Hey I feel like Asexual/Aromantic Spectrum people and Polyamorists should have some kind of alliance or push for solidarity
Our struggles are different, as are a lot of queer people's experiences, but especially between us there's a lot of common ground in how were treated because our ideas of love/relationships don't really align with what is deemed acceptable by mononormative society specifically because of the number of people we do or don't feel """normal romantic attraction""" to.
We live in a world that's socially and systemically not designed for us, but designed for pairs. Insisting you need to find "the one" or your "better half" hurts Aromantic AND Poly People (don't even get me started on love triangles).
We both have very little representation in the media and when we do it's usually as some kind of joke or spectacle. Not every show is a Bojack Horseman about Ace rep and I can't even think of a mainstream show with healthy and normal Polyamory nor any show period with so much as a mention of Aromantisism.
We both have a much harder time finding partners because people may exclude us from dating pools due to the nature of the relationship we're looking for. There's nothing wrong with wanting sex from a relationship nor wanting to be monogamous but it can be a little disheartening when someone you like doesn't want the same thing you do from a relationship and I KNOW ace people get that as a Poly person.
We both have the way we love is seen as less-than or somehow illegitimate because it's not exactly the kind of romantic love society pushes. Poly people for having more love than one person can fill, Ace people for not experiencing romantic AND sexual feelings and acting like Aro people don't love at all because fuck platonic or familial love I guess.
People undercut us by trying to erase the fact we've always been part of the queer community. Asexuals & Aromantics have always been an important part of our community and Polyamory has been very commonly explored amongst queer people, especially during the activism push in the 70s.
People undercut us by claiming we're "straight people pretending to be oppressed". I can marry my same-sex partner, but if we find another person were in love with we cannot marry them and I'm not going to ignore that common thread when I hear it being used against my Ace/Aro-spec siblings.
We're both somehow seen as a "threat to normal society" when in reality were just a threat to Christian Society. A higher power born of love wouldn't want random people to be the arbiters of what Real Love(tm) is.
We're both at much higher risk for abuse or assault because of the nature of our attraction with very little resources to help us. Ace/Aro-spec people (especially Ace people) face corrective rape at staggering rates and Polycules, mostly due to more people, can be at higher risk for manipulation and abuse due to group dynamic and neither are given enough awareness or resources about either.
I certainly don't want any sort of "Ace/Aro-Spec & Poly people VS the LGBT Community" shit because we're all part of the queer community, but it is important to acknowledge that LGBT people are just as capable as CisHet people to be discriminatory to Ace/Aro-spec and Poly people because of the nature of their relationships (where most of the undercutting and pushing out of the queer community comes from). As a queer person, both in gender and sexuality, it's really gross seeing all the shit that people used to discriminate against me being used against other minorities and it especially stings when it's coming from within my community. Y'all should know better.
Regardless though, the goal first and foremost should be solidarity; acknowledgment that our stuggles are different but come from common places of oppression and contribute to one another intersectionally. Heteronormativity, Mononormativity and Allonormativity all from from the same expectations of the "American Christian family values" based on the wife, husband, two and a half kids and a dog model. We as a community have always worked best when we come together and this should be no acception.
To my Ace/Aro/Grey Spectrum friends, I love you all 💖 I see you and this is a safe space.
To my Polyamorist/Swinger/Non-Monogamist friends, eeeeeyyy wasup ✌️ you're always welcome here.
Let's stand by eachother and normalize not needing or wanting the kind of two-person, sexual AND romantic relationship everyone had told us we should want.
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