Selly

And each one I hoped it was you in the other side

I hoped your your obsessive, impulsive love

Had gone so far to risk everything to be at my door

And

What’s worse

You would’ve come

For choosing loneliness

Against this unbearable feeling

Against such loss, such deep loss

I hope that god will bring me what I need

It’s within that brings that lonely feeling

Understand that when you leave here

You’ll be there among better men

Life is not about vehemence

Or scale

Or dominance

Perhaps

It’s about community

About collection of little acts

You, the act

Part of the collection

Perhaps, I’ve been seeking big

When what I wanted

I can’t believe what state you’ve left me in

I can’t believe how much I still love you

I can’t believe I’ll love again

I can’t believe this, all this

I can’t believe all this is because of you

I can’t believe you, that you’d done this

I can’t believe I’m not done with this

I can’t believe I’m still writing about you

I threw away all my morals

All my cares and worries

All my logic and values

To satisfy you

I gave in and gave up

And now you’ve finally left

And here I am, empty

Because I gave everything away

You can move on, I hope you do

I hope you find someone who fills your cavern

While I carry mine

And stumble through life

With its weight, in your shape

How will I fill my cavern

When you made it?

No one else is going to fit

Don’t you understand?

No one will fit in here

I cannot love again

Just another 15 minutes?

Why did you have to leave?

When I needed you so deeply?

Why do I feel I’m losing you?

Can’t you see?

I don’t have anyone left

Who I trust

Who understands me

I hope you come back to me

On your knees

Begging for me back

And I’ll let go of all my sense

Unravel all my hard work

And lose myself in your arms

Succumb to your demands

In return for my soul

It’ll taste delicious

As our traumas meet

In tears and sheets and kisses

I will find comfort in that glorious

Push and pull

The game of cat and mouse

One is neither and both

That awfully sweet mess

I knew we’d reached the finale

You no longer need me now

You’ve chosen to leave me alone

Finally

After I asked you so many times

It was only when you found something better

That you let me free

But now I’m left with so many scars

You’ve left me soaking in my blood

I’m drowning in our battlefield

I don’t know if I can get out

Or wash the blood

Or heal the scars

I don’t know if I can ever love again

Because you are so deep rooted in my heart

The hurt went so deep and the love filled the wounds

Even if they heal

They heal over my love

After all this

I love you more than any man I’ve met

And this finale

Your finding someone new

But I’m haunted by your memory

So now I’m bound to misery

With your side of the bed empty

Your shackles are on the floor

I’ve walked through the open door

To seize a life of more

Yet sacrificed you, your

Your

Everything

That entirety

You gave

You demanded

I want you

You know it’s true

I lied to save you

I wish you knew

That the words told to you

Are not the full truth

I want to be held

By familiar arms

I want to be incased

Wrapped, pressed

Against a warm skin

I know too well

I want to spend the night

It’s too close to you

I feel as if I’m betraying love itself

Is it bad that I lied?

Lied and said I didn’t want you

Lied because I thought it was the right thing

Lied to protect you from me

And to protect me from you

Follow me around again?

Like you used to

Come to my house late at night

And hold me in your arms

Today I forget about your tantrums

Your demands your spikes your difficulties

Today I want all of those things

Because they’re you

You are my favourite

Of all of them

You still have my heart

And I don’t know when I’ll get it back

Of if I’ll get it back

I don’t have much left really

I’ve always been chased until I give in

My love has always been like a gift

Bestowed on the most persistent

Yet I’d give it freely to many who caught my eye

But they don’t want it

Today I feel as if I won’t find love

Until I’m pursued once again

But I feel that with each day

There is less and less to be desired

Just mess, mess and mess

And the tigers that desire

Are worse, worse and worse

I can’t wait for this all to be lost in fire

To be made equal in ash