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She had been the girl behind Sehun, with the shy smile and pretty lips… “This is your chance”, Kyungsoo urged. “She’s all alone-“ “No. No, I can’t do it.” “She doesn’t even move! She’s just standing there watching us watch her!” Sehun exclaimed. “I’m going to talk to her when she walks by anyway so you might as well give it a shot.” “You have her number, right?”, Jongin asked Sehun. “You can just give it to me.” Sehun grinned. “And why would I do that?” “Because”, Jongin huffed. “Because I want it.” “Good thing you know you do”, Kyungsoo chuckled. “You know what, I’m going to ask her for you.” Before Jongin saw it happening, Kyungsoo already walked over to her. Jongin’s hand automatically grabbed for him but he couldn’t reach him anymore. He didn’t want to make a bigger fool of himself so he kept standing right where he was and prayed for the best.

When Kyungsoo reached Soojin, he greeted her with a soft smile. “Soojin, right?” She nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m not very familiar with Sehun’s group members so…” “I’m Kyungsoo.” “Right!”, she laughed. “I’m here on behalf of my friend”, he explained, “who is too shy to ask you out.”

Soojin’s eyes widened. “If this is another of Sehun’s pranks-“ “It’s not.” Soojin furrowed her brows. “See, my friend here saw you and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you which is how we all ended up staring. I’m sorry for that by the way. So he met you once before on the day we picked up Sehun from school, which explains why that fool offered to come meet Sehun at school for three damn weeks after that.” “But the only other guy from EXO I’ve seen before beside Sehun is Jongin. That doesn’t make sense.” Kyungsoo smiled. “What exactly doesn’t make sense about that?” “Well, it can’t be him. I don’t have this much luck that the boy I’m crushing on-“

Her eyes widened. She didn’t really say that, did she?

“How about you give me your phone for a few seconds?” Soojin acted without thinking, almost shoving the phone into his hands. He snickered quietly and typed in Jongin’s number before he pressed call.

Jongin’s jeans pocket vibrated and four pairs of eyes, including Soojin’s were now glued on Jongin’s hands, fishing out his own device.

“There you go”, he said, giving it back to her. “You know, now that I think of it, maybe you should come say hi.” Soojin gulped. “Are you sure? I don’t think that’s a good idea-“ “Trust me. It is.”

He put his hand on her back, leading her way over to the group. Her feet, cold from the ground, moved against her will, against her instincts to run away screaming. “Guys, this is Soojin”, Kyungsoo announced to the few people standing around Jongin. Baekhyun, who had listened this whole time after realizing Jongin’s attention was lost, a pale looking Jongin and a smug faced Sehun greeted her. Soojin waved at them shyly. “This is Baekhyun”, Kyungsoo said, taking off his hand. “You know Sehun … and Jongin.”

Soojin’s tongue darted out, licking her dry lips before she mustered the courage to look him in the eyes a second time. When she did, she bit on her lip so hard it could have started bleeding right away.

“Hi”, he said. Very smart, Jongin, very smart. “So-“

“Soojin!”, a very loud and very confused voice called. Soojin peered over the male shoulders, as best as she could that was, standing on her tippy toes to see her manager calling for her. “What’s taking you so damn long?” “I’m coming!”, she called out. Instead of looking at any the boys, saying her goodbyes or any other word of that sort she hurried to push herself through their broad bodies, although it seemed almost impossible with half of the group scattered in this small corridor.

Lucky for her she had taken off her shoes already because otherwise she would have fallen down at least once, walking - more like running down that corridor so fast. She was sure of it.

When she entered the room and closed the door behind her, she pushed her body against it, feeling regret at an instant.

Running away like that, making no effort to say something, anything, how would he think it was okay to text her? Why would he still want to anyway? If anything, she gave him signs of disinterest but nothing more.

Indeed, she was a beautiful girl and of course they weren’t the only ones to see that, despite how opinions went into different directions and tastes differed all the time to any- and everybody. What mattered right now, though, was that, yes, even to herself right at this very moment, as she looked into the huge mirror: she didn’t look like a tiny human being in a big world but like a flawless goddess ready to own the stage, to make it hers and hers only. With that dark lipstick and the long lashes and perfected make-up and the soft pink dip dyed hair that was otherwise a nice and healthy shining dark brown – just like Taemin’s eyes. At this very moment, she found herself to be the most beautiful.

And it was a good thing. It gave her a majestic feel and the self-assurance she needed right at this moment to feel at ease.

But this wasn’t all that she needed to feel the most comfortable. No. There was something else, something more important than looks and the way she could make her debut stage a success with it.

There was this bracelet, this tiny, silver bracelet, that didn’t seem much to others but being the jewelry it was. Except it meant the world to the girl whose slender fingers played with it, skimming it around in between her fingers like her life depended on it – and in some ways it did. It calmed her down and gave her the feeling of the presence of the significant other she called her best friend who couldn’t be there in reality. But truth be told, she wasn’t there for him on his debut stage and, of course, none of them blamed the other for it. It was naturally given that she wasn’t able to when he was about to stand on his very first stage to do his very first performance as well as it was just as naturally given that he wasn’t able to be with her when she was about to stand on her very first stage to do her very first performance. Because some things weren’t meant to be. And being there for each other physically was one thing like that. Not meant to be.

And yet, he was there with her, if only with his thoughts and through his gift: the bracelet.

Park Hye-Min whooshed around the trainee like a nervous deer and as beautiful as the make-up artist was this particular description framed her just perfectly as she scurried around for touch-ups on the trainee all while the girl’s stylist tucked and pulled on the dress, leaving it sit on her body the way it was supposed to, making it more beautiful yet.

But the trainee, Lee Soojin, all she could do was stare. Stare at herself and blend out the world around her. Stare at her reflection; stare at what she had become.

A trainee. An idol. A singer. A promise keeper.

“It’s time”, someone said. Soojin shimmied out of her little, protecting bubble and looked around herself. Hye-Min dropped her hand and the brush with it at an instant and Soojin’s stylist scurried away, leaving it up to Soojin to leave the room. “You’re all ready”, Hye-Min whispered encourangily, as if she felt how Soojin felt just right now. As if Hye-Min knew the girl needed it, needed it right now. “Go do your thing!”

Her thing. It just… it wasn’t exactly her thing, was it?

“Good luck”, Hyeri chirped. Soojin almost forgot she was there to cheer her on.

“Come on”, the voice called out again, latching out their arm for her to take it. She finally looked up into her manager’s eyes, finally recognizing the voice she hadn’t heard as often yet, finally putting one foot in front of the other.

Baek Ha-Joon was his name and she had to remind herself about the proper etiquette, how to address him, in a nerve wrecking time like this.

Soojin slung her arms around Ha-Joon’s biceps for better hold. At the same time she gave it her best to walk as elegant as possible. It wasn’t until she had to walk on the stage that she needed to be one hundred percent confident in her walk – a thing she knew she could do, she had been training for this long enough after all and yes, walking in this pair of shoes she considered part of her training – but even know she wanted to be graceful. If only for the idols lingering around the corridor or standing by the foot table, the doors to their dressing room’s or watching performances from behind the stage.

They weren’t supposed to think low of her but no one was for that matter. It was a thing of pride. Who was she going to be on stage if they saw her waddling around in heels? How would they think she could do any more than that if not mastering a catwalk anyway?

So Soojin redeemed herself and did her best. She didn’t fall after all and that made a small smile appear on her tinted lips just when they reached the black pit behind the stage.

It wasn’t her call to perform for another ten minutes so Ha-Joon asked her to sit down if she’d feel better but honestly Soojin was too nervous. She shook her head at his request and watched him nod hesitantly. “Don’t step on your dress”, Ha-Joon reminded her, although she definitely didn’t need one. She was fully aware of how much the dress had cost her agency. Or rather, she was fully aware it cost a lot although being unaware about the exact price.

Soojin had been told that the amount of money that goes into the outfits for a live performance for soloists was much higher: more lavish, more extravagant and thus more expensive in comparison to group’s outfits. She knew not to step on the dress. She knew not to mess up.

But she nodded at him anyway.

Suddenly, Hye-Min appeared next to the two, a little out of breath, holding Soojin’s phone in one hand and keeping herself standing upright with the other propped on the wall. “It’s been ringing nonstop”, Hye-Min explained. “I figured it’s probably important.”

It was still ringing. “Make it quick”, Ha-Joon exclaimed when Soojin took the phone from Hye-Min’s hand. She nodded at him another time and mouthed a “thank you” to her make-up artist.

There was no time to look at the caller ID but Soojin knew who it was right when she heard the voice at the other line huff an impatient “finally”. Before Soojin replied, she scurried away from the two a little bit, whispering a response into her phone afterwards: “Jiyong, what is it?” “I wanted to give you some last minute advice.”  

Soojin raised an eyebrow. “Well it’s definitely last minute.” He ignored her statement. “On that stage, when you’re Jin and not Soojin, you think about what helps you perform what you need to perform.”

Soojin was a bit confused. As no answer came from her, Jiyong explained further. “If it’s a ballad, you think about something sad. You’re dance is sexy, so you think about some sexy times.” “Sexy times? What the hell are you talking about?”, Soojin murmured. “I’m living like a nun for god’s sake, what kind of sexy times would I have?”

“Don’t try to fool me”, Jiyong laughed, “I heard about your crush.”

Soojin gulped. “What crush?” “You really shouldn’t admit to Seungri out of all people that you like Jay Park, honey”, Jiyong replied smugly. Soojin couldn’t see it but she knew there was a smirk on his face. “I don’t like him like him, it’s just-“ “Yeah, whatever floats your boat”, Jiyong chuckled. “Just think about him when you dance.” “You’re unbelievable. Why am I having this conversation?”, Soojin huffed. “I’m hanging up now!”

She pressed the red button, shoved her phone back into Hye-Min’s hand and quickly fanned her face in hope her reddened cheeks would disappear magically.

At least he didn’t know about her real crush.

Right then the lights went dark and Soojin was pushed to the stage. The last thing she saw before she stood on the in front of the audience were Hongbin and N walking past her with sweating faces and a lazy bow. The other members of VIXX followed but paid her no attention. How could they? Her dress was as pitch-black as everything around them. She wasn’t exactly easy to spot.

She quickly found her spot on stage and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts. She left Soojin behind and put on the fierce and confident face of Jin just before the lights shined down on her.

It happened during the next three and a half minutes where she understood the immense pleasure of performing for the first time.

It was the excitement that thrilled. The ability of feeling every part of your body, the blood rushing through your veins, your heart beating fast and your legs so shaky, you have the feeling you are going to faint any time soon. Too afraid to make any move at first, but when the fear fades away and the boundless tension leaves you, everything that is left is this incredible emotion. The commotion. It was delightful, in some way beautiful. It was perfect.

Soojin understood that whoever you are, when you’re on stage the only thing that matters was that frenzy feeling that kept your heart beating. It was what you were living for.

And at this moment, she felt that she was living for it, truly living for this moment.

When you can be everyone you want to be, yet be yourself, find yourself inside of you. It had a power that not only made you feel who you really are. You also felt alive. Your body felt alive. Your heart. And every movement felt right. Every reaction you could perceive. Every emotion. Everything was right. It was what kept you alive.

It wasn’t only that she was the most beautiful human being he had ever laid eyes on. They shared interests as well. So far only one but who was to count that when it was such a big interest for him and seemed to be for her as well?!

There she was, coming out the front door of the university’s main building and gliding down the steps of the hill. Books clutched to her chest, her long hair floating in the soft breeze.

Hongbin heard a bunch of female voices that threw him out of his strain of thoughts. He turned around but he knew what he would encounter in the next seconds. It was only a matter of time until VIXX’s fans found him on campus.

So far people had been nice about it, most often no one even spared a look at him, at least not for who he was on stage. But every now and then fans came to his university to take pictures or give him gifts (inappropriate ones at that) or ask for an autograph.

It wasn’t him or his company who revealed the name of the university he attended but one fan who must have let it slip untentionally or not and by now Hongbin was pretty much doomed. He was good during certain hours, but at this time it was rather risky to stay on campus for this long.

He had to take that risk nonetheless; it was absolutely worth for her. Except now he couldn’t continue his usual day by day stalking. He had to leave. In the most polite way, that was, and if thinks went well it would happen without the notice of his crush. Because she, for one, didn‘t know who he was outside of class and that was one thing he found extremely appealing and made him like her just ten times more.

Hongbin pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his hair. It wasn’t covering much but it was all he had for now.

He started walking with a quick pace away from the group of girls that were obnoxiously loud at their search for him. He figured they had spotted him but it seemed like they didn’t yet.

Luck was on his side.

His steps started to increase in pace and soon he was jogging. He glanced over his shoulder and that was when he collided with her.

Again.

This time it was worse. It wasn’t just a rather brutal brush of their shoulders. He made her topple over, ending up on the ground. His reflexes were quick enough to hinder her head hitting the ground by protectively wrapping his hand around it. He landed on top of her with a loud thud and a harsh groan. “Oh god”, he mouthed in complete panick. “I’m so sorry!”

The girl was too busy being shocked at the impact she was crushed down with and froze in place. Hongbin heard the group of girls coming closer.

“Are you hurt?”

