen love, am I right?

Although, in all the romcoms he watched, never did any of the partners stalk the other…

Oh well. Maybe they did, behind the scenes.

It was his way of showing his love for you, after all. Watching you from your window, trying to understand you, making sure you were okay, even though you were certainly more capable than he was. He wanted to coddle you, take all the work keeping you up late at night off your damn shoulders, hold you in his arms and tell you he loved you.

So deeply.

So… so deeply.

His heart pumped in his chest, his eyes bigger than they already were, his mouth opening and closing to form almost inaudible words.

“Love you…. I love you…” he muttered absentmindedly. Maybe, if he said it enough, you’d love him back.

You had to.

That was when your head suddenly rose, and you turned around, looking out of the window, straight at-

Armin.

He froze, every nerve in his body on edge. He hoped his hoodie and mask hid his face enough, that his bright blond hair was pushed out of the way far enough that you wouldn’t recognise him during the several seconds of prolonged eye contact.

The two of you stared at each other, far enough that Armin couldn’t see your expression. He was frozen like an ice cube, rooted to the spot, his blood rushing to his head. He shifted on his feet, managing to will himself to turn away, hoping you didn’t recognise him.

You couldn’t.

You couldn’t recognise him.

I mean… what would you think of him? You’d never talk again. He’d have to live with this… pain.

Fuck, what did he do!?

“Fuck… fuck…” Armin muttered, as he briskly walked away.

And you watched.

You watched the person that stood outside your dorm, their steps hurried, their hands shoved into their pockets. You leaned forward, trying to gauge who this mysterious person was, and why they were staring so intently in your direction. You couldn’t gauge their face – they wore both a mask and hoodie – and that thought chilled you. Did you have a stalker?

Nah, you were hallucinating.

You were fine.

You leaned back to check the door, making sure it was locked, before going back to staring outside. The calm music blasting in your ears didn’t drown out your thoughts as well as it drowned out the snoring of your roommate Sasha, sprawled across the bed. You walked over to the window, dodging Sasha’s bed and closing the blinds, sighing.

“What the fuck… I’m going crazy.” You muttered, flopping down onto Sasha’s bed, making her pull the sheets higher.

“Mmh… leave me alone…” She muttered, turning over in her bed, to which you sighed.

“Sorry, Sasha.”

But the girl was back asleep in a few seconds, mumbling to herself, shifting ever so slightly. You smiled at her, at least she was there, and that made you feel all the more safe.

Yeah, you were fine.

You were probably just hallucinating.

────

Armin was just walking to his next class.

Really, he was. Maybe in the route he knew you always take, but still, just walking to his next class.

He didn’t expect to see you there, standing in front of the vending machine. No, totally not, he totally didn’t take this route just to catch a few spare glances at you. You had your hair down today, that hair, that hair he liked so much.

How would it smell? Would it be sweet, fruity? Or more fresh?

He shook his head, trying to ignore the thoughts.

You typed up a specific drink – Lychee, of course – but your card declined. You sighed, your shoulders slumping before you decided to turn your heel and continue walking to your class.

Armin’s eyes widened.

He knew what he had to do.

He immediately crossed the space, entering the two digits, paying with his pocket money usually saved up for game passes – before watching the drink drop to the bottom of the machine. He picked the drink up, smiling at it like it was one of your belongings, spinning it around.

Yeah, he was definitely getting one for himself.

He didn’t go to class immediately. No, he went straight to your locker, unlocking it with the code he watched you enter one too many times – something simple – before slipping the drink in. He was about to close the door, just in case anyone noticed something suspicious, before an idea popped into his head. A bad one. But an idea all the same.

He quickly opens his bag, fumbling inside it before he finds some miscellaneous paper inside of it, picking up a pen and leaning the piece of paper against the locker. He pauses, before scribbling something he knows as corny as fuck onto it.

‘For you, pretty lady :)!’

He wishes he didn’t write that. But now he was too nervous, now his arms were trembling with fear and his palms were sweating with anxiousness, so he just slipped the note atop the can of lychee and slammed the door shut.

He looked around. No sign of anyone that would pay attention to him.

Good.

He walked over to class, making a mental note to sprint out of his last period just to see your reaction. Would you be surprised? Happy? Would you shine that smile again?

He was itching to find out.

The next lessons were a blur. He took notes as usual, his mind half on you and half on the actual lesson.

The worst thing that happened in those classes was when he got a question wrong in computing class. He never got something wrong in computing class. It would have bummed him if he wasn’t so preoccupied with you.

