｡𖦹°‧ kia

there’s something very beautiful about being able to try again tomorrow

I have been trying tomorrow for the past 3 years

and you still have tomorrow to try again

Every time that I remember how Dokja learned "self sacrifice as an act of love" from his mum and "never share the truth about my plans cause i know better" from his mum and "they'll be better off without me anyways" from his mum and how to put a Wall between himself and reality and his loved ones from his mum and his mum did it with so much love because she couldnt see any other way to protect him at the time and he also does it with so much love and his mum fucked him up and he fucked is companions up and everyone was saved and everyone was doomed cause sometimes the very things that save us are the same things that doom us later and im gonna be sick

got up to the scene where yoo sangah is absorbed into the fourth wall in my reread and god. god! the way kim dokja has so carefully maintained that wall between himself and everyone else for so long, and the way he tears away at it with his own hands in what feels almost like an act of violence, so that he can let yoo sangah in. she was the first friend he told his story to, and she treated it with such kindness, and so he's able to bare himself to her completely in this way. and it follows with him being confronted by that indescribable distance between himself and his mother, with how little he knows her story. it mirrors him beating his fists against the wall, begging for lee sookyoung to come back from beyond it. he's able to understand know, just that little bit better, what the wall is, and he's fighting to be able to let it down. drives me insane every time