It’s been a while. I’ve been having a really hard time lately. I’ve had chronic pain for years but it’s got so much worse lately. I haven’t been able to go see my horse. I haven’t been able to drive. I’ve been going to hospital every week multiple times a week. My drs are stumped and surgery is a long time away. I just want some help. I just want the pain to stop. I’m on a lot of medications. At least I sleep now. But I sleep all the time. The pain is less. I can hold on a little longer. I can survive for surgery. I’m just. So. Tired.

I am stresssseeddd. If only I could hang out with my pony and that was my income 😂😂😂 no set hours no responsibility just hanging with my ponyyyyyy and my puppyyyy. I love them. I hate the rest of my life though.

Anyone wanna talk? I’m really needing some support right now idk where my mental stability went but not here ey. I just can’t cope right now. I dunno what’s going on. I just wanna die all over again and I hate it.

Oh boy there goes my ability to cope with anything

So so so over my period symptoms. Hoping for an endometriosis diagnosis when I eventually see an obgyn because then they can do something. Thank fuck I’m in Australia with healthcare 😅 but seriously I’m so over being in pain all the time. Any advice from chronic pain people? I hate it. I’m over it. I am in a lot of pain right now and it hurts so bad. 😰

Do you ever just wish everything would pause. I wish I could press pause on my life every now and then. When I feel moments of peace I want to live in them forever and actively wanting to live is so rare for me it's like a dream. When I am sitting with my pony and she exhales and I sync myself with her and we coregulate I want that forever. I live for these small moments. I live in suspense waiting for these moments where my life can continue where the timeline relaxes and I feel my soul exhale.