You.

What if you were his girlfriend? You’d be sweet, right? Coddle him, care for him, and-

He sighed, a small, crooked smile on his face.

The thought thrilled him. He knew it was never going to happen, but it thrilled him anyway.

By the time the teacher dismissed him, he already had his bags packed, and he practically sprinted towards the door. Seriously, he had never been this fast in his entire life.

And, damn, he knew why.

His stamina was shit.

He was almost dying by the time he got to his locker, his hands on his knees, his chest heaving.

But as he looked up – oh, as he looked up – it was a sight to behold.

You were already holding his gift, inspecting it, before you turned your head to read the note.

And… you smiled.

You fucking smiled, chuckling to yourself, folding the note into your pocket.

You… you smiled.

Armin was even more out of breath, from you. From the way you smiled. He wanted to make you do that all over again.

God, he was about to go into a cardiac arrest.

The walk back was ecstasy, he gripped the handles of his school bag, humming to himself, his mind filled with you. Who knew having a crush was so fun?

In fact, he should check on you now.

He opened his phone, swiping to the tracker app and clicking on it, specifically on the dot named ‘{Y/n} 💖’. He knew you were probably heading toward your dorm anyway, so –

Wait.

You weren’t.

You were heading to the shopping mall, for a reason he did not know.

He needed to find out.

Thankfully, the shopping mall wasn’t even a 5 minute walk from his direction.

────

He wasn’t wearing a black hoodie or a mask. He was being way too dangerous as he started at you, as the two sauntered up the escalator. He slipped his hands into his pockets, smiling ever so softly at this opportunity.

This was dangerous.

Too dangerous.

The minute you turn around he would be deep fried.

But it was worth it.

You didn’t wait when you slipped off the elevator. You simply stepped off, checking your bag, licking your lips. He followed close behind, the crowd drowning out your soft muttering.

He watched as you entered a store, as you scanned the clothes, your hand lingering on one in particular.

He took note of it, and immediately when you left he picked it up, stuffing it into his bag. He did this for at least three other tops your eyes lingered on, and you would always reach out like you were about to take it but pull away at the last second. It was cute. Too cute.

You finally picked one up, handing it over to the cashier and checking out soon enough. Of course, the boy also paid for the four he bought for you, paying briskly and following closely behind. He stared at you, stuffing the stash of clothes deeper into the bag, a smile forming on his face at the thought of you opening it. You’d probably smile again, maybe a little more excited.

Just as he was thinking, you stopped, turning and leaning forward as if looking for something.

And that’s when you turned, your eyes scanning the rest of the store before…

They fell on him.

Your eyes fell on him, Armin, who was suspiciously right behind you. Your face went blank for a second, making Armin tremble, his lips parted, his mind falling to his stomach. His heart pounded ferociously, almost putting a thumping sound in his ears, the shopping bag nearly falling out of his hand.

He was cooked. So cooked. You’d hate him. You’d hate him and that would be the end. You-

“Oh, hey girl! Didn’t know you also shopped at [insert favourite clothing store].” You smiled, waving ever so slightly. It made Armin’s face heat up, his mind reeling, trying to devise a normal response.

 ‘Hello!’ No… too… generic. ‘Hey.’ No. That sounds like Eren. ‘What’s up!’ No.

“Uh… I… I’m not a girl…” Was all Armin could stutter out.

God, what was that?

Now you looked confused, then awkward. You paused, your head tilted ever so slightly, before you nodded.

“Ah, sorry about that…” You muttered.

Armin’s heart fell again.

“But-! I mean… I-! I could be a girl! If… if you wanted…” Armin played with his sleeves nervously, his face getting even hotter, his shoulders tense.

You stared at him.

Before… laughing.

“Oh my god, no! I was just embarrassed I misgendered you!” You were practically toppling over with laughter, a hand brushing hair out of your face.

You looked fucking ethereal.

Armin just stared.

“I…” Is all he managed to say, the words otherwise falling into his throat.

“Sorry then, seriously, you have very feminine features.” You commented.

Wait… waitwaitwait… were you calling him pretty?

“I…” He gasped again, completely frozen, his face way too hot now. You smiled at him still, beckoning him over.

“Well, we can continue the rest of the shopping spree together, right?” you said. “When were you planning to go back?”

Armin bristled, awkwardly walking up to you, his steps careful, as if he was afraid that a misstep would cause the ceiling to come crashing down. “Uhh… I… I don’t know… any time, really… was just…”

His voice trailed off as he walked up next to you, his head bowed, his breath shallow. You smiled at him.

