⭒ ☆ ━━ kobra, she/they, 23yo, third year in psy major. vg enthusiast and animated movies fan.
⭒ ━━ i love stardew valley, warm tones, my dog and thriving to be a better person each day. we are working on it until the end. i look forward to the journey and hope you'll enjoy following me through it !
♯ ― creds : some of the dividers I use are from @cafekitsune, @saradika, @plutism, @animatedglittergraphics-n-more or of unknown sources. please check their works !
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weird little brain tweak/reframing that helped me out. i Often find that advice that seemingly helps Everyone Else doesn’t make any sense to me, in ways that are hard to describe, and it can be really frustrating. but when i find a way to explain it to myself that finally seems to break through and make it click, it feels really good
05.08.24 ; I rode my bike this morning and bought some pastries for me and my mother. I wanted to play Silent Hill, the first episode released, but the controls are frustrating. While waiting to play Silent Hill 2, I finally managed to debug FFX to play it and damn, Tidus... Tidus makes me blush.
farsi + brasilian portuguese session ( made on drops, five minutes for each languages. )
moving outside ( riding my bike and grocery shopping with my mother. )
04.08.24 ; hello. how are you? i'm good. it has been a while, and i'll share with you a long post full of updates. It's crescendo.
I didn't validate my last year in psychology, so i'm retaking it this year. It is very stressful for me, it'll be my... sixth year in uni without a bachelor's degree. I'm getting tired of this, and discouraged - though i'll keep it up.
I wanted to change of city; I wanted to meet new sceneries, to leave myself with me and I only. I wanted to embrace another lifestyle, far from what I already know and feel comfortable. I wanted to change, and to become more active in my own life.
Friendships were hard. People sometimes repeated toxic behaviours, as I did too. I may be the one who values friendships too much, and it hurts to see it is not returned the same way. And, other times, insecurities talked, and it hurt the same way.
I saw my older, middle brother - it has been around one year now that I didn't see him nor talked to him. He, somehow, became someone I don't want around me; impulsive, freely hurtful, conservative, overbearing and deaf to people's opinions and feelings. He enrages me. He's unfair. We saw each other for my grandpa's funeral.
I lost my grand-father. I wasn't close to him, I thought he was a asshole for the abuse towards my grand-mother and my own mother, he was ignorant and arrogant. It had been quite a big change and event in my family's life, and it still weighs on my grandma.
Recently, I thought I would die. In another city, around 1am, with a friend who can't run, we've been followed by a group of 5 dudes. Slurs, threats were thrown, and I never hated men more than at this moment. I thought I would die, for the city was known for some mafia stuff. I am terrified by the idea of stalking and intrusion, it was quite scarring to me.
I stopped smoking. Even if it happens for me to have one cigarette here and there, I completely stopped buying packs and I am grateful. I breathe better! It's amazing! My throat is not as sore as before, my heart is thankful, and I assure myself to low down the chances of breast cancer. However, I'm struggling with weight gain...
... So I'm trying to get back to working out. It's a real up-and-down journey, but I feel like I'm going somewhere. For the past month, I walked one hour (home to work, work to home), 5 days a week, and it helped me a lot. I do some home exercises here and there, and I'm waiting to get back to the swimming pool to do lengths.
I uninstalled Instagram. I also think about going to therapy. I am a priviledged person - my parents take care of my rent and my transports subscription, though they might not be able to in the near future - but I still don't have the money for it (I still have to take my theory test, driving test to have a driving license). I might try to save.
I plan to work on the side during the upcoming uni year, and I want to invest more time in associations. I want to go out more and see more people, more things. I want to try more, fail more, understand things more and reach people's minds, stories - I don't want to hide in fear of failure and shame anymore.
I met new people, but I don't know if they'll stay around. Through them, I tasted how magnificient friendships could be, how sharing experiences was an amazing thing to do, and wanted to do this more often. I'm also progressing on my way to see people as experiences, not possessions. It is hard and triggering, but I keep it up.
Finally, I had the pleasure to discover the world of drag; and it has been therapeutic. I felt myself connecting with my feminity, as I always struggled to express it. I've never felt this confident about my own body and about me wearing more revealing stuff, acting different towards people; I enjoyed this progress in me. I am deeply thankful for the community, for their performances, for their work, for what they embrace and what they share. I am thankful for their existence.
