Boo-boo the fool ™️

Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.

Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.

You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.

As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.

Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.

This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.

THESE BANANAS

THE BANANAS IN PAJAMAS ARE GAY

♡ Cute Throw Pillows from Kawaii Babe ♡

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🌵 flowerfeeder Follow

insane when you eat nectar and then get a bug in your mouth. like how does benefit either of us

🦂 piebaldpallid Follow

nutrience.

🌵 flowerfeeder Follow

3,314 notes 🔁❤️

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🩸 rotund-rotundus Follow

pissing the entire time while feeding on blood is your body giving you an s rank

15 notes 🔁❤️

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🦇 mymymyotis Follow

anyone else sick of the moths jamming their echolocation

🦋 eye-of-the-tigermoth Follow

lmao git gud

🦇 mymymyotis Follow

IKIKIKIKIKIKIK

🦋 eye-of-the-tigermoth Follow

FKFKFKFKFKFKFK

10,560 notes 🔁❤️

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🍈 fruitcrunch Follow

how tf do i remember where all these fruit trees are but not who i hooked up with last breeding season

3 notes 🔁❤️

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🥭loosey-juicey Follow

how the hell do you guys eat bugs all year but live where it snows all winter. like do you just leave

🐞 laserious Follow

we just leave.

🐛 eptesicus-serotonin Follow

some of us hibernate! :) during hibernation we go "torpid" which means our metabolism just slows down a lot so we don't need to go out and eat every night

🐞 laserious Follow

we just leave.

1,056 notes 🔁❤️

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🍍 rousettus-stone Follow

what the fuck do frog-eating bats even eat. i hope you guys are having fun tho

🐸 wingcrust Follow

name threw you for a loop huh

602 notes 🔁❤️