“That’s perfect then, I myself was just about to leave.” You said, your eyes still on him. He anxiously tried to return it, his gaze falling on your hips first, then your waist, then your chest, then finally, you. He was embarrassed that he was looking you up like that, but he couldn’t help it. He simply fiddled with his fingers, trying his best to act like a normal person.

“Yeah. Sure.” Is all he said.

So that’s how he got he got here, walking beside you, walking out of the shopping mall and into the cool breeze. Your pace was quick, you were silent, your hips rocked ever so slightly as you walked.

“What do you have tomorrow? Oh – right – it’s a Saturday. Forgot about that.” You said, your voice low, controlled, quiet.

“Mhm… yeah… my roommate is t-throwing a party tomorrow.” Armin pauses. “I’m not… going… though.”

“Eren’s party?” Your voice holds a curious tinge to it. “Shame, I’m going with my own roommate.”

Armin’s head snapped up, his lips parted, his eyes wide.

You were going? How didn’t he notice this?

“Really? Oh, well, maybe… maybe I’ll… uhh… try it.” He was desperately trying not to sound weird, trying to choose his words carefully, even though it all came out wrong. What was he even suggesting? That he was going only because of you?

“I wouldn’t, really. I’m not really into parties, I’m probably just going to keep to my own.” You said, your hands in your side pockets as trees encased the sidewalk. “Only going for Sasha.”

Armin nodded, but he was secretly taking note, overanalysing. You didn’t party? You were… perfect. So… so…

“That’s nice.” Armin muttered, cursing himself for how awkward he sounded. You hummed in response, continuing to walk beside Armin, the conversation drowning out. Armin’s gaze drifted – he would look at you, before swiftly averting his gaze, looking away quickly. Until, his gaze lingered on your exposed collarbones, on how enunciated they were, his lips parting.

“I like your collarbones.” He muttered, a small sound, but you heard it.

You almost jumped, your head turning to the side, your eyes wide, your lips parted. Armin could swear your cheeks were slightly tinted, but that was probably the weather. You didn’t respond for a few seconds, simply staring at Armin, and Armin stared back, his face heating up again, until…

“Thanks…” You muttered. But this time, Armin didn’t miss the slight smile upon your face.

Wait.

You were smiling. A ghost of a smile, but a smile all the same.

He thought his compliment was awkward, creepy. But… but…

Armin continued fiddling.

He was head over heels.

────

“Eren, pleaseee!” Armin begged the moment he walked through the door. “Please let me go to frat party!”

Eren simply rose an eyebrow, tilting his head.

“Huh? I was going to drag you anyway, what the hell…”

But he could hardly finish his sentence before Armin fucking squealed, pumping his fists into the air.

“Erreeen! Thank you!” He yelled.

“Fucking hell, quieten down. It’s not about that [Y/n] girl right? You’ve probably been stalking her, knowing you.”

Armin quietened.

“What? Me? No! Hah, I would never! That would be creepy! So… so creepy…”

Armin giggled. Eren sighed.

“Right.”

___

The minute Armin stepped foot into the party, the vibrations reverberating through his body, he wanted to immediately turn on his heel and leg it out the door.

Eren’s place was filled to the brim with people that had no personal space. Never mind the sweaty air, people were smothering each other with kisses like they just came back from war. Wet, loud kisses. It was men on men, women on women, women on men, Armin could count the people that weren’t attached to somebody on his fingers. Heck, he bet half these people didn’t even know each other!

He was never coming to a party again.

His eyes scanned the room, face red, eyebrows furrowed. The lights were multicoloured, something Eren specifically bought for this occasion, but Armin had places to be. Eren had, of course, invited him to the <em> exclusive </em> part of the party, placed upstairs, that was only available to Eren’s close friends. In hindsight, you might not have been there. You may be in here. But hopefully by the side and not tangled in this… mess.

Armin pushed past the crowd, mumbling a few “Sorry!”’s and “Excuse me!”’s, trying to ignore the dirty looks he got from multiple people, one girl even calling him a brat for breaking up her makeout session.

He told himself he didn’t care.

He was going to see you, after all.

He hurried up the stairs, adjusting his glasses, before he finally got to the top. Jean was there, the boy simply giving him a nod. It made him feel prestigious, honestly. It was times like that that he was glad he was friends with Eren.

The room was spacious, with various drinks laid out neatly on a table, a fridge, a snack bar, and very minimal people. It was much more spacious, quieter, the only sound being the booming and shouting from downstairs. Armin’s eyes scanned the place, searching for you, your hair, your eyes, your-

You.

You were there.

Sitting next to Sasha, laughing while she downed a whole drink. You didn’t have any. Armin admired that.

But the thing that struck Armin the most was your undeniable beauty.

The complexity of your face. Such beautiful features, it clasped his heart. Your effortless makeup, bolder than usual, paired with your masses of jewellery that only added to the breathtaking effect. And then your dress – oh, your dress – it was simple, but it made a bold statement.

Armin couldn’t move. He could only stare.

Now he’d regretted throwing on a simple green t-shirt layered on top of a dark jumper and trousers.

And then you looked up. You looked up and you saw him, staring. His entire body froze. He could only stare more, an embarrassed motion, his lips quivering.

And then you smiled.

You smiled and waved, beckoning him over.

He paused. Should he do this? It’s like his legs weren’t working.

But he decided to walk over pensively, giving you a sheepish wave as he did so. When Sasha saw him walking over, she looked over at you, giving you a drunken smirk before leaving the sofa, walking over to Connie. Now Armin was all alone. With you, of all people.

“Armin. Thought you weren’t going.” You said as Armin sat next to you. Armin nodded slowly.

“Uh, well, I wasn’t-! But… but since…” His voice trailed off. You simply chuckled softly, draping an arm over his shoulders.

Oh, god, wait. Your arm was on his shoulders. Your arm… his shoulder…

His face was going even more red.

“It’s fine. You changed your mind?” You asked, turning to him, smiling all the same. He nodded in response.

“So you made it as well?” Armin asked cautiously, not sure if he should or not.

“Well, Sasha’s friends with Eren, so when she got invited up here I did too. Anyway, me and Mikasa are pretty close too.” You calmly responded, looking over at Armin.

“Hm.. makes sense…” Armin commented, smiling ever so softly, looking back at you. You thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Is this your first party?” You asked, shifting towards Armin, “It’s mine. I normally don’t go to parties, I prefer staying inside and drawing.”

Armin nodded, still smiling in awe, his eyes sparkling with love. He thought your passion was amazing, perfect. “I… it’s my first as well. I would r-rather stay home too…”

“Ah, did Eren drag you along?” You chuckled softly, the muffled noise in the background fading away under the weight of your presence. Armin didn’t want to say ‘no, actually, I came for you’, so he simply nodded meekly.

“Well… y-yeah… of course he did… not like I asked myself or anything…” Armin scratched the back of his neck, his face going even redder. Yeah. Good lie. So smooth.

You caught on immediately.

“You’re not the best at lying, Armin.” You smiled down at Armin. “Really, who did you come for!”

Armin paused again, his heart rate rising, his throat running dry. The drum of his heart was all he could hear under your presence, paired with his fast breaths and cheeks that somehow got even redder

His mouth opened. Then it closed. Then it opened again.

“You.”

You paused, your eyes wide, making Armin immediately regret his words severely.

“Really…?” You muttered, before smiling a rather sheepish smile. “That’s so cute.”

Armin couldn’t breathe. Seriously, he was about to have a heart attack.

“I- uhh, yeah, I… yeah…” Armin’s words became a jumbled mess, suddenly he couldn’t form a proper sentence.

“Ah, should I not have said that?” You smiled, tilting your head.

“No, it’s fine, just…” Armin said abruptly, fiddling with his fingers, his back hunching. You stared for a second, before smiling softly, your eyebrows upturned. Armin felt a lump in his throat, his eyes going anywhere but you, – the door, the drinks, oh, that fridge really looks good….

His tongue found the roof of his mouth, before he licked his lips, anything to distract himself from…

“Wait, Armin, you have a tongue piercing?” You rose your eyebrows, your eyes widening as you leaned in closer. “I never realised that!”

Armin froze, slowly turning toward you, your face close, way too close!

“Well… uhh… it wasn’t my decision… uh… Mikasa convinced me…” Armin stuttered.

“I think it’s cool. Can I see?” You seemed excited, a wide smile on your lips, playful but relaxed. Armin chuckled awkwardly, before looking back at you.

He hesitated.

Then he stuck his tongue out.

It was adorable.

“So cute!” You exclaimed, your eyes falling to the piercing. He smiled, chuckling softly.

“R-Really? Well… I…” his voice trailed off yet again. “Thanks.”

You  nodded.

“No problem.”

────

The walk back was calm, quiet, the breeze running through the gaps of your hair, the air calm as a brooding ghost. You were caught in thought as you travelled through the expanse, Armin by your side, occasionally stealing glances at you. You knew this. And yet, you never commented on it.

