You are my world

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Imagine after Jack and Bitty come out, Jack posts a bunch of videos vlogging his morning surprise on his and Bitty’s anniversary on his Snapchat stories (which is basically old and dusty and unused because you know the guy only keeps the app for Bitty), and the videos go as follows: 1. The camera is too close to Jack’s face. There is shuffling in the background as Jack adjusts the angle until you realize the that Jack’s in his bedroom, and Bitty’s in a lump beside him, with covers up to his ears that’s drifting up and down to indicate his breathing. Jack whispers to the camera, “I don’t make videos, that’s more Tater and Bits–Eric’s thing, but, um, it’s 5 AM on a Saturday, and today is our anniversary.” 2. About 20 seconds of Jack trying to leave the bed without disturbing Bitty. Bitty snorts about three times and you hear Jack catch his breath and freeze. “I made it out of the bedroom. I’m going to make him breakfast in bed so, uh, hopefully that goes well and uhm…the kitchen doesn’t…catch on fire…not that it’s a possibility. I can make breakfast. Usually just eggs though.” 3. The kitchen is a mess. There is pancake batter and flour on the counter and a few floppy, pale prototypes in varying degrees of roundness in a pile on the island. The next shot is just Jack’s grimace.  “So Eric can make biscuits from scratch–actually, he can make a lot of things from scratch. So, uh, I’m trying to make pancakes from scratch, because Eric has banned Bisquick from the house…um, I got Maman’s recipe the other day, but it’s not going too well? I’ll clean up though, Eric won’t notice a thing.” 4. Throughout the cooking adventure, Jack manages to flip a pancake over without a spatula, and the camera records Jack’s pleased mumble of “Yesssssss.” He narrates a bit of college life and what he eats usually, but it’s mostly quiet with the occasional “Oh, God” when he accidentally knocks something over. “Eric makes it look so easy. He used to bake pies all the time when we were in Samwell. I mean, he still does. Oh, and it’s 6:21. Still plenty of time….I used to wake Eric up at 4 in the morning for, um, checking practice. I think he’s always hated me a little for that. And this is karma getting back at me. I’m going to flip this now.“ The camera shows the pan again, and on this flip, the pancake lands on the edge of the skillet, mushy-side down. Jack uses his fingers to peel the pancake off and set it in the middle. “Oh, shi–no. I can fix this. Good as new.” 5. The final product is a nicely arranged meal of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon, with orange juice and coffee on the side. Everything is on the tray, and a vase of roses are next to it. Jack flips the camera over to give it a thumbs-up and a goofy smile.  “Done. Finally. The kitchen is intact, which is, um, always a good thing. I put a lot of creamer and sugar in the coffee, because Eric doesn’t like black coffee. It’s just sugar at this point, I think. Um, it is 7:02 on Eric’s day off from the bakery, so he usually sleeps in ‘til 10. Hopefully he doesn’t kill me for this.” 6. Back in the bedroom, Bitty is rubbing his eyes and squinting, his golden hair a mess and still cocooned in the safety of his blankets.  “Jack, honey, why are you up so early? Did you go jogging?” He yawns. “This is an ungodly hour, Lord, I don’t know how you do it.” Jack’s voice comes through, soft and adoring, “Happy Anniversary, Bits.” The video cuts off Bitty’s gasp when he notices the breakfast and flowers, “Oh, happy an–oh my God, Jack, you didn’t–?” 7. The last video is Bitty tucked under Jack’s chin, his face burrowed in the hollow of Jack’s throat. Jack is grinning like he just won a Stanley.  “He cried,” Jack says, like he’s proud.  “I did not,” Bitty’s muffled voice says. “You just surprised me.” Jack presses a kiss to Bitty’s hairline and mumbles something. Bitty burrows in closer, if that is even possible. If Jack had been any louder, the viewers would’ve hear a low “I love you so much” in French. 

Really hate to say this but reading Naruto did irreparable damage to some of y’all’s social and mental development

that was his jutsu

the children playing outside below my apartment are very seriously and passionately accusing each other of witchcraft

its plague times baby!!

i literally cannot decide if this is negative propaganda or not lol

he feet too big for he goddamn he