Chill Outside, Crabstickz Trash Inside

We cut off people who hurt us in hope it would stop our pain. But often times, no, it doesn't stop the pain. It would reduce the pain and further damage, yes, so it's obviously the right thing to do. But the wounds they've caused, the trust issues, the terror, fear, grief, insecurities, scars... they don't go away so easily. It sucks to think that even after we cut them off of our lives, they still could cause us pain.

Letter to My Younger Self #3 Greetings, mortal. Have a seat and tell me, if I ask you to list every single thing you love, how long would it take you to mention yourself? You know that loving others is important, but do you know how to love yourself? I wish you do, I wish you could learn how to. Self-love is not conceited, narcissistic, or selfish. Self-love is appreciating the gift of life by taking a good care of yourself; physically, mentally, and spiritually, instead of letting people walk all over you. You gotta love yourself, because at the end of the day, you're the only one you got. Love yourself well enough that you don't have to depend on anyone else to make you feel good. Love yourself well enough to embrace the fact that you are different from most people in some ways and that's totally okay. Love yourself well enough to live the life you really want instead of letting others restraint your every thought. Speaking of love, be careful with that word when it comes to your relationship with others, it's a trap. Be careful on understanding the concept of it, do not confused one kind of love with another. What? Oh yes, there are different kinds of love, you haven't really learned about it, have you? Brace yourself, you're gonna learn about it the hard way. There is one thing you always need to keep in mind though; if it doesn't make you be a better person to others, it's not love. And by others I mean everyone around you, not just that one person on the other side of the relationship. It applies for every kind of love and relationship, not just the romantic one. Don't be disheartened when you realize that you gave your love and trust to people who don't actually deserve it. Just pat yourself and continue on your merry way, this is where the importance of self-love comes in, don't rely on others to define your worth. I wish I could keep your childish optimism all the way through. Stay kind. Stay grateful. Love yourself. Stop eating noodles as a midnight snack. -Cat-

It stings. When the ones you actually care so much don't care that much about you. When you genuinely wanna reach out but they just brush you off because, what good are you to them? When you learn to trust them despite your trust issue but they take it as if your trust worth nothing. When you are willing to cross the ocean for them but they don't even want to jump a puddle for you. It stings that you thought you would be used to those kinda treatments but in reality it gets more and more painful each time.

Take these words from someone who had thought of numerous ways to kill herself and visualized them in her head countless times. 1. There's no guarantee that life will get better and easier. However, you will get stronger, if you choose to be. 2. When things go wrong and break you down, you can choose to just crawl into a hole and die, which I did at some point. Or you can choose to take your lesson, be a wiser person, and help others who's going through a similar rough path, which I'm trying to do now. 3. When you feel like you can't take it anymore and you just want to end it all right then and there, just hold on one more day. It's okay even if all you manage to do today is just breathe and survive. 4. If you successfully commit suicide, your pain doesn't go away, instead, you will just pass it on to other people. 5. Drink enough water.