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i never expected u to come and interrupt my life like this honestly but i fucking like you so much it almost hurts almost . Ur fucking ignorance is almost adorable almost fucking endearing even if u did hurt me. I felt so confused for its wrong wrong wrong wrong to let u back into my life but i missed nights texting u dumbass shit , our fucking stupid inside jokes at the back of the classroom , arguing on pointless shit . I miss that i fucking miss that shit so much , but i realised i was getting too over dependent on ur attention but god it did shits to my brain seeing your name bold with a green bubble everytime i woke up . How u type hahaha , how u play with your hair , how u have such an unknown effect on me. Perhps that what got me falling for u so fucking hard. This isnt a letter this is a word vomit about everything i feel about u : betrayal , hurt , happiness , excitement etc. I hate how all our teasing leaves me smiling i hate how you left me a mess for basically existing how jealous i got when i see u interacting with her. I hate how dependent i got and for u to shatter that illusion fucking hurt me so bad becos i thought i could trust u . I thought we had something , who the fuck would treat me like this right ? I want to hold u hand i want to listen to whatever u have to say i want to play with your hair i want to go on study dates i want to laugh at your obvillion i wanted the fantasy . I made mistakes u made mistakes but it seems like u never want to address this shit like how i wanted to . Are u scared ? Are u uncomfortable by me ? Do i matter to u ? Are some things i wanted to fucking scream at ur face but i didnt cos i know it would hurr what we had ,, if we had anything to begin with . You leave me so conflicted it stops me from functioning sometimes , how pathetic right ? Sometimes it seemed if u get it but others times it jjust became apparent how different we were how we were never gonna make it if it happened in my fantasy. I know ill never been the girl to make ur heart flutter or make u feel butterflies in ur stomach . I hope i made u nervous , maybe thought twice about . But thats wishful thinking .. I wish i fucking wish so hard that maybe if i was ur type or something we wld have a chance but again wishful thinking . In the 2months we have grown closer i wondered if u liked me back but again wishful thinking haha fuck pathetic right ? Why do u treat me like this ? I like you so fucking much .

Last night had sleep paralysis saw some child like figure near my door big fun it felt like I was moving but I wasn't welp to update

P.S I REMEMBER ONE TIME I HAD SLEEP PARALYSIS AND WAS SLEEPING TO THE SIDE N LIKE I HEARD A WITCH CACKLING I WSD SO SCARED SHITLESS COS I COULDNT SEE AND I DIDNT WANT TO SEE ANYWAYS wild shit