She opened her eyes and Hongbin helped her standing up. She said nothing, checking her body for any sign of pain. “I think I’m okay.”

Oh god her voice was heaven.

By now Hongbin could hear the fans’ words clearly. They were extremely close. “Damn it”, he mumbled, grabbed the books from the ground and wrapped his fingers around her wrist. “Come”, he said but didn’t wait for an answer. Instead he started running, pulling her along.

“Where are we going?”, she huffed, already out of breath. Hongbin stopped once he reached a place they wouldn’t find, leaning against the brick wall to catch his breath.

He kept his hand around her and she didn’t seem to mind – or to realize. “I’m sorry, really.” He looked at her. “For running me over or for dragging me with you?”, she let out a small laugh. “Both”, he spoke in all honesty. Before he knew it he blurted out the question he was dying to ask: “What’s your name?”

“Irene.”

He smiled. “Nice to meet you”, he said. “You’re that talented guy from my photography class, right?” He shrugged. “I don’t think so.” “What’s your name?”, she asked, wanting to know for sure. “Hongbin.” “It is you.” He blushed.

“Who were you running away from?”, she asked then. He had the feeling she was amused by all of this. “The girls”, he hesitated. “They were kind of… looking for me.” “Are you a celebrity?”, she giggled. She wasn’t serious, he could tell that by the way she said it. 

He hesitated again. “Yes.” Her giggling stopped. She looked at him, eyed him for a quick second until she understood that he was being serious. “A dancer?”, she tilted her head. “Singer.” She nodded. “Have I ever heard of you before?” Hongbin rubbed the back of his neck. “Probably not. I’m in a group called VIXX. You’re kind of too much in your own world to know.”

She laughed. “How would you know that?”

Hongbin wanted to die of shame right there. In embarrassing himself he would be the top of his class, especially today. “I’ve kind of… been watching you for a while. I kind of… like you.”

She blinked a few times. “Who likes somebody just kind of?” Hongbin couldn’t prevent the chuckle that came from his lips. “I do like you. Not just kind of.”

For some reason, Irene beamed of happiness.

“I think you’re cute”, she giggled. “You’re probably the most handsome one in your group too.” “So I’ve been told”, he responded, his cheeks flushed.

“I was heading to the coffee shop down the street before you knocked me to the ground”, she informed him. “Yeah, sorry about that. Again.”

Irene laughed another time. “I’m kind of dying to hear more about your group and your music. Maybe you want to join me and tell me all about it. It seems I’ve been missing out a lot if you have fangirls following you around campus.”

He chuckled but, of course, he was more than willing to agree. 

Her mother, though, sighed out in relief when the doorbell rang. She turned around to Soojin, having just tried to prevent looking at her, and smiled widely. “I’ll get the door”, she exclaimed hurriedly.

Soojin continued unpacking. But it wasn’t for long as her mother had returned rather quickly. “Soojin, sweetheart”, she said. “Our company arrived.” Being the polite daughter she was, she immediately turned around, about to greet her mother’s friends who held her hand to gesture to the three very young men standing right next to her.

But it weren’t her mother’s axquaintances who smiled at Soojin and it wasn’t her mother’s friends standing just there: in the middle of their kitchen. Their home. Across the sea.

Soojin’s stomach turned and made a flip like one hundred jumping sheep were hopping inside other.

He was taller than he used to. His hair was blond and his body manlier. Yet he was as young and handsome as ever. Except, before this very second, she had never thought of him of being handsome.

Lee Taemin looked at Soojin with a crooked smile from underneath his fringe. “Don’t you want to say hello to him?”, her mother chuckled.  But Soojin remained frozen in place. It had been five years. Five years and all of sudden he stood there, right in the middle of her kitchen. Across the sea.

It was only when she felt hot tears on her cheeks that she noticed she had held her breath. She let out a harsh sob, ran towards him and slung her arms around his neck. She had never loved to feel the warmth of his body as much as right now. Taemin engulfed her in a tight hug, as tight as he could possibly manage to grasp onto her without breaking her to pieces.

October 22nd, 2011

When Taemin kissed his best friend for a third time, it was to him like a precious gift. And they so happened to share more than a touch of lips:

The same three young man were seated on the table, along with Soojin. She hadn’t taken off her eyes of Taemin for the past five minutes. “I don’t think my brain understands that you’re here”, Soojin said. Jonghyun, one of the two accompanying Taemin, chuckled loudly while the third one, Kibum, tsked at her. “Now I understand why Mom bought so much food.” Soojin nodded at the feast her mother has prepared. “It tasts good by the way”, Kibum said.

Soojin nodded thankfully and proceeded talking. “However, I still don’t understand why you’re here. All of you.” “There is a concert of all of our companies artists at Madison Square Garden tonight”, Taemin explained. Soojin nipped at her orange juice. “Is there?”, she asked. “How come I don’t know about it?” “I asked your mother to help keep you oblivious.” Taemin grinned mischievously. His plan had worked.

Then, Soojin asked the question she feared the most. “When will you go back?” Taemin hesitated. “Tomorrow.” Soojin sighed. “I figured it wouldn’t be for long.” Taemin shook his head. “Sadly not. But”, he said, “I do have a present for you.” “A present?”, she asked in disbelieve. The last time he had given her a present – the cake to her twelfth birthday – it turned out to be a disaster. No matter how much his mom had helped him made it.

“Here”, he snickered at her remark, handing her a little band with a card dangling from it. It was a VIP ticket to the SM Town concert in New York.

That same day and hours of trying on outfits later, Soojin showed the staff her pass and was let in, walking through the corridors. She was passing by closed rooms with the signs of Girls’ Generation, Kangta, BoA and f(x) before she found the letters SHINee on a bit of paper taped to the door.

Surprisingly, the door was open. She stepped in not long after and was greeted by a grinning Jonghyun, who quickly came to hug her. “Oh okay, you’re a hugger”, she laughed, although she happily returned that gesture. “Hugger, skinship lover, you name it”, Jonghyun smirked. "Taemin is in the chair in the back”, he announced then, “he’s getting his make-up done.” “Thanks”, she said, waltzing over to said chair.

Once Taemin spotted her coming over, he smiled at her. “You made it!” “Of course I did, silly”, she said. “May I?”, she proceeded to ask a staff member, pointing to the nearest chair. She was nodded at so she sat down. “Okay, you have to introduce me to BoA later. No exceptions.” 

“Sooji”, he huffed, “isn’t it enough you get to see me?” “Sooji? You’re still calling me by that nickname?” She shook her head, cackling. “I do prefer Soo, but yes, I am. Diversity is a strong game nowadays.”