“The party was good, but I much prefer this.” You commented, pocketing your hands. “You looked like you were about to combust when I pointed out your piercing.”

Armin froze up, chuckling lightly, his face reddening even more. “Well – I mean – how was I not meant to? You were all close to me, then you smelled so good, citrusy, a hint of strawberry, and I-“

“So you were sniffing me?”

Armin’s heart caught in his chest, beating like crazy, putting his brain into overdrive. “Well, no, I mean, how could I not? I just…”

You chuckled lightly, making Armin chuckle as well, half because of genuine hysterics, half because he wanted to get out of this awkward situation.

“I wore my favourite perfume today. It was my mother’s before I stole it myself.” You smiled softly, looking over at Armin, who nodded. “The scent was something she made herself, inspired by a painting. My favourite one.”

Armin’s eyes sparkled as he looked back at you, his eyebrows raising, his lips parted. Then he smiled, looking back down.

“I think… that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.”

You smiled back. “Well, it was a beautiful painting.”

Armin paused. “All paintings are beautiful. That is, if there’s passion behind it. You can just tell, can’t you? When someone loves a painting. There’s simply a passionate feel to it. Painting with passion is beauty. Art with passion is beauty. Really… it’s simply… amazing.”

You paused again, your eyebrows raising, pausing in your steps. Armin turned back, his face red, as if he’d done something wrong.

“Sorry… I’m rambling on too much.”

You shook your head. “No. It’s just.. that may be the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.”

But you couldn’t. All you could do is groan in pain. You could hear Rin’s short, panicked breaths as he shook you, stuttering and stumbling over his words.

“{Y/N}… {Y/N} ANSWER ME! A-ANSWER…”

He paused.

“Sae-”

“I’m already calling the ambulance… just..” His voice trailed off, but it went rough around the edges, something it never did. He didn’t seem to come closer, but upon forcing your teary eyes open, your vision slightly blurred with tears, you could see a panicked Rin in front of you, his eyebrows furrowed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Sae was behind him, his back turned, but he fidgeted as he went on the phone, walking back and forth, the most erratic you’ve ever seen him. He eventually turned to you, walking with hurried steps, and crouching next to Rin. He had the phone pulled away from his ear, his teal eyes pulling yours in. His gaze was intense, his expression barely holding together as he stared you down.

“Just… just.. just breathe, okay?” Sae muttered, trying to calm you, even though he looked anything but. “You… you’re fine… just... the ambulance is coming…”

Rin snapped his head around, his eyebrows turning inward. “GET HER INTO THE CAR, ARE YOU CRAZY!?”

Rin was clearly out of his mind, his voice breaking as he tried to haul you up.

“Calm down – just – calm the fuck down, Rin!” Sae rose his voice, his arm spreading out to stop Rin. “Don’t move her. They’re coming. Calm down.”

Rin stared furiously at Sae, but he listened, his gaze falling back onto yours, his eyes filled with tears.

“{Y/N}… please…” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. “You’ll be alright, right?”

You nodded slowly.

But you weren’t so sure.

It was only a few more agonizing seconds – or minutes, you couldn’t tell – until you heard the sound of sirens. It was only a few more until your heard multiple voices, muffled by Rin’s crying, his attempts, yet terrible, to reassure you. Sae’s voice was somewhere in the background as your mind clouded up with thoughtless fog from the affliction.

“Yes… no… we just found her like this as we came in here… I don’t think she can talk… no… no…”

__

The air was silent. Silent and cold. Not from weather, but from the atmosphere in the waiting room outside your hospital room, a place were two brothers sat. Rin was crying ferociously, trying to muffle it all the same. He was furious – what could have possibly happened? Had he done something wrong? Had you hurt yourself? Will he see you again…?

The last question made him sick, forcing tears to cascade down his cheeks, his breathing heavier and heavier.

Sae couldn’t say anything. He was fighting to hold back his own tears, his eyes wide as he leaned his cheek on his fist. He just wanted you to be okay, this entire day was way too much.

He doubted he’d get any sleep.

But, the least he could do was comfort someone feeling the same way – he knew Rin was probably drowned in a tumult of emotions right now.

He seriously debated it. After all, Rin was a moody kid, and moody kids never accept help or any attempt at it. But, after weighing his rights and wrongs, the pros and cons, he turned toward Rin. His arm was shaking at first, but he eventually managed to make it rise to massage Rin’s back.

Immediately when he touched the boy, he slapped his arm off.

“Leave me alone.” Rin’s voice was the shakiest he had ever heard it to be.

Sae frowned, looking back down, ready to give up, but…

“She’ll be fine.” Sae said, not sure if he was reassuring Rin or himself. “We won’t loose her. We can’t, I won’t let it happen.”

“Stop being so optimistic, it’s making me even more sick.”

Sae sighed. “You should stop worrying like this. She’ll be alright.”

Rin paused.

“Promise?”

Sae turned to him.

“Yeah.”

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

‘No cure.’ 

‘Unfortunately, there is no cure to endometriosis at the moment.’ 

‘However, there is no cure...’ 

‘Life long medication...’ 

‘No cure...’ 

‘No cure.’ 

The words filled Sae’s phone screen, lighting up his sleep deprived face. 

It was a fact, and he knew that. A burning, seething fact, but a fact all the same. He knew that if he scrolled any longer he’d start to spiral, mind coming out with the worst possible scenario, it always did around family. He knew that, yet he still clicked to the next page. Why? He didn’t know. He was becoming drunk on trying to find a better solution, one that he knew was never there at all.  

“There’s no cure.” he whispered to himself, as if that would bring the thought to the front of his mind. 

It didn’t. 

His fingers continued scrolling as if they had a mind of their own, a childish hope that maybe, just maybe, this was all some kind of joke. He’d continue scrolling for hours, hoping, wishing, that if he scrolled enough, fate would have mercy on him.  

It didn’t. 

It only lead him to see more negatives, more ‘life-long medication’, more ‘no cure, no cure...’ 

No cure. 

He finally set the phone down, only because it had ran out of battery, screen going black, darkening the room around him. 

Now, the thoughts crawled up his mind, nothing to distract him from the sickening truth anymore. It placed a careful lump in his throat, and that’s when everything hit him. 

“There’s no cure...” he whispered to himself. But the words carried a new weight. He knew that there was no cure, of course he did. The words were meant to remind him of who he was – someone who had failed in the worst way possible. He didn’t want to blame himself unnecessarily. No way. That’s the kind of stuff he saw in crappy movies when they just wanted watchers to feel sympathy. But he couldn’t help himself. When there was no one else to turn to, point a finger at, what else could he do? Someone had to be the perpetrator. Even if it was himself. 

He turned over in his bed, dry lips pressing together, mind a fog, the type that came with no sleep. The same fog that was always there, but stronger somehow.  

It was his fault he was shitty at just about anything but football. 

On the field he could read people with excellent precision, reading their moves, where they were going to go, the strongest and weak points. Anywhere else he turned a blind eye. It wasn’t intentional. He just couldn’t really bring himself to care. 

That mistake was clawing at him now. 

... Distraction. 

He needed a distraction. 

He couldn’t handle this. No, not at all. The image of you on the ground, clutching your stomach, it fucking hurt. He wasn’t used to seeing someone so close so hurt, he was used to seeing it on the news or behind a television screen. Now he had experienced it, his entire world came crashing down, his mind fogged up with you. 

You. 

He needed a distraction. 

He forced the covers off him, taking a peek outside the window. The sky was still dark, still filled with minimal stars, light pollution or whatever that was. 

In the weight of the moment, he found himself yearning for stars again. 

He turned back away. 

This was fucked, why was he getting sentimental suddenly? 

He made his way out of his room, about to saunter down the stairs when he heard... 

Heard sobs. 

From Rin’s room. 

They weren’t quiet either, they were loud, like a man given up on everything. He turned his head slowly, listening, debating going in. 

They were going through the same thing, right? 

But Rin wasn’t his problem right now. He comforted him yesterday. That was the most he could do. Right now, all he needed was to fix himself first. 

He returned to the task at hand, a distraction. He stepped down the stairs, through the darkness, through the kitchen, through the hallway, through the door after grabbing a jacket and shoes, and into his car. 

He sighed as he started the car, leaning back in his chair, driving lazily. He needed to see you. His arms trembled slightly from the feeling of lost control, from the feeling of something he couldn’t buy a solution for. This was biological. It was real now.  

His hands tightened on the wheel.  

The night ouside only served to enhance his tired mood, the colours fading in and out of his view, road almost vacant. 

Because who in their right mind was driving at this time. 

Sae turned a corner, turned another, hoping he was going on the right track. His GPS told him he was. If he got lost, he could blame his fucking GPS if something happened to you. 

But, unfortunately, it was right. 

