My Very Average Life

Firstly, THE COVER ART IS DONE. Credit to the absolute genius @miliabyntite who could not have nailed the concept harder. Infinity kudos my friend, everyone go give the art on that blog a smooch.

Chapter 3: Oh No is now live! GO FORTH AND GET IT.

WHAT'S UP NERDS. I'M HERE TO FIX YOUR CANON WITH EXPLOSIVES.

I was intending on waiting until the cover art that @miliabyntite is wizarding up for me was finished, but it's New Year's Eve and I kinda wanted to post as a sendoff for the year. So, here we are, with chapter one of the DAV fic. Please everyone go put your eyeballs on my words, I have assembled them with care.

"I don't do full stops at stop signs lol" you are going to kill someone.

ASSORTED DIALOGUE FROM DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS

aw, that’s sweet.

excuse me while i begin projectile vomiting.

is it just me, or did i do really badly back there?

that just seems so excessive.

i don’t think we’re alone. i really don’t think we’re alone.

i once got pickpocketed.

where do you think they get all this stuff?

why do they call it a brothel? there’s no broth. or is there?

we’re not going to be mobbed, right?

now that is a big tree.

you feel that? it’s actually colder up here.

now that’s just unnecessary.

oh here i am! and there you are! you just disappeared!

can we expect more of those?

what is that smell? fish? and something else… oh, more fish.

it’s just like being home again.

i locked myself in a cage once, when i was a child. for an entire day. ahh, good times.

is this place even on a proper map?

what is this place?

uh oh. i’m terrible at puzzles.

hey you see those… thingies over on the side of that huge chasm?

maybe i should touch them. or stand on them?

nice campfire you have there.

let’s try not to get lost here.

i think there’s something ahead. something big.

looks like we’re done here.

do you think they understand everything we say?

you could be an utter moron, for all we know.

why doesn’t anyone want to hear me talk?

there’s a certain allure to danger, isn’t there?

you’re not going to tell me, are you?

i don’t know if i should take you seriously… but you scare me sometimes.

i’ve never been very good at that.

all right, forget i asked.

i so totally did not see you ogling each other before.

what an utter relief.

do i have a choice?

couldn’t you crawl into a bush somewhere and die? that would be great, thanks.

leave me alone.

i thought you’d like that.

i was looking at your nose.

why do you always go on about how stupid i am?

you’re not even listening to me.

oh, how the mighty have crumbled.

that… was so not what i meant.

what’s wrong with fraternizing?

shut up! that is none of your business.

i said shut up! i will run this sword through you, i’m not joking.

you’re… you’re drunk, aren’t you.

why can’t i be drunk all the time? i never get to be drunk.

i think that’s private.

so what would you do if someone told you that they loved you?

how would you react?

not this again. i’m ready this time.

really? no pinching my cheeks? no making me blush?

there it is, the last of them.

you appear to be getting younger by the day.

but you kill people. for money.

you weren’t exactly the best they had.

i’m not an idiot. well, most of the time.

oh, i get it. you’re not going to tell me.

if you aren’t telling me, there must be a reason.

well, that’s comforting.

i’m… i’m going to go stand over here now.

i’m not worried about that.

no, on second thought, i’ll just pass.

so how much did you charge to… you know… kill someone?

when this is over, what do you intend to do with yourself?

have you… had very many women in your time?

how do you… woo them?

i like my hair the way it is, thank you.

we aren’t talking about this, are we? did i hit my head?

what are your intentions with them?

is that a smirk? are you smirking at me?

just… watch yourself, then. i’ll be keeping an eye on you.