Soojin laughed. “You know, one day I’ll have another nickname for you than Taemiri.” “Good”, he said, “I’m not particularly fond of it anyway.” “I am”, Soojin announced. “I like it very much.” “Well then”, he snickered, “proceed to call me that.” “Will do!”

It was only during the concert when Soojin remembered the good news she had all forgotten about telling her best friend after his arrival. Taemin wasn’t to go back on stage for another fourty minutes or so for the last two performances of SHINee on that particular evening so they both sat in SHINee’s dressing room. Quite alone at that, as Jinki was just on stage for a solo, Jonghyun had dragged Kibum to the food where staff members likey where as well and Minho was somewhere with his girlfiend Yuri. If it wasn’t for Taemin, Soojin would have never known about their secret relationship to begin with. But, after all this time, it was a nice feeling to finally know what the insights felt like.

Following her straw of thoughts no more Soojin exclaimed she had a little bit of a secret to tell. Although, it wasn’t exactly a secret. “What is it?”, Taemin asked after her announcement, looking into her smiling face. “Well”, she grinned, “as of a little over two weeks ago, I have been accepted into YG Entertainment at the open auditions. I’ll be moving to Korea on January 3rd!”

She looked at him expectantly. Taemin didn’t fail to give her the response she had hoped for. His mouth was wide agape and his eyes smiled that smile that spoke of love and excitement. “Really?”, he asked, just to make sure. “Yes, silly”, she chuckled.

There was no more to say. Taemin took her in his embrace, hugging her tight, crushing their bodies together in one. She breathed out in surprise, her face squisched to his chest.

Suddenly, he kissed the top of her haid. “You can’t imagine how happy I am!” “Likewise”, she said, trying to break free. “Speaking of moving”, she said, her voice suddenly less excited. Nervousness crept into the tone of her voice instead. “There was something I was going to ask you once I moved back to Seoul.”

Taemin saw the change in her eyes. “Which is?” “Well”, she hesitated. “I was going to ask you for… a favor.” Soojin tried swallowing the lump in her throat. When had it become so difficult to talk all of sudden?

“So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. So many girls in school say that they regret having their first time with a fuckboy and to be honest I don’t want the same happening to me. Besides, I’m already seventeen. I don’t want it to be with just anyone but with someone I love and trust and there is only one that fits, which is you of course, You’re my best friend so-“ “Are you asking me to take your virginity?”

Soojin had avoided looking at him. She was starring everywhere but his face. When she heard the sharpness in his voice at his question she dared a look at him. He was displeased, that was for sure. “Who else would I ask if not you?” “Your boyfriend!”, he yelled. Soojin was taken aback by how loud he got. “If you ask me, if you’re really asking me to have sex with you, you should love me as your boyfriend.” “Why are you getting mad?” “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re asking me to take your virginity!” “I just…”, Soojin was out of words. “Do you need to fit into this country’s society so bad that you feel the need to ask this?” Soojin’s mouth opened and closed, opened and closed. “You don’t know how they treated me! I was a foreigner for so long until I became like them!” “So what? Why don’t you try being you instead of doing literally everything everyone else does? They aren’t you. And what they do does not show you what you need to do too! It’s not difficult to grasp, is it?”

Soojin pursed her lips. “I understand that you think my question is a bit off but you’re being extremely mean. I’m going to go home. I don’t need to keep hearing how much of a failure I am to you. See you in two months, I guess.”

And with that, she left.

 It had been only been three hours since their fight. Soojin had become warrant about if it really was an off-putting question to have asked.  But then again, it wasn’t wrong to want to fit in, was it? But maybe Taemin was right. Maybe she didn’t have to try so hard and go this far for it.

Nevertheless, she wished the conversation would have gone differently. Taemin would fly back tomorrow and she wouldn’t be able to say a single goodbye or hug him one more time. The good thing was that this time, their farewell would have only been for two months but now that he blew her off like that she figured it could take quite a longer time for their friendship to recover. Because at this very moment it seemed just as fragile to her as to him.

What Soojin didn’t know was that Taemin regretted the way things went as equally, thus he had already made his way to her home. If it wasn’t for her living in a country where he wasn’t particularly familiar with any place, he would have been at her doorstep long ago.

Eventually, and lucky for him because the cold had by now made his fingers go numb, he found the red wooden door to her place.

Soojin, who of course didn’t see it coming, was confused as to who rung her doorbell at this late hour. She opened nonetheless. Had she not, Taemin wouldn’t have had slanted his mouth onto hers at an instant, gripping onto the side of her face with his hands like it was the only way of surviving.

Taemin was quick enough to avoid any questions asked. She barely had the time to look angry or confused. His lips where on hers before there was any time to react. He groaned into the kiss, partially because he was still the slightest bit angry, partially because he liked the way she felt against him.

She responded with a gasp, her eyes fluttering shut immediately. Soojin knew, or could predict for that matter, how angry he must have felt and how hard it was for him to contain a happy smile on stage for the last performances. And she wanted to think that it didn’t matter to her because it was his own fault at getting irrationally mad. But now that he was indeed here – for what reasons she had yet to find out – she felt sorry for him.

His tongue prodded at her lips. Soojin wondered where he had learned to kiss that way because it was nothing like on the day at the lake.

“Running away doesn’t solve any problems”, he mouthed against her lips, once he parted from hers. “I-I’m sorry.” “Good. You should be.” Soojin was about to protest, to ask why he was here then, but Taemin was quicker to speak. “You should feel sorry about leaving like that, leaving without watching the concert to its end, without saying goodbye to me, leaving like that just after you ask me this...”

Taemin’s voice was soft. The anger had left and there was nothing Soojin was more glad about at this very second. That was, until she heard the following:

The sad look in his eyes made her hesitate to answer. “I’m not much of a singer”, she spoke nonetheless. “I’m good in-“ Well what exactly was she good in? Playing with dolls? Laughing? Having fun? Soojin wasn’t Taemin. She didn’t have her whole life planned out.

“You can learn how to sing. Everyone can.” Another sigh escaped her lips. And then she found myself nod. At this very moment it seemed like the only chance they had. “If we ever meet again it will be as idols.” “Promise?” “I promise.”  “Good”, he smiled from ear to ear. “I’ll wait for you.” 

Suddenly he kissed her lips. 

 August 26th, 2006

The last time Lee Soojin saw her best friend was the day he kissed her for the very first time. And two years later he kissed her again: 

“I can’t believe I’m in Korea again!”, Soojin exclaimed with happiness. 

She was laying in the grass near the lake, her arms and legs flopped to the sides. Her eyes were closed. “I can’t believe your family is financially stable again”, Taemin laughed. He was sitting next to her, his arms wrapped around his legs, enjoying the sunrays as much as she did.

“I’m really surprised they flew back to Korea with me for my birthday.” He chuckled. “Which reminds me, I baked a cake for you.” Soojin opened one eye at him. “A cake?” “Yes. Mom helped me.” She smiled to herself. “Did you knew I was coming?” “Yes”, he snickered.

Now she opened both eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “It was supposed to be a surprise!”, he claimed, raising his hands in the air. “I told them I wouldn’t tell you.” Soojin puffed her cheeks, closing her eyes again.

“Do you remember how I used to pull you inside the water?”, Taemin then asked. “I do”, Soojin smiled, remembering it oh so perfectly. “You refused to swim with me because you were afraid, so I tricked you and pulled you inside.” “You have always had a mean side to you”, Soojin said, giggling. “Soo”, he snickered. “I’m not mean!” “You are!” “Am not!” “Are!”

Taemin laughed out loud. “Whatever.” A moment it stayed silent between the two. “Have you… have you auditioned yet?” Soojin propped herself on her elbows and looked at him. “I did.” “And?”

And she failed. Two times. In 2005 she went to the international SM Entertainment audition. She got rejected. This year she tried again at the open YG Entertainment audition. She got rejected again. But she never told him.

“How is it being a trainee?”, she asked instead of giving him an answer. Although, technically, it was an answer. “Hectic”, he said. “I’ve only trained for one year, though. I still have a long way to become an idol.”

Soojin sighed. “Now that we actually know we can meet each other without me becoming an idol, I don’t need to audition anymore, do I?” He pursed his lips. “I guess not.” “But?” “No but.” “There is a but”, she mocked. “I know you!”

He sighed. “But you promised you’d become an idol too. Look at it this way; if you become an idol you will move back to Korea. We can see each other all the time instead of just every few years!” “I thought you said being a trainee is hectic?” He nodded and then proceeded arguing: “we can make it work! It’ll be a lot easier once you’re back in Seoul!”

Soojin looked away. She could feel his eyes on him. Eventually, she decided to reply. “I can’t dismiss my promise, can I?” He smiled. “I missed that”, Soojin said. “What?”

A slight blush crept on her cheeks. “Your smile.”

His smile grew wider. “Aw, you’re so cute!” He leaned towards her petite body, suddenly pinching her cheek. “Stop!”, she snapped, looking away before she angrily glared at him. Taemin laughed. “You haven’t changed at all.” “Yes I did”, she pouted. “Nope”, he grinned. “I did. I even like a boy now!” Taemin furrowed his brows. “Really?”

For a moment Soojin thought he was disgusted, not being into the opposite gender and all, but Soojin was wrong. “Have you kissed yet?”, he smirked. “N-No”, she stammered, totally embarrassed. “Why not?” “Because I’m afraid!” “To kiss?”

“Yes!”, she exclaimed. “What if I’m doing something wrong?” Everything went out of her mouth more trustworthy than she had expected. Because in reality there was no boy she liked – at least not anymore – but her fear was there: true to the guts and annoying at that. The thought of wondering if she’d ever get a boyfriend or marry appeared every now and then and when it did it made her scared. 

A lot of her classmates knew about kissing. What it meant, what it was. Some of them even had a boyfriend or girlfriend in primary school! When Soojin heard her friends snicker at her when she told them she didn’t even want a boyfriend she felt humiliated. She wanted her Barbie to have a husband so that she can have baby Barbies but other than that this thought had never crossed her mind until then. Until they laughed about her. That was when she figured something about her way of thinking must have been wrong. 

That was when she wanted to experience a real kiss. A peck on the mouth didn’t seem to fit the other kid’s agender of having a real kiss, she had been told, so she wanted to know what a real one was like. And yet she was too afraid of it. Kissing seemed to be such a huge deal. Doing it all wrong would be like the end of the world. She would never find a husband and never have children.

“I can teach you”, Taemin blurted. Soojin eyes widened. “Taemiri”, she exclaimed. “Don’t say that.” “Why not?”, he chuckled. “Because”, she said, “because you don’t mean it.” “But I do. I have kissed you before”, he said. “What’s the big deal about it?” Taemin laughed, looking at the sky.   “Taemiri”, she whispered, watching him. “Yes?”

“Would you… would you really teach me?” Finally, he looked back at her. “Yes.” Soojin didn’t know what to say but in the end she didn’t have to reply at all. Taemin sat up, shifting around. He hovered over her and pecked her lips with small kisses with that one small smile on his mouth that spoke a thousand words. Her eyes fluttered shut. His pecks became longer and soon they weren’t pecks anymore. But just as sudden as he was above her he had stopped.

Soojin opened her eyes again, cheeks flushed, and looked at a happily grinning Taemin. “You look beautiful when you blush”, he said. “I think girls look pretty when they’re blushing”, he continued. “You’re really sure you want me to teach you?” She gave a slight nod. With that his one hand rose up, his fingers touching her lips with his thumb, experiencing how her lips felt like. Taemin came closer again. This time slowly. His lips parted when he brushed them with hers and so Soojin followed his movements and opened her mouth just slightly too. His hand had moved to her cheek and the other found hers and intertwined their fingers.

His movements stilled. His lips hadn’t moved since he laid them on hers. Eventually, he leaned back. “See? That’s all there is to a kiss. It’s easy.” Taemin sat back on his behind, smiling like nothing had happened. 

            Forget that there are girl idols out there too. Born and raised in America, in one of the worst areas for the whole “boys work, girls cook” theory, all you cared about was being as good as the boys. Better than them. And the disadvantage to dating an idol is that I have the constant reminder of their perfection, their true skill and talent. They’re in a league that I could never hope to reach.

            It started out with love. Not the dating, the dancing. The dating came long, long after. The dancing came first. Before I was even old enough to know more about the music. Even after I was old enough, the music was never the most important part. It wasn’t even necessary, I could always find the rhythm even in the silence.

            But that still isn’t enough. Not anymore. Not now that I’m older. I should be more skilled, I should be perfect, but I’m not. I fall, I turn too slow or too fast, I miss a step, I forget the order. In these rooms lined with mirrors, I can see every step, every movement, every mistake. And there are so many, always so many. Today, though, there are even more.

            After hours and hours of practicing, I finally give up, just dropping to the floor, discouraged. I want to cry so badly, but I don’t. I refuse to cry, it’s a sign of weakness.

            “(Y/N)!” the familiar voice calls from somewhere down the hall. This building has multiple dance practice rooms, all branching off from one hallway leading right down the middle. Along with Xiumin’s, I can hear several other boys’ voices. Did he have to bring so many? It’s bad enough when it’s just him, but I can’t face the humiliation of all of them seeing me.

            Every time they find me here, they bug me until I dance for them, and every time, I mess up endlessly and I know it looks horrible. They always lie and tell me I’m great though, and somehow, that makes it even worse.