Here he was. In front of a modern, sterile hospital, the place large and filled with people, glass windows displaying nurses and doctors, people in stretchers, people crying beside them. 

He would normally not bat an eye. 

But now, he could understand them. He wasn’t viewing it through glass now. No, now he was there. 

He entered the building, hands in pockets, hood not up this time. It didn’t matter if anyone recognised him. If they were here at this hour, they had better things to do. 

Into the elevator, up the stairs, up to the receptionist with a soft smile and tired eyes. 

“Unfortunately you cannot see [Y/N] right now, as she is in the middle of surgery, but you are free to...” 

Her voice trailed off. Not because she was physically getting quiet. But because Sae’s mind blocked anything past the word ‘surgery’. 

Surgery? Wasn’t surgery dangerous? Life threatening? 

He simply stared. The lady had gone quiet now, staring back. 

“Not to worry, our staff are supper efficient, your sister would come out absolutely fine!” She nervously chuckled.  

Sae simply nodded, turning on his heel, sitting down. 

He got out his charging plug. Charged his phone. Waited. Mind spiraling. It turned on. He went to his search engine. 

‘less than 1% of people die from surgery...” 

‘in high-risk surgery, the number can rise to 10-15%...’ 

‘20 times per week...’ 

Sae’s throat closed. 

He was spiralling. Hard now. Falling into the lies of media that he would berate other for doing. His heart clenched, his grip on the phone tightened. He was trembling. Fucking trembling because of some measly information online.  

But he couldn’t help but think, what would he do if you were one of that 10%? He didn’t know. He didn’t know, and that scared him. 

He clenched his jaw. He couldn’t cry. The nurse was staring at him now, probably debating wether to leave him alone or not. 

She should. He didn’t need pity. 

But he’d stay here. Stay here and let his mind be consumed by thoughtless rage because he didn’t know what else to do.  

He couldn’t go back. Not like this.  ...

It was morning when Sae finally arrived back at home. His brain wasn’t functioning properly, his mind foggy, his movements simply robotic procedures he thought he was obligated to do. It was light outside again, opposing the dimmed light in the house. Rin was already in the kitchen. Not doing anything, but there all the same.

Sae walked up. Silent. It was Rin that spoke first, as always.

“Where were you?” Rin mumbled, crossing his arms as he gave Sae a sidelong glare.

“Hospital. [Y/N]’s going through surgery.”

Rin pauses, his eyes wide, lips parted. Sae doesn’t return his gaze, busying himself with turning on his phone. Back to scrolling. Back to spiralling.

But Rin doesn’t let him.

“What… what the fuck.” Rin snarls.

Sae keeps scrolling.

He’s overreacting. You’ll be fine.

“You… how could you be so nonchalant about it!? You don’t even care, do you!?”

Rin’s voice was rising at a threatening pace, but Sae couldn’t bring himself to speak on it. He felt empty. Out of control. And, oh, it scared him to no end. But he knew if he looked up he’d break. Lash out at the world and everyone in it. Because this was unfair, and Sae just didn’t do unfair.

“Fucking hell Sae, maybe if you paid more attention you’d have noticed. But no. You’re too good for that, aren’t you?”

Ah. There it was. The insult that gutted Sae, made him jerk his head up, jaw clenched. Rin was staring right back, knowing he’d hit a nerve, probably revelling in the fact he could finally get his oh so stoic brother to look at him again.

Sae didn’t want to lash out.

But he couldn’t help it.

“You don’t get to say that.” Sae’s voice started off low. “Of course I care. Of course I pay attention.”

Sae’s voice started to rise, become raw, almost anxious, like he could yell all his pain away. Rin was just hurting, this is how the boy handled that, Sae told himself. But it didn’t stop him from setting the phone down on the counter with a slam. His mind was foggy. He was irritated from sleep deprivation. He wasn’t thinking properly and he… he knew that. “You think you’re the only one hurting? You’re not. I don’t get why you can’t even see that. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Rin.”

Rin’s jaw clenched, voice rising, lump in his throat.. “I get to say whatever I fucking want, who are you to tell me what to do?”

He turned his body fully around, walking over, his brows furrowed harshly, tears forming at the brims of red eyes. “You weren’t there. You never were. So why the fuck are you trying to say <em> you’re </em> hurt. You? Seriously?”

Sae’s chest puffed up and down, his eyes wide, twitching with pure rage. “What the hell? No – actually – what the hell? You think I don’t…. I care! You just can’t see that because you’re too focused on yourself. You…”

But Sae couldn’t find the words, couldn’t get them out before Rin closed their distance, grabbing Sae’s collar, his face painted in the art of pure, visceral rage. His chest was heaving in time with Sae’s, tears running down his face, teeth bearing.