It marks my comeback here. It has been a few months now since my last post, but it didn't mean that I was giving up. I don't want you to give up, either. I'm confronting my laziness and comfort zone, because I feel like I can't continue to feel stuck like this. It is very hard and I would prefer to give up, but the learning is tasty, it feels nice. And I wanted to share with you, even if you're not really following what I'm doing, if you forgot about this blog, if you don't care anymore.
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24.02.24 ; i'm getting overwhelmed, hence why i didn't post here for a while. i've been having some passion rush since wednesday and got a few things taken care of.
portuguese and spanish + persian.
go get my groceries.
finish my notes on socioaffective aging for its midterm.
stats test + info test to do.
take notes on books borrowed for research project.
(ft yesterday. I know my July spread looks ugly, but i like it sm bc of kakyoin and my ugly drawn cherries. + online classes in which i was almost falling asleep)
gonna hang out with my friends today, so busy day ahead:
⬜ swipe and dust everything
⬜ get my kitchen halfway decent (istg that kitchen was never that dirty before. my new housemate is so messy, idk how she gets that kitchen so dirty😭😭 i want my old housemate back😭😭 - bc i know this is not all me, last year i didn't clean the kitchen for MONTHS bc of my broken foot and it never got like this)
⬜ call the ppl bc of the gas cylinder (urgent⚠️⚠️ bc i feel like my next shower is going to be of ice cold water🥲)
⬜ study a bit of Biomechanics
⬜ Read materials about Psycopy
reading: The Dragon Republic [I feel like this time I'll be able to finish it!!!]
watching: heartbreak high (and probably a ton of movies later tonight lol)
⚗️ 07.02.2024 [😴] // Still really tired but I managed to :
go to my 2 hours history of the pharmacy lecture in the morning (it was about the alchemy and Paracelse! Really cool even if strange)
go to my bf's lectures I really really wanted to study but wasn't accepted into for administrative reasons (still we were 10 to attend the lecture, nice) in the afternoon. It was mostly interesting as it is genetic bioinformatics but I'll be honest I was bored at the end ahah
forgot to take pictures of any of my notes. I find it a bit embarrassing to take pictures of what I'm writing for 5 hours in front of people so I often forget to do it :((
Then I went home and did my "bullet journal" all the evening (it's really just me writing stuff and counting my sleep hours ahahaha)
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07TH FEBRUARY, 2024 ; big day tomorrow, i have a lot of classes and lectures, so i enjoyed my morning with a bit of reading. i came across my best friend today and we catched up, it felt refreshing and comfortable.
[ 2h of lecture, 2h of focus. ] + 2h30 of phone time.
spanish and portuguese + persian.
begin and finish your flashcards for developmental psych + neurobio and pharmaco [1/2].
finish the designs used in experience for the research paper.
read for thirty minutes + stretch for 5 minutes before sleeping.
prepare the to-do list for tomorrow.
♡₊˚ 🎧 ; yoshimasa terui - still unaware (i love the transition between toji's theme, which is eerie and menacing, to the softer piano notes for the tenderness of his child. i lovelovelove this track.)
06TH FEBRUARY, 2024 ; first time within 3 years that I understood a stats class and could do almost everything alone (my victory). Except of classes, I didn't do a lot today.
[ 5h30 of classes, 2h of focus. ] + 2h of phone time.
spanish and portuguese + persian.
prepare your to-do list for tomorrow.
workout for 15 minutes + stretch for 5 minutes.
begin and finish your flashcards for developmental psych.
read for thirty minutes + take notes on books taken from the uni library.
♡₊˚ 🎧 ; jay-z & kanye west (feat. frank ocean, the-dream) - no church in the wild.
05TH FEBRUARY, 2024 ; I signed up for portuguese classes on campus but it might get cancelled 'cause there isn't enough people interested... at least my brasilian friends see my progress. a few things are reported for tomorrow or during the week (i did a lot today actually and had no time left)
[ 4h of classes, 4h of focus. ] + 2h of phone time.
spanish and portuguese + persian.
finish your flashcards for socio-affective aging.
take notes on articles for the paper in social beliefs.
continue working on your research paper with the group (finding annexes, creating the survey's skeleton...).
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