            “(Y/N), we know you’re here!” Baekyhun calls. Sighing in defeat, I stand back up. I have to act like nothing’s wrong. I have to be perfect and perfectly happy.

            “There you are!” Xiumin smiles when he looks into the room and sees me. “Why didn’t you come out when we called?”

            “Sorry,” I smile, like nothing’s wrong. “I must have been distracted.”

            “Always, when it’s dancing, right?” Xiumin smiles, coming over to kiss me.

            “Right,” I nod.

            Xiumin smiles, and I know it’s coming. “So, why don’t you show us a little something?”

            Internally, I cringe. But outwardly, I smile and nod, seemingly more than willing to agree to his request. I go over to the stereo, back track it a little bit, and then press play while Xiumin returns to near the door, out of the way. As the music starts, the movements begin, and right away I make a mistake. For the next two and a half minutes of the song, I count it all. Three stumbles, 4 separate times the steps were out of order, 2 too fast turns, 5 too slow turns and 3 steps completely forgotten and missed.

            By the time the song finally ends, I’m humiliated, my face red, and I’m hoping that if anyone notices my burning cheeks at all, they’ll blame it on the dancing. Looking over at the boys though, I notice for the first time that most of them are gone. As they have a habit of doing sometimes, they’ve left without notice to give Xiumin and I some privacy.

            “You’re amazing,” Xiumin smiles as he comes back over to me.

            “I messed up,” I admit, I think for the first time since I’ve started dating him. Maybe since the first time I’ve even met him. “It was terrible.” I’m terrible.

            “(Y/N), what are you talking about?”

            And somehow, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t pretend anymore. My shoulders just slump and I admit it all. “I messed up so many times, I always do. I don’t know why you guys keep telling me that I’m good, I know it’s a lie, I know I’m terrible. I’m never going to be a good dancer, not even a decent dancer, no matter how hard I try. I always mess up, constantly. Even now, I made 17 mistakes in that dance! I’m just a failure at everything I do.”

            “(Y/N), stop, listen to me,” Xiumin says quickly, cutting me off. “Calm down, listen to me. You are not a failure. Not at dancing, not at anything you do. When you dance, it’s amazing and beautiful. When you dance, you’re amazing and beautiful. And if you are messing up, you make it part of the dance, nobody even notices. You are amazing, (Y/N), please see that as much as I do.” He wraps his arms around me and I relax against his chest, closing my eyes.

            “You’re too perfect for me,” I whisper, not even sure if he can hear me.

“Because”, you exclaimed louder than you intended. You turned to look at him, disappointment clearly shown in your eyes. “Look at me! I’m hideous.” “I am looking at you.” “And what do you see? I’m just an idiot who isn’t good with anything. I’m not even pretty enough! What the hell are you still doing here? Go and leave. Be with someone that can make you happy, because I can’t. I’m not good enough.”

He was standing in front of you before you could say another word. “Stop”, he urged. He was mad. Mad at you for saying those words. Mad at him for not making you feel as precious as you were to him and to anyone that loved you for that matter. “Stop right now. This is nonsense. I don’t want to hear you say this ever again. You are perfect the way you are.” You scoffed. “Don’t lie.”

His hands were wrapped around your face, forcing you to look at him. His expression was dead serious. He could have murdered you with that intense stare for all you cared. “Do I look like I’m lying to my girlfriend? Do you think of me that low?” “No”, you said. “I don’t.”

“If you don’t think low of me, don’t think low of yourself either.” You shut your eyes. You didn’t want him to say this. It wasn’t going to change anything. Your placed your hands on his, trying to pray them off of your face. He was stronger than you, though, so you tried in vain.

“You are beautiful and smart. You make me laugh, you make me stunned because of how great you handle things. You are the most caring person I have ever met. The most beautiful goddess that anyone can ever come across. Hell you even make me dance for you! Don’t you ever say things about yourself that are as idiotic! You are perfect the way you are. Why else would I love you? Why else would I want to marry you one day? Why else does your family miss you all the time? Why else do you think you are loved the way you are? Because you are you.”

“Tabi”, you sobbed. You didn’t dare to look at him. “I will tell you every day for the rest of our lives how I feel about you if that’s what it takes for you to realize that you’re not hideous.”   “You don’t have to”, you said. “I do. It’s my fault you feel this way and I will make up for it. I will never make you feel like you need to hate yourself ever again.” “It’s not your fault!”

He ignored you. “I just wish… I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You’d know how amazing you are if only that was possible.” You had nothing to say. You were thankful to have him, have him by your side, not leaving you in your worst moment. “I love you”, you said. Seunghyun smiled at you. “I love you too, princess. I always will.” He pulled you close and crushed you to his strong, warm chest.

He left the next minutes in silence and gave you the time needed to regain yourself, rocking you back and forth. More tears escaped your swollen eyes, more sobs were heard but he let you cry until there was nothing more to cry over. His presence was soothing. His embrace calm. Eventually, you leaned back, glancing up at him with those red eyes.

She knew she had to face him again eventually and already the heat was boiling up inside her. She didn’t want him taking note of her ogling him. She was supposed to be professional about it. No matter how hard that was with that addicting face of his. “Try this”, she said, preparing herself to face his almost nude self. Sanha was used to the sight of him in only his boxers. Or to better put it: she had seen him in his boxers plenty and should be used to it by now but none could ever get used to those few seconds she liked to call her “seconds of heaven”. Her eyes landed on him. Jay looked at her the way he always did. Admiring and in awe. His smile melted ice across the globe. At least in her imagination.   If only Jay wasn’t this comfortable exposing himself like that in front of her things would have been easier.

Then again it probably would have made not much of a difference. He was nice to look at on every centimeter of his body. His face especially. Sanha handed him a piece of clothing and a black pair of ripped jeans. “Babe”, he said, “you sure this is for me?” There it was again. His subtle flirting.  Sanha sighed inaudibly. It wasn’t exactly easy to tell how he meant it whenever he dropped one of those “babe” bombs or any other hint of flirting. He was known to be open like that so it could have mean nothing to him and everything to hear. Too bad she’d never find out.   Jay held up the jeans in front of his legs.

“Oops”, she exclaimed, grasping for them. In his hands were a pair of her very own jeans. How the hell did they get switched up? “Those are mine.” Before Sanha could reach them, Jay pulled the jeans back, making her jolt forward. With a confused look she grabbed for them again but Jay had them out of her hands before she could get a proper hold of them. Sanha now realized his maneuver made her stand closer to him than she’d wish in this very second. If she was going to be professional she definitely shouldn’t be in such close distance to him. It made it all the way harder.

“What’s on your mind?”, he asked. “You’re distracted today.” Jay held the jeans behind his back and Sanha gave it a third try to get them. She had to swing her arm around his torso and suddenly, however that happened, she ended up being held in place by his free hand. Jay kept their arms behind his back. He could feel her nervous, ragged breath on his skin. She was that close. The truth was, of course, she was always distracted in his presence. But today especially. “Nothing”, she mouthed. “Don’t lie”, he answered. “Is it boy trouble?” She gulped. “Sort of.”

“Is your boyfriend not treating you well?” For a second Jay looked furious. He hid his feelings quickly and well, though because in the next moment Sanha wasn’t even sure anymore if she saw an angry expression in his face at all. “What boyfriend?” “Your… Your boyfriend.” “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

He furrowed his brows. “You do. I heard them talk about it!” “Who?”, Sanha asked, completely confused. “Some staff members. Like a year ago.” “I’ve only been your stylist for about a year.” “I was asking them about you. The day we met. They told me you just moved in with your boyfriend!” Sanha’s mouth opened but there was no time to reply. The door opened and a pair of eyes peaked through the door. Neither Jay nor Sanha spared a look, their eyes still locked in confusion. They only heard a voice. “Sanha, we need you real quick.” With that the door closed again.

“I guess I should go then”, she mumbled. It took Jay a moment to let go of her hand. He only did so hesitantly. He still had to know the truth. But when he did she left without another word.

Only a couple hours later Jay still contemplated on what exactly was going on in Sanha’s love life. He had to know. He took a look on his watch.

7:58 PM.

He waltzed over to the window of his living room, having just turned off the lights and sat down, watching the sidewalk with the usual giddiness filling him at this exact hour and in this exact place.

8:00 PM.

But he saw nothing. Nothing that he was supposed to see, at least. Nothing of what was usually right there at 8 PM straight. Nothing of who was usually right there. He waited another two minutes before he let his confusion run over him. After twenty more minutes he got up to grab his phone, texting her a bit frantic at that.

 To: Sexy Sanha From Jay

Babe, you home?

 No answer. Ten minutes later he found himself at her place. It took Sanha only a mere of a moment to open the door after Jay had rung the bell. And there she stood, confused but fine. “You’re here”, he said, frowning. “Why are you here?” “Where else would I be? I live here.” “Jogging. That’s where you’d be.”

A moment she hesitated. “Are you mad?”, she asked him, almost sure he was. Damn right, he was. “Yes!” Sanha frowned. “Why?” “Because I was worried! I didn’t see you. I waited but you never showed up.” “Showed up where?” “You always jog down the street where I live. Every night at the same damn time. Except for today.” “I’m sorry. Honestly. I didn’t know you would be worried. I didn’t even know you live there.” “Of course I worry about you! Now why the hell weren’t you there?” “I had to run an errant for a friend. I just got home.” Jay took a deep breath and then sighed. “Okay. Fair enough.”

“Is… everything okay now?” Jay nodded. “Kind of. We still need to talk. I’ve been dreading an answer since this morning.” “Do you want to come in then?”, Sanha asked, opening the door wide enough for him to step through. And he did. Jay followed her to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sanha, however, had no intention to take the place next to him. It was saver to stay where she was: leaning against the door frame. “So I’ll get straight to the point”, Jay said. “Do you have a boyfriend or not?” “I don’t.”

Jay shook his head. “Then why would they say that?” As of now he didn’t dare to look at her. “I suppose they mixed up my name with another stylist. But why did you ask them about me in the first place?”, Sanha wondered. “I was curious about you. A lot.” “You were?” “Still am.”

Finally he looked at her.  He saw how surprised she was and in a moment of confidence he took it as a pleasantly surprised feeling. “So whenever you flirted with me or called me babe…” Sanha wasn’t oblivious. But she wanted to hear the words. Wanted him to say out loud what he seemed to be implying. “That was my casually failing attempt to woo you.” “So we could have been together this whole time? I could have dared to look at you for more than two seconds, I could have stopped hating myself when you gave me nicknames, I could have told myself it was okay to swoon over your stupid handsome face and it wouldn’t have been so troublesome to work with you because-“ His lips slanted on hers.

For a moment Sanha was shocked. She was too occupied ranting that she hadn’t noticed how Jay shot up from his seat and had waltzed over with quick steps only to engulf her with his hands around her face, kissing her mercilessly like both their lives depended on it. Which they probably did. Sanha groaned when Jay’s tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip. Jay made himself stop, although it was harder than it may should have been, and looked at her with a mix of a genuine smile and a devilish smirk.

“So you think I’m handsome, huh?” Sanha slapped his biceps. “There are a lot of things I think about you, Jay Park. One of them being that you’re an idiot for thinking that I had a boyfriend when all I was doing was trying not to give myself to you!” “Why were you anyway? This mess could have been resorted long time ago.” “Because!”, she groaned. “I didn’t know you like me!” “And you call me an idiot?”, he chuckled. “Indeed.”

“Now that you’re mine”, Jay grinned, “and I’m making this clear before I continue to speak so that you get it this time: I like you and I want you to be my girlfriend. And with that said I can finally, finally tell you that I don’t want you to jog alone this late all the time. It’s dangerous.” “I can’t promise anything”, Sanha giggled. Jay chuckled. “I’ll make you.” He placed another kiss on her lips, this time more gentle and soft. “You know, I’ve wanted to do this for a year now.”

Jiyong laughed. “I haven’t. But I’ve handcuffed women plenty.” “Oh dear lord”, Seungri groaned. Was it because of Jiyong’s reply or because of his wellbeing Hana didn’t know. If she’d guess she’d say both.  “I was handcuffed before”, he chuckled. “Your answer, lady”, Jiyong mouthed then. Hana was about to down her shot. She was already drunk so what would one more shot do to her? “Nah”, Jiyong said. “Play by your own rules missy. Give us some deeds!” Hana groaned. “You’re such an idiot sometimes.” Jiyong laughed again.

“I… yes. I’ve been handcuffed.” Youngbae liked to spice up things every now and then. “I got another question!”, Seungri yelled. He stayed in his position all the while, probably too exhausted to get up in the first place. “Wait your turn”, Seunghyun scolded. “How many sex toys do you own?”, he asked anyway. He chuckled at his own question. Before anyone got to answer Hana shot up, raised her arms in the air and yelled in excitement. “I’ve been waiting for that song!”, she exclaimed once the playlist started playing the next piece, blasted through the very big speakers. A moment later she handed Jiyong her empty shot glass as a quiet request to fill it again.

“Who on earth did the playlist?”, Seungri slurred. “I did!” Hana started dancing to Bang Bang Bang, clapping her hands and nodding her head in the rhythm. “We are Big Bang”, Seungri murmured but Hana doubted he knew what he was saying at that moment. “Why do you play our songs? Are you a fan? A stalker? What is this sorcery?”

“What’s up with your fancy ass?”, Seunghyun said laughing.   “You’re such a fool”, Jiyong told Seungri. “I love that song though! Just don’t listen then if you don’t want to hear it!” “You”, he said, raising from the ground only to be wobbly about it. “I’m no longer the youngest when you’re around”, he snickered. “You!” Hana was panting by now, having continued to dance along to the steps she remembered. And she remembered those well. If fanning over her boyfriend with watching the music video was what made her memorize the choreo why not show how well she can do it anyway? There would have been a thousand reasons as to why not to do it she would have come up with when sober. But she wasn’t. Not at all. Meanwhile Seungri had stopped expressing his thoughts to Hana, probably due to the fact that he had forgotten what he was going to accuse her of anyway while at the same time Hana had missed Youngbae’s text appearing on her phone just then, being occupied with her very special performance.

Jiyong, who was always the only one able to contain himself best when drunk, watched the girl who suddenly sung along to his very own part. She wasn’t exactly hitting the notes properly and sounded well off but Jiyong enjoyed Youngbae’s girlfriend at that. She was his blundering best friend after all. She danced rather gracefully although drunk even though her singing left for open wishes. None of them had realized the arrival of the group member last to join that evening and so Youngbae was gawking at his longtime girlfriend from the corridor in secret. “What’s up with all of you?” he asked amused, with a little of a confused look on his face. “Just enjoying ourselves”, Seungri answered. “Bae!”, Hana chirped and stopped her performance at an instant once she spotted him. She ran into his arms that he lifted seeing her approaching him at full force and quickly engulfing her in a very tight hug. “I missed you, Bae!”, she breathed against his neck. She was drunk, yes, but nowhere near the kind of hell Seungri had drunken himself into so she was very capable of steadying herself but Youngbae lifted her up anyway.

His hands steadied her petite body beneath her thighs and she had her legs straddling his hips, her arms wrapped around his neck. She was quick to press her lips onto his and everything else seemed forgotten. Youngbae was no one to refuse his pretty girl kissing him but at the same time he was too curious about why she was with the others at Jiyong’s place on Big Bang’s day off. Of course he knew of their friendship but he had expected her to be at home tonight since that was what she had told him earlier.

“Not to sound like I don’t want you here”, he said once he forced himself to stop devouring her lips. “But what are you doing at Jiyong’s place?” “Oh, you know, Jiyong was kind enough to ask me to join on your man’s night out. Since I haven’t seen you in two weeks and all.” “Only because she’s pestering me about missing you all the time”, Jiyong said. They have continued the game without her for now but Jiyong, being the usual self he was, was witty enough to pay attention to both. Not that he was intruding on their few private seconds but it was just something he overheard. “True”, Hana giggled. “I do miss you a lot.” “Mh”, Youngbae hummed. “Do tell me more about that.”

He let her down but kept his arms around her. “Can we leave now that he’s here?” Seungri asked. “Is Daesung not coming?” Youngbae asked, looking at the lad. “He couldn’t make it”, Hana replied. “What took you so long, though?” “Long story”, Youngbae said, “for another day. I’d rather see you dance some more.”

Hana chuckled. “Only if we leave now! I’ve been dying to go to that club.” At this Jiyong got on his feet, finally handing the girl her shot. Meanwhile Seunghyun helped Seungri up. “You drink it”, Hana said as she held the shot in her hands. “You’ve had none yet. We are far more ahead of you in this department.” “You are indeed, my beautiful”, he laughed and took the shot from her.

They’ve been at Octagon for a good couple of hours now. Youngbae had plenty to drink by now although, as always, he was not getting wasted when his girlfriend was around. She would have taken care of him but he knew that his demeanor would become a little annoying when he drunk just a bit too much so he didn’t step over the line. Youngbae was currently watching her on the dance floor swinging her body to the music all by herself. She was a bit more bold now and that gave him the chance to have his eyes on her, seeing her dance and occasionally smile at him. Eventually she retreated from the dance floor and came back puffing her cheeks and fanning her face.

“I might or might not do regret putting on a sweater right now”, she mumbled. She flapped it, bringing air in between the clothing and her sweating body. Youngbae watched her still, licking his licks. He pulled her close the next second by wrapping his arm around her waist, giving her a kiss on the top of her dark hair. “I like that outfit, though”, he murmured. “Those heels, the skinny jeans, your bare shoulders…” Hana chuckled, bring her hand to his chest. “I’m happy you like it”, she said.

“Of course I do, babe.” Youngbae’s hand sneaked beneath her sweater and rested on the rim of her jeans while she seated herself next to him. He gave her her cocktail with his other hand and she took it in between her slim fingers, sipping. “Thank you.” Youngbae smiled at her. For a second there he lost himself in his thoughts, staring at her eyes all the while.

“You know, you should take a photo. Post on one of your instagram’s. Give your fans something.” “Good idea!”, Seungri yelled. Hana chuckled. “I’ll snap the photo”, she said.

Seungri was the first to have his phone out. He put it into her open hand. “I pass”, Seunghyun said. “I don’t need fans seeing me drunk after my last scandal.” “You’re not and alcoholic, though!”, Hana replied. Seunghyun shook his head, refusing nonetheless. “Well then. Only you three. Come on, get up!” Hana urged the boys to stand and opted to work with Seungri’s phone. Once she unlocked his screen she shrieked, wrinkling her forehead at the same time.

“Oh god I didn’t need to see that!” Hana made an unpleased face. Seungri meanwhile snatched the phone from her, looking at the background he had forgot he put there. “You weren’t meant to see that either”, he said. Youngbae looked over his shoulder and gave the younger one a slap on the head when he saw what Hana had just discovered. “Just get on with it”, he said.

Seungri opened the camera for Hana and gave it back to her. She quickly snatched a few pictures before showing them to the three. Hana snickered at the last one. “I think you should use this photo. It’s the only one where Seungri doesn’t look sick.” Youngbae took the phone from her hands, gave it to Seungri and grabbed his girlfriend’s hand then. “You guys do that while I go dance with my girlfriend.” And with that they were on the dancefloor quicker than she knew. He put her arms around his neck, guiding his own hands to her hips. “Have I told you how pretty you are?”

“Plenty”, she giggled, “but thank you. You look very dashing yourself.” Youngbae pulled her closer. “Have I also told you how happy I am to have you?” Hana nodded, feeling her cheeks blush. “Once or twice.” “You look very good in those clothes”, he repeated himself, giving her a smirk. Hana knew what that look meant. “We should excuse ourselves soon and go home”, he continued.