“Me? Focused on myself? That’s a fucking joke coming from you!” He gripped harder, stronger, making Sae all the more irritated. “This whole time you’ve acted so fucking nonchalant, so – so fucking careless all the time, do you not take the time to think, just for one second, what that did to me? To her? And you think you’re not the one to blame. Right! Fucking right! You-”

Sae grabbed Rin’s arm now, head filled with burning fury, prickling in his head and down the back of his scalp, blurring his vision with… were those tears?

“Shut – Shut up!” He pulled Rin’s arm off with force he didn’t know he could inflict, tears now hot down his face, his chest heaving. “Just… leave… leave me alone!”

Sae stormed off, hands clenched, breath shaky, because…

Because…

Rin was starting to get to him.

Maybe he was right. Not like Sae wasn’t blaming himself already. But maybe Sae hadn’t been there enough. The thought never crossed his mind before. He knew he was selfish, and he wore that title like armour. It defined him. Who he was. He’d never wanted to change that. But Rin’s words....

He couldn’t get them out of his head.

Sae threw his door open.

He was just sleep deprived. When he wakes up, he’d be fine.

He’d be fine.

He’d find something out.

Everything would be fine.

Isagi rose an eyebrow. “What kind of compliment was that?” His cheek squished against Rin’s shoulder.

“An honest one. I think it’s the fact you look like a zombie. A cute one, but a zombie all the same.” Rin responded.

Isagi sighed, chuckling lightly, his eyes falling shut. “You and your horror obsession…”

Rin simply sighs again, his eyes still trailing across Isagi’s features, his brows furrowing further.

“You’re not… cold, are you?” he asks. “You’re shivering a little.”

Isagi laughs again, his shoulders shaking, some liquid spilling out of the mug. “Hah, guess I am.”

Rin tsks, leaning forward, grabbing the sheets and pulling it over Isagi and himself. The boy in question smiles and inches closer, the tip of his head against the crook of Rin’s neck, a soft smile upon his face. It beckoned Rin to smile as well, a small one, almost not there. His gaze softened as he started rubbing Isagi’s arm, staring. The boy started humming, a habit Rin found Isagi doing often, specifically the <em> Hachimitsu Kinkan Nodo Ame </em> commercial song, of which he hums when in a good mood. It makes Rin’s smile wider.

He picked up the TV remote, flicking across the TV stations until he found the desried one. He clicked, the bright colours filling the screen, as he looked down at Isagi yet again.

“Wait…” Isagi said, his eyes opening, his head raising. “My Neighbour Toroto?”

He smiled a satisfactory smile, leaning back into the crook of Rin’s neck. “Didn’t know you had taste.”

“I put it on because it’s your favourite movie, lukewarm idiot.” Rin muttered back, though there was no real bite behind his words.

Isagi widened his eyes. “You remembered?”

Rin sighed. “You can be so clueless sometimes…”

Isagi chuckled, going back to watching the show, smiling softly to himself.

--

Rin looked over at the recipe on his phone – one curated specifically to help sickness, his eyes wide and attentive. Busying himself, he continued his cooking, looking back at his product.

He frowned. His food didn’t look like <em> that. </em> And he knew he was a good cook.

But, suddenly, he was brought out of his stupor by arms wrapping around himself. He tensed – Isagi was in bed, who else was in the house. He practically sprung like coil, his arms raising from the stove, his head slowly turning around.

Only to see his <em> beloved </em> boyfriend, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

“Isagi – you’re meant to be in bed, what happened!?” Rin scolded, frowning slightly. But, honestly? He didn’t mind having Isagi around for a while, even thpugh he was meant to be tucked into bed, like Rin had told him. Fucking hell, could this boy not relax for one minute?

“Mmh… got a bit restless, that’s all.” Isagi muttered, starting to swing Rin side to side affectionately.

“Yoichi…” Rin trailed off. “No. Go back to bed – I’m not having you die or something. Funerals are too expensive.”

“Like you wouldn’t cry every night for the next 10 years if that happened.” Isagi teased back. “Anyway, what if I don’t want to?”

“You need to.”

“Don’t want to.”

God, Rin forgot Isagi was just as much as a stubborn brat as himself.

He sighed, continuing to cook, his signature ‘giving up’ sigh.

“Next time, I’ll tie you down to the bed instead.”

____

AUTHOR'S NOTE: