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Andulka
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@kldne

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for rain you are, and to rain you shall return
Every single day, I miss you more and more.
โ Sara Rian, from the collection Then Death Came

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Your death certificate came in the mail. This was no surprise. I ordered the paper work. I knew it was coming. I knew it was that before I even opened the envelope.
Yet it still stung reading your name, and the words deceased, and death certificate all in one paper.
I miss you so much.

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There are mornings I canโt get out of bed. Not right away. Not for hours. The weight hits before my feet touch the floor.
Showering can feel impossible. Eating feels pointless. Plans get canceled before they even begin. Texts go unanswered. Tears happen in parking lots and bathrooms and behind sunglasses.
Sometimes I make it to work and pretend Iโm okay. Sometimes I donโt.
Grief isnโt always poetic. It doesnโt always look like healing. Sometimes itโs blankness. Sometimes itโs rage. Sometimes itโs a torn toenail that causes an emotional breakdown.
Sometimes itโs remembering, again, that I canโt call her. And still canโt.
And still canโt.
I do what I can. And when I canโt, I wait until I can.
Thatโs it. Thatโs the whole strategy.
And today, I got out of bed. That counts.
And how cruel was it of the world to continue spinning even after you left?
I stopped while you took a little part of me with you, but, the world? It kept on spinning.
grief is saying โI want to go homeโ whilst sitting in my living room

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Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.
- ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐.