I am still waiting, Hisheā¦
Kal: Bruce, there you are ā what in the world?
Kal: Who are all these kids?!
Bruce: My Bat Family. Iām a dad now.
Bruce: Since 1940. Try to keep up.
Kal: I thought it was just the one! Hi, Nightwing.
Dick: Hi Superman! Yeah, I have siblings now.
Kal: And howās that working out?
Dick: Most of us have died at least once.
Bruce: Hey Kal, check it out. This oneās super smart, and we have matching coffee mugs.
Bruce: Actually, this one scares me. And this one glows in the dark! Heheh!
Damian: Father, Iām hungry. When are we having dinner?
Bruce: How many criminals have you caught today?
Damian: *holds up three villains* Is this sufficient?
Bruce: Eh, itās good enough. Here. *tosses him a tofu hotdog, like just the dog part* Keep working on it. Three more and you get the bun.
Dick: Hmph! When I was Robin, I could catch at least five criminals before dinner.
Tim: Oh my gosh, Dick, no one cares!
Jason: No one cares about anything in this stinkinā family. Where were you all when I died, huh?!
Damian: Quit being such a drama queen, Todd! Itās not like losing your life is the end of the world!
Damian: You shut up. The only thing youāve ever lost is your spleen.
Everyone except Damian: *parental trauma* AH!
Bruce: I told you never to mention that!
Kal: I canāt believe what Iām watchingā¦ Does Alfred know about this?!
Bruce: Yeah, totally, heās cool with it.
Kal: *narrowing his eyes* I have a very hard time believing that.
Bruce: Well, he works for me, so shut up.
Kal: What about Catwoman?! Does Catwoman know about this?!
Bruce: *nervous* Umā¦ wellā¦
Damian: *suspicious* Whoās Catwoman?
Bruce: *very nervous* No one.
Dick: Oh, he is so dating Catwoman!
Tim: Why didnāt you tell us?!
Jason: What if we donāt want a step-mom, huh?!
Bruce: Woah, hold on now ā
Duke: Look, youāre upsetting Batgirl!
Bruce: Alright, thatās enough! Weāre not gonna talk about this anymore! Because ā
Everyone: *annoyed* ā youāre Batman!
Bruce: No! Because I said so! ā¦And also, yes, because Iām Batman! Cause Batman says so!
Kal: *smirking* More like because youāre Bat-Dad.
Kal: And hey, whereās Barbara? I thought she was Batgirl?
Bruce: *nervous* She wasā¦
Kal: ā¦Bruce, what did you do?
Dick: Oh, donāt worry, Superman, Barbaraās fine.
Jason: Sheās just paralysed from the waste down.
Bruce: It wasnāt my fault! Sheās not even technicially my kid!
Bruce: Oh, donāt you āBruceā me. Iāll āBruceā youā¦ āBruceā you in the face.
Kal: Okay, thatās it, you are not allowed to find any more sidekicks starting right now!
Bruce: *holding up Harper* What about this one?
Bruce: *holding up Spoiler* This one still has a parent ā I can just be a mentor.
Bruce: Well, gee, Kal, what am I supposed to do with all the orphans in Gotham, then, huh?!
Kal: Do you hear yourself right now?
Bruce: I have a system, Kal!
Kal: Thatās it! Thereās only way to solve this!
*Superman grabs Batman, and they fly off*
*Batman then appears on the couch in Therapist Spider-Manās office from Across the Spider-Verse*
Therapist Spider-Man: Would you say you carry any trauma from your childhood?
Batman: *leans over* Do I have a story for you.
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